Sunday, December 19, 2010

Moments, Moon Dough, and Make-up

I've been trying to find a picture of an ad I see all the time on the train, and for the life of me, I can't find it. I even asked my computer genius boyfriend, and he came up with a loss.

So you won't be able to see the picture. But the essence of it is that it's an ad for the Darwin and Einstein exhibit at the science center. The situation in the ad is two girls in the bathroom of a club, standing in front of the mirror to apply their makeup. The picture is the mirror full of writing in makeup of equations, and mathematical terms. In front of it, one girl is standing with her makeup, obviously having just written all the previously mentioned equations, and looking quite happy, having just invented all of these equations. The other girl is in a perfect about-to-reapply-lipstick position, and is looking up at the equations in quite a dumbfounded manner, like she doesn't know what just happened.

I'm sure my description of it doesn't do it justice. But hopefully you've got the general idea of it. The funny thing is, every time I see this ad on the train, I can just hear my Grandma's voice in my head, saying to me, "Now, the thing that makes this ad effective is the different expressions on the girl's faces."

I can imagine my Grandma going into detail about that, but I just find it very funny that I'm almost positive that's what she would say about that ad. And how I can very much hear it in her voice too.

In other news, me and Ken went to the toy store the other day, and I found a product by the Play-Dough. It's called Moon Dough, and the first-sight appeal of it is the claim that it never dries out. So, liking to play with dough, and wanting to find out the deal with this Moon Dough, I bought some.

Moon Dough is not all it seemed on the box. The texture is really weird, and while it's great for making shapes in plastic molders, that's really all it's good for. When you squeeze it, it doesn't form a shape, it just crumbles. You can't roll it into a snake, or flat into a pancake because again, it just crumbles. The reason it never dries out is because there's not any moisture in it in the first place.

In short, it's very disappointing, and it just made me want to go back to the store for some real Play Dough. Moon Dough doesn't get stuff all over your hands, but it's a lot less fun.

I've also been wearing makeup a lot more since school let out, because I don't like putting on makeup if it means I have to get up 15 minutes earlier just to do it. However, if I have time to wake up and lounge around before I have to go anywhere, sure I'll take a few minutes to put some makeup on.

Now, the thing with makeup is I've never really liked people who seem to believe they can't step out of their house without their makeup on. Sure I like how it makes me look, but I never want to believe that I can't have other people seeing me if I don't have it on.

Since I've been wearing it so much, I've started having this funny little fear that I'll start slipping into feeling the need to have it on before I go anywhere. And it's really funny at the end of every day when I take my makeup off in front of the mirror, I feel relieved when I see me sans makeup, and I haven't turned into this hideous monster underneath my makeup. I'm still just me. Maybe with slightly less defined eyes, but still just me.


"It's so foggy out. Don't go too far away or I might not see you and I'll get lost. Don't walk faster!"

Monday, December 13, 2010

Mint Truffle Kisses

I think I'm addicted.

Anyways, I was on the bus on the way to my lesson, and reading my current book, Bridget Jones' Diary. I've had it kicking around forever, and I'm pretty sure I've started reading it before, but I know I've never gotten to the end. So that's what I'm working on now.

Diary books are always funny, because you are very literally inside the persons' mind. As such, I have this funny habit of starting to think like them myself. Therefore, when I got Ken's text informing me that Simon's parents were getting Simon the same present I was going to get him, the following happened inside my head.

Not happy about this. Have had Simon's present planned for weeks now, and they just decide on this? Now what do I do? Could think of other My present was very good. I have to change all my plans just because his parents happen to think of the same thing?

I proceeded to pout for a while, until my mind inevitably turned towards the topic of vengeance.

Revenge plans: A) not get Simon present at all. Problems: will 1-year-old notice lack of present from uncle's girlfriend? Unlikely. Will parents notice lack of present and interpret into obvious plot for revenge? Unlikely. Plan B) get obviously not well thought out present. Problem: will 1-year-old really feel disappointment over not expected present? Unlikely. Will parents interpret badly thought out present into obvious revenge for theft of present idea? Unlikely. Will probably just think brother's girlfriend is not smart.

Should just still get present. I thought of it first. Would have bought it already, just had no time, or car.

Problem: Will 1-year-old be sad over duplicate present? Unlikely. Will parents interpret duplicate present as clear indication that I thought of it first? Unlikely. Will probably just believe brother's girlfriend unoriginal.

This is when I got to my teacher's house and had to let go of all present thoughts, as it was time to concentrate on reed making.

I'm really not that upset over it. I'm just pouty, cause I thought I had a really great idea, and duplicate presents kinda suck. Now, instead of super easy I-prethought-all-of-my-Christmas-presents-so-I-can-just-duck-in-and-out-of-the-mall Christmas shopping, I'll have to actually make time to wander around and find ideas and decide.

Because shopping for a 1-year-old boy is so difficult.


"I hate being invited to things I don't care about."
"Speaking of which, wanna come to my gig next week?"

Sunday, December 05, 2010


When I typed the title, I realized that word reminds me of both 'unicorn' and 'onion'.

But to other things.

I really believe people in customer service should have a union. Not a union which protects against unreasonable hours, or not enough pay. No, a union which protects them against crazy people.

That way, when people try to complain, or blame you for something which is A) not your fault, or B) out of your control, you can just step back and say "I'm sorry, but my union doesn't permit me to try to help people like you." However, you may then pass them a list of numbers to refer them to somebody who specializes in psychology, and tell them they may find help there.

Also, people who need to have their food or coffee exactly a certain way should not go to fast food places. While I was standing in line at Wendy's, I overheard somebody explaining how they wanted a burger, but with no meat or pickles. Then there was a woman who had three different coupons, requested specific toppings for her burger, and then wanted fries with no salt. For the sake of the girl working the till, I'm glad a new batch of fries had just come out of the fryer, and nobody had salted them yet.

But this woman wasn't done. She then proceeded to explain to the girl how to enter in the coupons, and how to use her gift card (oh yeah, she had one of those too). I felt bad for the girl, cause she seemed new-ish, and she had to keep getting her supervisor to ask him a question.

However, I had to admire her, because she never once showed that she was frustrated, or gave any indication that their request was stupid (which I was thinking the entire time). She was very nice. And when I sat down and realized I had a beef burger instead of the chicken burger I had ordered, I just ate it anyways. Cause she'd been through enough, and to be honest, I'd been debating between beef and chicken anyways.

I have to agree with Ken. Everybody should have to work a customer service job for at least a little while in their life. It would probably make the world a better place.

And just to end things off, a silly picture of me and my bassoon, clearly making beautiful music together. Or just in Banff, warming up for a rehearsal. However you'd like to interpret that.


"Just remember, everybody is special, and everybody needs to be treated like they're 'special'."

Saturday, December 04, 2010


I saw Graham's school musical theater performance today. It was quite amusing, and I enjoyed myself. I kinda just told him about the little things that bugged me about the show, but I really did like it overall. It was a good way to spend a night.

And Graham's hair looked very well fan-blown, even though I was told it was done with a curling iron. I still think he should have walked onstage with a little hand-held fan and pointed it at his face every time he had a line. Also, I could have done without the whole kissing thing. But at the same time, I can't help feeling like I deserve it a little bit.

I had quite a productive day. CYO rehearsal...well, happened. Rehearsals around this time of year are kind of odd, cause we do really rehearse, but we also have Christmas music, which the CYO has played since the dawn of time itself. So we don't really rehearse them, we just run through them.

I also had quite a productive day of doing laundry, organizing my room a little, and cleaning my bathroom. The cleaning of the bathroom really only results because I have to do some laundry by hand, which I do in the bathroom sink, and I always figure before I wash clothes in it, it should be clean. Which just lead me to clean the rest of the bathroom while I'm at it. But it's probably for the best.

Other than that, I'm just waiting for this semester to be over so I can enjoy the break, and hopefully renew my interest in school and bassoon next semester. I've been getting stuck in this 'I really don't want to do this' phase lately. But I'm sure once next semester comes and I actually have time to practice and stuff it should be better.

And as long as I try not to think too hard about my upcoming recital, that plan should work.


"Burn her!"

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Amost There

Gah, a month without updates. But the good news is, first semester is almost over, and as it has happened in the past two years, I expect second semester to be much better than the first.

Next semester will hopefully hold more time to practice, mostly because I don't have any morning class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so I hope to get a good at least two hours of practice in every morning on those days. Which should vastly improve my playing.

November kinda feels like it was a blur. I think back to it, and all I can really think of is school. Not even specifics of what happened at school. I know I went, and did stuff...

I did go to Banff with the CYO, and had the Wind Ensemble workshop weekend with Bob Reynolds, which was pretty cool, and more enjoyable than I was slightly afraid it could've been.

I've been discovering how I don't quite have the hang of making dinner. In that, I'm not used to actually cooking dinner, to thinking out in advance what I'm going to have, and what I need for it, and actually getting the effort to make dinner. So far my best dinners have been canned soup, a side of cucumber, and a glass of eggnog, with my book to keep me company. Which is really quite cozy.

But I still invite myself over to my parents when I can. Microwaved soup gets a little tiring after a while.

My skin is getting insanely dry since winter really kicked in. I think it might be slightly worse than it was last year, since I really don't remember my skin getting this dry and itchy and just not feeling very nice. I'm almost starting to wonder if it would be easier to just get some good hydrating bath stuff, and have regular evening baths than having to slather my entire body with moisturizer every single night.

