Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Rascal Flatts

Alright, Randall has requested that I talk about the Rascal Flatts concert, so I suppose I should do that. =)

In a nutshell, it was pretty awesome. Being the band geek that I am, I just happened to notice the awesome drum duet they had (which was actually really cool, no matter if you're into that or not), the amazing fiddle, and such on. Also, I could help but notice that the one guy could play probably every single instrument.

I cried over 3 songs. Which is weird, seeing as I usually don't cry over songs unless it's a really amazing song, with a really amazing music video to go with it. I believe I cried over 'What Hurts the Most', 'Sarahbeth' and...'God Bless the Broken Road', I believe...although I have a feeling it wasn't that song, it was another one...Randall, correct me if you know...

Anyways, it was indeed super awesome. They put on an amazing show, and they also seemed to know exactly what songs to play after the ones that made me cry, which was a nice touch.

I surprised Randall with Meet and Greet tickets at the concert that my dad was able to get last minute. She seemed to like them. =) And here's the awesome picture we got out of the deal.

Hm...not dressed entirely conservative there, am I...

So, not much else to say, I don't think. The honor band concert was awesome, so that's good. I have homework that I'm probably not going to finish, so that sucks. Yipee.

Aidan is hilarious. He really is. I think we'll keep him. =) Henry's just getting scary, and Shayne's not helping much.

And such are my vague, mostly unrelated comments of the day.


"Yeah, well, we can't wear guys' shirts, since we happen to have something that you don't have."

Monday, February 26, 2007


I'm quite tired. Not all the time, but sometimes I just simply crash. It's nuts. At least festival season is ending. Yes, I know that doesn't include Kiwanis, but I'm not in it, so it doesn't apply to me. So there. So now I might actually be able to slow down a little, and maybe the band directors will stop threatening to kill us.

Anyways, I know I haven't posted for a while. It's just that everytime I actually get home and use the computer, it's so late I just want to do my homework and go to bed. Or usually just go to bed. Either way works. This post is going to be brief, because it's still late, and I have physics homework. And I kinda want to get more food...

So, there were so many things I heard and totally decided I was going to post them here, but I don't think I can remember all of them. Of course, I'm going to try. Many of them were exchanged between me and Henry.

"Yay for skin!"
"Wanna go cross pollinate?"
"It's like I'm always telling my husband, try something different sometimes."
"Don't ever smile that innocently again. You're not fooling anybody, and it's kinda creepy."

I know there were more, but I don't want to think of them right now. I've got Kelskie on msn right now, so I think I'm gonna get some bedtime food, and settle down at the computer to do some physics homework. Chances are I'll just end up eating and chatting, but at least I can tell myself I'll get some homework done, right?


"Vous sommes? Who in their right mind says vous sommes?"

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Feeling Lazy

Yes, indeed. That pretty much says it all. I don't feel like writing music, or doing homework. All I technically have is physics anyways, although I should do some english, if I was a smart person. Maybe after posting I'll feel more in the mood to do something productive.

I was quite happy this morning. I totally made my reed work. Like, the reed that I made myself. I'm very happy about that. Now I just have to work on more reeds so that I have a bunch of functional reeds, instead of just one. That'll be a nice change. Much excitement. I was right, I did end up doing the wall test with my old reed. I was so fed up with it. And it did actually feel quite nice to just get rid of it.

French was rather dull. All correcting and reading. By the time physics rolled around, I had lost the will to work. So I did basically nothing, which is really why I think I should at least try to get some questions done, seeing as we have an acceleration quiz tomorrow. Math was a repeat of physics, except instead of just having no will to work, I was actually quite tired. Plus, for almost the first time in math, I see absolutely no point in what we're doing. Blah.

Hm...wonder what tomorrow will be like...


"I'm on the floor, and I'm going to poke you."

Monday, February 19, 2007

Meaningless Chatter

So, I don't really have anything to say. Why I'm posting then...well, I don't really know. But I haven't posted all weekend, so I figure I might as well let you all know I haven't disappeared.

