A Pensive Moment

I have just a little bit of time before I should go over to the Rozsa for the brass choir / percussion ensemble concert. I'm currently sitting in Mac Hall after getting some dinner. The Gig Club (which I've never heard of, and don't know anything about) is hosting this 24 hour music expo, and it's kinda nice to just sit here and listen to some music for a while. It's mostly all just guitar and singing, although I think Vocalectic sang earlier today for it.

Anyways, it is really bugging me how I know nothing about this club that's hosting a music expo. As above stated, they're called the Gig Club, but all they continue to say is that they're doing this for UNICEF, and donations would be great. The only info dek they have set up is about UNICEF. I'm thinking I should keep an eye out for them in the future. Not that I know if I'd like to join them, I'm just curious about what they're all about.

But I suddenly had a pensive thought, and I figured I'd post it here before I either forgot it or found I wasn't in the mood to blog about it.

Lately I've been finding that I'm appreciating music more. All types of music. Even the crazy contemporary piece that Wind Ensemble's been playing. Even the jr. high and high school band who's concerts I usher. Even the guitarists and singers in Mac Hall right now, even if their singing quality isn't of the highest caliber. Even the music we're starting to study in history class, where composers starting using sound in their music, which many people wouldn't consider to be music at all.

In general I'm starting to appreciate sound more. Maybe because of this history class. I find there are musical elements it many sounds, if you take the time to just listen.

But a lot of the time I find that I enjoy music that is being enjoyed by others. Namely, the performers. Whether it's the guitarist onstage, or the high school bands, or the new music festival (which featured some pretty out-there music), I found I enjoyed it a lot more when it was clear that the performer(s) enjoyed creating that music.

Anyways, I feel there's a lot more I could say about this, but I still haven't even been able to put a lot of my thoughts into words yet, so I'm continue to contemplate on it.

But something else I've found is that as I appreciate different music and sounds of others, my appreciation for the music I play and create gets less.

~Calminaiel~

"I'm not sorry we met.
I'm not sorry it's over."

Wealth of Information

First thought: I can see the moon right outside my bedroom window tonight, which is different. Usually it's right above the house, or outside of the back kitchen window. It's nice, especially in the mood I'm currently in.

I know it's ridiculously late, on a Sunday night, when I have to be up early tomorrow for the quiz first thing in the morning, not to mention all the homework and practical stuff that has yet to get done, and yet here I am, blogging. But I'm not feeling like I'm going to get anything productive done anyways, and I feel in a talkative mood, and I'm staying up to chat with Ken anyways, so I might as well share thoughts here as well.

I've noticed a particularly funny thing with relationships. Or rather, mine at least. I guess that's the only ones I can really talk about with any really knowledge. Anyways.

I didn't notice it as much in my first relationship (but, to be fair, I didn't notice that much in that one anyways), my second one was a little more apparent, and my third one was so obvious it almost made me laugh at times.

I've noticed that in the beginnings of my relationships, there almost seems to be this race to let the other person know more about you. I noticed this in me with my second, but with my recent one with Ken, this was very clear with both of us. We were sharing thoughts, experiences, memories...pretty much anything that came to mind. We've even both looked through some of each others' childhood pictures.

I just find it kind of funny how we've been friends (or at least, known each other in orchestra) for the last 3 years, and suddenly when we started dating it seemed like we had to let each other know exactly who we were and what we've done all at once.

It made me wonder just a little bit why this happens. I'm not complaining. Just wondering. There's rarely a time in a social situation where you feel compelled to let another person know everything (or at least, as much as can be said in a single conversation) there is to know about you.

Maybe we were both already so comfortable with each other, after knowing each other for so long, that the only really next step was to know a little bit more. Maybe it was just the joy of having somebody you know is interested in your life, and who you are.

(PS, I'm not sure how well those sentences fit together, as one uses 'we', and the seconds uses 'you'. But I'm really thinking my time for bed is coming closer, and I'd rather not spend time fixing it. Just so you all know that I realize the oddness of those two sentences together.)

Maybe we wanted to see how we both reacted to each others' stories and thoughts. To see if there were any issues before we really got involved. I'm not actually super sold on that idea, but it's occurred to me. I know I definitely laid out some emotional baggage I was carrying, when I probably didn't really need to.

Anyways, I find the whole process kind of interesting, because it's not like any other situation, where you gradually get to know somebody, until eventually you're really close, and you can't really say how it happened. It's like all that happened in about a week.