On another note, I should really get out and do my Christmas shopping soon, or I will forget and leave it to the last minute. Which I've been really good about not doing, so I don't want to break my streak now.

Unlike my Halloween streak, which I did break this year! Go me!


"Is it bad that all I thought of at that moment was 'Make-up sex!'"

Sunday, October 31, 2010


There's a natural progression when it comes to Halloween, I believe. I was going to tell this to Ken, but he's busy making dinner, and not really listening. Which is okay, because I like food. But since he's not listening to my thought, I shall tell you, faithful readers. Or semi-faithful readers. Or people who came upon this by chance.

So, natural progression to Halloween. There's a very natural crossover when it comes to the Halloween process. The balance to Halloween is that some people receive candy, and others give out candy. That's how society works. And eventually the ones who receive candy become the ones who give candy, and the circle of life continues.

By the way, I just had a 6 year old Batman come to my house. Teehee!

Anyways, I believe there is a very specific and natural rotation when it comes to Halloween, and I shall outline it now.

The first stage is during the years of 3-13 years old. During this stage, you're incredibly excited to dress up, and have a costume *pause*

I just got a dinosaur at my door! Teehee!

*unpause* and have costume parades at school and all that fun stuff that comes with Halloween. And trick or treating to get candy is an awesome bonus too. I liked this stage. We were never ones to buy costumes, but I never minded this, because Mom made the most kick ass costumes ever. I was an eagle one year. I think that was one of my favorite costumes made by Mom.

The next few stages don't have a specific time line, as it can be different for people. But the next stage occurs over the next few years. This stage is when you just really dress up for the hell of it, so you can still go trick or treating to get a pillowcase of candy. Why? Because free candy is awesome, and you're still young enough to get away with it. I definitely stuck some ribbons in my hair, stuck some vampire teeth in my mouth, and went trick or treating as whatever anybody wanted to think I was. Looking back, it was kinda lame. I got a group of those kids before my last two trick or treaters. They weren't really fun.

The next stage is indifference. You don't really feel like dressing up, you're too old to go trick or treating, so what's really the point? I lost interest in Halloween for at least two years. I think it's mostly realizing you can't trick or treat anymore, and not really being sure what you now have to look forward to with Halloween.

However, the last stage is the final stage in the circle of life, and that's when you begin to look forward to having trick or treaters, and giving them candy. This renews your interest in Halloween, and thus balance is restored and maintained.

I had three Halloween costumes this year. I went as Dr. Price on Friday, where everybody at school would get it, and I could imitate him all day. I went as a devil on Saturday to a house party, because that's the only place I would wear such a costume. And today I went to work as Mickey Mouse. And I guess I'm giving trick or treaters candy as Mickey Mouse.

My dad used to be a vampire for Halloween. I can't actually recall if he used to do this every Halloween, or if he only did it once or twice, and it just made a lasting impression in my mind. Anyways, he had *pause*

I just had a fairy princess! I went to the door and her face lit up! 'It's Mickey Mouse!' I gave her some candy and her dad told her to say thank you. 'Goodnight Mickey Mouse! I got candy from Mickey Mouse!' My life is now totally complete.

*unpause* So he had this vampire cloak, and I believe it lived in my closet for some time. At least, until I became a proper woman and began using my closet. And for some reason I was scared of this cloak. I think it eventually moved to Graham's closet because I was afraid of it, but I just remember thinking of it in my closet on those nights when I couldn't sleep. And that thought didn't help me to sleep.

And now I think I might text my father to compare our numbers for trick or treaters. I'm at three. I had a group of eight kids in the 'just trick or treating for the hell of it' stage, and I'm not really counting them, because they weren't cute.


"I'm not scaring you, I'm scaring your hiccups!"

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

And then, Laugh

Oh the stress of school again. How lovely. Instead of attempting to dish out reasons why I haven't posted in so long, or trying to summarize the last month or so, let me just tell you a series of instances, stories, quote, that will hopefully give you a good enough understand of the past little while.

Performance seminar candy!

"What are you doing to our ground?"

"I just went and bought food, and it's still hot, and it only took 10 minutes!"

Walking to Safeway, forgetting my wallet, walking home, walking back to Safeway.

Cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry by hand in the bathroom, and realizing I have to clean the bathroom all over again.

"Once upon a time, many years ago, there were musicians who were very bored. And these musician cried 'oh, won't somebody write some music we have to practice?' Then Beethoven came along. And he said 'don't worry bored musicians! I will write music you have to practice!' And there was much joy. Then, a few hundred years later, there were musicians who were not so bored. In fact, they were very busy. And yet, for some reason there was still a need to play the pieces of Beethoven, which required lots of practiced. And they would have cursed him to the end of his days, if that hadn't already happened."

"And now you'll want to leave this reed alone for a couple days. He's gone through some big life changes. He's been forced into a tubular shape, had pieces of him scraped off, and he's had mouths chomping on him. He needs some recovery time."

"I was going to say 'What would you do if you were trapped in a burning building, with no hope of escape? Would you call someone you love and tell them you're about to die?' But then I realized you wouldn't do that, you'd call 911."

"Is she really skinny? Or are your horses all just pudgy?"

"I'm not a big fan of going to bed early, but if I don't go to bed at the same time with him, and I climb in while he's already asleep, there's no way he'll be cuddly."

"Blah blah blah. I went to Eastman. I conduct the Wind Ensemble." *pout*

Oh, and the Stravinsky Octet seriously makes me feel like I'm on drugs.


"And they never asked Beethoven that ever again."

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Radiohead 2

First of all, allow me to say that I am really not pleased with myself. In the way that I always seem to need people to really dig into me to actually get me to talk about something that's bugging me. And then when people don't have the time or effort to put into me, I start to feel super disappointed, and also mad at myself, because I know it's mostly my fault. Things would be so much easier if I could just start talking as soon as somebody says 'what's wrong?'. But instead, I always shrug, and they give me a look, but don't say anything else. And I'm left pleading inside my head for them to ask me one more time, and whatever is bugging me is left alone, still bugging.

Anyway. Now that that's out, I shall move on.

I went to a Radiohead movement piece with Graham today. Basically it's a theater piece that is mostly just movement, set to music from a Radiohead album.

I really went into it having no idea what to expect. Graham said it was really good, and not only do I trust his judgment, but there are also very few theater pieces I do not enjoy.

This definitely blew me away.

I'm not even sure how I'm going to say what I thought about it. And I'm not sure how much I'm going to even mention the piece itself, because I really don't know how to. It's a movement piece. How do you write about movement? It's like dancing about architecture.

However, I'm not going to rule out the possibility of me mentioning it, so just to cover myself, there is a potential spoiler alert coming up.

Not that there was much plot in this. It was very, very much up to personal interpretation, and what you took out of it. I'm going to say right now that my thoughts on it aren't really in an organized state right now, and I'm not sure if they ever will be. So what follows are my thoughts right now, as of about an hour and a half after the show. Keep up if you can.

I got a huge sense of society. Today's society, and how it doesn't make sense. How it often feels like everybody else is doing their own thing, and yet they all seem to be in on something that you don't know.

Common sense vs. the ridiculousness of the things people do. How sometimes there are people who stand up to what goes on. People trying to pull others out of the cycle of society, that spins away, and drags them down into nonsense. And then giving up, and just joining that majority. Because there's no use anyways, and because it's easier than trying to pull out of it.

Personal thoughts and feelings. Everybody is thinking something, and hoping for something, and at the same time, trying not to hope, because how could it ever possibly happen? Letting go, and allowing it to happen, and what is acceptable now, when 100, even 50 years ago, it wouldn't be tolerated.

Solitude, and feeling alone. At one point, he was in center stage, with people in chairs all around him. And he kept asking where everybody was, and even when one person answered, and said they're all in front of him, he couldn't see them. Don't you ever have that on the train? On the streets? You look around, and people have this's almost more than just neutral. It's empty. And even though you are surrounded by people you want to ask where everybody is. I ask where everybody is. Why they feel like they have to go away when they step onto the street.

Videos. Videos of people who are gone. People who are on their deathbed, and don't want to face the world. When they're gone, all you have are pictures, and videos. And in the videos, there is no sound. But you can see them. They're talking, smiling, laughing. You know they're gone, and this is all you have left. On one hand, you know this is only a shadow, only one part of this person who used to live, breathe, and feel. On the other hand, it's all you have left, and you never want to let go.

At first, I wanted to know what they were talking about. What story they were telling, what day they were reliving for the camera. I wanted to know what they were telling us. And I finally realized I didn't want to know. I just wanted to look at their faces, and see the emotion. See all the happiness and life there, and just know that each of them was a real person.

At the end, they all went silent. And one by one, they said the most sincere thank you that could be said without any noise. I wondered what they were thanking us for. For being there? For that perfect day? For everything?

Then it was over. And I'm left wanting time to stand still, so I can take a few moments to relive those moments of pure emotion. Wanting to go back, and watch that girl's fact on the screen, the one who was so full of life, and joy, and everything.

But time doesn't stand still. And soon enough I'll be pushed back out into it. I'll leave that dark theater, where the only thing real is what's happening in front of you.

