Oh wow

I am getting so good at this stay home spa thing. I had an excellent evening tonight. Except for the fact that I brought my work clothes home even though I didn't need to, and then I didn't pick up groceries even though I probably should have. Oh well. The rest of it was good.

I had one of those awesome baths, where the water is so hot you need to gradually get in the tub to adjust to the heat. My mirrors even fogged up. While I was having my bath. I've never fogged up my mirrors with a bath before. And then once I used all my wonderful moisturizing soaps, and my skin felt all wonderful, I just read my book and soaked for a little bit. So now my skin is wonderfully moisturized, and feels like it will never be dry or itchy again.

Of course, my chest still kinda hurts when I breathe, and I'm trying not to cough. We'll have to see how I feel tomorrow.

In other news, I can't believe we're down to the last four weeks of school. It feels like I have too much to do before the end. Well, I guess I only have one major paper and my recital. I don't really count my English class as anything major. It's practically like revisiting grade 8 English class. Only you actually kinda have to format your assignments.

We're getting another roommate sometime in March. I'm pretty excited to meet him. His name's...Mark? I think. But apparently he has a cat, which is cool.

Oh, and I have curtains! It's amazing. It's like the whole condo complex isn't looking into my bedroom at night anymore.

Another thing I've put on my list of things to do this summer (yes, there is a list. I'll tell you more about it sometime, but I'm trying not to focus on it too much while classes are still happening) is to actually call people and try to hang out with people. I miss a lot of my friends from high school, but university is so stupid and busy, and I hate saying to people, 'hey, we should hang out sometime!' and then never getting around to actually doing it cause I'm too busy. To be honest, I'd much rather wait until I actually do have time to hang out with people, and then give them a call.

I also have this weird fear with people I haven't seen or talked to in a while, that when I call them up they're going to be mad at me for not calling them sooner. That kinda puts a damper on things sometime. Should really get over that.

Anyways. I should get to bed, cause I slept in four out of five days last week, and I cannot let that happen anymore. It's only one more month, I can do school for that much longer. And it's the last stretch in terms of recital practicing, so I have that to focus on as well. I can (and will) make it to the end!

~Calminaiel~

"I've been told I have a great radio face."

Chocolate Money

I'd like to take a moment to get a few things straight.

I am not beginning to cough. My chest does not hurt when I breathe. I am not starting to run out of breath when I practice. Neither my head, nor my body, begins to generally ache during the last half of the day.

I am enjoying tea out of my new Calgary zoo mug (of which I plan to collect the whole set). A plan to the grocery store to buy ginger root is planned for the near future (I hear it's very good for you. Especially in tea). Every spare evening I have will be spent drinking tea and relaxing in a tub full of hot water and moisturizing soaps.

My recital is in fact a month away, and although I do think about my stage presence a lot and do not enjoy people making fun of or generally under appreciating the fact that this is a big thing for me, I am not stressing about it.

I hereby declare all of these statements to be true.

So there.

Now, I must mend a squeaky hamster wheel, so that he may exercise, and I may sleep, and we both shall be happy.

The End.

~Calminaiel~

"Have you ever gone to Tim Hortons, not because you wanted Timmy's, but because the line was so short, you felt obligated to go?"

Curses!

I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy. Or losing the ability to count with other people in my general vicinity. Either or.

I realized today I forgot to send in my availability calendar for work, which I always do on the 15th of every single month. And it didn't happen this month.

I've also never screwed up counting cash at work ever. Ever. And yet the last three times I've made mistakes. The first two were because I was talking to new staff, and telling them about stuff. This last one was apparently just because Ken was in the room with me. We weren't talking or anything. He was just sitting while I was counting cash.

In other news, I'm beginning to totally loose all interest in school. Right when all my major papers are due. It's a great time. I really think major projects should be due early in the semester, cause then at least I still have some inclination to work. But now? I have no idea how I'm going to do anything.

I wasn't feeling too well today, but Ken bought the third season for Big Bang Theory, so I think we'll watch some of that tonight. I also kinda have the munchies, and my house is terrible for having munchy things around. It kinda sucks.

It's been one of those weeks in which I just keep telling myself things will get better once this week is done. Plus, there's only really a month left of school, so I have to keep myself going for at least another month. Ken and I also thought of a pretty cool summer project, which I'm now really excited for.

Oh yeah, and my recital's coming up in April. But I'm tired of thinking right now, so I think it's time to find a snack and watch Big Bang.

~Calminaiel~

"Robyn likes her blogs."

Spring Ahead?

Oh wow. I kind of feel like the semester just started, and yet there's only really a month and a half left. Which really isn't that much, especially considering my recital is at the end of that month and a half.

Reader's Digest version of life: Working lots, loving/hating music as always, lost a pet, adopted a pet, have a student, procrastinating, buying (but ironically not drinking) booze, spending money, mooching food, and generally just trying to deal with one day at a time.

Oh, and dutifully taking care of my lucky bamboo plant, and my money tree, which are placed beside each other in my room. My superstitious side is pretty sure they're helping me get through life. Of course, my realistic side thinks that's ridiculous, and sometimes forces me to 'forget' to water them every now and then, just to prove it doesn't make a difference. But that's a story for another time.

~Calminaiel~

"This Christmas is turning out to be rather fishy."
"There's something fishy about this Christmas."

Moments, Moon Dough, and Make-up

I've been trying to find a picture of an ad I see all the time on the train, and for the life of me, I can't find it. I even asked my computer genius boyfriend, and he came up with a loss.

So you won't be able to see the picture. But the essence of it is that it's an ad for the Darwin and Einstein exhibit at the science center. The situation in the ad is two girls in the bathroom of a club, standing in front of the mirror to apply their makeup. The picture is the mirror full of writing in makeup of equations, and mathematical terms. In front of it, one girl is standing with her makeup, obviously having just written all the previously mentioned equations, and looking quite happy, having just invented all of these equations. The other girl is in a perfect about-to-reapply-lipstick position, and is looking up at the equations in quite a dumbfounded manner, like she doesn't know what just happened.

I'm sure my description of it doesn't do it justice. But hopefully you've got the general idea of it. The funny thing is, every time I see this ad on the train, I can just hear my Grandma's voice in my head, saying to me, "Now, the thing that makes this ad effective is the different expressions on the girl's faces."