Oh, we got a Wii! It's so fun. We only have Wii sports right now, but it's still fun. I love it.

A bunch of us got into honour band. I'm so excited for that.

Corey's composing this awesome song, which sounds so fun. I'm excited for that to.

I had a horrible practice today...like, I couldn't play any of my scales, and my studies were just stupid. So I moved on to fixing reeds. And I swear I came so close to completely ruining my reed, but I think it's actually getting to a playable point now. I'm gonna start playing it at school. Let's hope it actually turns out to be a good reed, because my current reed is pretty much gone now, and I hate it. I've never done the wall test on a reed before, but this one's making me so mad, I think I just might. But I can't until I actually get another functional reed.

Anyways, that's pretty much my day in a nutshell. Left all my homework until tonight, but what more can you expect from me?

So, now it's on to chatting, and more homework. I meant to finish Rae's song tonight, and I'm mad that I don't think I'll be able to. But I really have to finish it by Thursday, because I feel bad about taking so long to do it. So I really want to finish it this week so I can give it to her. Or at least see if I need to change anything.


"Don't worry, there are lots of other fish in the sea."
"But I really suck at fishing..."

Friday, February 16, 2007

The Solution to my Life

I've finally found it. It was sitting in front of me for so long, and I never even thought about it. Just goes to show you I should pay more attention. Anyways, Kathryn's been saying this for weeks, and all this time I only ever related it to the clarinets...and perhaps the trumpets.

"If you miss a note, you miss a note. You can't go back for it."

It's so simple. She must have said it about a thousand times tonight, and I only hit me at the very end of rehearsal how much I needed to pay attention to that phrase.


"My favorite song has turned into my confidence-crusher..."

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Neutral...but for how long?

Yeah, I'm strangely calm right now. I rather like it. Just hope my mom doesn't keep talking to me, or I'll get into a bad mood again. Don't ask me why that puts me in a bad mood. One of those mysteries of life.

I've decided I really need some time to just be myself. Not that I'm saying I'm not myself around my friends, of course I am. Hm...I'm trying to think of how to put this. And I think it's the same with everybody. Like, I act naturally around my friends. I don't have to think about what other people think of me, or how I should act around certain people. I just act naturally. But how I act naturally around other people, and how I act naturally when I'm by myself are two different people. Very very similar, yes, but still different in certain ways.

I guess I feel I've kinda lost that other me...who I am when I'm not around other people. Or maybe it's just the fact that I really need to do some thinking.

Who knows, maybe it's the complete opposite. I could be doing to much thinking about everything.

But I guess whatever happens will happen, and all I can do it wait for it. If I have to do something, I'm sure I'll know, but until then, why bother worrying?

That sounds like the kind of attitude I had last year. I'd really like to get that attitude back. I lost it sometime during the summer, I'm not sure exactly when.

Yay, more english homework. Keslkie, do I really have to do it tonight? Can't I leave it for after the long weekend? =) Please?...

Uh oh..that's not a good thought to start off the night...

Hm...better stop this before I stop making sense entirely...


"On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being wildly freaked out..."

Monday, February 12, 2007

Contradicting myself all over again

Today was interesting. I jumped around a lot.

This morning I had decided that I might actually be getting used to being part of the wall. Which isn't exactly a happy thought. It's more depressing now then it was this morning...I can't believe I'm actually getting used to this again.

After that was slightly better. He was showing that I exist, and he actually smiled at me, which he hasn't done forever. So I was really happy for a while. Then I heard that he (and she) said something, and I'm not quite sure how to take it. At the moment, I feel really out of it, like I'm oblivious to some huge hilarious thing, that I'm not going to like, but everybody else is going to find amusing. Not a great feeling. Maybe I'll ask Kelskie about it.

Anyways, that kinda didn't help the rest of my day. Physic's lasted forever, and I really didn't care about anything he was saying. French was much the same, only kinda worse, because I practically became invisible again. Well, only to one person, but most of you know what I mean.