But while I've learned that time doesn't stand still, I've also learned that people don't stay the same. I've learned that understanding the world is a constant process of comparing what we don't comprehend to our own experiences, and reassessing what we think we understand.

I may not come out of this a completely different person, and I may not begin changing everything I understand and believe because of this night. But I will take something away from it. I have taken something away from it.

And I know I won't have this constantly on my mind. But I will keep it away. Wrap it up in a box in my mind, and label it with a sharpie, or a post it note. To remind myself, when I'm feeling particularly hopeless, emotionless, like a walking, empty shell, to pull this out. Though it may not make me feel better, it will remind me there are still reasons to feel. That there are still people trying to make sense of this world.

And as long as there are still beautiful works of art worth thinking about, I think I'll make it through.



Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Silly Internetz

I've been getting a lot of spam comments recently. It's slightly annoying. However, Blogger also just made a feature that auto-detects potential spam comments, and doesn't let them be published unless you confirm they're not spam. Which is kinda nice.

So, I'm currently at the end of the first two days of school. And I feel dangerously close to being a first year again.

Well, I definitely did during my first class on Monday, but that was because the class was in a room in Earth Sciences, and whenever I delve into the realm of the science buildings I always feel small and scared. Because, c'mon, there are all people...

Anyways, I think it's also partly because I'm a third year now. And when I look back to when I was a first year, I remember what I thought of the third years. I admired most of them, and thought they were always cool and composed and knew exactly how things at the university go down.

To be fair, I could be underestimating myself a little bit. I do know a fair bit about how things at the university work, and I'm not exactly terrified of course outlines or homework anymore. But even so, I definitely do not feel like I'm the person I used to look up to a few years ago.

But I suppose that's almost always the way of things, when you work your way up in the world. I thought the Supes at MusiCamp were the coolest people ever. They were always so calm, and organized, and super fun. Now, having been a Supe, I still think they're a coolest people every, and super fun, but at the same time, most of camp all the Supes are practically sleepwalking their way through the day (I exaggerate slightly...but we don't get nearly as much sleep as is probably good for us), and we were definitely not as organized as I thought the Supes always were. We really fake it, and make stuff up half the time.

In general, I feel like I've forgotten how to be a university student. But I think part of that might be because I did more this summer than I usually do. Generally I just sit around the house with my brother all summer. This summer I actually went to MusiCamp for a month. And people who go to MusiCamp know that it's practically like entering another world. When I came back, I'd almost forgotten how you interact in a place that's not camp. With people who haven't been to camp.

I also moved out. Which took up some time, and a lot of thought. So a lot of the summer, especially after I got back from camp, was adjusting to the new place, getting used to cleaning and cooking (and reminding myself to actually eat regular meals), and just generally getting comfortable in my new space. Suddenly university is thrown on top of that, and I'm left thinking 'But...what about spending time in my space?'

But I know it'll get better. It's just weird having the summer off, and going and doing different stuff, and suddenly I'm back, and it feels like it's been forever since I've been there.

However, one of the things I always admired about the third years that I do actually have: a pretty kick ass schedule. Every day I start at either 10:30 or 11, and every day I end at either 3 or 3:30. I'm totally okay with that. I get to sleep in, and I can still keep my evenings open for work. I still haven't scheduled my lessons, but we're pretty sure they're going to be on Monday evenings, and I'm trying to go for Monday afternoons if we can do that.

I also had this really weird thought while I was wandering through the sciences building: that Ken will be at Sait all this year, so he won't be hanging out at the university, so he won't be here to see me. And for some reason that thought scared the hell out of me for a few minutes, before I told myself to pull myself together and suck it up.

I also think I'm exaggerating this whole being scared of school thing just slightly. It's not that I'm actually afraid, it's just that it's a big schedule change, from hanging out at home and just getting things done as they needed to be done, to having classes and just having a lot more stuff to do in general. I don't tend to deal with drastic schedule changes very well, so I suppose I shouldn't be entirely surprised by this reaction.

I haven't been to the bar yet, which is more than I can say of some of my friends. But I think I have used up my weekly allowed amount of swearing in the first two days, and I'm currently heading into overload.

I was also playing Ken's Civilization game on his computer, and even though I was at least 2000 points ahead of everybody, another country won just because they got into space before I did. I am not pleased, and even though I know I should start another game, cause I have a different strategy idea for my next round, I feel like ignoring both the game, and Ken's computer for a while. Just to give them time to think about what they did.

I'm kind of glad I don't tend to re-read these posts, cause I'm pretty sure I would not be pleased with the quality of my writing. I also say 'I' a lot here. But that's allowed, cause it's my blog, right? Right...

But really, hopefully I'll actually have some interesting stories to tell here, and not just random facts about what I'm doing with my days.


"That's completely different. It's like comparing apples to geese."

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Pizza Thoughts

So, I was sitting at the stove, stirring the tomato sauce for the pizza Ken's making.

We seem to have a pretty good deal going on that Ken makes food, and I do dishes. I'm okay with it and he seems pretty okay with it. It's a pretty good system. Especially since he doesn't like doing dishes, and I...well, I like making food, I'm usually too lazy to do it. I'd rather complain about being hungry until somebody does something about it. But I digress.

So I'm stirring the sauce, and suddenly I have this image pop into my head of me and Ken owning a nice piece of land, like a farm, and me explaining to this kid (I presumed it was some sort of niece) that at our house, the men always go outside to do the work, and the women stay inside to cook for the men.

Then it changed to the kid being my kid, and a few more kids appeared, all mine, and I was explaining to my parents (who were visiting) that the kids are always either working on the farm or cooking for the ones working, regardless of male or female, and they have to earn their free time. Unless they have homework, then they're exempt from working and cooking, as long as they're working on their homework.

At this point one of the younger children started to cry, and I asked one of the older children to take care of her while I finished dinner. My children were apparently very well behaved.

It was at this point in this little...I don't even know what to call this...that I realized I had been imagining me speaking with a southern accent the entire time. This weirded me out so much that I went back and tried to fix it, but it refused to be fixed, and so I abandoned this little spurt of imagination that seemed to come out of nowhere.

I just poked a happy face into the pizza dough with my finger.

Anyways, I thought you would enjoy this little story, because I find it rather amusing. And also a little weird how I had a very dream-like thought pop up while I was still very awake.

Recent activities have also included venturing to the university, standing in lines, welcoming Jocelyn home, Ken and I betting on if Jocelyn's home (she spends a lot of time in her room...we're not judging her, but we also sometimes jokingly wonder if she likes us...), and me being mopey about the fact that we don't have any scissors in the house, and how we don't have a snake.

I really wanted a snake, because they're awesome, and Mom would never let a reptile in her house. But I also really wanted to get it before school starts, because I was positive that once school starts, we won't really have much time to put into getting things ready for a snake. I'm not really worried about not having time to look after the snake once school starts. In my experience of doing things, getting started is often the hardest part for me.

And I also felt really stupid when Ken proclaimed to me that I had bought tomato paste instead of tomato sauce for the pizza.

However, in other news, I was just reminded of my liking for the word 'proclaim'. Along with 'procure' which I can now only imagine in the context of Santa Claus 'procuring' the deed to somebody's land.

But that's another story. Ask Graham.


"...and that's why Graham's not allowed to touch the lamps."

Sunday, August 22, 2010

New Home

Yay! I'm back from camp, and after a week of sleeping, shopping, adjusting, and cleaning (well...not so much cleaning...but more on that later), I think I'm ready to blog again.

Or rather, I'm making myself blog again, because of the previously discussed laziness factor. Anyways.

Camp was a lot of fun, and I hope to dedicate a few posts to it before classes start up. I got back on Sunday, spent a few days sleeping, hung out with the Supes again on Wednesday, slept for a few more days, shopped for a dress, and attended a wedding in said dress. I also bought two additional dresses, two skirts, and a new shirt, but that's besides the point.

Ken and I went to his cousin's wedding yesterday. It was pretty fun. The first wedding I've been to since I was really young, so it's really the only wedding I remember in detail.

It was a little wordy, not going to lie. But I get that after my dad, really. We're not much for speeches. At least not the long ones. So when they started going into childhood stories before the vows were made I started to doze off a little. And I also could have done without the hour and 45 minute speech session before the reception too.

Ken and I spent a lot of time yesterday joking about 'our' wedding (hypothetical, of course), and talking about how it would be done differently and such. I figured I'm going to have a tough time picking out music. During most of the wedding, and beforehand, whenever music came on I would sit there thinking 'cheesy...cheesy...really cheesy..." I finally told Ken I'd just use the Darth Vader theme song as my bride music and be done with it. He was okay with that.

And I was also a little annoyed by how the bridesmaids and the bride walked down the aisle. Step...step...pause...step...step...pause...

Yeah, none of that for me.

I was going to talk a little bit more about actually living in the new place, but Ken and I are going to watch a movie tonight, and I said I wanted to finish blogging, but Ken popped popcorn anyways, so it's already pretty cold. So I should probably go so I can eat moderately warm popcorn.

Actually, by the time the movie's in and we're ready to go, it probably will barely be moderately warm. I guess I won't be eating much popcorn tonight.



Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I Cry a Lot

I really need to get back into doing blog things, other than just posting, which I don't even do that often. Mainly, reading other people's blogs. I try to do this on a regular basis, but I still don't feel like I'm doing it enough. Although apparently my brother has started blogging on a regular basis, so I'm definitely going to have to get in on that action.

