Tuesday, April 29, 2008

No words

I'm not good with words. That's a fact. It's just how it is.

How am I dealing with what happened? I didn't know him. I knew of him, but personally, I didn't know him. I'm not like the other people, who are crying, and leaving school.

I want to comfort people who are crying. I want to try to help them. I wanted to go to the room where they were all gathering today. But I didn't know him. I had no place there. I don't feel like I have the right to be with people who are crying. I didn't know him.

Even so, I'm sad. A thoughtful kind of sad.

I didn't move today, after the news came. I sat, attempted to sort out my thoughts, and observed things around me. Some people went of crying, being escorted by teachers and comforted by friends. Some just got up and went on with their life, not being affected by this. Why do I feel like I'm somewhere in between that? Do I have any right to feel like this?

The first thing I wanted to do was go play music. Play for him for the people he left behind...for everything and everybody. But I knew that I couldn't. I can't just sit down and play something. Not like some. My piano's not nearly up to par with anything that would be good enough for him, or anybody else in this situation. Same with bassoon really. Besides, I have no pieces for times like this.

And so I attempted to write during my spare. That came to almost nothing. Words are slightly important when writing, and we've already agreed that I'm no good when it comes to words.

So instead I suppose I shall continue to observe, and keep my thoughts to myself. Sometimes that's the best thing to do with my thoughts.

School has held a strange cage-like feeling today. I can't wait to get out, eat pizza, and forget my life by surrounding myself with an open stage, a listening audience, and all the other aspects of a regular concert.


"What should I make outta wood?"

Monday, April 28, 2008

Flying with no strings attached

I love the feeling.

I don't love the feeling of being pathetic, although by now I really should be used to it. I was totally mooching for a ride home today. Like, not even in a subtle way. In a 'drive me home!' way. Rae, Chloe, both Ransons...I felt kinda bad. And I had almost made up my mind to spend the time and energy required to take the bus, when Ryley conveniently finished packing up at that time. And so I took one last desperate pathetic plea, and Ryley, being the kind and gentle soul that he is, drove me home.

Which I really appreciated, and now I'm attempting to make a deal with myself not to be a pathetic mooch and suck it up, rather than going around begging for rides. I should have thought of that before I decided to wait until grade 12 to get my learners. =P

Of course, making deals with myself doesn't always work. The voice in my head that reminds me to be a good person tends to take long coffee breaks...

Not like good ol' Fred who's always in there, counting away for me. A part of him dies every time we play the beginning of RU Chicken, since two beats mysteriously disappear, and so far I seem to be the only person who's noticed this. It bugs the heck out of me, and Fred, but if the big T. Wats doesn't seem to mind, then maybe I'm wrong. But Fred doesn't think so.

Sometimes I wish I could think on my feet more, and that I was better with words. But oh well.

Sometimes I wish I understood people more than I really do. There's always new things I'm discovering about people that remind me that I really don't know anybody as well as I like to think I do. Even people I think I'm closest to. Is it that I never knew them that well? Or are we just constantly changing, to the point that I don't even realize it until it hits me how much has actually changed?

The only comforting thought to that, is maybe I'm the same way to other people. It's a strange thought for me, simply because it's easy to imagine not knowing a lot about somebody else, but it's hard to me to imagine not knowing about me. Personally, I tend to feel like when I'm talking to somebody, they know everything about me. When they don't. There's a lot more to me than the rest of the world knows, save for a few people. I just always tend to forget that.

It's slightly comforting to think that, although I may think that everybody else in the world thinks on a deeper level than me, maybe there are people out there who think the same about me.

Does that make sense? I don't care. It does to me.

Today for some reason the fullness of summer hit me. I don't know why. It's not summer yet. There's a perfectly good chance that it may even snow again (or a couple times) before summer actually comes (knock on wood). All the snow hasn't melted, the ground is wet, the grass is brown, nothing has really started to grow again. But for some reason, sitting in the band room this morning, the joy of the coming summer just swept onto me, and I was caught up in it for most of the day.

Summer has this one emotion attached to it. I can't explain what it is. Every year something different happens. New friends, getting ditched, feeling accepted, finding love, getting dumped, settling in, going in over your head...whatever it is. Something always happens in the year and I always find myself getting caught up in a whole web of emotions, that I often can't even figure out for myself. Some are old emotions, some are new, some are simply forgotten ones that come back to me. But every year when summer comes back I get this same feeling.

Relief? Happiness? Escape? Invincibility? Weightlessness? I don't even know what to use to describe it.