I can imagine my Grandma going into detail about that, but I just find it very funny that I'm almost positive that's what she would say about that ad. And how I can very much hear it in her voice too.

In other news, me and Ken went to the toy store the other day, and I found a product by the Play-Dough. It's called Moon Dough, and the first-sight appeal of it is the claim that it never dries out. So, liking to play with dough, and wanting to find out the deal with this Moon Dough, I bought some.

Moon Dough is not all it seemed on the box. The texture is really weird, and while it's great for making shapes in plastic molders, that's really all it's good for. When you squeeze it, it doesn't form a shape, it just crumbles. You can't roll it into a snake, or flat into a pancake because again, it just crumbles. The reason it never dries out is because there's not any moisture in it in the first place.

In short, it's very disappointing, and it just made me want to go back to the store for some real Play Dough. Moon Dough doesn't get stuff all over your hands, but it's a lot less fun.

I've also been wearing makeup a lot more since school let out, because I don't like putting on makeup if it means I have to get up 15 minutes earlier just to do it. However, if I have time to wake up and lounge around before I have to go anywhere, sure I'll take a few minutes to put some makeup on.

Now, the thing with makeup is I've never really liked people who seem to believe they can't step out of their house without their makeup on. Sure I like how it makes me look, but I never want to believe that I can't have other people seeing me if I don't have it on.

Since I've been wearing it so much, I've started having this funny little fear that I'll start slipping into feeling the need to have it on before I go anywhere. And it's really funny at the end of every day when I take my makeup off in front of the mirror, I feel relieved when I see me sans makeup, and I haven't turned into this hideous monster underneath my makeup. I'm still just me. Maybe with slightly less defined eyes, but still just me.

~Calminaiel~

"It's so foggy out. Don't go too far away or I might not see you and I'll get lost. Don't walk faster!"

Mint Truffle Kisses

I think I'm addicted.

Anyways, I was on the bus on the way to my lesson, and reading my current book, Bridget Jones' Diary. I've had it kicking around forever, and I'm pretty sure I've started reading it before, but I know I've never gotten to the end. So that's what I'm working on now.

Diary books are always funny, because you are very literally inside the persons' mind. As such, I have this funny habit of starting to think like them myself. Therefore, when I got Ken's text informing me that Simon's parents were getting Simon the same present I was going to get him, the following happened inside my head.

Not happy about this. Have had Simon's present planned for weeks now, and they just decide on this? Now what do I do? Could think of other present...no. My present was very good. I have to change all my plans just because his parents happen to think of the same thing?

I proceeded to pout for a while, until my mind inevitably turned towards the topic of vengeance.

Revenge plans: A) not get Simon present at all. Problems: will 1-year-old notice lack of present from uncle's girlfriend? Unlikely. Will parents notice lack of present and interpret into obvious plot for revenge? Unlikely. Plan B) get obviously not well thought out present. Problem: will 1-year-old really feel disappointment over not expected present? Unlikely. Will parents interpret badly thought out present into obvious revenge for theft of present idea? Unlikely. Will probably just think brother's girlfriend is not smart.

Should just still get present. I thought of it first. Would have bought it already, just had no time, or car.

Problem: Will 1-year-old be sad over duplicate present? Unlikely. Will parents interpret duplicate present as clear indication that I thought of it first? Unlikely. Will probably just believe brother's girlfriend unoriginal.

This is when I got to my teacher's house and had to let go of all present thoughts, as it was time to concentrate on reed making.

I'm really not that upset over it. I'm just pouty, cause I thought I had a really great idea, and duplicate presents kinda suck. Now, instead of super easy I-prethought-all-of-my-Christmas-presents-so-I-can-just-duck-in-and-out-of-the-mall Christmas shopping, I'll have to actually make time to wander around and find ideas and decide.

Because shopping for a 1-year-old boy is so difficult.

~Calminaiel~

"I hate being invited to things I don't care about."
"Speaking of which, wanna come to my gig next week?"

Unionized

When I typed the title, I realized that word reminds me of both 'unicorn' and 'onion'.

But to other things.

I really believe people in customer service should have a union. Not a union which protects against unreasonable hours, or not enough pay. No, a union which protects them against crazy people.

That way, when people try to complain, or blame you for something which is A) not your fault, or B) out of your control, you can just step back and say "I'm sorry, but my union doesn't permit me to try to help people like you." However, you may then pass them a list of numbers to refer them to somebody who specializes in psychology, and tell them they may find help there.

Also, people who need to have their food or coffee exactly a certain way should not go to fast food places. While I was standing in line at Wendy's, I overheard somebody explaining how they wanted a burger, but with no meat or pickles. Then there was a woman who had three different coupons, requested specific toppings for her burger, and then wanted fries with no salt. For the sake of the girl working the till, I'm glad a new batch of fries had just come out of the fryer, and nobody had salted them yet.

But this woman wasn't done. She then proceeded to explain to the girl how to enter in the coupons, and how to use her gift card (oh yeah, she had one of those too). I felt bad for the girl, cause she seemed new-ish, and she had to keep getting her supervisor to ask him a question.

However, I had to admire her, because she never once showed that she was frustrated, or gave any indication that their request was stupid (which I was thinking the entire time). She was very nice. And when I sat down and realized I had a beef burger instead of the chicken burger I had ordered, I just ate it anyways. Cause she'd been through enough, and to be honest, I'd been debating between beef and chicken anyways.

I have to agree with Ken. Everybody should have to work a customer service job for at least a little while in their life. It would probably make the world a better place.



And just to end things off, a silly picture of me and my bassoon, clearly making beautiful music together. Or just in Banff, warming up for a rehearsal. However you'd like to interpret that.

~Calminaiel~

"Just remember, everybody is special, and everybody needs to be treated like they're 'special'."

Magic

I saw Graham's school musical theater performance today. It was quite amusing, and I enjoyed myself. I kinda just told him about the little things that bugged me about the show, but I really did like it overall. It was a good way to spend a night.

