Monday, December 17, 2007

The true Christmas spirit

I love Christmas, despite the many concerts that come with it.

Today in band we played a Christmas medley, and Paddock said that anybody who wasn't playing had to sing. So we're playing / singing Christmas carols, and then Waters comes out of his office and starts playing piano along with us.

I think this is the first time that it's actually hit me that it's Christmas...or at least, it's really really close to Christmas.

Yeah, I've been listening to Christmas songs, and talking about it, and thinking of presents, and watching Christmas shows, etc, but it didn't really hit me until today in band class.

It was pretty awesome, I must say.


"Now, what do you mean by 'dancing' and 'subdividing'?


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

For kicks and giggles

Perfect Boyfriend Survey


About how tall would he be - Taller than me.
Shoe size - I don't care.
Skinny or fat - Skinny.
Buff or normal - Hm...either one, although not overly buff.
Six-pack - It would be a perk.
Hair style - Whatever.
Color hair - Doesn't matter.
Eye color - Again, doesn't matter.
Dark, Tan, or Light Skin - See above.
Glasses or contacts - Getting tired of repeating myself...
Piercing - If it works, sure.
Braces or no braces - Either.
Scars - Scars add character...sure, why not...
Eyebrows - Um...yes...?
Big butt or little butt? - As long as it looks good. Although I tend to go for guys who have pretty much no butt whatsoever, so...
Chest hair - Preferably minimal.
Do you really care what he looks like? I guess not. Although I'll admit it is what gets my attention first.


Nice or mean - Nice.
Would he be caring - Of course.
Is he the sensitive type or the kinky type - Mostly sensitive...but a touch of kinkiness does keep things exciting, I will admit.
Would he be afraid to show his feelings - Not overly so.
Jealous type? - Jealous enough, not to the point of being super over-protective.
Flirty - To me, yes.
Protective - Yup, again, not overly so.
Funny or serious - Both.
Outgoing or shy - Both.
Lazy - Lazy enough so that I don't have to feel self-conscious about my own laziness.
Sarcastic or sincere- Both, please.
Music - He'd better be interested in music.


Does he have a lot of girlfriends - Friends who are girls, sure, why not.
Would he hang out with you or his friends - Preferably we'd have mutual friends so it wouldn't be an issue.
Would he hang out with your friends - It'd be nice, of course.
Party or stay home - Party, and then we'd go home. ;) lol
Would he have a lot of friends - Sure, why not.
Smart or stupid - Smart, but not so much that I'm self-conscious around him.
Would he put his friends before you? - If necessary, but not all the time.
Would he drink - Doesn't matter, as long as he's not bent on getting wasted every other night.
Would he smoke? - Nope.
Would he do drugs - Depends on how often and what he's doing.
Would he tell you he loves you - If he means it, yes.
Would he act different around his friends - No, thank you very much.


Hold hands - Oh yes.
Kiss you - It'd be a nice touch, yes.
Hug you from behind - Yes please.
Would he call you 'hunny, sweety, baby' - Another more personal nickname would be nice, but I'll take those as long as he's sincere with them.
Will he open doors for you - Yes he would.
Will he pull out chairs for you - Aw...yes. =)
Would he surprise you - In a good way, of course.
Remember your anniversary - The more important ones, yes.
Would he lay under the stars with you - Definitely.
Watch the sunrise with you - Hell no. That means I'd have to get up early. Let's revise that plan a little...Would he come over before sunrise to be with me as soon as I wake up? Definite yes.
Write love letters - As long as they're sincere and not just corny stuff, yes.
Write poems about you - Ooh, yes please.
Would he cook for you? - Definitely.
Would he sing for you? - Oh yes.

So there you go. If you see anybody who may meet this qualifications, let me know. Hehe.

I must be off to do homework. I actually have to do some tonight. Go figure. Though it still won't be as much as I should get done.


"As in, anybody who will have her."

Thursday, December 06, 2007


Musical Theater did this neat thing before our Beauty and the Beast performances. I thought they were really cool, if not a little confusing in some cases. We did all of these while lying on our backs, with our eyes closed and breathing deeply (which is almost my favorite thing in the world to do).

Journey #1

The situation: Imagine you're lying on the most comfortable couch, with the best material / fabric, and you just sink into it. You realize there's something inside the couch you're laying on. There's a zipper on the front of the cushion, and you unzip it, and reach inside to pull it out. It's something that you need right now. What is your couch like, and what do you pull out of it?

