Rum and coke make my fingers moveable

Sometimes I just can't get over how good life is. Those are always good days.

And then something gets thrown at you to distract you from that thought.

But it'll come back. It always does. Those random moments where you suddenly feel full to the brim with joy, and you just feel like laughing for no particular reason. Usually these moments come at inopportune times, like during rehearsal or something. But no matter. It's almost better that way. Joy can be shared between friends anytime. It's something else to be experiencing it, and be forced to share it through other means, be it music, or silently wishing the best for everybody around you.

And let's all wave goodbye as Robyn's train of thought vanishes into the horizon.

Just when I thought our drama was over. I should've known life wouldn't let us get away that easily. Apparently our lives were lacking excitement.

But it could be worse. We can deal with this, and hopefully no lives will be drastically changed in the process.

Not that that's always a bad thing, but still.

~Calminaiel~

"Buy chocolates!!"
"Woah, calm down, I actually need all the information. What is this?"
"Buy chocolates!!"
"How much?"
"Three dollars!!"
"Where?"
"Everywhere!!"
"From who?"
"Everybody!!"
"When?"
"All the time!!"

L'ecole

I've just finished doing some stuff for our english project. I really feel kinda bad about this project, because I don't feel like I've done much for it. But I've tried to help explain them in our written part as best as I can, so.

Not much new is going on right now. Feelings of excitment, disappointment, inspiration, desperation, confusion, anger, happiness, blissfulness...etc. Just about a little bit of everything. As life always is, so as I said, nothing new.

I went to Guys With Ties last night, which was so great. I really do love all of them. They put on a great show. They're one of those groups that can bring out so many different emotions during a show, which is exactly what music should do to you. I'm sure the personal emotional aspect helped bring all those out, but nevertheless. What works, works.

They're all just really great musicians, and I really hope I can have their...dedication, attitude...whatever it is that makes them tick...someday. I don't think I'm there yet.

I forgot to add worry to the above list of emotions. That's also one.

How can I feel like I'm ready for university when other people who are so much more amazing than I am feel that they're not?

People change, times change, lives change...it's how things work. Sorry Gatsby, but I tried the whole living in the past thing, and it doesn't work. But that doesn't mean you have to forget it altogether. That's no fun at all.

Abstract is the way to go. I like it. I often wonder if I think people are really thoughtful, and deep thinkers and such, when really they're just abstract and my ever-changing mind just assumes there's a deeper level of thought there than there realy is.

I'm no good at this life business. Not lately anyways.

Music. Music so thick you can practically see it. It flows through you, and you swim in it, taking it all in and giving everything you can back, which in reality seems like nothing, but you know better than that. Feeling more attatched and connected than ever before. Amrs reaching out and taking you in, not holding you down, but setting you free by holding tighter and tighter. Complete abandonment of real thoughts. What is now matters, what has past is gone, and what is yet to come should not be worried about. It doesn't matter where people are, only how they are doing. Being connected no matter what happens.

I still can't believe how this just appeared before my eyes. Like, I seriously didn't see it coming. It just hit me in the fact one day. I'm not against it at all, on the contrary, I really like it. I still just can't believe how stuff like that can just kinda be there one day, and then the next day be as obvious as anything can be.

Yesterday from 1:00 to 2:00 was the most useful I've felt in a while. It was a good feeling. I mean, not in the situation, but it was nice to feel useful again.

~Calminaiel~

"Steve the Lion's kinda dying...we'll tie him to Elliot, he'll keep him up."

This post is brought to you by...

C is for cookie
That's good enough for me
C is for cookie
That's good enough for me
C is for cookie
That's good enough for me,
Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C

The letter C.

And...

The number 12.

~Calminaiel~

"I can't kiss Elliot now. So if he comes over, you have to remind me that I can't kiss him."

What can I say?

'Tis the question of the night, it seems.

I'm so thankful for physics homework. I won't lie. Spending the whole first semester doing social and french homework, I forgot what it was like to just sit down and get homework done. Social and french homework...and english too, really...just gets me depressed, and then I can't think, and I'm always wondering if what I'm saying is right, or if it's making sense, etc. But with physics, everything is just so straightforward, I can just sit down, look at it, and it's done within the hour. I love it. I love physics.

And I love figuring out problems, especially all on my own. Well, I shouldn't say that. I was working it out with Randall. But still. Going from having absolutely no clue what to do, to finding exactly the right answer is a pretty good feeling. I enjoyed it.

I also enjoyed the feeling of talking about physics on the phone, and the majority of the family in the house probably not really having a clue what I was talking about. I won't lie, it was an amusing thought.

I'm also not in the best mood tonight. It's mostly because of my dad. Well, actually it's completely because of my dad.