And Graham's hair looked very well fan-blown, even though I was told it was done with a curling iron. I still think he should have walked onstage with a little hand-held fan and pointed it at his face every time he had a line. Also, I could have done without the whole kissing thing. But at the same time, I can't help feeling like I deserve it a little bit.

I had quite a productive day. CYO rehearsal...well, happened. Rehearsals around this time of year are kind of odd, cause we do really rehearse, but we also have Christmas music, which the CYO has played since the dawn of time itself. So we don't really rehearse them, we just run through them.

I also had quite a productive day of doing laundry, organizing my room a little, and cleaning my bathroom. The cleaning of the bathroom really only results because I have to do some laundry by hand, which I do in the bathroom sink, and I always figure before I wash clothes in it, it should be clean. Which just lead me to clean the rest of the bathroom while I'm at it. But it's probably for the best.

Other than that, I'm just waiting for this semester to be over so I can enjoy the break, and hopefully renew my interest in school and bassoon next semester. I've been getting stuck in this 'I really don't want to do this' phase lately. But I'm sure once next semester comes and I actually have time to practice and stuff it should be better.

And as long as I try not to think too hard about my upcoming recital, that plan should work.

~Calminaiel~

"Burn her!"

Amost There

Gah, a month without updates. But the good news is, first semester is almost over, and as it has happened in the past two years, I expect second semester to be much better than the first.

Next semester will hopefully hold more time to practice, mostly because I don't have any morning class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so I hope to get a good at least two hours of practice in every morning on those days. Which should vastly improve my playing.

November kinda feels like it was a blur. I think back to it, and all I can really think of is school. Not even specifics of what happened at school. I know I went, and did stuff...

I did go to Banff with the CYO, and had the Wind Ensemble workshop weekend with Bob Reynolds, which was pretty cool, and more enjoyable than I was slightly afraid it could've been.

I've been discovering how I don't quite have the hang of making dinner. In that, I'm not used to actually cooking dinner, to thinking out in advance what I'm going to have, and what I need for it, and actually getting the effort to make dinner. So far my best dinners have been canned soup, a side of cucumber, and a glass of eggnog, with my book to keep me company. Which is really quite cozy.

But I still invite myself over to my parents when I can. Microwaved soup gets a little tiring after a while.

My skin is getting insanely dry since winter really kicked in. I think it might be slightly worse than it was last year, since I really don't remember my skin getting this dry and itchy and just not feeling very nice. I'm almost starting to wonder if it would be easier to just get some good hydrating bath stuff, and have regular evening baths than having to slather my entire body with moisturizer every single night.

On another note, I should really get out and do my Christmas shopping soon, or I will forget and leave it to the last minute. Which I've been really good about not doing, so I don't want to break my streak now.

Unlike my Halloween streak, which I did break this year! Go me!

~Calminaiel~

"Is it bad that all I thought of at that moment was 'Make-up sex!'"

Halloween

There's a natural progression when it comes to Halloween, I believe. I was going to tell this to Ken, but he's busy making dinner, and not really listening. Which is okay, because I like food. But since he's not listening to my thought, I shall tell you, faithful readers. Or semi-faithful readers. Or people who came upon this by chance.

So, natural progression to Halloween. There's a very natural crossover when it comes to the Halloween process. The balance to Halloween is that some people receive candy, and others give out candy. That's how society works. And eventually the ones who receive candy become the ones who give candy, and the circle of life continues.

By the way, I just had a 6 year old Batman come to my house. Teehee!

Anyways, I believe there is a very specific and natural rotation when it comes to Halloween, and I shall outline it now.

The first stage is during the years of 3-13 years old. During this stage, you're incredibly excited to dress up, and have a costume *pause*

I just got a dinosaur at my door! Teehee!

*unpause* and have costume parades at school and all that fun stuff that comes with Halloween. And trick or treating to get candy is an awesome bonus too. I liked this stage. We were never ones to buy costumes, but I never minded this, because Mom made the most kick ass costumes ever. I was an eagle one year. I think that was one of my favorite costumes made by Mom.

The next few stages don't have a specific time line, as it can be different for people. But the next stage occurs over the next few years. This stage is when you just really dress up for the hell of it, so you can still go trick or treating to get a pillowcase of candy. Why? Because free candy is awesome, and you're still young enough to get away with it. I definitely stuck some ribbons in my hair, stuck some vampire teeth in my mouth, and went trick or treating as whatever anybody wanted to think I was. Looking back, it was kinda lame. I got a group of those kids before my last two trick or treaters. They weren't really fun.

The next stage is indifference. You don't really feel like dressing up, you're too old to go trick or treating, so what's really the point? I lost interest in Halloween for at least two years. I think it's mostly realizing you can't trick or treat anymore, and not really being sure what you now have to look forward to with Halloween.

However, the last stage is the final stage in the circle of life, and that's when you begin to look forward to having trick or treaters, and giving them candy. This renews your interest in Halloween, and thus balance is restored and maintained.

I had three Halloween costumes this year. I went as Dr. Price on Friday, where everybody at school would get it, and I could imitate him all day. I went as a devil on Saturday to a house party, because that's the only place I would wear such a costume. And today I went to work as Mickey Mouse. And I guess I'm giving trick or treaters candy as Mickey Mouse.

My dad used to be a vampire for Halloween. I can't actually recall if he used to do this every Halloween, or if he only did it once or twice, and it just made a lasting impression in my mind. Anyways, he had *pause*

I just had a fairy princess! I went to the door and her face lit up! 'It's Mickey Mouse!' I gave her some candy and her dad told her to say thank you. 'Goodnight Mickey Mouse! I got candy from Mickey Mouse!' My life is now totally complete.

*unpause* So he had this vampire cloak, and I believe it lived in my closet for some time. At least, until I became a proper woman and began using my closet. And for some reason I was scared of this cloak. I think it eventually moved to Graham's closet because I was afraid of it, but I just remember thinking of it in my closet on those nights when I couldn't sleep. And that thought didn't help me to sleep.

And now I think I might text my father to compare our numbers for trick or treaters. I'm at three. I had a group of eight kids in the 'just trick or treating for the hell of it' stage, and I'm not really counting them, because they weren't cute.

~Calminaiel~

"I'm not scaring you, I'm scaring your hiccups!"

