Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I Cry a Lot

I really need to get back into doing blog things, other than just posting, which I don't even do that often. Mainly, reading other people's blogs. I try to do this on a regular basis, but I still don't feel like I'm doing it enough. Although apparently my brother has started blogging on a regular basis, so I'm definitely going to have to get in on that action.

Also, Ken's parents are on vacation. Which means all the time I should be spending on moving out, I'm actually spending on living at his place. It's really slightly less than productive.

Anyways, I've been promising to keep up with updates when something actually happens, so here I am.

Sunday night, me and Ken decided to go out and saddle up a horse for me. Why we decided to do this in the evening, just as the sun was setting when the bugs are t their worst, I don't really know. Probably because I haven't ridden in a while, and Ken was actually in the mood to go out there, so I wasn't about to stop us.

We brushed and saddled Jake, cause so far he's the only one I've ridden. Ken also sprayed the other horses with bug spray, which they don't entirely appreciate, but I'm sure they like the break from the bugs for a while.

I walked Jake around for a little bit, but ever since I went riding last time (which was a while ago) I've been thinking about getting better at trotting. I got Jake to trot a couple times last time, but I didn't really get into the rhythm of it. I just kinda bounced around on top, which made it feel a lot like an amusement park ride but without a safety bar to hold on to.

So we're not really sure what happened next. Probably a combination of him being slightly agitated by bugs, and me riding with my boots for the first time, which probably felt different than my shoes, and the saddle not being on quite as tight as it probably should have been...anyways, the point is, I'm not really sure what happened, but I went to nudge Jake into a trot, and he kinda took off on me. And when he got to the fence and swung to the side, I fell off.

Now, falling off a horse is a different experience than I've ever had before. I don't actually remember the falling part. I remember being on Jake has he turned at the fence, and then I was on the ground. I faintly recall having a vague thought something along the lines of "Horses are really tall." before the pain kicked in.

I heard Ken talk to Jake, and go calm him down and take his saddle off. I think I was registering whether my body was still working. And since all my limbs were bending the right way, at the right places, and I wasn't in any excruciating pain, I concluded that I wasn't badly hurt. The side of my back down to my butt hurt pretty bad, where I hit the ground. But it was mostly just a bad throbbing pain, nothing super sharp.

I believe it was about the time Ken came over to me that I started to cry. At first it was mostly just the first feeling of pain and the whole shock of the fall that started it. But that reason for crying really only lasted maybe a minute. Which for some reason I seem to think it should have lasted more. But more on that later.

I feel pretty silly about the main reasons I was crying. To be fair, when I start crying, I tend to continue crying on pretty irrational reasons. I was really disappointed that I did something wrong, and how this is the second time Jake's taken off on me, and how he probably really doesn't like me, and how Ken's never going to want to put me on a horse again, and mostly just how I fell of Jake, and that Jake threw me off in general.

When I calmed down a little, Ken corrected most of these thoughts without me having to voice any of them. I also corrected a few of them myself. This is the second time Jake's taken off on me, but the first time was a problem with the saddle, not necessarily anything I did (although I did hit his backside when I was mounting him that time...but that's not the point). Ken says Jake does like me, and horses generally do feel a little bad when their riders fall off, and they understand that something didn't go right. I don't think he specifically said he would take me riding again, but I sort of came to that conclusion myself.

And finally he told me that Jake didn't intentionally try to throw me off, something just didn't go right. And to be honest, I probably should have walked him around more before trying to get him into a trot. But I was just so excited to be on a horse again! Which I wonder if that may have resulted in me kicking him a little harder than last time...but then, I was also using last time as an example, when I had to nudge him quite a few times to finally encourage him to trot. Silly horse.

But no harm was done to me, besides having a sore back for the last couple days. Like Dad says, I'm young, I can take it. Mom got weepy when I told her the story, but Mom gets weepy about everything.

After I stopped crying, Ken went out to clean up the saddle and let the horses go. He just brought me straight inside and left them all in the corral. I asked to go out, because I had this urge to see Jake again. Maybe this is common when somebody falls off a horse. Ken said he was going to leave that for the morning, but I could come out if I wanted to. So I did, and as soon as I saw Jake I started crying again. I still felt bad for...falling off him? Honestly, my dominant feeling at the moment was wanting to apologize to him for falling off.

So I started crying all over again, which made me feel super ridiculous. But Ken let me stand there and hug him for a while, and brush the bugs off him. Then we let the horses out, and I went inside to fill out a self-evaluation for my annual review at work.

Anyways, it was an odd experience, because that night I basically alternated between thinking about how scary it really was having him take off on me, and wanting to just get back up on that saddle (literally) and try it again. I mean, maybe not try trotting right away again. But I definitely want to get on him and keep working at getting comfortable with him when he's walking, and hopefully build up to trotting. In a better way than I obviously did this time.

Even just an hour or so after falling, when Ken was telling me how he's not sure about Jake, since he's on of the oldest of their horses and had the most training, he usually puts new riders on him, but lately he's had a few people fall off him. I told him I'd ride Jake again. And I'm looking forward to riding Jake again.

I'm going to try not to over think this whole thing too much, since I have a terrible time of doing that. But it was definitely a new experience, so I figured it deserved telling in full.

Side story: just as I was starting to finish crying in the house, I realized the inside seam of my pants had ripped while falling off. I mentioned this to Ken, and he made a joke that we're fix it using a piece of Jake's hide. This joke sent me into a full round of hysterical laughter, mixed with a new round of hysterical sobbing. It had to be one of the weirdest feelings I've ever had, and I wonder what Ken was thinking of it. As soon as my body was willing to let me speak again, I told Ken that Jake really wouldn't like me after that.