As a second reflection, knowing each other for so long and being comfortable with each other probably really helped. Look back, I can't really recall feeling overly uncomfortable with telling him anything. I just talked, without worrying about what he would think about it.

Getting to know somebody in one easy step: talk.

To be fair, that's my solution for most problems. But that's for another time.

Anyways, as a general life update, school is getting really busy, which means I'm also starting to just ignore everything I have to do, because if I think about it, that puts me in a very not good mood. I'm a little bit worried for April. But also excited for it all to be over. I foresee the usual emotional roller coaster that comes with being busy, so that should be yet another fun ride. For me, and everybody around me. I feel like I should apologize in advance.

~Calminaiel~

"Vol. 1: Bat-Greg is distressed."

Random Time

It's time for another blog in which I don't actually have anything in particular to talk about, but I feel it's time you guys deserve an update. So here's another post dedicated to all (or rather, most) of the thoughts I've had over the last two weeks or so.

I have a feeling this love/hate relationship that I have with Mia (my bassoon) and music in general is going to take a turn for the better sometime soon. Maybe not by the end of semester, unfortunately. But I have a feeling it's coming. Which I am really looking forward to. Ever since I got super busy around November I have not had many good conversations with Mia. Well, that's not entirely true. We did have a good chat about the Mozart symphony which the university orchestra did. And it's not as if we've had our backs turned to each other all these months. But, you know that friend you have, which you both don't have time to just sit down and have a good chat, but you actually see each other quite a bit while hanging out with a bunch of other friends? That was me and Mia for the past little while. I'm hoping to fix that sometime.

I've also decided I really like writing. And stories. Oh, the stories. It's just little things I've found. This blog has definitely always been around, even when I try to pretend it's not. I wrote Ken a poem on his iTouch on the way to orchestra once. I didn't think it was extremely well written, but Ken thought for it being written in the car within about 20 minutes, it wasn't too bad. And I've also been making up stories a lot lately. To be fair, I've always made up stories, but I've kept them to myself. Lately I've started telling them to Ken. Whether this is because I trust him with my stories or I just want to convince him of how ridiculous I am, I haven't found out yet. But he seems to like them, which is nice. I also found an old story poem me and Kelsk wrote in high school for our English class. I really liked it, and found that I still like it when I reread it as I was cleaning my room. For some reason I decided to read it to Ken. I felt ridiculous the entire time, but again, he seemed to like it. Or at least, that's what he said. I couldn't bring myself to look at him the whole time I was reading. Like I said, I'm ridiculous.

Apparently Ken's brother, Dustin, read my last post, which was nice of him. I like it when I find out other people who read. He thanked me last time for mentioning him. Well, I'm mentioning him again. And probably will be mentioning him more in the future, as I've decided to unofficially adopt him as my older brother. Since I never had one.

To be fair, I like all of Ken's family. I find them very exciting. Maybe that's just because there seems to be a different combination of them every time I go to his house. Or maybe just because it seems like there's so many of them. Besides his parents, he has two brothers, two sister-in-laws, a niece, a nephew, and another niece/nephew on the way. I've got a younger brother. And an uncle who won't go away.

But again, to be fair, me and my brother have some pretty good times together. And we completely understand each other's humor. As in, so much better than anybody else I have ever encountered ever. That's pretty impossible to replace. And I don't think I would even if I could. We've come a long way to be here together. Including him biting me when he was teething, me shouting at him when I was going through break-ups, and both of us generally pissing the other one off when we were both going through our moody teenage years. You can't buy that kind of bondage.

My art project I started before Christmas is still sitting beside the couch. I still want to finish it, and then eventually do what I originally intended to do with it. Hopefully that will happen over the summer.

I've got high hopes for this summer. It feels like it's going to be a good one. Not that I've ever had a feeling that I'm going to have a bad summer. But this one is feeling particularly good. I'm looking forward to it.

Speaking of having a good summer, I'm most definitely going to MusiCamp Alberta 2010 as a Supe. I'm so excited.

Alright, enough of that. I'm sorta kinda thinking of going on Wow for a bit before bed. I've been avoiding it for the past while because I stopped playing for a few weeks, and now I'm afraid I've forgotten how to do it, and I won't be any good at it. And I seem to have gotten in this weird habit of going to bed before 2 am. Where did this come from?

~Calminaiel~

"We lost Uncle Ken to a gecko."

Classes and Concerts

I need to stop titling my posts with written incoherent sounds. Such as ugh, blah, meh...etc. Lately it seems like that's all I can come up with, and I really should get out of that habit.