It's the feeling that I'll finally be able to take my life back into my control. The feeling that I can finally create my own direction and nothing can stop me. The feeling of waking up in the morning and deciding what to do, and then doing it, and yet ending up in a completely different place then what you thought of that morning. The feeling of laying in the yard under the stars, thinking about everything, and nothing, all at the same time. Knowing that whatever has happened, has happened, and there's nothing you can do about it. Knowing that whatever will happen, will happen, and it'll come in it's own time. Knowing that what's happening now is what matters, and is all that should matter.

That's what summer reminds me of. If there was one word to describe the various feelings that come with all of that, I would use it. But maybe there's not.

Summer Dances. I really like that song. That comes really close to describing it. Not only the music itself, but I remember feeling the same way I feel during summer while I was playing that piece.

And now I drag myself from that blissful place of memories and wishes to reality, where I have to get everything done this week since I'm going to be away all of next week.

I agree that we should enjoy ourselves. I can't believe that we're here to work all the time. I wish we had more talks together. I love one-on-one talks. They make my day.


"Should I be worried that there are pictures of me on the internet?"

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Inspired by Replacements

"Okay, Keanu, let's do this acting thing. I mean...football thing..."

"Quickly! Go catch your own pass!"

"Alright Keanu, show me happy...now sad...now joyful...now utterly helpless...now murderous..."

"C'mon, those guys don't have any huge black guys on their side. Just get your two bodyguards to beat them up."

"Wait, I don't get what he just said."
"He said, winners always want the ball."
"Yes, I heard what he said, but I don't get it."

"But he just said he wished he could say something big and inspirational, but that's not his style. And then he went ahead and said something inspirational anyways!"

"And he just magically appears there? Wasn't he just on a boat?"

"Are things really that awkward in real life? Because right now I kinda want to shoot myself. I'm never that awkward."
"Yes, I'm sorry to say, real life is that awkward."
"Well, you happen to be a very awkward person. Or you hang out with really awkward people. I haven't figured out which yet."

"I can't tell...is he happy, or confused? Or thoughtful? Or disappointed?"

"What, does the players' strike affect the cheerleaders as well?"

"So the replacements get them into the playoffs, and then the other players just come back to play? Those guys tipped over his truck! I'd go to them and shout the fact that I'm the reason they're in the playoffs."


"And every night they go to bed, sucking on a sun chip."

Friday, April 25, 2008


Wasn't there a time when people actually believed in things? Truly believe, to the extent where it wasn't even a question of believing, it was just fact. When people believed in things that seem like only fairy tales now. Things like magic and dragons. Like when you were little, and you believed that when nobody was home, your stuffed animals would come alive and have their own adventures in your house. Like that movement out of the corner of your eye, the mysterious sound behind you, or the feeling that even trees and flowers have minds, and voices of their own.

There had to be a time when people believed in all of that. I can't imagine that there wasn't one. How else would we know about it, if somebody hadn't, at some point in time, believed it it?

So when did we stop believing it? When did it got from fact, to rumor, to legend, to myth, and then just to plain fantasy and fairy tales? When did we get so caught up in our own reality that we refuse to believe anything we can't see?

I won't stop believing. In books and movies it's always the people who keep believing who seem to end up with a better outlook on life. I know I'm not in a book or a movie. But we're always being told in English class that the best books and movies are made in an attempt to explain life, or some part of it. So isn't that saying a little something about our attempted 'reality'?

When I go to a magic show, I'll believe it's magic. When I'm driving through the mountains, I'll looks for the caves and crevices that dragons would use to lay eggs. When I go to lakes, I'll believe there are creatures underneath, that rarely show themselves to us. I'll believe my stuffed animals think for themselves, and that even the plants, be them inside or out, converse with each other and have unique personalities and thoughts. I'll believe the movement out of the corner of my eye may be a fairy, or sprite, not just a trick of the light, and I'll believe that the mysterious sound behind me was some woodland creature, curious, but still not daring to get too close, instead of dismissing it as a squirrel or bird. And when I go to 'haunted' places, and hear ghost stories, I will believe them.

Call it childish, or silly. I haven't exactly outgrown either of those titles yet, so I suppose you'd be right to use them.

But you can't stop me.

And I will continue to believe in love, even though there are people who are dismissing that as fantasy as well these days.


"He just stopped the beat..."

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Looking wistfully into the sky

Have you ever just wanted to sit down with somebody and talk forever? Not having to worry about what to say, or when to say it, or knowing that you're eventually going to have to stop talking, and therefore forcing you to try to say everything you want to within that time limit?

