Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Restless with Questions

Oh dear. I can't sit still at all, and my attention span is deserting me. It's not going to be good for this last little while of school. Really. I've lost interest completely. I spent 80 minutes in math today bouncing my knees because I couldn't sit still. In physics I spent almost the whole time playing with equipment for labs that weren't even related to the lab we were supposed to be doing. I've turned into a 5 year old again. =P Too bad I haven't turned as cute as I was when I was 5. Then I could get away with anything. lol. So wish me luck for the rest of the year, as little as it is.

Why is this affecting me so much? It's completely crazy. What am I going to be like next year? Hm...best not to think about that right now. But still. It's so weird. And I guess I'm lying a little bit. I do kinda know what it's affecting me so much, but it's not a pleasant thought, so I'm going to remain in denial. Maybe if I just don't think about it, I'll just naturally figure it out, and...hm, I dunno. We'll see I guess. Blah. Okay, no more talking about this or I'll start thinking about it.

And when did I get swept into my own little world of band drama? It's nothing super big or anything, but still. It's more then I've had over the past...4 years, pretty much. Interesting.

Who was I singing for this morning? That question I actually know the answer to. I was actually singing to a few people, but there was actually one in particular that was the main focus. I was mostly singing to somebody who's become a really good friend since I came into high school. A friend who's been willing to listen when I need to talk, and willing to give advice when I need it. I didn't even realize how good of friends we had become until I found myself wanting to talk to them more and more. We've had our rough times, all friends have, I believe. And I won't lie, it was mostly my fault. But when I was finally ready to come back and be friends, they were more then willing, and that meant a lot to me. There's not many people who will stick around when you need time to figure things out. And some people, when you finally figure things out, you realize can't stick around, because things are different. But that's a subject for another time. When things changed, we were still friends. Now things are changing again and I hope we can stay friends, because I don't like to lose friends, no matter what happens.

And for those of you who want to know what I'm actually talking about instead of just vague references...too bad. =P Confusing people is fun. =) Some people know what I'm talking about, I'm sure they do. That's good enough for me.


"What do you think would happen if I just broke out into a Children's March solo in the middle of Pomp and Circumstance?"

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Things to Remember:

Never stop talking to your friend. Never. Anybody that you want to keep close to, don't ever think it's okay just to cut off communications for a while. I learned that at least once the hard way, and I almost feel like I barely dodged another bullet. So don't ever stop talking to friends for any reason.

Don't be afraid to open up a little bit every once in a while. I know it's not pleasent to feel like everybody knows everything about you, but if you just open up a little bit to a friend, and then maybe a little bit to another friend, it just makes life that much easier. It's really not worth it to hold everything inside all the time.

"Don't cry, always look on the bright side." For the record, never believe that statement. It's actually really stupid. If you need to cry, please just do it. Life's too short to hold things in, for whatever reason. Just let them out. It's the easiest way to move on. You're body can't heal if poison from a cut. bite, whatever, is kept inside. Why should life be any different? It's not. Let it out, so you can keep living. Being happy all the time isn't living. It's acting. And all roles get old eventually.

Who cares what other people think of you? Honestly. If you're surrounded by an awesome group of friends, who cares what anybody else thinks of you? And if your group of friends really is that awesome, they'll stick with you no matter what happens.

Just, in general, life is too short to worry a lot. Sure, there will still be worrying, there always will be. There'll be stress, tears, all that jazz. But life's too short to focus on those short periods of time when things are going downhill.

I could probably go on for a lot longer on this subject. But that's mostly what I wanted to get down from now. And looking at this, I could actually use some of my own points to, hopefully, turn my life into what I'd like it to be. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with my life as it is. But even so, there are certain elements of it that I would like to see different. And life's too short to simply accept the things that you might be able to change. I know I can't instantly make things better tomorrow, or the next day, or maybe even in the next few months. But maybe if I can just keep those things in mind, maybe slowly I can start to make my life even better.

I dunno, maybe I'm pushing my luck. Maybe I should just be happy with what I have. And I am. But somebody once told me if you know you want something, then think about it. Think about it when you wake up, and before you fall asleep. Think about what it'd be like to have it, and just generally keep it in mind. One day it'll come. They said it almost always worked for them.

I think I'll try it.


"Experience is the hardest teacher. It gives the test first, and the lesson afterwards."