And then, Laugh

Oh the stress of school again. How lovely. Instead of attempting to dish out reasons why I haven't posted in so long, or trying to summarize the last month or so, let me just tell you a series of instances, stories, quote, that will hopefully give you a good enough understand of the past little while.

Performance seminar candy!

"What are you doing to our ground?"

"I just went and bought food, and it's still hot, and it only took 10 minutes!"

Walking to Safeway, forgetting my wallet, walking home, walking back to Safeway.

Cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry by hand in the bathroom, and realizing I have to clean the bathroom all over again.

"Once upon a time, many years ago, there were musicians who were very bored. And these musician cried 'oh, won't somebody write some music we have to practice?' Then Beethoven came along. And he said 'don't worry bored musicians! I will write music you have to practice!' And there was much joy. Then, a few hundred years later, there were musicians who were not so bored. In fact, they were very busy. And yet, for some reason there was still a need to play the pieces of Beethoven, which required lots of practiced. And they would have cursed him to the end of his days, if that hadn't already happened."

"And now you'll want to leave this reed alone for a couple days. He's gone through some big life changes. He's been forced into a tubular shape, had pieces of him scraped off, and he's had mouths chomping on him. He needs some recovery time."

"I was going to say 'What would you do if you were trapped in a burning building, with no hope of escape? Would you call someone you love and tell them you're about to die?' But then I realized you wouldn't do that, you'd call 911."

"Is she really skinny? Or are your horses all just pudgy?"

"I'm not a big fan of going to bed early, but if I don't go to bed at the same time with him, and I climb in while he's already asleep, there's no way he'll be cuddly."

"Blah blah blah. I went to Eastman. I conduct the Wind Ensemble." *pout*

Oh, and the Stravinsky Octet seriously makes me feel like I'm on drugs.

~Calminaiel~

"And they never asked Beethoven that ever again."

Radiohead 2

First of all, allow me to say that I am really not pleased with myself. In the way that I always seem to need people to really dig into me to actually get me to talk about something that's bugging me. And then when people don't have the time or effort to put into me, I start to feel super disappointed, and also mad at myself, because I know it's mostly my fault. Things would be so much easier if I could just start talking as soon as somebody says 'what's wrong?'. But instead, I always shrug, and they give me a look, but don't say anything else. And I'm left pleading inside my head for them to ask me one more time, and whatever is bugging me is left alone, still bugging.

Anyway. Now that that's out, I shall move on.

I went to a Radiohead movement piece with Graham today. Basically it's a theater piece that is mostly just movement, set to music from a Radiohead album.

I really went into it having no idea what to expect. Graham said it was really good, and not only do I trust his judgment, but there are also very few theater pieces I do not enjoy.

This definitely blew me away.

I'm not even sure how I'm going to say what I thought about it. And I'm not sure how much I'm going to even mention the piece itself, because I really don't know how to. It's a movement piece. How do you write about movement? It's like dancing about architecture.

However, I'm not going to rule out the possibility of me mentioning it, so just to cover myself, there is a potential spoiler alert coming up.

Not that there was much plot in this. It was very, very much up to personal interpretation, and what you took out of it. I'm going to say right now that my thoughts on it aren't really in an organized state right now, and I'm not sure if they ever will be. So what follows are my thoughts right now, as of about an hour and a half after the show. Keep up if you can.

I got a huge sense of society. Today's society, and how it doesn't make sense. How it often feels like everybody else is doing their own thing, and yet they all seem to be in on something that you don't know.

Common sense vs. the ridiculousness of the things people do. How sometimes there are people who stand up to what goes on. People trying to pull others out of the cycle of society, that spins away, and drags them down into nonsense. And then giving up, and just joining that majority. Because there's no use anyways, and because it's easier than trying to pull out of it.

Personal thoughts and feelings. Everybody is thinking something, and hoping for something, and at the same time, trying not to hope, because how could it ever possibly happen? Letting go, and allowing it to happen, and what is acceptable now, when 100, even 50 years ago, it wouldn't be tolerated.

Solitude, and feeling alone. At one point, he was in center stage, with people in chairs all around him. And he kept asking where everybody was, and even when one person answered, and said they're all in front of him, he couldn't see them. Don't you ever have that on the train? On the streets? You look around, and people have this expression...it's almost more than just neutral. It's empty. And even though you are surrounded by people you want to ask where everybody is. I ask where everybody is. Why they feel like they have to go away when they step onto the street.

Videos. Videos of people who are gone. People who are on their deathbed, and don't want to face the world. When they're gone, all you have are pictures, and videos. And in the videos, there is no sound. But you can see them. They're talking, smiling, laughing. You know they're gone, and this is all you have left. On one hand, you know this is only a shadow, only one part of this person who used to live, breathe, and feel. On the other hand, it's all you have left, and you never want to let go.

At first, I wanted to know what they were talking about. What story they were telling, what day they were reliving for the camera. I wanted to know what they were telling us. And I finally realized I didn't want to know. I just wanted to look at their faces, and see the emotion. See all the happiness and life there, and just know that each of them was a real person.

At the end, they all went silent. And one by one, they said the most sincere thank you that could be said without any noise. I wondered what they were thanking us for. For being there? For that perfect day? For everything?

Then it was over. And I'm left wanting time to stand still, so I can take a few moments to relive those moments of pure emotion. Wanting to go back, and watch that girl's fact on the screen, the one who was so full of life, and joy, and everything.

But time doesn't stand still. And soon enough I'll be pushed back out into it. I'll leave that dark theater, where the only thing real is what's happening in front of you.

But while I've learned that time doesn't stand still, I've also learned that people don't stay the same. I've learned that understanding the world is a constant process of comparing what we don't comprehend to our own experiences, and reassessing what we think we understand.

I may not come out of this a completely different person, and I may not begin changing everything I understand and believe because of this night. But I will take something away from it. I have taken something away from it.

And I know I won't have this constantly on my mind. But I will keep it away. Wrap it up in a box in my mind, and label it with a sharpie, or a post it note. To remind myself, when I'm feeling particularly hopeless, emotionless, like a walking, empty shell, to pull this out. Though it may not make me feel better, it will remind me there are still reasons to feel. That there are still people trying to make sense of this world.