It's weird, in grade 10 I'd've done anything for him to look at me, and now I just want him out of my life. I talked to Kelskie. The news wasn't good. It was pretty much just as I'd feared. I could curse a lot here, but that might not be good...instead, if you'd like to hear my wave of curses, talk to me. Otherwise, use your imagination.

Suddenly I've lost all interest in this post. In the car today I was thinking about how I was feeling. It was full of contradictions. Wondering if I could be pessimistic and optimistic at the same time. If I could both love and hate at the same time. Want to go back, and yet want to move forward. Other various things. Now I'm neither pessimistic or optimistic, I'm definitely hating right now, and I don't care whether I move forward or back, as long as I can punch a certain somebody in the face.

Thank the Lord for my friends. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Promise me I won't turn invisible to you too. I've put my trust into two people who've said they still wanted to be friends, and apparently in reality they don't care that much. So please don't let me put my trust into you only to be ripped apart again.

Whatever. I have to do english homework. Not that I'm going to get that done anytime soon anyways, but I might as well start the attempt.

Henry says he hates it when I'm unhappy. I do too, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. Last year I could just focus on a good thing, and I'd be perfectly happy again. Now I'm at the mercy of my emotions. I guess that's partly because my good thing is now going out with one of my best (?) friends.

Sorry for lack of Spain story / picture.


"Believe me Henry...so do I."

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Mood Swings!

I really hate the fact that my mood can change in a second. And it's usually because of stupid little things. Anyways, I'm really sick of it, and I wish I could just be happy all the time like I was last year.

Today was actually a good day. I went to Corey's for our ensemble practice, which was fun. It always is. =)

I was in a kinda bad mood when I started this, but then I looked at this picture and it made me happy...am I hoping for too much with this thing? I've kinda been thinking about it, and I'm kinda starting to worry that I'd get too attached. But again, that's assuming anything will happen, which it probably won't. Why do I have to get so happy over things that aren't even garenteed to happen?

Anyways, I really don't want to be up all night, so I think I'm going to start homework now. I know I told a bunch of people I'd start posting more Spain stories on here since I got more pictures, and I swear I will start doing that. But right now I can't stop thinking about that english response that I have to do...


"I wanna be a cool geek too!"

Friday, February 09, 2007

I feel loved...

Lately it seems like people just love starting msn convos with me. I used to never chat on msn, and lately I've hardly ever had less then 3 convos going at once. Of course, it doesn't help me finish homework, and this blog post is certainly taking longer then it would if I wasn't chatting, but still. It's fun. I actually have friends. =) As if I didn't already know that. Anybody who sticks around with me when my bad mood lasts for two months can't be anything but a very very good friend.

I'm also thinking I kinda like somebody now. But I have no idea if he likes me. Most likely, he just thinks I'm super weird. Not that I'm not super weird, but I'm really not that bad once you get to know me. My first impressions are just a little misleading at times...plus, I found out that one of my friends also kinda likes him...so...anyways, better stop before I say too much here. =)

I should start writing my life in soap-opera form here. Just for Paul. He said on msn the other night that my life is such a soap opera. I tell him a bunch of stuff, and apparently he finds it quite amusing all the stuff that goes on. Then I could even warp my life entirely out of proportion...which is actually an interesting thought...

Speaking of soap operas, I've been meaning to write a soap opera on theory. Yeah, it sounds weird, but our teacher always talks about I chords and V chords getting along, and being the thing that holds the universe together, and how the bass and soprano are flirting, while the tenor's a showoff and the alto's oblivious. I also think it would actually help me remember theory. Anyways, that's providing I actually have the time for it, which I don't really. But we do have a couple of days off coming up, so we'll see...

And I'm getting better! I was actually able to stay in the same room as them for about 45 minutes before really feeling the need to leave. That's a good sign, right Keslkie? And I'm not always as bitter as I was this morning...there are just moments where I see them and...well, you know.

