"Okay, Keanu, let's do this acting thing. I mean...football thing..."
"Quickly! Go catch your own pass!"
"Alright Keanu, show me happy...now sad...now joyful...now utterly helpless...now murderous..."
"C'mon, those guys don't have any huge black guys on their side. Just get your two bodyguards to beat them up."
"Wait, I don't get what he just said."
"He said, winners always want the ball."
"Yes, I heard what he said, but I don't get it."
"But he just said he wished he could say something big and inspirational, but that's not his style. And then he went ahead and said something inspirational anyways!"
"And he just magically appears there? Wasn't he just on a boat?"
"Are things really that awkward in real life? Because right now I kinda want to shoot myself. I'm never that awkward."
"Yes, I'm sorry to say, real life is that awkward."
"Well, you happen to be a very awkward person. Or you hang out with really awkward people. I haven't figured out which yet."
"I can't tell...is he happy, or confused? Or thoughtful? Or disappointed?"
"What, does the players' strike affect the cheerleaders as well?"
"So the replacements get them into the playoffs, and then the other players just come back to play? Those guys tipped over his truck! I'd go to them and shout the fact that I'm the reason they're in the playoffs."
"And every night they go to bed, sucking on a sun chip."
2 weeks ago