And as long as there are still beautiful works of art worth thinking about, I think I'll make it through.

~Calminaiel~

"Catharsis..."

Silly Internetz

I've been getting a lot of spam comments recently. It's slightly annoying. However, Blogger also just made a feature that auto-detects potential spam comments, and doesn't let them be published unless you confirm they're not spam. Which is kinda nice.

So, I'm currently at the end of the first two days of school. And I feel dangerously close to being a first year again.

Well, I definitely did during my first class on Monday, but that was because the class was in a room in Earth Sciences, and whenever I delve into the realm of the science buildings I always feel small and scared. Because, c'mon, there are all these...science people...

Anyways, I think it's also partly because I'm a third year now. And when I look back to when I was a first year, I remember what I thought of the third years. I admired most of them, and thought they were always cool and composed and knew exactly how things at the university go down.

To be fair, I could be underestimating myself a little bit. I do know a fair bit about how things at the university work, and I'm not exactly terrified of course outlines or homework anymore. But even so, I definitely do not feel like I'm the person I used to look up to a few years ago.

But I suppose that's almost always the way of things, when you work your way up in the world. I thought the Supes at MusiCamp were the coolest people ever. They were always so calm, and organized, and super fun. Now, having been a Supe, I still think they're a coolest people every, and super fun, but at the same time, most of camp all the Supes are practically sleepwalking their way through the day (I exaggerate slightly...but we don't get nearly as much sleep as is probably good for us), and we were definitely not as organized as I thought the Supes always were. We really fake it, and make stuff up half the time.

In general, I feel like I've forgotten how to be a university student. But I think part of that might be because I did more this summer than I usually do. Generally I just sit around the house with my brother all summer. This summer I actually went to MusiCamp for a month. And people who go to MusiCamp know that it's practically like entering another world. When I came back, I'd almost forgotten how you interact in a place that's not camp. With people who haven't been to camp.

I also moved out. Which took up some time, and a lot of thought. So a lot of the summer, especially after I got back from camp, was adjusting to the new place, getting used to cleaning and cooking (and reminding myself to actually eat regular meals), and just generally getting comfortable in my new space. Suddenly university is thrown on top of that, and I'm left thinking 'But...what about spending time in my space?'

But I know it'll get better. It's just weird having the summer off, and going and doing different stuff, and suddenly I'm back, and it feels like it's been forever since I've been there.

However, one of the things I always admired about the third years that I do actually have: a pretty kick ass schedule. Every day I start at either 10:30 or 11, and every day I end at either 3 or 3:30. I'm totally okay with that. I get to sleep in, and I can still keep my evenings open for work. I still haven't scheduled my lessons, but we're pretty sure they're going to be on Monday evenings, and I'm trying to go for Monday afternoons if we can do that.

I also had this really weird thought while I was wandering through the sciences building: that Ken will be at Sait all this year, so he won't be hanging out at the university, so he won't be here to see me. And for some reason that thought scared the hell out of me for a few minutes, before I told myself to pull myself together and suck it up.

I also think I'm exaggerating this whole being scared of school thing just slightly. It's not that I'm actually afraid, it's just that it's a big schedule change, from hanging out at home and just getting things done as they needed to be done, to having classes and just having a lot more stuff to do in general. I don't tend to deal with drastic schedule changes very well, so I suppose I shouldn't be entirely surprised by this reaction.

I haven't been to the bar yet, which is more than I can say of some of my friends. But I think I have used up my weekly allowed amount of swearing in the first two days, and I'm currently heading into overload.

I was also playing Ken's Civilization game on his computer, and even though I was at least 2000 points ahead of everybody, another country won just because they got into space before I did. I am not pleased, and even though I know I should start another game, cause I have a different strategy idea for my next round, I feel like ignoring both the game, and Ken's computer for a while. Just to give them time to think about what they did.

I'm kind of glad I don't tend to re-read these posts, cause I'm pretty sure I would not be pleased with the quality of my writing. I also say 'I' a lot here. But that's allowed, cause it's my blog, right? Right...

But really, hopefully I'll actually have some interesting stories to tell here, and not just random facts about what I'm doing with my days.

~Calminaiel~

"That's completely different. It's like comparing apples to geese."

Pizza Thoughts

So, I was sitting at the stove, stirring the tomato sauce for the pizza Ken's making.

We seem to have a pretty good deal going on that Ken makes food, and I do dishes. I'm okay with it and he seems pretty okay with it. It's a pretty good system. Especially since he doesn't like doing dishes, and I...well, I like making food, I'm usually too lazy to do it. I'd rather complain about being hungry until somebody does something about it. But I digress.

So I'm stirring the sauce, and suddenly I have this image pop into my head of me and Ken owning a nice piece of land, like a farm, and me explaining to this kid (I presumed it was some sort of niece) that at our house, the men always go outside to do the work, and the women stay inside to cook for the men.

Then it changed to the kid being my kid, and a few more kids appeared, all mine, and I was explaining to my parents (who were visiting) that the kids are always either working on the farm or cooking for the ones working, regardless of male or female, and they have to earn their free time. Unless they have homework, then they're exempt from working and cooking, as long as they're working on their homework.

At this point one of the younger children started to cry, and I asked one of the older children to take care of her while I finished dinner. My children were apparently very well behaved.

It was at this point in this little...I don't even know what to call this...that I realized I had been imagining me speaking with a southern accent the entire time. This weirded me out so much that I went back and tried to fix it, but it refused to be fixed, and so I abandoned this little spurt of imagination that seemed to come out of nowhere.

I just poked a happy face into the pizza dough with my finger.

Anyways, I thought you would enjoy this little story, because I find it rather amusing. And also a little weird how I had a very dream-like thought pop up while I was still very awake.

Recent activities have also included venturing to the university, standing in lines, welcoming Jocelyn home, Ken and I betting on if Jocelyn's home (she spends a lot of time in her room...we're not judging her, but we also sometimes jokingly wonder if she likes us...), and me being mopey about the fact that we don't have any scissors in the house, and how we don't have a snake.