Not that I'll blame him entirely, I guess. I know it's me too. It's my stupid angsty teenager side, with all its hormones, that acts up and gets irritated and annoyed at anything anybody says to me. At least, that's what I'm sticking with. I'm coming up on 18, and at that point, I'll have two more years to blame my bad moods on angsty teenager behavior. So I intend to get the most out of it that I can.

Anyways, my dad's bugging me about being up late again. I'm going to get all my insane rantings out first, and then I'll move on and rationalize.

It just bothers me so much when he mentions how late I'm up. As before stated, I'm coming up on 18, and I really don't want to be told to go to bed early. This is one reason why I'm disappointed that I'm not going away for university, or moving into res or something. At least then I'd be able to do what I want.

Then he goes on about how he can't sleep because I'm up and stuff. Okay, I never actually make that much noise. It's not my fault that he can't sleep if somebody so much as breathes too loudly. It's not like I crash my way around the house, I'm reasonably quiet. Besides, other things have happened at night, and I'll say 'sorry if I woke you' and he'll be all like, 'no, I never even noticed.'

Example: last year's lunar eclipse. For a couple of hours at least I was walking in and out of the house, using the front door and back, checking on the moon, and coming back to chat with Kelskie and Corey. The next morning he said he never heard a thing. Now, if he can sleep through me walking in and out of the house all night, why can't he sleep through me creeping from the living room to my room?

Alright. Reasoning time. I'll admit that sometimes I get a bit careless when attempting to be quiet. Yeah, I start to type faster, and my typing's not exactly whisper quiet. I'm sure there are other examples where I'm not exactly as quiet as I could be, but I can't think of them.

I'd say that he could bring it up in a different way. Like, instead of bugging me about how late I was up, just mention that I was a little too loud when I was up or something. But I'm really lying, because I know it would annoy me no matter how he brought it up. Which kinda sucks, because I hate when this becomes an issue. I'm not saying that he should just live with the fact that I'm a night person, because it's not like I expect him to sleep through whatever racket I may make. But still, I don't want to have to be told to go to bed for the next couple years all through university.

Sigh. Okay, enough of that I suppose. It's really just the same rant I have every time this issue comes up, I just usually never let it out because it usually blows over. For a month or two.

Oh, and I will take the blame on bugging him about Rascall Flatts tickets. I know I was kinda wanting to know everything all at once, and he didn't really have anything significant to tell me. I was being kinda stupid with him and bothersome and such. It just seems like I've been putting my entire life together at the last minute all the time lately, and I guess it just seemed like here was an opportunity to get something done ahead of time so I wouldn't have to worry about it.

There are many other thoughts going around lately, but those are for another time, if I even decide to share them at all. Congrats if you read this far. I know my posts tend to be quite long.

Goodnight I suppose.

~Calminaiel~

"It's festival season. Of course the band directors are squirrelly."

Grad Shopping

And so it begins.

I went shopping for a dress today. It was kinda weird, as I haven't worn a dress since...well, since I basically had no figure whatsoever. =P

Dad: So, how did it feel going dress shopping? Was it weird?
Me: Well, kinda, yeah. I felt like a cat taking a bath.
Dad: But cats never take baths.
Me: Exactly.

That pretty much sums it up right there. I also have to get my hair done the day of. I think I'm going to do it after the ceremony and before the banquet. Getting it done for the ceremony would mean getting up even earlier than necessary and then keeping it nice all day. I don't mean that I don't care how my hair looks for the ceremony. I'll still keep it looking decent. I just don't think I have to go all out for it.

I also need new shoes. As much as I'm not usually all for having ten thousand pairs of shoes, I will admit that I have nothing to match my dress. And that's kinda saying something, as I'm also usually not one to know what goes with what.

I'm also kinda considering getting a purse to match as well. Again, I don't usually like carrying things around with me, but seeing as my dress clearly won't have pockets, it'll be nice to have a way of carrying my phone, lip chap, and other such things with me.

On another note, I really do hope my throat's getting better. The first two days I was just losing my voice, and even most of today I was fine. But this evening I started coughing more, and I really hope it doesn't continue. I don't mind having a sore throat, or even having no voice, but I hate coughing.

Practice Journal:

Yeah...don't tell anybody, but I kinda haven't practiced in a while. Like, quite a while. It's not good.

I need to get a real job.

I also need to accept the fact that my life is never going to get any less busy. So I should stop waiting for it to do so.

Stupid throat.

If I suddenly disappear within the next few days, my throat killed me.

In other news, my brother's going to use my uncle's computer to hook up the WiFi for Wii. I'm excited. I'm pretty sure it'll work for the DS too, which is even more exciting. Although I do wish he had been able to do all of this for my exam break. I didn't even have the Wii over exam break because our TV died just before. Just my luck eh? Oh well.

Pray for my survival,

~Calminaiel~

"You need to be bigger. Like, hurt somebody. Not yourself. But anybody else is fair game."