Also, Ken's parents are on vacation. Which means all the time I should be spending on moving out, I'm actually spending on living at his place. It's really slightly less than productive.

Anyways, I've been promising to keep up with updates when something actually happens, so here I am.

Sunday night, me and Ken decided to go out and saddle up a horse for me. Why we decided to do this in the evening, just as the sun was setting when the bugs are t their worst, I don't really know. Probably because I haven't ridden in a while, and Ken was actually in the mood to go out there, so I wasn't about to stop us.

We brushed and saddled Jake, cause so far he's the only one I've ridden. Ken also sprayed the other horses with bug spray, which they don't entirely appreciate, but I'm sure they like the break from the bugs for a while.

I walked Jake around for a little bit, but ever since I went riding last time (which was a while ago) I've been thinking about getting better at trotting. I got Jake to trot a couple times last time, but I didn't really get into the rhythm of it. I just kinda bounced around on top, which made it feel a lot like an amusement park ride but without a safety bar to hold on to.

So we're not really sure what happened next. Probably a combination of him being slightly agitated by bugs, and me riding with my boots for the first time, which probably felt different than my shoes, and the saddle not being on quite as tight as it probably should have been...anyways, the point is, I'm not really sure what happened, but I went to nudge Jake into a trot, and he kinda took off on me. And when he got to the fence and swung to the side, I fell off.

Now, falling off a horse is a different experience than I've ever had before. I don't actually remember the falling part. I remember being on Jake has he turned at the fence, and then I was on the ground. I faintly recall having a vague thought something along the lines of "Horses are really tall." before the pain kicked in.

I heard Ken talk to Jake, and go calm him down and take his saddle off. I think I was registering whether my body was still working. And since all my limbs were bending the right way, at the right places, and I wasn't in any excruciating pain, I concluded that I wasn't badly hurt. The side of my back down to my butt hurt pretty bad, where I hit the ground. But it was mostly just a bad throbbing pain, nothing super sharp.

I believe it was about the time Ken came over to me that I started to cry. At first it was mostly just the first feeling of pain and the whole shock of the fall that started it. But that reason for crying really only lasted maybe a minute. Which for some reason I seem to think it should have lasted more. But more on that later.

I feel pretty silly about the main reasons I was crying. To be fair, when I start crying, I tend to continue crying on pretty irrational reasons. I was really disappointed that I did something wrong, and how this is the second time Jake's taken off on me, and how he probably really doesn't like me, and how Ken's never going to want to put me on a horse again, and mostly just how I fell of Jake, and that Jake threw me off in general.

When I calmed down a little, Ken corrected most of these thoughts without me having to voice any of them. I also corrected a few of them myself. This is the second time Jake's taken off on me, but the first time was a problem with the saddle, not necessarily anything I did (although I did hit his backside when I was mounting him that time...but that's not the point). Ken says Jake does like me, and horses generally do feel a little bad when their riders fall off, and they understand that something didn't go right. I don't think he specifically said he would take me riding again, but I sort of came to that conclusion myself.

And finally he told me that Jake didn't intentionally try to throw me off, something just didn't go right. And to be honest, I probably should have walked him around more before trying to get him into a trot. But I was just so excited to be on a horse again! Which I wonder if that may have resulted in me kicking him a little harder than last time...but then, I was also using last time as an example, when I had to nudge him quite a few times to finally encourage him to trot. Silly horse.

But no harm was done to me, besides having a sore back for the last couple days. Like Dad says, I'm young, I can take it. Mom got weepy when I told her the story, but Mom gets weepy about everything.

After I stopped crying, Ken went out to clean up the saddle and let the horses go. He just brought me straight inside and left them all in the corral. I asked to go out, because I had this urge to see Jake again. Maybe this is common when somebody falls off a horse. Ken said he was going to leave that for the morning, but I could come out if I wanted to. So I did, and as soon as I saw Jake I started crying again. I still felt bad for...falling off him? Honestly, my dominant feeling at the moment was wanting to apologize to him for falling off.

So I started crying all over again, which made me feel super ridiculous. But Ken let me stand there and hug him for a while, and brush the bugs off him. Then we let the horses out, and I went inside to fill out a self-evaluation for my annual review at work.

Anyways, it was an odd experience, because that night I basically alternated between thinking about how scary it really was having him take off on me, and wanting to just get back up on that saddle (literally) and try it again. I mean, maybe not try trotting right away again. But I definitely want to get on him and keep working at getting comfortable with him when he's walking, and hopefully build up to trotting. In a better way than I obviously did this time.

Even just an hour or so after falling, when Ken was telling me how he's not sure about Jake, since he's on of the oldest of their horses and had the most training, he usually puts new riders on him, but lately he's had a few people fall off him. I told him I'd ride Jake again. And I'm looking forward to riding Jake again.

I'm going to try not to over think this whole thing too much, since I have a terrible time of doing that. But it was definitely a new experience, so I figured it deserved telling in full.

Side story: just as I was starting to finish crying in the house, I realized the inside seam of my pants had ripped while falling off. I mentioned this to Ken, and he made a joke that we're fix it using a piece of Jake's hide. This joke sent me into a full round of hysterical laughter, mixed with a new round of hysterical sobbing. It had to be one of the weirdest feelings I've ever had, and I wonder what Ken was thinking of it. As soon as my body was willing to let me speak again, I told Ken that Jake really wouldn't like me after that.


"But it wasn't just talking, it was crazy menopausal talking."

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Gah, it's real

Jocelyn texted Ken this morning to tell him that she's moving into the condo today and tomorrow. Which means we can start moving in anytime. Well, we always had the option to start moving in anytime, but she knew that we were sort of waiting for her to go first, as it were.

So. That means it's actually happening.

I mean, I always knew it was actually happening. Especially once I saw the place, got a key, etc. But...I don't know. I know Rae understands this feeling, because she told me she felt the same way. I'll do my best to explain it now.

I'm experiencing a lot of emotions from this whole moving out deal. And this is just the pre-actual-moving stage, so I have no idea how I'm going to feel after that happens. But anyways. Mostly, I've been excited, as most people know. Sometimes I'm a little terrified. Not because I don't think I can do it, but just because it's going to be a change, and it'll be different. And changes and different experiences are always a little frightening, at least for me.

But it's mostly been excitement. Truth be told, I've been wanting to move out for the past little while (mostly just the last year or so) and this is a great opportunity. I didn't want to move out cause I don't enjoy living with my family (well...usually). I just felt like I wanted to see what it was like having a place, and what not.

So for the past few months I've almost had that 'too good to be true' feeling. I mean, it's a really fair sized place, decent location, living with a bunch of friends, living with Ken, great deal on rent. I sort of felt like if I talked too much about it, or got too excited about it, I'd jinx it, and it wouldn't happen somehow.

Lately that feeling's been going away, as we paint the place, and as I show my parents, and basically as the whole thing becomes more real, and less like just a bunch of plans.

So now all that seems to be left is to truck all my stuff over there.

The problem is, Ken seems to be content with some plan to move in slowly. That is, he'll just sort of transfer more stuff over to the place every day or so, until he's pretty much entirely moved in.

That sounds like a good plan. But I don't think it'll work for me. I can't really imagine how to move in, other than just moving my bed, clothes, bookcases and tables over there and then worrying about other little stuff later.

Not that I'm worried about any of this stuff. I'm mostly just pondering out loud. If you can call blogging 'out loud'.

I'm at Ken's right now. He's off playing at a funeral. I was going to go with, and then just take his car and do something until he was done. But he never knows how long funerals are going to go, and then we'd both just have to worry about when I should be back, and if he's only going to be there for about an hour, hour and a half, that doesn't leave too much time for me to actually go and do anything. Not that I have anything to do today anyways, since I had a bunch of shifts canceled this week.

Which leaves me here. He has a book on horses that I really want to read, so I might pick that up. He also said I could go out and shoot gophers, which is always fun too. But they also don't seem too active today. At least, I don't see many outside the window. Not enough to make me go outside, anyways.

So there's a moving update, which I know really wasn't much of an update, except to say that it's going to be happening soon. Once we have stuff in, along with some furniture, and get the place cleaned up a bit, I'll give you some pictures. Maybe I'll even steal Graham's camera to give you a video tour.


"I'm really scared about that quote."

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My Bad (Just Kidding!)

Hey guys. I'm being lazy again. I'll try to get better, even though I know I say that every time. I think my problem is just that not a lot happens over the summer, so I don't feel like I need to talk about it as much as during the rest of the year.

Anyways, hopefully I can stop beginning posts with that lame shpeal soon.

In other news, I'm blogging on my iPod! I recently got an iPod Touch. 64G, which I know is probably kinda excessive, but I wanted it anyways, and the guy at the Apple store gave me on a deal on it. Future Shop was doing a sale on their iPods, and apparently the Apple store does price matching. Good to know, right?

I'm at Mount Royal now, just waiting for my CYO audition. It's not until 9, and it's only about 7 right now. But Ken has rehearsal just across the road, so I figured instead of dropping him off, driving home, and then driving back, I'd just hang out here for a while. Which was obviously a good idea, cause now I'm blogging.