I really wanted a snake, because they're awesome, and Mom would never let a reptile in her house. But I also really wanted to get it before school starts, because I was positive that once school starts, we won't really have much time to put into getting things ready for a snake. I'm not really worried about not having time to look after the snake once school starts. In my experience of doing things, getting started is often the hardest part for me.

And I also felt really stupid when Ken proclaimed to me that I had bought tomato paste instead of tomato sauce for the pizza.

However, in other news, I was just reminded of my liking for the word 'proclaim'. Along with 'procure' which I can now only imagine in the context of Santa Claus 'procuring' the deed to somebody's land.

But that's another story. Ask Graham.

~Calminaiel~

"...and that's why Graham's not allowed to touch the lamps."

New Home

Yay! I'm back from camp, and after a week of sleeping, shopping, adjusting, and cleaning (well...not so much cleaning...but more on that later), I think I'm ready to blog again.

Or rather, I'm making myself blog again, because of the previously discussed laziness factor. Anyways.

Camp was a lot of fun, and I hope to dedicate a few posts to it before classes start up. I got back on Sunday, spent a few days sleeping, hung out with the Supes again on Wednesday, slept for a few more days, shopped for a dress, and attended a wedding in said dress. I also bought two additional dresses, two skirts, and a new shirt, but that's besides the point.

Ken and I went to his cousin's wedding yesterday. It was pretty fun. The first wedding I've been to since I was really young, so it's really the only wedding I remember in detail.

It was a little wordy, not going to lie. But I get that after my dad, really. We're not much for speeches. At least not the long ones. So when they started going into childhood stories before the vows were made I started to doze off a little. And I also could have done without the hour and 45 minute speech session before the reception too.

Ken and I spent a lot of time yesterday joking about 'our' wedding (hypothetical, of course), and talking about how it would be done differently and such. I figured I'm going to have a tough time picking out music. During most of the wedding, and beforehand, whenever music came on I would sit there thinking 'cheesy...cheesy...really cheesy..." I finally told Ken I'd just use the Darth Vader theme song as my bride music and be done with it. He was okay with that.

And I was also a little annoyed by how the bridesmaids and the bride walked down the aisle. Step...step...pause...step...step...pause...

Yeah, none of that for me.

I was going to talk a little bit more about actually living in the new place, but Ken and I are going to watch a movie tonight, and I said I wanted to finish blogging, but Ken popped popcorn anyways, so it's already pretty cold. So I should probably go so I can eat moderately warm popcorn.

Actually, by the time the movie's in and we're ready to go, it probably will barely be moderately warm. I guess I won't be eating much popcorn tonight.

~Calminaiel~

"Catharsis!"

I Cry a Lot

I really need to get back into doing blog things, other than just posting, which I don't even do that often. Mainly, reading other people's blogs. I try to do this on a regular basis, but I still don't feel like I'm doing it enough. Although apparently my brother has started blogging on a regular basis, so I'm definitely going to have to get in on that action.

Also, Ken's parents are on vacation. Which means all the time I should be spending on moving out, I'm actually spending on living at his place. It's really slightly less than productive.

Anyways, I've been promising to keep up with updates when something actually happens, so here I am.

Sunday night, me and Ken decided to go out and saddle up a horse for me. Why we decided to do this in the evening, just as the sun was setting when the bugs are t their worst, I don't really know. Probably because I haven't ridden in a while, and Ken was actually in the mood to go out there, so I wasn't about to stop us.

We brushed and saddled Jake, cause so far he's the only one I've ridden. Ken also sprayed the other horses with bug spray, which they don't entirely appreciate, but I'm sure they like the break from the bugs for a while.

I walked Jake around for a little bit, but ever since I went riding last time (which was a while ago) I've been thinking about getting better at trotting. I got Jake to trot a couple times last time, but I didn't really get into the rhythm of it. I just kinda bounced around on top, which made it feel a lot like an amusement park ride but without a safety bar to hold on to.

So we're not really sure what happened next. Probably a combination of him being slightly agitated by bugs, and me riding with my boots for the first time, which probably felt different than my shoes, and the saddle not being on quite as tight as it probably should have been...anyways, the point is, I'm not really sure what happened, but I went to nudge Jake into a trot, and he kinda took off on me. And when he got to the fence and swung to the side, I fell off.

Now, falling off a horse is a different experience than I've ever had before. I don't actually remember the falling part. I remember being on Jake has he turned at the fence, and then I was on the ground. I faintly recall having a vague thought something along the lines of "Horses are really tall." before the pain kicked in.

I heard Ken talk to Jake, and go calm him down and take his saddle off. I think I was registering whether my body was still working. And since all my limbs were bending the right way, at the right places, and I wasn't in any excruciating pain, I concluded that I wasn't badly hurt. The side of my back down to my butt hurt pretty bad, where I hit the ground. But it was mostly just a bad throbbing pain, nothing super sharp.

I believe it was about the time Ken came over to me that I started to cry. At first it was mostly just the first feeling of pain and the whole shock of the fall that started it. But that reason for crying really only lasted maybe a minute. Which for some reason I seem to think it should have lasted more. But more on that later.

I feel pretty silly about the main reasons I was crying. To be fair, when I start crying, I tend to continue crying on pretty irrational reasons. I was really disappointed that I did something wrong, and how this is the second time Jake's taken off on me, and how he probably really doesn't like me, and how Ken's never going to want to put me on a horse again, and mostly just how I fell of Jake, and that Jake threw me off in general.

When I calmed down a little, Ken corrected most of these thoughts without me having to voice any of them. I also corrected a few of them myself. This is the second time Jake's taken off on me, but the first time was a problem with the saddle, not necessarily anything I did (although I did hit his backside when I was mounting him that time...but that's not the point). Ken says Jake does like me, and horses generally do feel a little bad when their riders fall off, and they understand that something didn't go right. I don't think he specifically said he would take me riding again, but I sort of came to that conclusion myself.

And finally he told me that Jake didn't intentionally try to throw me off, something just didn't go right. And to be honest, I probably should have walked him around more before trying to get him into a trot. But I was just so excited to be on a horse again! Which I wonder if that may have resulted in me kicking him a little harder than last time...but then, I was also using last time as an example, when I had to nudge him quite a few times to finally encourage him to trot. Silly horse.