Friday, May 25, 2007

Pirates of the Caribbean 3!

Yes, I just got back from seeing Pirates of the Caribbean 3! It's so amazing, I love it so much. Be careful if you're going to continue reading, there may be some slight spoilers. So, if you're not willing to take that risk, you'd better just stop reading.

Anyways. I found the perfect way to describe that movie. You know in the first / second movie, where Jack always seems to switch sides, and you're never quite sure who he's with, or if he's even with anybody at all? Well, it's exactly like that in the third movie, only twice as bad...and with everybody, not just Jack. It can actually get quite confusing, because I could hardly ever remember who was supposedly 'sided' with who. But it was so great.

There were some parts where I swear, I thought Jack had seriously lost it this time. I'm not sure if he really is losing it moreso then before, or maybe we're just seeing a side of Jack that was always there. Either way, it was slightly odd. But still very awesome.

Okay, at the very end, Will totally looks amazing as a pirate! Seriously! I mean, it's just like...woah...I mean, I'm not even going to go into the feelings that brings out. =P However, I was slightly dissapointed by the ending situation between him and Elizabeth. It's just slightly...yeah, dissapointing. But, Will totally makes up for it, by looking amazing as a pirate. I mean, honestly...my brother said he inspires to look like that one day. I inspire to date somebody who looks like that one day...lol. But seriously, if a pirate like Will ever comes to my door...I'll have no choice but to go out with him. =P

Oh, wow, I could go on and on, but I think I'm going to stop. Oh, except for the music! It was soo cool, I love Hans Zimmer soo much. I must buy that soundtrack. My favorite bit of music is pretty much during the whole battle scene at the end of the movie. Very amazing. And there was one part near the beginning where you could totally hear the bassoon. It was pretty awesome.

So amazing...I love pirates. Especially ones that look like Will. Oh, we also got to see shirtless Jack briefly, which I think was also a bonus. Wasn't quite as awesome as Pirate Will, but still pretty cool.

Alright, must finish up business on the computer so I can hopefully get off and get a have decent sleep before orchestra tomorrow.


"Playing Pomp and Circumstance is like the right of passage into grade 12...you have to sit through it, and play it, all the while knowing the grade 12s are going to be walking as slowly as possible. Just remember that we get to do that next year..."

Thursday, May 24, 2007


Yay, I'm actually posting again. It's later then it usually is when I post...but I really should get back into the habit of posting more often, or I might have a few people a little angry with me...=P

Not that I have much to say really. I should have done something productive today. I didn't. Oh well. I did have my audition today for Academy and CYO. I think it went pretty well. At least, I didn't come out feeling like I had completely failed, so that's something. And then Aidan was right after me, so I stuck around to hear his audition. He sounded quite good. I hope he gets in, that'll be so much fun.

I actually did very little work today. I skipped physics, because I missed most of it because of my audition anyways, so I just didn't really rush to school, and I conveniently missed the whole period. I did almost nothing in french, other then think up a single idea for a project, which was later useless anyways, because me and Randall joined up with Steph, Sarah, and Emily. Speaking of which, I need to memorize my french lines (all two of them) for tomorrow...=P

I studied for math in english, and then watched presentations. And then I took our cumulatif test in math. =P I didn't really like it...but I didn't come out of it feeling too horrible...I guess we'll see. But I really don't need another math test bringing my mark down...I'm pretty much as far down as I can risk right now, so I really need to start pulling my mark up.

This next little while is going to be so hard. I don't know why this seems like it's so hard on me, but it really does. Everytime I really think of the grade 12s leaving, I seriously feel like crying. It's actually kinda weird. But still. It wasn't like this in jr. high...but I guess I wasn't super attached to the grade 9s like I am to the grade 12s. I mean, we won't have Alisair, or Shayne, or Andrea...what will we do without Andrea? If it wasn't for Andrea, I don't even know where I'd be right now...she's pretty much the person I always go to when I don't know what's going on. How will the band (and band council) manage without her? I mean, she does everything, she organizes everything, and finds out everything we need to know...I just can't imagine the band without her.

What will wind ensemble be like without the grade 12s? There wasn't a great interest in it from this years grade 10s. It's a lot smaller then it was last year, and from the looks of things, it might possibly be even smaller next year. And what about jazz? Half our trumpets are gone, 3/4 of the trombones are leaving! Our sax section might be able to manage...but still. It won't be the same.