I keep forgetting I have orchestra tomorrow morning. Which is lovely, I love orchestra. But, truth be told, I would love it more if it weren't in the morning.

*hugs* for Sarah! Everything will be alright with you, and it'll work out with me too, so we'll both be where we want to be eventually, right?

Same for you, Kate. Don't ever think you're wasting your time. We all 'waste our time' in some way or another, but in the end, it's always for the better. Just keep moving on, and what'll happen, will happen. And when in doubt, take my own personal therapy session...sugar in some form (candy, chocolate, etc.), great music, and a good rant. How do you think I've made it through these months?


"Did you know male gerbills mate 12 times in one night and then die of exhaustion?"

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Relapse day!

Yippee...today wasn't fun. I think the best parts of the day were the first five seconds in the band room when there was just me and Glenn...laying under the piano with Kate...and sleeping at Mount Royal while I was waiting for a ride. It's also a bad sign when I go to say "Well, the good news is..." and then can't think of any good news.

I guess once I got away from school things got a little better. I kinda got that 'I wish I were far away' feeling again today. Hopefully this was just not my day, and it'll be better tomorrow. Although I'm not exactly counting on it, but I can hope, right?

Anyways, I should be doing french homework. And I totally forgot to print out my english, and then I forgot to talk to him about forgetting it, so I really hope he won't make me redo it, because that would totally suck.

Today has not been my day.


"Thanks for showing up guys..."

Sunday, February 04, 2007

I love practicing!

I had such an amazing practice today. I went in my room at 5:00 and didn't come out until 7:00. And all I did in that time was warm up, play through a study, and then the rest was all spent on orchestral excerpts. Mind you, now I never want to play Scorcerers Apprentice ever again. But I did start out playing it at 60, and by the end I was almost at 120. So, that was good. A lot of people love that song, but they don't know that the bassoons are in the back, practically dying. Anyways.

Other then that I didn't do much. I made a bracelet out of some scrap string, just to get rid of it, since I have a lot of scrap string laying around right now. And now I'll be up late doing homework because I didn't do any over the weekend. Go me.

I did start working on Rae's song...but then my uncle started rewiring stuff downstairs, meaning he turned the power off, meaning he hit the switch that cut the power from the computer. So that was fun.

Hm...I meant to do some serious wood shedding with sax today, since I can't play almost any of the fast runs in our jazz songs. I also can't remember if I have any Physic's homework.

On the bright side, Aidan said he's like to join a new ensemble that me and Corey are making. At least, trying again, since our other one died. So I'm excited. I'll have to let Corey know so we can't start searching for music.

Anyways, I should actually finish my homework so I can go to bed.


"He probably sends the orcs out for groceries."

Saturday, February 03, 2007


Not much to say, other than having lunch with Christine after CYO was a lot of fun. I love getting together with friends, in case I haven't mentioned that before. Anyways, it was super fun, and we even got to stop by at St. John's, and I found this cool wind quintet (that's actually classified as Solo Bassoon with Woodwinds =P ) and I really want to get it. Oh, and as a side note, they ask you way too many questions at Timmy's. They should make it simpler.

Oh, and me and my brother had fun on youtube. Well, briefly. I just showed up Mario A Capella (which you all should see), and then we searched 'funny cats' and had a really good laugh. I think that was the first time I've laughed that hard in a long time. It's pretty awesome. Thanks Christine. =)

Not much else to say, other than I should be productive, but I'm not.


"No...don't put the metronome on the speaker again..."

Friday, February 02, 2007


Yup, I'm back. I haven't posted in a while because either I didn't feel like it, I forgot, or I stayed up too late doing homework. Yay for school, and only having one day a week to sleep in. But we do get a long weekend next week, so that's alright.

I love this blue scarf I got in Spain. Especially the fact that it becomes a shawl. Dispite the fact that it's thin, it's actually seems quite warm. Or maybe I just like wrapping myself up in it. Either way, it's cool.