My couch was so amazing. It was pretty much exactly like Miranda's couch, because it's seriously the most comfortable thing I've ever sat on in my life. Except the fabric on the outside was this really fuzzy the stuff on really fuzzy teddy bears, or on the inside of Chloe's / Randall's hoodie. It's so amazing. But when I reached inside, I didn't find anything. When I thought about what I would pull out, my mind totally drew a blank. What does that mean?

I've thought about it for a long time, and my only conclusion is that I'd rather be sleeping on the couch then searching for stuff inside it. =P

Journey #2 (we didn't actually do this one, but Chloe told me about it in the car, so I thought about it)

You're walking down a beach, and you run into your favorite person there. They hand you a fortune cookie. Who is your favorite person, and what does their fortune cookie say?

Okay, so my favorite person ended up being Ryley. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not sure. Anyways, the really confusing part was that the fortune cookie didn't say anything. The paper was just blank. I haven't even thought of an explanation for this one. Maybe he's never said anything really meaningful that would fit on a fortune cookie paper. Who knows. If you can figure this one out, let me know.

Journey #3 (my favorite)

You're in the place where you feel most comfortable, and your favorite person is there. They hand you a rose, but this is a special rose. Every time you pick one of the petals, it says something nice and encouraging to you. When you get to the last petal, it says the best thing, the thing you really need to hear right now. Where is your place, what is your special person, and what is the last message from your rose?

My place was my bedroom. Which makes perfect sense. It's been the place where I feel most comfortable since probably the dawn of time itself. There've been other places where I've felt comfortable, but my room's the only one that really stays consistent. Anyways, my favorite person was Ryley again. Explain that one to me. And while we were thinking about this, I was so scared that my rose just wouldn't say anything, just like I couldn't find anything in my couch, or no message in my fortune cookie. But when it came time for me to pick that last petal off, it did say something. It said "You'll make it. You'll be able to get where you want to go." Which was so great, I loved it so much.

I've figured out that loving someone is different than being in love with them. It's a relieving thing to discover.

I had a claustrophobic moment tonight. It wasn't very enjoyable, especially since I normally don't have a huge personal bubble. Oh well. I lived.


"Good job for...almost...not crying."

Monday, December 03, 2007

My new belief

So, I've discovered that I no longer believe in new beginnings.

I mean, I still believe in, and understand, going through major turning points. But starting new entirely? I don't think so.

Maybe I just have yet to really experience that. But I was at my dad's company's christmas party and somebody made a toast to the end of the year, and to the start of a new year. She went on to blab about new beginnings and such.

As she was saying all that, I found myself thinking 'yeah, new beginning. You keep believing that.'

I guess it's mostly because of almost everything that's happened in 2007. I can't count the number of times over this year I've thought to myself 'Alright, we're going to do this, and then I can just start over.' Like I could just press the 'reload' button on my life.

And I remember each time being let down.


September of grade 11. I assumed we could just move along like the entire summer hadn't happened. Nope.

Band Camp. It seemed like things were going to suddenly be better. Nope.

Mexico. I figured if I could get away for a while and then come back and things would be normal again. Nope.

Spain. Basically the same story as Mexico. Anybody want to take a guess as to whether that worked out?

NYB was the closest thing that worked. Everything else was almost ways of just putting it off, me resisting the fact that I had to actually deal with what was going on in my life, and things wouldn't just work themselves out. I think the major thing that happened to me over the summer of 2006 was that I lost myself. I'm not completely sure how. But I did.

I think I probably talked about this before, back when I got back from NYB last year. But I don't think I told the whole story.

Anyways, I'm pretty sure I blabbed about finding myself and all that. And I remember being so happy over all of NYB. And on the plane home. Because I was all happy that things were finally going to go back to normal again, now that I was me again.

Now, in movies and book, this would be where my life takes a completely turning point, and suddenly everything's all better again, and I'm happy and everything.

Want to know what really happened?

I cried myself to sleep that night. Because when I got home, and began getting ready for bed and thinking of the next morning at school, I realized that this wasn't any different from any other time I had left home and came back expecting things to be perfect again. And for the most part, I was right. True, life was a little better, but it was certainly far from a complete new beginning.

I think it was there where I stopped believing in those. Don't think I'm pessimistic or anything. I do believe that things will always get better eventually. Just not all at once. It has to happen slowly.

Now I really have to finish social essays so I can go to bed.


"We spend some quality bonding time in our dressing room."