I seriously look up to the grade 12s. They always seem to be calm and cool about everything, and they always know what's going on, the whole been there, done that deal. I'm not ready to take their place as the cool and calm person! I've always wanted to be like them when I get to grade 12...but I'm totally not going to be like that!

Hmph...I don't want them to go...How much you wanna bet that I'll be bugging Andrea over facebook/e-mail constantly next year? =P

Okay...enough about that...I'll worry about next year when I get there...meanwhile, I'm going to be kept busy. I have to keep practicing hard for my exam, more or less for my scales in particular, which still aren't at a decent grade 8 level. After that I'll have to keep practicing to get familiar with the pieces I'll be playing at Colorado camp, which will be interesting, to say the least. That'll keep me busy (in more ways then one) for three weeks. Then I'm back, but I have to be sure to keep practicing to ensure that I get first bassoon over Matt at Red Deer camp, which last two weeks, Then I still have to keep in shape for the U of C workshop (that I really should sign up for...), and after that I have to continue to practice my butt off for U of C wind ensemble auditions.

By that time we're back into school, which means I'll be getting ready for band camp, and my bassoon teacher will start me on new stuff, probably for grade 9 and 10, which she was talking about getting me to do next year.

To add on to all of that, apparently I need my two bottom wisdom teeth out, so that'll probably happen around February of next year...I really hope it doesn't conflict too horribly with any music thing, because that would really really suck...

Speaking of conflicting, all of these conflicting dates are popping up everywhere...Miranda's vegetarian potluck is on the same night as a CPO concert. The band paintball day is the same day as the CYO. So I'm trying to either pick one, or weasel my way into doing both. Miranda's I know if worst came to worst, I could go to her place for about two hours before I'd have to go down to the concert. I'm gonna see if I can somehow convince the organizers of the band paintball trip to leave maybe slightly earlier then we have done in the past, so that I can get a few round in before I scurry off to the CYO concert...hopefully having a shower before hand so I don't smell like dirt/sweat/paint, etc...=P

Wow. That was certainly more then I thought I was going to write. I was thinking of going in early tomorrow, as is my usual routine, but I might possibly just sleep in. My mom can take me to school tomorrow at any time. Plus, I haven't heard my alarm go off recently...which leads me to believe that either my alarm clock needs replacing (which would suck, because I like that clock) or I'm starting to sleep through it completely. Which is not good, because I don't like thinking that I'm getting so exhausted that I'm sleeping through an alarm that's going off 12 inches away from my head...

As a side note, me and Graham have decided that we need iPod speakers. We're getting tired of having no music when we go downstairs to play video games...especially since we've gotten into the habit of signing while we play. =P Often it's really random, it's actually hilarious.

And speaking of video games, I need to get more games, more controllers, and more friends who want to have spontanious Wii parties. Because getting together with friends is so much fun, and I really love it. Plus, it makes me believe that I actually have time to fit in a social life next to music. Which is a nice thought, even if I am just kidding myself...lol

Alright, now I really have to stop...I should probably go to bed here soon, but I'll probably end up talking on msn a little bit longer. Just like how I should probably start the four english things I still need to finish, but I'll probably end up leaving them all until the last weekend...


"So we go up, down, up down, up down, and then up, up, and down?"

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Deja Vu?

Here I am again...sitting at the computer with my physics in front of me. Only this time I actually have to get both my labs done, because then I might actually be kinda caught up in physics. Then I just have to let him know that I can't write the final exam when I'm supposed to write the final exam, and I should be good. He said we're going to move on to light this week, which really sucks, because we were just getting into sound and it's sooo fascinating! There are a couple things we talked about that I've actually talked about in band class before, such as hearing beats when notes are out of tune (or, in physics class, hearing beats from two conflicting frequencies), and different frequencies giving different pitches. I actually didn't fully understand that until it hit me that A 440 is simply that...A has a frequency of 440 Hz. After that it was so much easier to understand things. Actually, I had a lot of things hit me today in physics class that it relates in some way to music. It's really neat. I even remembered our theory teacher giving us a talk about how, if you take A 440, and mulitply it by the twelfth root of two, you get Bb, and if you multiply that by the twelfth root of two, you bet a B. And then he said if you take A 440, and multiply it my three fourths, you get a major third above it. And not an out of tune major third like on the piano, it's actually a major third in perfect tune with A 440. It's really neat, I'm taking that knowledge to my physics teacher tomorrow.