But no harm was done to me, besides having a sore back for the last couple days. Like Dad says, I'm young, I can take it. Mom got weepy when I told her the story, but Mom gets weepy about everything.

After I stopped crying, Ken went out to clean up the saddle and let the horses go. He just brought me straight inside and left them all in the corral. I asked to go out, because I had this urge to see Jake again. Maybe this is common when somebody falls off a horse. Ken said he was going to leave that for the morning, but I could come out if I wanted to. So I did, and as soon as I saw Jake I started crying again. I still felt bad for...falling off him? Honestly, my dominant feeling at the moment was wanting to apologize to him for falling off.

So I started crying all over again, which made me feel super ridiculous. But Ken let me stand there and hug him for a while, and brush the bugs off him. Then we let the horses out, and I went inside to fill out a self-evaluation for my annual review at work.

Anyways, it was an odd experience, because that night I basically alternated between thinking about how scary it really was having him take off on me, and wanting to just get back up on that saddle (literally) and try it again. I mean, maybe not try trotting right away again. But I definitely want to get on him and keep working at getting comfortable with him when he's walking, and hopefully build up to trotting. In a better way than I obviously did this time.

Even just an hour or so after falling, when Ken was telling me how he's not sure about Jake, since he's on of the oldest of their horses and had the most training, he usually puts new riders on him, but lately he's had a few people fall off him. I told him I'd ride Jake again. And I'm looking forward to riding Jake again.

I'm going to try not to over think this whole thing too much, since I have a terrible time of doing that. But it was definitely a new experience, so I figured it deserved telling in full.

Side story: just as I was starting to finish crying in the house, I realized the inside seam of my pants had ripped while falling off. I mentioned this to Ken, and he made a joke that we're fix it using a piece of Jake's hide. This joke sent me into a full round of hysterical laughter, mixed with a new round of hysterical sobbing. It had to be one of the weirdest feelings I've ever had, and I wonder what Ken was thinking of it. As soon as my body was willing to let me speak again, I told Ken that Jake really wouldn't like me after that.

~Calminaiel~

"But it wasn't just talking, it was crazy menopausal talking."

Gah, it's real

Jocelyn texted Ken this morning to tell him that she's moving into the condo today and tomorrow. Which means we can start moving in anytime. Well, we always had the option to start moving in anytime, but she knew that we were sort of waiting for her to go first, as it were.

So. That means it's actually happening.

I mean, I always knew it was actually happening. Especially once I saw the place, got a key, etc. But...I don't know. I know Rae understands this feeling, because she told me she felt the same way. I'll do my best to explain it now.

I'm experiencing a lot of emotions from this whole moving out deal. And this is just the pre-actual-moving stage, so I have no idea how I'm going to feel after that happens. But anyways. Mostly, I've been excited, as most people know. Sometimes I'm a little terrified. Not because I don't think I can do it, but just because it's going to be a change, and it'll be different. And changes and different experiences are always a little frightening, at least for me.

But it's mostly been excitement. Truth be told, I've been wanting to move out for the past little while (mostly just the last year or so) and this is a great opportunity. I didn't want to move out cause I don't enjoy living with my family (well...usually). I just felt like I wanted to see what it was like having a place, and what not.

So for the past few months I've almost had that 'too good to be true' feeling. I mean, it's a really fair sized place, decent location, living with a bunch of friends, living with Ken, great deal on rent. I sort of felt like if I talked too much about it, or got too excited about it, I'd jinx it, and it wouldn't happen somehow.

Lately that feeling's been going away, as we paint the place, and as I show my parents, and basically as the whole thing becomes more real, and less like just a bunch of plans.

So now all that seems to be left is to truck all my stuff over there.

The problem is, Ken seems to be content with some plan to move in slowly. That is, he'll just sort of transfer more stuff over to the place every day or so, until he's pretty much entirely moved in.

That sounds like a good plan. But I don't think it'll work for me. I can't really imagine how to move in, other than just moving my bed, clothes, bookcases and tables over there and then worrying about other little stuff later.

Not that I'm worried about any of this stuff. I'm mostly just pondering out loud. If you can call blogging 'out loud'.

I'm at Ken's right now. He's off playing at a funeral. I was going to go with, and then just take his car and do something until he was done. But he never knows how long funerals are going to go, and then we'd both just have to worry about when I should be back, and if he's only going to be there for about an hour, hour and a half, that doesn't leave too much time for me to actually go and do anything. Not that I have anything to do today anyways, since I had a bunch of shifts canceled this week.

Which leaves me here. He has a book on horses that I really want to read, so I might pick that up. He also said I could go out and shoot gophers, which is always fun too. But they also don't seem too active today. At least, I don't see many outside the window. Not enough to make me go outside, anyways.

So there's a moving update, which I know really wasn't much of an update, except to say that it's going to be happening soon. Once we have stuff in, along with some furniture, and get the place cleaned up a bit, I'll give you some pictures. Maybe I'll even steal Graham's camera to give you a video tour.

~Calminaiel~

"I'm really scared about that quote."

My Bad (Just Kidding!)

Hey guys. I'm being lazy again. I'll try to get better, even though I know I say that every time. I think my problem is just that not a lot happens over the summer, so I don't feel like I need to talk about it as much as during the rest of the year.

Anyways, hopefully I can stop beginning posts with that lame shpeal soon.

In other news, I'm blogging on my iPod! I recently got an iPod Touch. 64G, which I know is probably kinda excessive, but I wanted it anyways, and the guy at the Apple store gave me on a deal on it. Future Shop was doing a sale on their iPods, and apparently the Apple store does price matching. Good to know, right?

I'm at Mount Royal now, just waiting for my CYO audition. It's not until 9, and it's only about 7 right now. But Ken has rehearsal just across the road, so I figured instead of dropping him off, driving home, and then driving back, I'd just hang out here for a while. Which was obviously a good idea, cause now I'm blogging.

What else is new? I'm supposed to be moving in sometime this week. That is, if the tile is done and the carpets are cleaned. So that should be an adventure. I really am quite excited, but the whole process is goin a little slow for my liking. But then, I also tend to be a little impatient sometimes, and I've been looking forward to this for quite a while. But I shouldn't complain. There have been times when I've felt a little scared or overwhelmed about moving out, so it's probably a good thing that it's taking a little while. And I really liked spending a couple days with all of us painting the place. Even though I really didn't do as much work as pretty much everyone else. But even so. I thought it really made the place feel like ours. It did for me, anyways.