What else is new? I'm supposed to be moving in sometime this week. That is, if the tile is done and the carpets are cleaned. So that should be an adventure. I really am quite excited, but the whole process is goin a little slow for my liking. But then, I also tend to be a little impatient sometimes, and I've been looking forward to this for quite a while. But I shouldn't complain. There have been times when I've felt a little scared or overwhelmed about moving out, so it's probably a good thing that it's taking a little while. And I really liked spending a couple days with all of us painting the place. Even though I really didn't do as much work as pretty much everyone else. But even so. I thought it really made the place feel like ours. It did for me, anyways.

Once we're properly moved in, and the place has been cleaned up, I'll take a couple pictures and post them here. It was kind of funny when I showed my parents the place, cause we still had tarps, and other post-painting messes kicking around. Mostly all the trays and rollers sitting in the entrance, which must have made a great first impression, I'm sure.

Well, I think I'll leave it at that for now. I promise to regularly give updates on the moving process. After that, the next big thing will be MusiCamp, which I got an email about from the Baron just a few days ago. I've talked about this before, but I'll try to give updates while I'm there, and if I can't, I'll try to keep a journal or something, so I can talk about it when I get back.

Oh, and I still have to plan a backyard party before I leave. Special request from Miranda.

I'm getting pretty good at typing on my iPod. The worst part is the M is pretty close to the backspace, so I will find myself deleting rather than typing an M sometimes.


"I really want to ask him if he ever heard anything."

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Today's the Greatest

It is a very rainy day today.

In fact, it is almost the most perfect kind of rainy day. Practically no wind (maybe a slight breeze now and then), and a nice, steady amount of rain. Definitely more than a non-committed spitting, but not quite enough to be considered a down pour. A very nice rain for spring, as it's slow enough for it to actually soak into the ground.

So me and Graham decided to go for a walk down to the corner store with Champ. At first I was going to do my usual thing in the rain, which is wear a jacket to provide warmth, but other than that, just go out and get wet and have fun. However, I tried something new with my hair this morning.

Herbal Essences Tousle Me Softly mousse. The commercials looked very convincing (as is their job) and I've been thinking I should really start opening up to the fact that my hair would like to curl, instead of trying to force it to be straight all the time. So I invested in some of that, which is meant to create waves, and also in the Totally Twisted mousse, which is more for curls. Of course, then I also went online and bought the type of hair dryer extension you're supposed to use for that mousse. Anyways.

The point is that I used the Tousle Me Softly mousse and had a head of messy waves. I wasn't positive that they looked fantastic, but it was something new to try.

So when me and Graham decided to go for a walk, I stepped outside, and suddenly felt like it was an umbrella like day. I know, I'm not usually a big umbrella person. But the day seemed to call for it, and between keeping my hair the way it was, not being sure if it really looked good, and taking the gamble of how it would look after getting rained on and drying...I decided to try to keep it the the way it was.

Walking with an umbrella really was quite fun. I enjoyed myself.

I got back home, and found out that while humidity makes my hair frizzy, cold moisture outside is actually quite good for my curls. My messy waves turned into a sort of halfway-between-messy-and-neat curls. Which I think is kinda cute. Like, it almost looks neat enough to be turned into a fancy up-do, but they're just a little too much on the causally-messy side to actually do it. I'm glad I'm going out tonight so people can see me.

Joel's piece is being played by the CPO tonight, so I'm excited to hear it. I also spend more money than I really needed to on tickets, because I didn't see the cpossibilities option until after I checked out, which kinda sucked. But it's not a huge deal, it's not like the tickets were super expensive anyways, so I'm not too bothered about it. Just slightly.

Champ's now laying in the living room on top of a couple of towels I put down for him. Normally when he's wet we just leave him outside. But I felt bad for putting him outside in the rain, especially when he was so good on his walk in the rain. So I put down a couple of towels so he could lay in the living room with us. The room kinda smells like wet dog, but I'm okay with that.


"And he's pooping."

Friday, May 21, 2010

I'm back!

From nowhere at all. Honestly, being a lazy person, I have no excuse for not posting for so long, other than just being lazy.

To be fair, I haven't had all that much to say. A lot of my life so far this summer is just working and hanging out with people.

Anyways, to make up for my not posting for so long, I shall tell you all about the biggest piece of news I have.

I'm moving out. And I'm pretty excited.

Jocelyn's grandparents own this three bedroom condo, and they're renting it out to her. So the plan is that we're going to have 5 people in this condo. Jocelyn and Greg in one room, me and Ken in another room, and then either Jocelyn's brother or her friend in the last room. I haven't seen the place yet, but Jocelyn says it's a pretty fair sized place. Big enough for five people to live there and not get in each others' space.

Seeing as there will be five people there, rent will be a pretty good deal. Every once in a while I worry about it, but I'm pretty sure once I stop spending money I really don't need to spend, I'll be fine. When I look at my bank statements, most of my withdrawals are for food, coffee, or other things I really didn't need to spend money on. But that's enough of that subject.

We're all pretty excited. It's just a few minutes walk from a train station, so that's super convenient. Apparently it's attached to a rec center, which we'll have full access to, and it also has big rooms we can rent out for parties and stuff. Me and Ken have already done a walk through Ikea, just for some window shopping. We're pretty sure we're going to have lots of fun organizing our room.

So, in other news.

I've discovered, and am starting to appreciate, loose leaf tea. Jocelyn works at Steeps, a tea place in Calgary, which has so many different types and flavors of tea. I'm really having a good time discovering different flavors. And keeping track of my favorites. Ken bought me a very awesome tea mug, which keeps things hot for an entire day. I bought a loose leaf teapot for my mom for Mother's Day. I was debating getting one for myself too, for when I move out, but then Ken reminded me that I'm moving in with Jocelyn, who apparently has quite the extensive teapot collection. So I don't have to worry about that.

I'm apparently going to Banff tomorrow. Ken, his friend Brandon, and his girlfriend Ashley were planning on going to the mountains for a hike or something. I have to work tomorrow evening, but Ken still wanted to invite me. He just texted me tonight and said that they're thinking of just going up for a walk around, lunch, hot springs outing. Which sounds awesome, and should make it pretty easy for us to get back on time for work.

So I hope this makes up a little bit for my recent lack of posting. As I always do when I don't update for a while, I'll try to update more recently, and not suddenly drop off the planet on you guys. Especially when I have no good reason for doing so.


"So I don't need a reason to look at you, but it costs me a kiss?"

Monday, May 03, 2010


So, just a quick note, since I wasn't actually going to blog tonight. I thought about it while waiting for the bus, but I decided I didn't really have anything to say at this particular time.

But then I got home, and did the routine check on my blog, just to see how things are going, and I found that somebody commented on my blog. Not a follower, or a friend, just another blogger. Which made me very happy, because I like it when people comment on my blog. I like hearing people's thoughts on what I'm saying, and it's nice to know people actually read this mess of words I put up here.

That got me thinking that maybe I should comment on blogs more. It makes me happy when people do it for me, so why don't I often do it for other bloggers? It doesn't even have to be complicated. Just something saying I enjoyed their post or something.

Anyways, so that's one thing. Then I looked up this person who commented on my blog, and found their blogs, and looked into those. Then I went to link their blogs to mine, so I'll read them.

This is where things get really interesting. Because (while I was contemplating making a slight layout change) I went to look at any new things I could add to the side there, and guess what I found!

Well, you've probably already noticed it. But it's a search engine for my blog! This is awesome, because it basically eliminates the need for me to tag / label posts, which I've sort of been considering, but that would mean I'd have to go back and do all of them since the dawn of time itself, and I didn't feel like doing that.

Anyways, I highly suggest just playing around with it a little. If you want. I know I did, and I found it super fun. But that's also just me.

But that's really the only thing I have to say for now. The only real layout change I was thinking was to do with the organization of my blog lists. You probably won't notice at all, so no cause for panic.


"Can we go have sex now?"

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Just Breathe

He asks me what I'm thinking.

I want to tell him I'm trying to preserve this moment. To make it last as long as possible, and to remember every detail that I can.

I imagine him asking me why I'm doing that. I don't really have an answer. Maybe because it's night, and it's dark. Both tend to make me particularly thoughtful. Maybe I just want to hold on to it, for rainy days and such. Maybe there's just so much to feel, and to be, at this moment, I just want more time to feel and be as much as I can.

Basically, I don't know what I would say if he asks why. And so I don't answer his question. I shrug. I say I don't know. I say not much. He starts talking again, and I allow myself to be lost in his stories, and his thoughts.

The only slight downside to tonight is the breeze. It's a little stronger than I'd like it to be, and it's chilly too. But it smells like summer, so I know it's a friend.

I've never sat in the playground on any of my night walks before. But when we walked by, the tire swing looked very inviting. Even though I'm wearing a skirt, I walked over to it and perched on one side, folding my skirt underneath to keep it still against the breeze. He sat on the other side, and soon started slowly turning us with one foot.

I'm alternating between letting my one foot brush against the ground, and holding it against my leg to keep it from getting too cold. It doesn't work too well, so I go back to brushing it against the pebbles in the playground. I can feel my feet gathering the dust that always clings to them, and it feels familiar. I'm playing a game with myself. As he turns us, his foot creates holes in the pebbles. When I come around, I smooth them out. He keeps making holes, and I keep smoothing them out.