Anyways, enough about physics. I just find the whole sound unit really really cool, especially since I really started realizing how it relates to music. It's soo cool. I have a couple questions I want to ask Craig in tutorial tomorrow...although I'm not sure if he'll be able to answer them, seeing as they're strictly music questions in a sense...maybe it'd be a better idea to ask Waters...I'm sure he'd know. He knows everything.

Hehe, Paddock got facebook. It's so awesome, I totally added him as a friend. As we left the band room after lunch, we saw him updating his profile. =P

Yes, the dentist was today. Sadly. My mouth still hurts, and it's 9:00. My appointment was at 2:00 ish. They only dug about 4 different sharp, pointy objects into my teeth. And they said I have to get my wisdom teeth out! I can't afford to stop playing! They kept insisting that I need to do in when I have some down time, and I'm like, listen, I'm not kidding when I say I don't have any down time! So, I know it won't happen for, like, another six months, but I'm still scared, because I'm sure it'll conflict with something or other...let's just hope it doesn't conflict with the U of C Wind Ensemble, providing I get in. I talked to Mike last night and I feel better about going for it then I used to.

Mike's gonna be in the U of C orchestra, and the wind ensemble! That guy's amazing...I hope I can be like him in the next couple years...

So, anyways, I can home from the dentist and seriously suffered for a couple hours, because my mouth really really hurt. I couldn't even practice, which is making me kinda nervous. I hope my mouth is better by tomorrow, because I really need to play.

So after suffering I crashed on the couch, and seriously, I can hardly remember closing my eyes, and I was asleep. I'm not sure how long I was out for, but I remember waking up at 7, and thinking that I can lay down for a little longer, and then the next time I opened my eyes to check the time, it was 8. So I decided to get up and have dinner, and actually get my physics homework done.

And instead I'm sitting here, writing in my blog. =P So I'd better go now, because this time I can't afford to put it off with the intent to ask Steph about it tomorrow, I need to get it done so I can hand it in at tutorials tomorrow.


"Why can't she be with Tit-Coq...and still be married to Leopold? Then she could have both of them."

Monday, May 21, 2007

As You Wish...

Alright, Kelskie, here's your update. =P I know I've been rather lazy lately when it comes to my blog...either I've been uploading pictures, or posting pictures, or e-mailing people...yeah...

Anyways, enough with the excuses.

Hm, what's happened that I should share...I'm so behind in physics, it's not even funny. Actually I'm not as bad as I used to be. Now I'm just two labs behind, one of which I'm doing right now. Or rather, I was until I read Kelskie's request for more updates. Now I'm doing this. But I was going to do both labs tonight, but I forgot to get the info from somebody for the second lab, so I'll do this one tonight, and then get the info tomorrow, and hand in my lab on Wednesday. Oh, and then talk to him about taking my final exam early, since I'll be out of the country when I'm supposed to be writing my final exam. =P

Practicing has been going better then it used to. It was actually getting really depressing to practice, since I couldn't play my scales at all, and my high register was crap. My teacher helped me. Not in the technical sense, but she just told me to keep working at it, instead of saying how I'll fail, so that worked well enough. Now I'm doing rather well, and I've got a routine for scales, so if I keep doing that for the next couple weeks, I think I should be okay for my exams.

However, I am nervous about my CYO audition. I'm not sure if I'll have to play Brahms 4, since I'm auditioning through the academy, but if I do, I'm thinking I'm kinda screwed...well, maybe not a lot, but I'm certainly not as comfortable with it as I'd like to be. As for what I'm actually playing, I seem to be changing that every hour or so. First I decided to go with the second movement of Mozart, and a study, then I changed it to two studies, now I'm considering doing an orchestral excerpt and and a study...or maybe two orchestral excerpts...I really should have talked to my teacher about this, although I guess I am capable of choosing my own audition pieces...I just have a really hard time deciding what I should play.