I seem to feel this on a regular basis. Not always just for me. Sometimes I just suddenly have the overwhelming urge to ask somebody to go somewhere and have a talk, if nothing else so that I can catch up with them. What's going on with them, in their life, in their thoughts...everything. And then if they want to hear about me, bonus.

Would it seem out of place is I actually did that? If I actually just went up to you and asked if you wanted to go out for once together and just chat? Would you think it was nice? Would you be annoyed? Would you be suspicious?

Sometimes I wish I could find out if people actually wanted to talk to me...life might be a little easier that way. On the other hand, one can argue that it's a risk, and risks must be taken in life. To build character? To learn? I'm not sure. But it's definitely an element in life that's not going to go away anytime soon.

So really, I need to ask myself whether I should keep these feelings inside, and only wish to talk to you, or should I take the chance of whatever you may think of me, and just ask you? The big question is, should I take the risk?

Actually, the bigger question is, why not?

Here I thought I had so much to talk about, and now my mind is drawing a blank...

Choir trip was so much fun. What with the lack of sleep, the inside jokes, and the general constant activity, I enjoyed it so much, and it was a great break from life in general.

And all the churches we visited also made me think a lot. They were absolutely gorgeous. And they were all so wide open and amazing. They all had kind of the same air too. Like, it's an enclosed building and everything, but even so, the air felt...not like you were inside. But at the same time, you still knew you were. St. Joseph's Oratory was probably one of the more amazing ones. The air at the top felt fresh, but at the same time, you could smell all the stone around you, which gave it an old feeling as well. I lit a candle in there. It created some conflicting thoughts for me. Thought A) It is a catholic church. And it is quite a traditional ceremony they do there for lighting candles. Does God mind if I don't light the candle in the strict / certain way that you're supposed to, according to the tradition? And does the fact that I'm not catholic matter? Thought B) God loves you. No matter what. So wouldn't he love me for doing this, as long as I'm sincere about doing it?

I think a bunch of us walked out of that place a little more thoughtful than before. Or maybe not more thoughtful, just filled with different thoughts. The kind that take a couple days to digest before you can really start to understand them.

I still haven't figured out my thoughts about the church in old Montreal. That one had another feeling to it, and I can't figure it out yet.

Speaking of air, the library in the Parliament building had amazing air. It was the same as the churches, with the feeling of being outside when you're not. But you could smell all the wood around you. Think of the smell of wood when you're right up against it. That was the smell of the whole room. If I had closed my eyes it would have seemed like it was right in front of me, when I was really in the middle of the room (or as close as I could get). Except there was no way I was going to close my eyes, because that place was beautiful. If there was ever a place that I could imagine myself curling up with a book for hours on end, that would be the place.

It's such a shame that some of the most amazing places on earth either have restricted access, or you have to pay to have a five minute glimpse of it. I can't even express my disappointment at that.

As for now, I should get to bed. I had a fever last night, and my throat still hurts, especially when I swallow. The extra sleep did my some good. At least I felt like doing more than just laying in bed. And my headache is slowly fading, although I also think that might be mostly because I'm dehydrated. Hopefully if I go to bed a little earlier tonight, I'll be okay for tomorrow. At least okay enough to actually go to school, which I wasn't today.

Luckily, Randall's a lifesaver and rescues me in every aspect when it comes to school. I hope she knows how much I appreciate it.

I'm really bad at expressing things like that. Appreciation, gratitude, consolation...almost everything. I'm just really bad at expressing things. Especially when it comes to words.

Maybe that's why I'm single...or still single...=P

Anyways, sleep.


"No inappropriate touching in my grad dress."
"Fuck...you're twisting my arm..."

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Stalling for time

I was at the university today, sitting in a practice room with Melissa, listening to Heather and Mike play Nicole's composition for her. It was really fun. At some point in there it suddenly hit me how I was in a room with people I've looked up to for over a year, and just hanging out with them and having fun. I don't know why it hit me so hard at that moment, I've been hanging out with them all year. But this time we were all in one little place. I dunno. It was neat.

It also made me insanely happy. One of those bursts of joy moments and I was only slightly disappointed that I wasn't in a position where I could express it. But it was awesome. It also hit me how I'm going to be like them next year. It's such a neat feeling. There are so many things I think and dream about. I've been thinking about being a university music student like them for so long. And now suddenly I'm almost there. On the one hand, it doesn't seem as big a deal...but at the same time, it totally is.

