Yes, it's finally official. No longer just assumed.
I'm not kidding. My mind will be panicking within every inch of its life for a good ten minutes, before some simple thing will happen to snap me back to reality, and convince me that I don't necessarily have to be thinking about that.
But give it a while, and it'll go back to panicking. Vicious cycle and all that.
It's one of those times when I'm really afraid to be alone with myself. I just don't want to listen to my own mind. I want to shut out all the voices that help me figure out things like the future, and consequences, and assignments and expectations, and just concentrate what I'm doing right now.
I need somebody to save me from myself.
Isn't there a song that goes like that? Probably. There's a song for almost anything out there.
But seriously, I'm afraid to be left alone with myself, because certain aspects of my mind just may start committing suicide. I'm not even sure which ones, but they're out there, I know that for sure. I also know that while they may be feeling tortured right now, in the future they're probably good aspects for my mind to have, so I'd rather they stay alive, thank you very much.
That being said, my emotional level is extremely high at the moment. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, as it could swing either way.
It's the same way with my mood. It's on the tip of the knife right now, and it could swing high, or it could swing low. God bless the person who helps get get high, and God have mercy on the pour soul who has to suffer through the lows.
I think I'm going to play a mindless game while listening to music to keep my mind distracted while I wait.
"We need to start a history support group. We'll all meet in the library and work together, and make sure we all work for an hour."
"And then we'll reward ourselves with beers."
1 year ago