You know that feeling when you think you've gotten yourself into something that you can't do, and you feel like you've jumped into something that's way over your head? That's kinda how I feel now. Except I would like it better if I knew for sure that's how I feel. Because the thing is, I don't. One minute I feel like I can't do it, and I'm in way over my head...but then at another moment, I'll feel perfectly okay with it, and I can hardly remember why I almost felt like backing out of it. It's really weird.

Oh my gosh, I never thought there would be a time where I'd be one of the most corrupted band kids, and with as much drama as I have right now...and now...look at me go...=P

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not...but life's too short, might as well just have fun while I can. =)

Again, not sure if that's the right attitude to take either...

Anyways, enough of that subject.

I thought I actually wouldn't have to be at school early tomorrow...and then Rebecca reminded me that we actually have to be at choir tomorrow morning. Yay. Maybe I'll bring my bassoon so I can practice...it's either that, or just bring my reed stuff and make another reed...I was going to do that, but thinking about upcoming auditions and exams, I'm thinking practicing might actually be a better idea. And, of course I'll bring my reed stuff just in case anyways.

I won't even be at school the whole day tomorrow. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, so I'll have to leave about half-way through third period...whatever that is. I can't remember what it is right now...either english or math...I think it's math..which is nice, because then I can still learn the lesson, and I won't have to be behind. Yay.

Chloe just created an Abe Music group on facebook. Yay, another place to post music council news. I suppose Andrea should have more rights to that though.

Anyways, I now have so many windows open, and I'm chatting to so many people, and doing stuff on facebook, and, believe it or not, I really did come on to simply finish my physics lab. So now I think I really should go and I can hope to accomplish something tonight.


"When a man becomes a father, a strange thing happens. It's like as soon as he has a child, he forgets everything except for the worst puns imaginable..."

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I'm back!

Yes, I am indeed back from PEI/Halifax, where I was playing with NYB! It was soo much fun, and I'm sorry I haven't posted sooner, but I've been so busy between catching up, and uploading pictures on facebook (which is taking forever, by the way. I'm still not done), I've just been quite busy at night, and by the time I remember about my blog, it's after 11:00, at which point I'm too tired to make sense.

Anyways, I had a blast with NYB, it was sooo much fun. Like, more fun then I ever imagined it would be. I loved it so much, and I'm totally going again next year. And the year after. And every year until I'm too old to be in it. And even then I might still audition, I know there were some people there who were technically over the age 'limit'.

I don't know if I said this, although everybody probably picked up on it, but the past few months I've felt very controlled by my emotions. I couldn't think rationally, because I was either super happy and optimistic, to the point where I did stupid things, or wanted to do stupid things, or I was super depressed I couldn't think straight because I couldn't see the point in life anymore.

But that's over now! I found myself again! Apparently I was somewhere in the middle of PEI...go figure. =P Not sure how I got all the way over there. The point it, ever since I came back from NYB, I've felt like...I dunno, almost exactly the way I was like exactly a year ago...'cept a little older, and maybe a little wiser...and a little more corrupted. But I'm finding I can actually think clearly now, and I'm in more control of my moods. It's so nice to be back. I love this feeling.

I don't like being the reason that there's distance between me and a friend, but I'm afraid to say, this time it is my fault. And I was to say I'm sorry. I'm honestly not really mad, more like really dissapointed. I'm sorry I can't say this directly to you, and I'm sorry I'm not going to say much more, but to make a long story short, I am really just dissapointed, and I don't want to go into this too much, because I'm afraid of saying something that might just end up tearing us apart even further. So instead I just want to let it die down a bit. I'm not sure what else to say on this subject. Interpret it as you will...

Now I must go and try to get at least some physics done, so I can attempt to keep up in that class. Geez, Craig never gives us homework that he actually takes in more then once every other week, and of course the time he decides to change that is the week that I'm not here. Thanks for that. At least it's not as bad as Math. I'm still passing physics. =P And thank goodness french was a breeze to catch up in. Although maybe I should actually read scenes 1, 2, and 3, before the quiz tomorrow...conventiently on scenes 1, 2, and 3...

Oh, and we had an awesome skit night at NYB, otherwise known as NYB Live. There are some parts of it one youtube. I'll put them under my list of youtube videos sometime...although maybe not tonight.

Darn it, Ryley said something in French and I was totally going to use it as a blog quote...but now I can't remember what it is...that sucks.


"Will you go out with me?"
"Sure. Where to?"