I'm so excited.

Remember when I was talking about judging people? I realized I do this the most in public bathrooms. Not kidding. I generally see two types of people in the bathrooms. There are girls who are there for the sole purpose of actually using the bathroom for what it's there for. And I don't mind them. And then there are the girls who stand in front of the mirror doing their hair, or their make-up, and complaining about their hair and make-up if they have friends there with them. And I instantly have little to no respect for them. Actually. I'm really not sure why I have this inexplicable dislike of girls who stand in front of the mirror in public bathrooms worrying about how they look.

I mean, really worrying about how they look. I have no problem with just the flattening hair business. I do that all the time. But that takes two seconds. Glance at yourself, smooth hair down with hand, and you're done. But actually attempting to style your hair in the bathroom? No.

Maybe it's just because I care very little about how I look at school. I'll make sure I look presentable before I leave the house and everything, but it's not like I walk around at school thinking I have to be ready for a photo shoot at every corner.

I've probably ranted about this enough for you to get the point. I should probably stop while I'm ahead.

Time to go pack.


"Aren't we supposed to come in from opposite sides of the stage? And wasn't that our cue?"

Monday, April 14, 2008


Arg. I couldn't sit still today. Actually. It was annoying.

I just want to forget about all the crap I have to do.

Planning stuff for grad, such as I have to.

Registering for university courses (before I've even graduated high school!?)

Planning end of the year stuff.

Planning other end of the year stuff.

Planning more stuff.

On the bright side, I know there will always be little breaks here and there where I can just forget about it all, and relax. As much as I can.

Three Hills?! Honestly? C'mon now, this can't be serious. It just can't be. I need somebody to tell me it's not. =P It's just another thing that's been added on my plate. It's hilarious. But at the same time, did I really need to hear that call?

No. But thanks for the thought.

And when will I realize that telling my friends makes everything better? I think it's a lesson that I will constantly be reminded of, even if I may not always remember it. It will keep coming back to me. Thankfully.


"Does anybody just want to cut out my uterus? Because at this point, that would be less painful than what I'm experiencing right now."

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Life is silly

It's very true.

It really bugs me how throughout the day I hear and think of so many awesome and funny things, and then when I sit down here I can't remember any of them.

I like the word condiment. My dad thinks it's just because it sounds like condom. That's okay with me. Anything that sounds like condom can't be a bad thing, can it?

I love how British people say condom. It makes me laugh.

And to anybody who's curious, when my status on msn is set to Be Right Back, it's really just a vague way of me saying that I'm not constantly on the computer. Rather, I'm probably wandering between it, and the kitchen, and the TV, doing various things at once.

Oh, to be in my house when hockey's not going right...it's not a pretty sight.


"He's so racist. He only likes the white potatoes and none of the other coloured ones."

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Meaningless flirting and unnecessary questions

How I do enjoy both of them.

I'm really only here because I'm not sure what else to do with myself. I kinda want to stay on the computer and chat, and post pictures that I should have posted about two weeks ago. But at the same time, I'm kinda ready to cut myself away from the world and go to bed for a while.

Part of that one is probably because I just watched Sweeney Todd. Enough said.

I hate bad moods so much. So much. You cannot understand the depth of my dislike for them. It burns in my very heart and soul.

Seriously. When I'm in a bad mood, I generally get really quiet and unresponsive and such. And then people think I'm mad at them, or that they did something wrong, or that I don't like that, and that's really not the case. I'm just in a horrible mood because something happened.

I have learned some things about bad moods. I've tried suppressing them, and just being constantly happy. That does not end well. I don't suppress things very well, and when I try to, it all comes out eventually, and then about 10 times worse than before. I'd really love to be the person who's always happy and bubbly at every time of the day. I'm sorry I can't be that way. I really am.

The problem is, when I try to suppress things, they still come out, as stated above. And then people obviously know something's wrong. But I'm being stupid at that point, and still believing I can just make these bad moods go away if I want to. So at that point if people ask my what's wrong, I just say nothing's wrong. They don't believe me, and I don't believe me, and again, things just start falling apart. It's not pretty.

So I like to think I've learned that when people notice something's wrong, and they ask me, I just tell them what it is. And you know, surprisingly enough, I usually feel better after I tell people what's going on.

The only problem with that plan, is when people don't notice that something's wrong. Or when they assume it's them or something. Then things start falling apart anyways. And I always feel really bad when I make people feel like I hate them, or like they did something wrong. I'm just sometimes really bad at opening up about what's bugging me if people don't actually ask.