The night isn't extraordinary, as nights go. I mean, it is, because all time I spend with the night is extraordinary. But as far as sights go, it's pretty plain. The sky is clear, but there's never may stars in the city. The moon isn't full, so there's no moon shadows. There's just beautiful darkness, broken by street lights and the glow from downtown.

Some noisy guys walk by. They pay no attention to us, but they break the natural sounds of the park at night. We let them pass, and I'm allowed to listen to his talking again in peace.

He's sitting with his back to me, which is keeping my back warm. But apparently I've said something shocking, because he turns to look at me, and then turns around so his chest is against my back. I suppose this is just as good. Now his arms can keep me warm too, even though I know he's colder than I am. I can feel him shivering.

After many rotations of the tire swing, I start getting bored of seeing the same scenery, in the same order, and thinking the same thing every time I pass it. I close my eyes.

The breeze is still cold, but the smell of summer is still there, so I know it's still good. Every turn the breeze blows my hair into my face, and I can smell it. It keeps my face warm, and it's familiar. I sigh, and lean closer to the chain I've been holding on to. It smells like metal, like the playground, like smiles and laughter. All good smells.

But it's still cold. When we get up to go, my feet are sore from hanging in the cold air, and it almost hurts to step on the pavement. But it's worth it. I could have waited until it was warmer. And I could have gone alone. But as far as first summer night walks go, this was a pretty good one.


"Don't interpret my stomach noises."

Monday, April 12, 2010

Please Continue

Not much to say this time around except to give you a little update on life. I haven't had any life changing thoughts, or gone through any monumental moments. (Say that a few times fast. Fun times.)

My history paper is officially done and handed in. I'm not sure if it's A material, but it's something, and it's done. I meant to give back my library books today, but I never got around to it. By the time I was ready to go home after work, I definitely wasn't feeling like dragging a big bag of books to the library. I'll leave that for another day. At least they're not overdue.

It's that time of year where I flip from being sure that I'll be fine in my classes, to panicking about how I'm going to fail everything. When I logically think about how the semester has gone, I'm pretty sure that if I don't pass with flying colours, I'll at least pass, which is still something. But every once in a while the amount of things I still have to do suddenly crashes down on me, and panic ensues. However, I've also found that panic and pessimism happens most strongly on Sunday evenings and Mondays, and usually the first part of Tuesdays. After that, the week looks better. And seeing as how Monday is now ending, I'm thinking the rest of the week can't be too bad.

At the same time, the fact that my two exams are on a Monday afternoon and a Tuesday afternoon does not fill me with confidence about how my mood will be on the preceding Sunday evening. But I won't worry about that until it gets here.

I was going to say all the things I don't have to worry about anymore, and also all the things I still have to finish before this week is over, but I just took a few moments to briefly think about that list, and I concluded that listing all of that in writing might just trigger my panic alarm to go off. It tends to be quite sensitive around this time of year. Which means it'll also tend to go off over things that I don't even need to worry about. I feel like I should have a sign or a t-shirt or something warning people about this.

I'll be sure to give more interesting updates over the summer. I've got quite the list of plans for the summer. Not concrete plans, because if the entire summer were laid out in concrete I might but explode in an attempt to blow it all away. Ironic, since I've looked forward to summer for quite a while now.

I just have a lot of ideas I wouldn't mind doing over the summer. Which I think is the best way to 'plan' summer.

Things I would like to happen include:

Working on my technique on bassoon.

Making reeds.

Playing badminton with Graham, and generally just doing a lot of walking to 7-11 for Slurpees.

Watering plants (both indoor and outdoor) and taking care of the garden.

Cleaning my room, and putting another bookshelf in it.

Making small, random trips out of town.


Learning to ride with Ken.

Go swimming.

There are probably other things I've thought of, but if I took the time to list every single thing I've ever thought of doing over the summer...well, I don't exactly know what would happen, but I'm assuming I'd get bored of writing it, and you'd get bored of reading it, so we'll leave the list at that.

And, of course, I'll be a Supe at MusiCamp around the end of summer, which I'm really looking forward to. I'm also slightly frightened, because I've heard rumors of Supe pranks that happen, and one included something along the lines of somebody waking up with a live lobster on their face. But I'm still super excited.

I hope to give regular updates of all my summer adventures. Of course, in between adventures, I wouldn't mind time to just sit and enjoy a cold drink with a book, maybe some video games, and of course, to complain about the heat that I've looked forward to for so long. Such is life.

I don't know how many opportunities I'll have to blog while at MusiCamp. I have a feeling the only time I'll have would be before bed, and something tells me I'll be too tired to want to devote time to coherent blogging about the day. Hopefully I'll record some of my adventures in my notebook, and I'll be able to share them later.

And I think that's enough thinking for one night.


"No girlz allowed."

Thursday, April 01, 2010

A Sequence of Thoughts

These thoughts occurred after wind ensemble rehearsal today. My reeds were not working out for me, and I was generally reminded about how unhappy I was with my playing in general. Than I reflected how my problem is that I tend to want to avoid unpleasant experiences, so when playing becomes unpleasant for me, instead of wanting to sit in a practice room and fix it, I just want to avoid playing in general. Then I reflected about how I don't feel like I can talk to anybody about this issue, because they'll just say "Well, there's you're problem, why don't you just fix it?", which I don't find particularly helpful, nor understanding.

Needless to say, I was not in the greatest mood come the end of rehearsal.

I could stay here and try to get some work done. But I'm not in a great mood, and having to do work on top of bad moods doesn't generally end well. Maybe I'll see what Ken is up to. Not doing anything because I'm hanging out with Ken always makes me feel better than not doing nothing because I'm feeling useless.

So I sent out a test to Ken: Rawr <3 What are you up to?

Ken's reply: I'm at home, do you want to come over?

This made me smile.

I like it when he seems to read my mind like that.

My text: ...maybe.

Ken's reply: But you don't have a car...Or do you?

Damn, I don't. I doubt he'll want to drive up to the university to pick him up, and I'm not about to be a whiny girlfriend and start telling him that he should.

My text: Ugh, I don't.

Ken's reply: I'll come pick you up then? :)


I'm probably the luckiest girl ever.

Following that event, my mood was made ever so much better by the fact that Greg gave me my little schedule book which I had left behind at the bar last night. I was positive it would still be there, but it always bugs me when I loose things, particularly very important things like the little book that tells me where people are expecting me to be each day. So that improved things a little.

PS, I'm aware I have to finish my paper. It'll get done. I promise. You know how I do things. I'm just always a step or two behind everybody else.


"I will finish it! Just not this afternoon."

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A Pensive Moment

I have just a little bit of time before I should go over to the Rozsa for the brass choir / percussion ensemble concert. I'm currently sitting in Mac Hall after getting some dinner. The Gig Club (which I've never heard of, and don't know anything about) is hosting this 24 hour music expo, and it's kinda nice to just sit here and listen to some music for a while. It's mostly all just guitar and singing, although I think Vocalectic sang earlier today for it.

Anyways, it is really bugging me how I know nothing about this club that's hosting a music expo. As above stated, they're called the Gig Club, but all they continue to say is that they're doing this for UNICEF, and donations would be great. The only info dek they have set up is about UNICEF. I'm thinking I should keep an eye out for them in the future. Not that I know if I'd like to join them, I'm just curious about what they're all about.

But I suddenly had a pensive thought, and I figured I'd post it here before I either forgot it or found I wasn't in the mood to blog about it.

Lately I've been finding that I'm appreciating music more. All types of music. Even the crazy contemporary piece that Wind Ensemble's been playing. Even the jr. high and high school band who's concerts I usher. Even the guitarists and singers in Mac Hall right now, even if their singing quality isn't of the highest caliber. Even the music we're starting to study in history class, where composers starting using sound in their music, which many people wouldn't consider to be music at all.

In general I'm starting to appreciate sound more. Maybe because of this history class. I find there are musical elements it many sounds, if you take the time to just listen.

But a lot of the time I find that I enjoy music that is being enjoyed by others. Namely, the performers. Whether it's the guitarist onstage, or the high school bands, or the new music festival (which featured some pretty out-there music), I found I enjoyed it a lot more when it was clear that the performer(s) enjoyed creating that music.

Anyways, I feel there's a lot more I could say about this, but I still haven't even been able to put a lot of my thoughts into words yet, so I'm continue to contemplate on it.

But something else I've found is that as I appreciate different music and sounds of others, my appreciation for the music I play and create gets less.


"I'm not sorry we met.
I'm not sorry it's over."

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Wealth of Information

First thought: I can see the moon right outside my bedroom window tonight, which is different. Usually it's right above the house, or outside of the back kitchen window. It's nice, especially in the mood I'm currently in.

I know it's ridiculously late, on a Sunday night, when I have to be up early tomorrow for the quiz first thing in the morning, not to mention all the homework and practical stuff that has yet to get done, and yet here I am, blogging. But I'm not feeling like I'm going to get anything productive done anyways, and I feel in a talkative mood, and I'm staying up to chat with Ken anyways, so I might as well share thoughts here as well.

I've noticed a particularly funny thing with relationships. Or rather, mine at least. I guess that's the only ones I can really talk about with any really knowledge. Anyways.

I didn't notice it as much in my first relationship (but, to be fair, I didn't notice that much in that one anyways), my second one was a little more apparent, and my third one was so obvious it almost made me laugh at times.