I love music. There's my random comment of the day. I really do. Listening to it, playing it, talking about it, anything. I love it.

I finished burning Randall's CD, and all I need to do is finish braiding the ends of her bracelet, and that'll be done. I'd also like to get to work on writing Rae's song, but I'm afraid I'll get too involved in that and not finish my homework. So I'm pretty much debating whether to work on Rae's song Saturday and Sunday, then do homework Sunday night, or just do homework first, and then work on the song. Hm...logic tells me I should do homework. Common sense tells me that's not gonna happen. =)

Things are going better I think. I mean, I still have my moments (everybody does) but they're getting less. I still have my moments where I feel like I'm just part of the wall, since nobody really cares. This morning, for instance. No, don't send my all your sympathy, and say I'm not a wall, and people do care, and stuff. I mean, I appreciate those thoughts, and believe me, for everybody who's told me that over this past little while, I'm really thankful for it.

But I've kinda done some thinking, and maybe being a wall isn't so bad all the time. I mean, sure, it kinda felt like crap this morning, but I also actually get some thinking done for myself, rather then trying to focus on other people all the time. It's a good moment to take a step back, and try to look at things without my emotions getting in the way. Maybe that's just me.

I don't want to jinx myself (not that I'm usually the superstitious type) but I think I may actually be ready to start moving on. Now, I don't mean it's now off to the races and leaving it all behind. I just mean that maybe I can start to take baby steps. For the past two months I've either felt like I'm standing still, or else taking two steps back for every step I take forward. Maybe now I can actually take one step at a time, without retracing my steps all over again. Or at least step back only have a step for every step forward. =)

I've also started to remember how good it feels to help my friends. Whether it's doing things for them, or talking with them, or even just listening, I really like doing it. Lately I haven't felt that, because I've been the one needing help. I used to be the kind of person who didn't really talk about my problems a lot, but was always willing to listen to others and help them. Lately I've opened up to some people, while attempting to close up around other people. I think at least one thing I've learned from everything over the past couple months is that things work so much better if you just open up a little more.

Why should I care what other people think of me? Why should I want to set a certain image for myself? I am who I am. If I feel anything really needs changing, I'll change it, but I'm not going to try to set a certain image of myself just because that's how I want people to think of me. Not anymore. That's something that certainly got me into trouble. This is me, and if you don't like that, deal with it.

Maybe opening up is really the only way to truly enjoy life. Sure, you're kinda making yourself vulnerable. Yeah, there's a risk. But there's a risk in everything we do in life. There always will be. So don't ask yourself about whether there is a risk, because there always will be one. The real question is whether you're willing to take that risk.

You know when you go swimming, and you decide to jump off the diving board? Especially the high one. You walk to the end, all the time wondering if you really should be doing this, and if you'll make a complete fool of yourself. Really, at any point you could turn back. But you keep walking to the edge and look down at the water. Sometimes, that's the first time you really realize how high you are. You're still debating whether you really want to do this, but finally, before you have a chance to turn back, you just hold your breath and jump.

That's what life should be life. There will always be a risk, and you'll probably always feel afraid of that risk. But why not just go for it? Just keep on moving, and meet life head on. And when you think you're about to give up, or turn around...just hold your breath and go for it.

That's mostly what I'm trying to do with my life now. I want to forget about all the stupid images I used to want to put out with myself, or what I wanted people to think of me. I was too concerned with what I thought I wanted to be, instead of just being who I am. Sure, I'd think about going of that diving board, taking that risk. But would I? Most often not.

So now I'm trying to forget all that. This is who I am, as I already said. I've decided that regrets are no fun. So why not just go for it? What do you have to lose? Only regrets that you'll carry if you shy away because you don't want to take the risk of getting hurt.

Throw your heart out to the world. How else will you ever find real friends, and people who truly love you?

Anyways, I told Kate I'd post soon so she could read, so I'd better do that for her.

I'll see you all in the swimming pool. =)


"What do cold musicians wear? Hindemittens!"