This is probably a really pointless topic that's doing nobody any good. But it's been on my mind for a while. So there you go.

I'm sorry. I hope you know I'm really sorry. Except you don't, because I'm an idiot and putting this on my blog instead of actually talking to you, when you're clearly online right now. But I know you read this. Just like I read yours. I'm horrible at confrontation, which really isn't a good habit to get into. But I'm sorry.

Sometimes I wish I could either A) read minds, B) be a better person, or C)...be a better person.

That being said, I'm off to bed, where I will ponder how I can actually succeed in life.



Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Begging on my knees

Please don't make me feel useless for the rest of the month. Please don't make me feel like I did today. I've done the best I can, and I was just starting to feel like I was helping, rather than holding back. And now one thing happens and suddenly it seems like I'm more of a nuisance than anything.

I don't have anything against this, and it's not like I hold other things higher than it. But the fact of my life is that sometimes I have to choose between two things, and I can't have both. Either way, I was going to have to disappoint somebody by telling them I chose the other one over this. I'm sorry that this was the one to go. It's not always this way.

So please don't make me feel like I'm the bad guy in all of this. I already feel like that every time I think of this situation.

I don't want to think of this anymore. It was bad enough today. I can't stand the thought of feeling like this at least three times a week for the next month.

Oh, and by the way, Rae, when I said there are no beds in the forest, I was implying that that's almost the only difference between the possible hotel situation and the forest. =P

I need to do work. I need actual motivation to do work. On the bright side, I kinda cleaned my room, so I have room to practice now.

Pirate talked to me for the first time today. He's still a little intimidating, but not quite as much anymore. It was still surprising, though. I certainly didn't expect it.

I'm crossing my fingers, hoping tomorrow goes alright. I remember the days when I didn't enjoy those few hours at all. I hope things don't revert back to that.

Mornings suck. Don't make them suck any more than they already do for me.


"I learned all my life lessons at preschool."

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Some random thoughts

In approximately 24 hours, Ryley will be on stage for the Junos. I'll be on stage in a church, getting payed to play a concert.

I'm really excited for him. It's so awesome. Plus, it makes me practically famous. =)

Last night I found it only slightly depressing. He's doing that amazing thing, and here I am. In need of reeds. My teacher telling me to play better. Attempting to make time to practice and mostly failing.

Then I found out that I can't even watch him because I've got a concert to play. I'm getting paid for it, but still. So I'm definitely not happy about that. That's even more depressing than the previous thought.

But just 2 minutes ago (almost exactly) I realized what I first said here. At almost the same time, we'll be in separate places, but still doing what we love to do, and making our place in the world with it.

This is the kind of thought I'd like to expand on, but I can't do with within the next half an hour (which is about all I have), and try to get ready to do homework at the same time. So I'll reserve a space in my head for this thought and ponder it later.

As a side note, parents should not be allowed to criticize their children's friends. In general, it's dangerous to criticize people, unless you're absolutely sure that the person you're talking to agrees with you. Why does it seem like I'm always put in the position of talking to someone who ends up criticizing somebody I happen to be friends with, in one way or another?

Also, I love when people respond to a cry for help. Even a little tiny one. And even if it's not doing anything more than letting you know that they've seen your cry for help. Even that makes a little difference. Thanks Hales.

I really really want to keep thinking about the above thought, even though the only significance it would have would be obscure, and probably only make sense to me. But still. Anyways, I know I have limited time, and I'm really bad at expanding thoughts in limited time. I just end up going over the same things in my head and trying to force something out of it, which never really works.

Wish me luck on all the various things I have to get done before Monday.



Thursday, April 03, 2008

Ups and downs

Today wasn't so much about ups and downs, but rather one big up, one giant down, and then gradually going back up again. Not quite dramatic as the title may suggest.

This morning started out great. After wind ensemble, of course. If I'm ever feeling 'great' at 7:30 in the morning, kill me, because I'm obvious an impostor who's kidnapped the real me somewhere dark and cold with little food or water.

I think the only reason I had so much energy was because of the massive band we were joining for the Junos. Which was fun. But more about that later.

So, first period, went out with Chloe and Rae to Phil's for breakfast. Yummy, although now I have exactly 6 cents in cash. So, naturally, after that we went to Starbucks. And, naturally, I resorted to my debit card. =P

Second period, figured out some piano stuff for Rae and Gaby. Mostly just hung out with Henry, Kelsk, Aidan, and eventually Chelsea in the band room.