I've noticed that in the beginnings of my relationships, there almost seems to be this race to let the other person know more about you. I noticed this in me with my second, but with my recent one with Ken, this was very clear with both of us. We were sharing thoughts, experiences, memories...pretty much anything that came to mind. We've even both looked through some of each others' childhood pictures.

I just find it kind of funny how we've been friends (or at least, known each other in orchestra) for the last 3 years, and suddenly when we started dating it seemed like we had to let each other know exactly who we were and what we've done all at once.

It made me wonder just a little bit why this happens. I'm not complaining. Just wondering. There's rarely a time in a social situation where you feel compelled to let another person know everything (or at least, as much as can be said in a single conversation) there is to know about you.

Maybe we were both already so comfortable with each other, after knowing each other for so long, that the only really next step was to know a little bit more. Maybe it was just the joy of having somebody you know is interested in your life, and who you are.

(PS, I'm not sure how well those sentences fit together, as one uses 'we', and the seconds uses 'you'. But I'm really thinking my time for bed is coming closer, and I'd rather not spend time fixing it. Just so you all know that I realize the oddness of those two sentences together.)

Maybe we wanted to see how we both reacted to each others' stories and thoughts. To see if there were any issues before we really got involved. I'm not actually super sold on that idea, but it's occurred to me. I know I definitely laid out some emotional baggage I was carrying, when I probably didn't really need to.

Anyways, I find the whole process kind of interesting, because it's not like any other situation, where you gradually get to know somebody, until eventually you're really close, and you can't really say how it happened. It's like all that happened in about a week.

As a second reflection, knowing each other for so long and being comfortable with each other probably really helped. Look back, I can't really recall feeling overly uncomfortable with telling him anything. I just talked, without worrying about what he would think about it.

Getting to know somebody in one easy step: talk.

To be fair, that's my solution for most problems. But that's for another time.

Anyways, as a general life update, school is getting really busy, which means I'm also starting to just ignore everything I have to do, because if I think about it, that puts me in a very not good mood. I'm a little bit worried for April. But also excited for it all to be over. I foresee the usual emotional roller coaster that comes with being busy, so that should be yet another fun ride. For me, and everybody around me. I feel like I should apologize in advance.


"Vol. 1: Bat-Greg is distressed."

Friday, March 12, 2010

Random Time

It's time for another blog in which I don't actually have anything in particular to talk about, but I feel it's time you guys deserve an update. So here's another post dedicated to all (or rather, most) of the thoughts I've had over the last two weeks or so.

I have a feeling this love/hate relationship that I have with Mia (my bassoon) and music in general is going to take a turn for the better sometime soon. Maybe not by the end of semester, unfortunately. But I have a feeling it's coming. Which I am really looking forward to. Ever since I got super busy around November I have not had many good conversations with Mia. Well, that's not entirely true. We did have a good chat about the Mozart symphony which the university orchestra did. And it's not as if we've had our backs turned to each other all these months. But, you know that friend you have, which you both don't have time to just sit down and have a good chat, but you actually see each other quite a bit while hanging out with a bunch of other friends? That was me and Mia for the past little while. I'm hoping to fix that sometime.

I've also decided I really like writing. And stories. Oh, the stories. It's just little things I've found. This blog has definitely always been around, even when I try to pretend it's not. I wrote Ken a poem on his iTouch on the way to orchestra once. I didn't think it was extremely well written, but Ken thought for it being written in the car within about 20 minutes, it wasn't too bad. And I've also been making up stories a lot lately. To be fair, I've always made up stories, but I've kept them to myself. Lately I've started telling them to Ken. Whether this is because I trust him with my stories or I just want to convince him of how ridiculous I am, I haven't found out yet. But he seems to like them, which is nice. I also found an old story poem me and Kelsk wrote in high school for our English class. I really liked it, and found that I still like it when I reread it as I was cleaning my room. For some reason I decided to read it to Ken. I felt ridiculous the entire time, but again, he seemed to like it. Or at least, that's what he said. I couldn't bring myself to look at him the whole time I was reading. Like I said, I'm ridiculous.

Apparently Ken's brother, Dustin, read my last post, which was nice of him. I like it when I find out other people who read. He thanked me last time for mentioning him. Well, I'm mentioning him again. And probably will be mentioning him more in the future, as I've decided to unofficially adopt him as my older brother. Since I never had one.

To be fair, I like all of Ken's family. I find them very exciting. Maybe that's just because there seems to be a different combination of them every time I go to his house. Or maybe just because it seems like there's so many of them. Besides his parents, he has two brothers, two sister-in-laws, a niece, a nephew, and another niece/nephew on the way. I've got a younger brother. And an uncle who won't go away.

But again, to be fair, me and my brother have some pretty good times together. And we completely understand each other's humor. As in, so much better than anybody else I have ever encountered ever. That's pretty impossible to replace. And I don't think I would even if I could. We've come a long way to be here together. Including him biting me when he was teething, me shouting at him when I was going through break-ups, and both of us generally pissing the other one off when we were both going through our moody teenage years. You can't buy that kind of bondage.

My art project I started before Christmas is still sitting beside the couch. I still want to finish it, and then eventually do what I originally intended to do with it. Hopefully that will happen over the summer.

I've got high hopes for this summer. It feels like it's going to be a good one. Not that I've ever had a feeling that I'm going to have a bad summer. But this one is feeling particularly good. I'm looking forward to it.

Speaking of having a good summer, I'm most definitely going to MusiCamp Alberta 2010 as a Supe. I'm so excited.

Alright, enough of that. I'm sorta kinda thinking of going on Wow for a bit before bed. I've been avoiding it for the past while because I stopped playing for a few weeks, and now I'm afraid I've forgotten how to do it, and I won't be any good at it. And I seem to have gotten in this weird habit of going to bed before 2 am. Where did this come from?


"We lost Uncle Ken to a gecko."

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Classes and Concerts

I need to stop titling my posts with written incoherent sounds. Such as ugh, blah, meh...etc. Lately it seems like that's all I can come up with, and I really should get out of that habit.

So, update. I still don't have an accompanist, because I still don't know the date of my jury. Thanks, music office. Although I think I should call the guy Nicole has, he sounds not bad...and by that, I mostly mean she says he's pretty good, and nice, and he should be free for juries.

I also dropped Greek. I was a little behind, and I wasn't putting time into it, because I didn't have extra time to put into it, and when music life gets stressful, that's the first thing I leave out of life. Oh well, I've always said if I need to take a semester or two to finish up some options, I'll be okay with that. I'd rather that than spend the next two and a half years ready to explode because I have no time for anything.

As a quick side note, I have homework I really need to get done, but every time I have time to do it, I'd rather spend it doing other things. Such as blogging.

The Tchaik 5, CYO/CPO concert was tonight. It went really well. Very breathtaking symphony, especially by the time it gets to the end. I also hear, very clearly, Shostakovitch's Festive Overture at the end. Anyways, it went quite well, and it was a lot of fun. The audience enjoyed themselves. Or at least I assume, by the way they all stood up at the end.

Now, here's a great story.

Afterward, me and Ken headed back up to the lobby, since I wasn't sure if my parents had left, leaving Ken my only ride anywhere, or if I was going home, or doing something with Ken...I didn't know anything, basically. And Ken was going to meet his grandma, who was apparently going home that night.

So I talk with his family for a bit, and then my parents come up to me, proving that they didn't leave. I talk with my parents, and talk to Heather a little about a work issue. Then, for some reason unknown to me, I figured my parents and Ken's family should be introduced.

We do that, and some silly jokes are tossed around on Dad's part, and Ken's family chuckled, whether because they found him amusing or insane, I really don't know.

Our families are both ready to go their separate ways, but me and Ken still aren't entirely sure about what we're doing. So we stand there, sort of ready to drift away from each other, while I'm tentatively suggesting I just go home with my parents, while thinking that I'd really rather hang out with him for the night, because it would be nice to hang out on a night when neither of us have to get up in the morning, but I know he wants to go home and just spend time with his family, but I'm silly and don't really like to accept that I'm not going to get what I want until forced to.

When he suggested that he could drive me home, that was the forcing point of acceptance, and I said that was ridiculous when my parents were right here and they were going home.

After that ridiculously long moment of awkward not-wanting-to-say-what-we're-really-thinking-out-loud, we almost go our separate ways, until we both sort of realize we should say a nice goodbye and not a horrendously awkward one. So he comes over and hugs me, and we kiss while my parents are standing on either side of us, and his family's watching through the doors.

To be honest, I wasn't all that embarrassed about the witnessing families. Well, maybe my dad, cause he was standing about a foot and a half away from us. But his brother giving us a long 'awe' didn't bother me that much. It was more the residue of that awkward moment that refused to completely go away.

I hate being awkward. That had to be the longest most awkward moment I have allowed to endure in a long time. Usually I'm pretty good about either avoiding awkwardness entirely, or just laughing it off, and thus finding it no longer as awkward. But this was insane.

So, I'm left sitting at home, with nothing much to do, knowing that I'm going to see Ken tomorrow, but also knowing that it probably won't be nearly as early in the day as I want it to be, and basically trying to think of ways to waste time until that moment comes tomorrow. Oh, all the while thinking about how I want to be hanging out with him at this very moment.

Sounds like I'm in for a fun night.