Once we're properly moved in, and the place has been cleaned up, I'll take a couple pictures and post them here. It was kind of funny when I showed my parents the place, cause we still had tarps, and other post-painting messes kicking around. Mostly all the trays and rollers sitting in the entrance, which must have made a great first impression, I'm sure.

Well, I think I'll leave it at that for now. I promise to regularly give updates on the moving process. After that, the next big thing will be MusiCamp, which I got an email about from the Baron just a few days ago. I've talked about this before, but I'll try to give updates while I'm there, and if I can't, I'll try to keep a journal or something, so I can talk about it when I get back.

Oh, and I still have to plan a backyard party before I leave. Special request from Miranda.

I'm getting pretty good at typing on my iPod. The worst part is the M is pretty close to the backspace, so I will find myself deleting rather than typing an M sometimes.

~Calminaiel~

"I really want to ask him if he ever heard anything."

Today's the Greatest

It is a very rainy day today.

In fact, it is almost the most perfect kind of rainy day. Practically no wind (maybe a slight breeze now and then), and a nice, steady amount of rain. Definitely more than a non-committed spitting, but not quite enough to be considered a down pour. A very nice rain for spring, as it's slow enough for it to actually soak into the ground.

So me and Graham decided to go for a walk down to the corner store with Champ. At first I was going to do my usual thing in the rain, which is wear a jacket to provide warmth, but other than that, just go out and get wet and have fun. However, I tried something new with my hair this morning.

Herbal Essences Tousle Me Softly mousse. The commercials looked very convincing (as is their job) and I've been thinking I should really start opening up to the fact that my hair would like to curl, instead of trying to force it to be straight all the time. So I invested in some of that, which is meant to create waves, and also in the Totally Twisted mousse, which is more for curls. Of course, then I also went online and bought the type of hair dryer extension you're supposed to use for that mousse. Anyways.

The point is that I used the Tousle Me Softly mousse and had a head of messy waves. I wasn't positive that they looked fantastic, but it was something new to try.

So when me and Graham decided to go for a walk, I stepped outside, and suddenly felt like it was an umbrella like day. I know, I'm not usually a big umbrella person. But the day seemed to call for it, and between keeping my hair the way it was, not being sure if it really looked good, and taking the gamble of how it would look after getting rained on and drying...I decided to try to keep it the the way it was.

Walking with an umbrella really was quite fun. I enjoyed myself.

I got back home, and found out that while humidity makes my hair frizzy, cold moisture outside is actually quite good for my curls. My messy waves turned into a sort of halfway-between-messy-and-neat curls. Which I think is kinda cute. Like, it almost looks neat enough to be turned into a fancy up-do, but they're just a little too much on the causally-messy side to actually do it. I'm glad I'm going out tonight so people can see me.

Joel's piece is being played by the CPO tonight, so I'm excited to hear it. I also spend more money than I really needed to on tickets, because I didn't see the cpossibilities option until after I checked out, which kinda sucked. But it's not a huge deal, it's not like the tickets were super expensive anyways, so I'm not too bothered about it. Just slightly.

Champ's now laying in the living room on top of a couple of towels I put down for him. Normally when he's wet we just leave him outside. But I felt bad for putting him outside in the rain, especially when he was so good on his walk in the rain. So I put down a couple of towels so he could lay in the living room with us. The room kinda smells like wet dog, but I'm okay with that.

~Calminaiel~

"And he's pooping."

I'm back!

From nowhere at all. Honestly, being a lazy person, I have no excuse for not posting for so long, other than just being lazy.

To be fair, I haven't had all that much to say. A lot of my life so far this summer is just working and hanging out with people.

Anyways, to make up for my not posting for so long, I shall tell you all about the biggest piece of news I have.

I'm moving out. And I'm pretty excited.

Jocelyn's grandparents own this three bedroom condo, and they're renting it out to her. So the plan is that we're going to have 5 people in this condo. Jocelyn and Greg in one room, me and Ken in another room, and then either Jocelyn's brother or her friend in the last room. I haven't seen the place yet, but Jocelyn says it's a pretty fair sized place. Big enough for five people to live there and not get in each others' space.

Seeing as there will be five people there, rent will be a pretty good deal. Every once in a while I worry about it, but I'm pretty sure once I stop spending money I really don't need to spend, I'll be fine. When I look at my bank statements, most of my withdrawals are for food, coffee, or other things I really didn't need to spend money on. But that's enough of that subject.

We're all pretty excited. It's just a few minutes walk from a train station, so that's super convenient. Apparently it's attached to a rec center, which we'll have full access to, and it also has big rooms we can rent out for parties and stuff. Me and Ken have already done a walk through Ikea, just for some window shopping. We're pretty sure we're going to have lots of fun organizing our room.

So, in other news.

I've discovered, and am starting to appreciate, loose leaf tea. Jocelyn works at Steeps, a tea place in Calgary, which has so many different types and flavors of tea. I'm really having a good time discovering different flavors. And keeping track of my favorites. Ken bought me a very awesome tea mug, which keeps things hot for an entire day. I bought a loose leaf teapot for my mom for Mother's Day. I was debating getting one for myself too, for when I move out, but then Ken reminded me that I'm moving in with Jocelyn, who apparently has quite the extensive teapot collection. So I don't have to worry about that.

I'm apparently going to Banff tomorrow. Ken, his friend Brandon, and his girlfriend Ashley were planning on going to the mountains for a hike or something. I have to work tomorrow evening, but Ken still wanted to invite me. He just texted me tonight and said that they're thinking of just going up for a walk around, lunch, hot springs outing. Which sounds awesome, and should make it pretty easy for us to get back on time for work.

So I hope this makes up a little bit for my recent lack of posting. As I always do when I don't update for a while, I'll try to update more recently, and not suddenly drop off the planet on you guys. Especially when I have no good reason for doing so.

~Calminaiel~

"So I don't need a reason to look at you, but it costs me a kiss?"