PS: I found out something amazing during tutorials. Earth-shattering almost. In a good way. It made me really happy, I can't lie.

A few times today I've found myself opening up to people, on random subjects that I would normally reserve for only a few close people. Is this a good thing, or a band thing? I'm not sure.

Mass band: so much fun. Slightly chaotic, but not as much as I expected. Out of all the schools there, there were 14 bassoons. And six of us were from Abe. Go us. To be honest, they really weren't very talkative, except this one girl who smiled a lot, and another adorable grade 9 who seemed really keen. She had the whole Weissenborn study book photocopied, and was playing through it. And she doesn't even take lessons. She's awesome. I think her name was Vanessa. She's so cute. And tiny. I love her.

After that was suddenly became amazingly tired. Choir was frustrating. I basically couldn't sing anything above an F or so. Probably because I was screaming and yelling and stuff at mass band. But oh well. I'll live.

Afterwards, when the parents came in the for meeting, I kinda had a scary panic attack. There were parents coming through the door, and kids trying to get out, and me, Rae, and Gaby trying to get to the practice room, and there were people everywhere bumping into other people, and stumbling, and closing in...it was really horrible.

The practice room was a little better, although people kept wanting to come in and listen, and I really wasn't in the mood to have even more people in a small room. But they were really quiet, so I was able to face away from them while playing piano, and just imagine that it was only me, Rae and Gaby in the room, which helped a little.

It's also frustrating how I want to help those two so much, but their audition comes in kind of an impossible time for me. So we've kinda talked about how we can work our way around this, and I really hope everything comes out alright.

Afterwards, there were still too many people in the band room, including chairs and any assortment of other general stuff lying around. I had a really huge personal bubble at this point, which is kinda rare for me. So I was in a really bad mood. I kinda talked to Stephen about it, mostly just because he asked what was going on, and because he was keeping a suitable distance away from me. =P

My mom also thought I was mad at her, and when we got home she tried to apologize again, and insist that it was no big deal, and I kinda blew up at her, simply because she assumed I was fuming at her, when really I was just still shaken up by the whole crowd thing. But after that they left me alone, and she and Graham had to go to a rehearsal, and my Dad had to go to some county Juno party thing, so I had the whole house to myself. Which really helped. Along with the shower. I'm better now.

I also got to play some piano today, which I haven't done in a while. That was nice.

Sometimes, I feel like I need someone just to tell me when to stop talking. At the time it always seems fine, but after the conversation, I find myself thinking...should I have really told them that? Really? And then I kinda want to tell somebody else about that, but then I'm not sure if I really want to bring it up again...and blah. Oh well.


"He's my gay almost-boyfriend."

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

An ongoing thought

Something I've had in my head for the past couple weeks, and yet every night I've sat at the computer and gone, naw, I have nothing to blog about. And then next day, in the middle of the day, I'll remember. And by the time I'm at my computer, I'm thinking I have nothing to blog about. So here you go.

It's been occurring to me lately how much we judge people. Everybody in general. Even the nicest person in the world judges people every day, I'm sure. And I do it so much. I've only been realizing this lately.

Think about it. Some girl will walk by, and you'll go, 'how can she wear that?' or 'does she seriously need that much makeup?' Recently I've discovered that every time I see a girl in the bathroom at school doing makeup or anything really in front of a mirror, I want to roll my eyes, and I immediately think, typical high school girl. And you know, there's probably more to her than I know. (I do say probably...there's always the chance at high school that there actually isn't any more...that's high school for you.)

Anyways, it's just be incredible how much I've discovered I judge other people, without knowing anything about them at all. People probably do the same to me.

But you know why that doesn't bother me so much? Because all those people I judge every day, I only have that one passing thought, and then I usually never think about them again. Ever.

This has no real point to it. But this is my blog, so I don't care. =P

Yes Randall, Rascal Flatts was amazing. To be honest though, I really did like their last show better. But I think that's probably mostly because I knew all their songs last year, and this year they played a lot off their new album, which I haven't heard. But I think they also played more up-beat songs last year. Oh well. It was still a good show. And the guy beside us was actually pretty funny.

And...I suppose that's my story for the night. I seem to recall having another tip for guys in my head, but I can't remember it now.

PS...I forgot how much I really like flirting...especially if the guy is willing to flirt back. Does that make me pathetic?

Either way...I really don't care. =P

And by the way, I have the coolest grandma ever. Memory from November. Good times.


"Hey, you can't hit on my almost-girlfriend."
"Do you mind if I hit on you?"