"I am free to come for family lunch tomorrow, but it'll cost you extra."

Monday, February 15, 2010

Vancouver 2010


First of all, these past few weeks have been stupidly busy with midterms and such, so I haven't stayed in great contact with my accompanist, which apparently shows that I'm not committed, so she didn't put aside time to practice my piece, and she's entirely booked up for March and most of April anyways, so now I'm left feeling like an idiot, and lacking an accompanist.

Just had to get that out of the way, and now that it is, I shall move on.

Speaking of being busy, and yet not getting anything done, that's pretty much the position I'm still in. But this time, it's cause the Olympics are very distracting. Especially since Ken showed me the Vancouver 2010 website, that has live updates of scores and ranks, so I can keep track of those things as I watch the events. Very helpful.

Anyways, something that comes up with the Olympics that comes up every time they happen, is the insane hype about medals. Yes, medals are wonderful, and yes, they give us a huge reason to be proud of our country, and yes, our athletes should always strive for the podium.

But please tell me...should we be dissing, and putting down our country and our athletes simply because they don't make it to the podium?

It seems there are always those people who will put down our athletes, say they weren't trying hard enough, saying they're making stupid mistakes, just because they don't make it into the top three. And I've already seen Facebook statuses stating "Canada sucks" when we didn't do particularly well in an event.

It's the later statement that really gets to me. Honestly, if you need Canada to have medals in order to be proud of it, I really don't want anything to do with you.

As for the athletes, I'm always proud of our athletes, and that they're at the Olympics in the first place. It takes a lot of hard work to get there, and they don't just randomly pick people to compete in the Olympics.

I think the Olympics is an amazing event. What other event brings together the entire world to compete, watch, cheer, and experience together? I'm always amazed when I think of how many countries are involved, and how many people from all those countries are either coming to Vancouver to see the games, or even watching them from home. That's a lot of people, from a lot of different places.

I'm incredibly proud of Canada, and all our athletes who make it to the Olympics. Sure, sometimes some of them do make stupid mistakes that cost them a rank. Don't we all regularly make stupid mistakes? Haven't we all caved under pressure every now and then, in some form or another? I'm not about to bad mouth our athletes because they're human.

And I'm proud of the other countries and athletes that come out to compete with us. I was proud of the Chinese figure skaters who won China's first gold medal in figure skating. I loved the shot on TV of the Japanese family in the crowd watching speed skating, waving a Japan flag and cheering on their athletes, just like the Canadian family was doing in the rows behind them.

It all makes me think that maybe the Olympics have become, or maybe always were, about so much more than just winning medals. Maybe it's about showing each other that despite the fact that we come from different places, that we look different, and talk different, wear different clothing, and eat different foods...despite all this...

We all want to do our best and show everyone else what we have to offer. We want to cheer, laugh, and celebrate. We all wear our colors proudly to any event. We all just like to have a little fun.

Maybe this is about showing each other that we're all very much the same.


"Death spiral? Shouldn't there be spikes, and fire? And they should throw a starved tiger on the ice!"

Friday, February 05, 2010

Just Sayin'

Apparently I'm okay with eating ice cream and crying for an undefined period of time, because it is now the next day and I have done absolutely nothing that I meant to do.

I know, I'm pro.


"That's oddly logical."

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Blah Time

It's that really sucky time where midterms are coming up, and I'm running out of time to get anything done. Which results in really unpleasant mood swings. I apologize to all who may be affected by this. I don't enjoy it. But it should only last for a week, maybe two. At least, hopefully no longer than that. I don't think I could do wild mood swings for longer than that.

Anyways, tonight I actually have to get stuff done, or I will officially be so behind that I may just decide to give up, which will result in an even more wild mood swing, as at that point I will be forced to re-evaluate my whole life (not that I haven't done a little bit of that before) and I may also be tempted to do nothing but eat ice cream and cry, which is not good for both my physique (which isn't great to begin with) and my hydration levels (crying all the time takes a lot out of you).

I'll give you a moment to realize how long that sentence really is, and possibly to figure out some grammatical problems that I'm sure are in there.

Done? Wonderful.

So you see why tonight is the night in which I really have to get at least some stuff done. I'm not asking to get completely caught up, but hopefully I'll at least be able to finish all the stuff I was supposed to finish last Monday.

However, my productivity levels do seem to go up slightly once the rest of my family is in bed. Quite inconvenient in term of getting enough sleep at night, but that's how it is. I just keep telling myself that I've survived similar situations before, so I can do it again.

But this time, I have ice cream in the freezer, which should keep the optimism relatively high.

I may have said this before, but I am constantly being amazed at the extent to which I can procrastinate.

Oh well. Time for more peanut butter, some ice cream, waiting until Dad goes to bed, and then getting stuff done.


"So, Matt was riding ass down a hill."

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Series of Events (and Thoughts)

This narrative directly from my mind happened at 6:45. I had just gotten out of the shower, and was in my room:


Hm, I like showers. Feeling clean is always good. Ooh, I still have that set of brushes I was given...sometime...a while ago...from somebody...anyways, I should see if my hair's getting long enough to use any of them...

*cell phone buzzes*

(excited) Oh, text from Ken?...No, call from Rachel Flatts, probably to give me another clinic...but my schedule's in the kitchen and I'm wearing...oh right, nothing. I'll just slip on my housecoat...which is also in the kitchen because Mom washed it today. Damn. (trying think quickly while phone continues to ring) I could let her leave a message and call her back...but I have my towel, and only my Dad is home...the most he'd see is a bit of long as I can actually wrap my towel around myself properly...okay, just get it.

*answers cell phone*


"Hi, can I speak to Robyn?"

(trying to wrap towel around herself without dropping cell phone) "Speaking."

"Hi Robyn, it's Rachel, I was wondering if you could do a clinic on February 5th?"

"Hold on, let me just go get my day timer..."


It just so happened that my towel was in fact covering just barely past my waist, but nobody was actually in the kitchen or living room when I went out, so it was all okay. This all has very little purpose, but I just found the situation and my accompanying thoughts amusing.


"I generally don't like squishy things."

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Clean Slate (Not)

Thanks to a lovely post from Mr. Lady, a blogger who's writing I absolutely love, I have decided to keep going with this blog. It's been with me through a lot, and I know I'm not always completely loyal (see: last few months) but somehow or other I always find myself coming back to it.

This next little bit is for my family. We recently went through a tough time because my grandparent decided to sell their place, and go find the endless adventures waiting for them. Good for them, I know, and we're all proud of them.

Now, this may not seem like it should cause such a tough time, as I'm making out. But if you're thinking that right now, it shows that you don't know that house. You don't know that place. And you don't know my family.

My grandparents, with the help of their kids (my dad, aunts, and uncles) built that house. That it itself makes it very special, especially for my dad's side of the family.

This house sat on the edge of a small cliff, looking over the river. During the day, we'd moo to the cows on the other side, and during the night, we'd howl to the coyotes. Grandpa always took care of the fields, and more than once we got to see a deer, or moose walking through them.

A trip to the farm was always a cause for excitement. The farm seemed to offer an escape from everyday life. School, work, all seemed to disappear at the farm.

I'm sure everybody has a special place like this. Where only good memories exist. Think of your special place, and you'll know what the farm was like for us.

The fact that my grandparents were selling the place hit everybody a little differently. I think the grandchildren were hit the hardest. That was grandma and grandpa's place. How could it be any other way?

I'm proud to say I was very strong through the whole thing. I talked about how awesome and fun this will be for grandma and grandpa. I agreed with all their reasons for selling and moving. I didn't get to go help them move out, but I happily looked the pictures and laughed at the more ridiculous ones.

But here's my secret: On my very last visit to the farm, I got up in the night, very quietly. I went to the sun kitchen and looked at the trees, and smelled the summer air, warm even in the middle of the night. I looked out the window to the bird feeder that grandma dutifully filled for the birds. And I cried. I cried because this place was our place. We were the ones who had filled it with life, with laughter, and with love. This place didn't belong to anybody else. It couldn't belong to anybody else. Nobody else would ever be able to love this place like we have.

That was my own, private goodbye to the farm. I was fine in the morning, I was fine when we were leaving. I had said my goodbye, just like everybody else.

But last night, Ken took me out of the city, in between all the little towns of Chestemere and Langdon. Out to a spot on the highway where there were no houses and no street lights. Only the occasional car. And he stopped the car, and we got out. And I looked up.

I almost lost it right there, because the stars looked exactly like they always had the farm, with no light to scare them away. And I suddenly missed it all over again, and starting wishing I had gone up there more often, if for nothing more than to just lay in the field to watch the stars.

I thought I'd done very well in saying goodbye to the farm.

But now I realize that maybe, in little bits and pieces, saying goodbye will take a lot longer than I thought.


Friday, January 08, 2010


So, if you hadn't noticed, I'm apparently a little bored with this blog. I love this blog, and I know I've put a lot into it, but I still feel a little bored with it.

Now, the problem is that I still want another way to...I don't know, express myself, tell my the world my crazy life...something like that. I still want a way to do that...and I can't think of how.

I'd love to get into the webcomic scene...but I can't draw.

Video blogging has occurred to me. That one's still posted on the drawing board.

In general, other ways of writing, other styles of blogging have occurred to me, all on the drawing board.

But I'm still undecided.

Opinions, ideas?