Monday, October 01, 2007

Secrets all around

I heard the scariest conversation tonight. Seriously, it sounded like a war was being planned. I listened with awe, not able to believe what was being said. I can't believe that somebody would do that. I can't believe we have to prepare for something like this. It makes me feel better, knowing we have good people behind it all, who are willing to fight, but still. It was frightening, thinking of the worst that could happen. And at the same time, I feel guilty for thinking that by the time anything too serious happens, it won't have a large effect on me.

I hope I don't seriously fall into that, thinking that it doesn't matter if it doesn't effect me. I always want to support them, and I know I will. It's still frightening. And at the same time, it makes me so mad. This is an important thing to many people, and sometimes others don't recognize how hard people work for this.

And I'm sorry, but even if you ask I can't tell you what this is about. I know it could be mis-interpreted about a hundred different ways, but I still can't say anything. Don't worry though, I don't think it's nearly as bad as I made it out to be. At least not yet.

In other news, I think Paddock and Waters are about the two smartest people I've ever met in my whole life.

Why does life have to be so complicated? I know I've said this a thousand times before, but still. If I could just take my emotion out of things, I think it might actually be a lot easier. I look at things practically, and think that it's really not a big deal and I just have to grow up. But then the situation actually comes and I chicken out. How can I ever fix things if I keep chickening out? Like I said, hopefully I grow up sometime in the near future. We can only hope.

And I can go to NYB 2008! Originally our spring band concert prevented me from doing that, but it's been moved, so now I can. It pretty much made my life complete.

Chloe, I was too nervous/timid/other word of that sort to say this in social. But if you could do some talking for me, that would actually be kinda nice. As I'm sure you've read, I apparently haven't completely grown up yet. =P I will one day, I promise. But for now...if you could just give me a little boost...I think that might help a little. =)

Oh, how I dislike being in the middle of things. Creates quite the conflict. Sometimes when I'm caught in a position like that, I just have to walk away. It's usually easiest.

I definitely feel like there are people out there who I used to talk to soo much, and now I haven't been talking to them as much this year. Which really does make me sad. Maybe it's just start of school stress and busy-ness. Maybe we really are drifting apart, which would actually make me cry. I'm going to put my faith in that it's just everything that's going on with the start of school. Hopefully band camp might bring an end to that barrier and I can reconnect with people that are important to me.

Hm...I guess that's kinda what my horoscope said today. Maybe the horoscopes this time weren't as unimpressive as I first thought.

As much as I sometimes pretend I don't like certain attention...I usually do. I may not be as out there as some people, but I do tend to like attention.

That was a very random statement, and I tried to think of more to add to it, but that's really all I have to say.

I should go do my social so I stand a chance at the test tomorrow. Wish me luck.

~Calminaiel~

"Fine, I'll just say she tried to have an affair with me."

1 comment:

Silmarillia said...

*didn't understand much of that*

eh. good luck with social :)

~Sil