I love...

Hokay, so I wasn't going to post tonight, but seeing as I actually kept track of things I should write here, I figured I'd might as well not waste that.

First things first, how can somebody have so much influence on my life? Seriously, it's getting ridiculous. Do I really want that to be one of the primary thoughts whenever I think of high school? I'm not so sure. I'm terribly frightened for the end of high school, when we'll go our separate ways. I really don't have any clear thoughts on this, because I'm not entirely sure exactly how I feel, how I should feel, or how I want to feel. It's all a mixture of everything. Have I wasted my high school years? No, I won't go so far to say that.

I'll stop there, before I start going in circles, because I know I'm very good at that.

Recently I've realized just how much I've changed since jr. high. It's scary in a way, but I guess I find a lot of things in life scary. It's odd to think how I've been a different person for almost every year of high school / jr. high...and at least once during every year, I thought to myself 'I'm finally the person I want to be.' And I know I'm saying it to myself this year too.

But it's way too early in my life to think that I'm going to stay the same. People always say that life's too short, but life's not that short. 17 still leaves plenty of room for change. Does anybody really ever stop changing in their life?

But honestly, I love my friends so much. Looking bad to early jr. high, I wouldn't even trust one single person to certain information. And looking at myself now, I've let that same type of information out to at least three different people, in two days. And it's not like I'm uncomfortable with it. Usually when this many people know about something, I start worrying about how everybody knows. I know I was like that in grade 10. But now I don't even think about it. Is that a sign that I'm growing up? Or that I'm finally finding more friends that I know I can trust? Or both?

I love my life in general. I love the band room, and the sense of security it so easily brings. I love the people in the band room. I love Mr. Waters, who always makes you feel like an equal, even if on a musical scale we're all splotches of mud compared to him. I love Mr. Paddock, who has his own little inside jokes. I love our student teachers, both Mr. Wilson and Mr. Heffernan (sp?). It seems like they both started out so quiet when they first got here...and I know we brought Mr. Wilson out of his shell, as much as you can with a guy like Mr. Wilson. And I'm pretty sure we're getting to Mr. Heffernan. He's already talking more.

Speaking of him, he talked to me during my spare before he started teaching the grade 10s. He's so cool. And I like his conducting style, too. Quite easy to follow, which I appreciate with a conductor.

I love inside jokes, if nothing else, simply because for the longest time I was never accepted into inside jokes. And now suddenly I find I have at least one with almost everybody. It's great.

I don't like leaving people out of things, whether they be inside jokes, or just private message things. I don't like leaving people out, but, especially when it concerns somebody else, I don't exactly want to explain things in detail all the time. Especially when surrounded by multiple other people. I'm always afraid people think that I'm trying to keep them out of it when I do that, but it's not that.

Bed would probably be good soon. I'll write down some notes about the essay that I discussed with my dad. He's seriously going to save my life in social. I learned more from him tonight then I have in the past three weeks with Lopez. Of course, I also learned more about capitalism from one phrase from Harker than three weeks with Lopez, so I'm not sure if that's saying much. Seems like I can learn social faster anywhere other then with Lopez. Funny how that works out.

Darn, tomorrow's the day I have to miss most of English. That's sad. I like English class.

Bed now. Pray for me and the essay tomorrow, although I believe this time I actually kind of know what I'm talking about.

~Calminaiel~

"Misly and Mamba?"