"But it wasn't just talking, it was crazy menopausal talking."

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Gah, it's real

Jocelyn texted Ken this morning to tell him that she's moving into the condo today and tomorrow. Which means we can start moving in anytime. Well, we always had the option to start moving in anytime, but she knew that we were sort of waiting for her to go first, as it were.

So. That means it's actually happening.

I mean, I always knew it was actually happening. Especially once I saw the place, got a key, etc. But...I don't know. I know Rae understands this feeling, because she told me she felt the same way. I'll do my best to explain it now.

I'm experiencing a lot of emotions from this whole moving out deal. And this is just the pre-actual-moving stage, so I have no idea how I'm going to feel after that happens. But anyways. Mostly, I've been excited, as most people know. Sometimes I'm a little terrified. Not because I don't think I can do it, but just because it's going to be a change, and it'll be different. And changes and different experiences are always a little frightening, at least for me.

But it's mostly been excitement. Truth be told, I've been wanting to move out for the past little while (mostly just the last year or so) and this is a great opportunity. I didn't want to move out cause I don't enjoy living with my family (well...usually). I just felt like I wanted to see what it was like having a place, and what not.

So for the past few months I've almost had that 'too good to be true' feeling. I mean, it's a really fair sized place, decent location, living with a bunch of friends, living with Ken, great deal on rent. I sort of felt like if I talked too much about it, or got too excited about it, I'd jinx it, and it wouldn't happen somehow.

Lately that feeling's been going away, as we paint the place, and as I show my parents, and basically as the whole thing becomes more real, and less like just a bunch of plans.

So now all that seems to be left is to truck all my stuff over there.

The problem is, Ken seems to be content with some plan to move in slowly. That is, he'll just sort of transfer more stuff over to the place every day or so, until he's pretty much entirely moved in.

That sounds like a good plan. But I don't think it'll work for me. I can't really imagine how to move in, other than just moving my bed, clothes, bookcases and tables over there and then worrying about other little stuff later.

Not that I'm worried about any of this stuff. I'm mostly just pondering out loud. If you can call blogging 'out loud'.

I'm at Ken's right now. He's off playing at a funeral. I was going to go with, and then just take his car and do something until he was done. But he never knows how long funerals are going to go, and then we'd both just have to worry about when I should be back, and if he's only going to be there for about an hour, hour and a half, that doesn't leave too much time for me to actually go and do anything. Not that I have anything to do today anyways, since I had a bunch of shifts canceled this week.

Which leaves me here. He has a book on horses that I really want to read, so I might pick that up. He also said I could go out and shoot gophers, which is always fun too. But they also don't seem too active today. At least, I don't see many outside the window. Not enough to make me go outside, anyways.

So there's a moving update, which I know really wasn't much of an update, except to say that it's going to be happening soon. Once we have stuff in, along with some furniture, and get the place cleaned up a bit, I'll give you some pictures. Maybe I'll even steal Graham's camera to give you a video tour.


"I'm really scared about that quote."

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My Bad (Just Kidding!)

Hey guys. I'm being lazy again. I'll try to get better, even though I know I say that every time. I think my problem is just that not a lot happens over the summer, so I don't feel like I need to talk about it as much as during the rest of the year.

Anyways, hopefully I can stop beginning posts with that lame shpeal soon.

In other news, I'm blogging on my iPod! I recently got an iPod Touch. 64G, which I know is probably kinda excessive, but I wanted it anyways, and the guy at the Apple store gave me on a deal on it. Future Shop was doing a sale on their iPods, and apparently the Apple store does price matching. Good to know, right?

I'm at Mount Royal now, just waiting for my CYO audition. It's not until 9, and it's only about 7 right now. But Ken has rehearsal just across the road, so I figured instead of dropping him off, driving home, and then driving back, I'd just hang out here for a while. Which was obviously a good idea, cause now I'm blogging.

What else is new? I'm supposed to be moving in sometime this week. That is, if the tile is done and the carpets are cleaned. So that should be an adventure. I really am quite excited, but the whole process is goin a little slow for my liking. But then, I also tend to be a little impatient sometimes, and I've been looking forward to this for quite a while. But I shouldn't complain. There have been times when I've felt a little scared or overwhelmed about moving out, so it's probably a good thing that it's taking a little while. And I really liked spending a couple days with all of us painting the place. Even though I really didn't do as much work as pretty much everyone else. But even so. I thought it really made the place feel like ours. It did for me, anyways.

Once we're properly moved in, and the place has been cleaned up, I'll take a couple pictures and post them here. It was kind of funny when I showed my parents the place, cause we still had tarps, and other post-painting messes kicking around. Mostly all the trays and rollers sitting in the entrance, which must have made a great first impression, I'm sure.

Well, I think I'll leave it at that for now. I promise to regularly give updates on the moving process. After that, the next big thing will be MusiCamp, which I got an email about from the Baron just a few days ago. I've talked about this before, but I'll try to give updates while I'm there, and if I can't, I'll try to keep a journal or something, so I can talk about it when I get back.

Oh, and I still have to plan a backyard party before I leave. Special request from Miranda.

I'm getting pretty good at typing on my iPod. The worst part is the M is pretty close to the backspace, so I will find myself deleting rather than typing an M sometimes.


"I really want to ask him if he ever heard anything."