J'aime mes amis

Beaucoup.

J'aime aussi l'ice cream.

Beaucoup.

Et le franglais.

Obviously.

My Confessions:

Yes, I do like processed cheese.
I like the leftover gravy and cheese after all the fries are gone from a poutine.
I don't mind eating leftovers of other people's lunch, particularly if I didn't have one.
I don't mind sharing cutlery / straws, etc.
I do think about boys more than I really should.
I enjoy Disney movies. And the songs that come with them.
It doesn't take much to impress me.
Nicknames make my life. In fact, that moment in sectionals with Heather today pretty much made my whole life up to that point worth it.
I'm a sucker for junk food, and fast food.
I don't believe underage drinking is wrong, or getting drunk in general no matter what age you are is wrong.
I do believe in love.
I'm terrified of wind.
Half the things I do in life, I fake my way through.
Yes, I do think about going back in time and fixing everything I did wrong.
No, I wouldn't actually do it.
I am as pathetic as you're probably thinking I am.

Concerning that last statement:

I don't care. =)

That's me. Deal with it.



Lately I've decided this is possibly my favorite comic ever.

Because growing up is stupid. There seems to be all these new rules, and new ways to live life, and to think, and to act.

Not that I'm going to try living in the past completely. No no. I already tried it. You all saw how that ended. Advice: don't do that again.

And look at what happened to Gatsby. =P

"I felt foolish for not being ready to go farther. So, we sat on my bed and kissed like a couple of high school kids." -Book I just finished reading.

What's wrong with that? I happen to like kissing. Is sex going to be the only thing that matters in life once I grow up?

There just seems to be so many examples in the world of adults that I don't want to become. But it just seems to common, I'm afraid I don't have a choice. I'll have to change to join the ranks of the boring, unhappy adults in the world.

But they do always call us the future generation.

And that comic's right. When we're adults, it'll be our turn to decide what that means for us. And I don't want to become like 80% of the adults I see or meet. So there. Deal with it.

PS: My brother finally realized who Bert and Ernie were. And then spent half an hour watching them on YouTube. Should I be proud?

~Calminaiel~

"You just totally ruined all my hopeless romantic dreams for the future."
"You're bluffing."

Mot de jour:

Orgasmic.

Graham: Ha, Bert and Ernie.
Me: I loved Bert and Ernie!
Graham: It's true. But they still decided to kill Bert.
Me: They killed Ernie, Graham.
Graham: Did they?
Me: Yes. Although I can't see why him. I mean, out of the two of them, I'm sorry...but I would have killed Bert.
Graham: Yeah, but I see their point. I mean, you have a big yellow guy, and then just some completely blue guy.
Me: What?
Graham: You know...the yellow bird, and then the other guy's just totally blue.
Me: Graham, that's Big Bird and Grover.

I feel ashamed to say that's my brother.

~Calminaiel~

"I understand how humble people kneel before God, but since when did they roll and tumble for him too?"

Someday and Wishes

What to say...that always seems to be the question lately when I come on to blog. Of course, all the more intelligent people in the world just don't blog unless they have something to say. I always seem to have things to say, but at the last minute decide I don't want to blog about it.

A lot of confidential stuff going on lately. What happens in the band room, stays in the band room. What happens at Brad's house stays in Brad's house. What is said in Chloe's car stays in Chloe's car.

I'm slowly getting my life back in order. I know I keep saying by the end of the week I'll be caught up. So I'm not going to say it again. But it is coming closer, I swear.

Hopefully the questioning myself will stop soon as well. It's getting kinda tiresome. I don't entirely hate it. I do like contemplating life and other such things. But I don't have time to be questioning myself. Do you know how hard it is to get things done when you're constantly wondering if you're really doing what's best for you in life? It's very difficult, and I don't have time for any more difficulties.

However, Harker is pretty much the best teacher ever. I wish I had his level of thinking.

Actually, I wish I had the level of most people's thinking, really. It seems like everybody is more creative than me, or they're better with words, or they make things more meaningful, or they just generally get more out of life that I do.

Which all leads back to the whole questioning myself, and the 'what the heck am I doing with my life, and is it worth it?' kinda thing.

Interesting fact: the phrase 'bane of my existence' isn't referring to a good thing. Go figure.

Other interesting fact: Apparently I give lap dances for 6$ Thanks for that one Erik.

Have I ever mentioned I love getting together with people? It's true that occasionally I do need some me-time, or at least a temporary personal bubble, but generally I could hang out with people forever. Only problem is I am a musician, and practicing is usually something you do on your own.

I have no idea where my blog is going anymore. I need to get a job, because if I keep putting it off until I have more free time, I'll never get one.

I also need to leave now to do homework, because if I don't...well, see the above result and apply it here.

~Calminaiel~

"No she didn't make it, actually. It was...an aunt of some variety...I believe."