So, update. I still don't have an accompanist, because I still don't know the date of my jury. Thanks, music office. Although I think I should call the guy Nicole has, he sounds not bad...and by that, I mostly mean she says he's pretty good, and nice, and he should be free for juries.

I also dropped Greek. I was a little behind, and I wasn't putting time into it, because I didn't have extra time to put into it, and when music life gets stressful, that's the first thing I leave out of life. Oh well, I've always said if I need to take a semester or two to finish up some options, I'll be okay with that. I'd rather that than spend the next two and a half years ready to explode because I have no time for anything.

As a quick side note, I have homework I really need to get done, but every time I have time to do it, I'd rather spend it doing other things. Such as blogging.

The Tchaik 5, CYO/CPO concert was tonight. It went really well. Very breathtaking symphony, especially by the time it gets to the end. I also hear, very clearly, Shostakovitch's Festive Overture at the end. Anyways, it went quite well, and it was a lot of fun. The audience enjoyed themselves. Or at least I assume, by the way they all stood up at the end.

Now, here's a great story.

Afterward, me and Ken headed back up to the lobby, since I wasn't sure if my parents had left, leaving Ken my only ride anywhere, or if I was going home, or doing something with Ken...I didn't know anything, basically. And Ken was going to meet his grandma, who was apparently going home that night.

So I talk with his family for a bit, and then my parents come up to me, proving that they didn't leave. I talk with my parents, and talk to Heather a little about a work issue. Then, for some reason unknown to me, I figured my parents and Ken's family should be introduced.

We do that, and some silly jokes are tossed around on Dad's part, and Ken's family chuckled, whether because they found him amusing or insane, I really don't know.

Our families are both ready to go their separate ways, but me and Ken still aren't entirely sure about what we're doing. So we stand there, sort of ready to drift away from each other, while I'm tentatively suggesting I just go home with my parents, while thinking that I'd really rather hang out with him for the night, because it would be nice to hang out on a night when neither of us have to get up in the morning, but I know he wants to go home and just spend time with his family, but I'm silly and don't really like to accept that I'm not going to get what I want until forced to.

When he suggested that he could drive me home, that was the forcing point of acceptance, and I said that was ridiculous when my parents were right here and they were going home.

After that ridiculously long moment of awkward not-wanting-to-say-what-we're-really-thinking-out-loud, we almost go our separate ways, until we both sort of realize we should say a nice goodbye and not a horrendously awkward one. So he comes over and hugs me, and we kiss while my parents are standing on either side of us, and his family's watching through the doors.

To be honest, I wasn't all that embarrassed about the witnessing families. Well, maybe my dad, cause he was standing about a foot and a half away from us. But his brother giving us a long 'awe' didn't bother me that much. It was more the residue of that awkward moment that refused to completely go away.

I hate being awkward. That had to be the longest most awkward moment I have allowed to endure in a long time. Usually I'm pretty good about either avoiding awkwardness entirely, or just laughing it off, and thus finding it no longer as awkward. But this was insane.

So, I'm left sitting at home, with nothing much to do, knowing that I'm going to see Ken tomorrow, but also knowing that it probably won't be nearly as early in the day as I want it to be, and basically trying to think of ways to waste time until that moment comes tomorrow. Oh, all the while thinking about how I want to be hanging out with him at this very moment.

Sounds like I'm in for a fun night.

~Calminaiel~

"I am free to come for family lunch tomorrow, but it'll cost you extra."

Vancouver 2010

Okay.

First of all, these past few weeks have been stupidly busy with midterms and such, so I haven't stayed in great contact with my accompanist, which apparently shows that I'm not committed, so she didn't put aside time to practice my piece, and she's entirely booked up for March and most of April anyways, so now I'm left feeling like an idiot, and lacking an accompanist.

Just had to get that out of the way, and now that it is, I shall move on.

Speaking of being busy, and yet not getting anything done, that's pretty much the position I'm still in. But this time, it's cause the Olympics are very distracting. Especially since Ken showed me the Vancouver 2010 website, that has live updates of scores and ranks, so I can keep track of those things as I watch the events. Very helpful.

Anyways, something that comes up with the Olympics that comes up every time they happen, is the insane hype about medals. Yes, medals are wonderful, and yes, they give us a huge reason to be proud of our country, and yes, our athletes should always strive for the podium.

But please tell me...should we be dissing, and putting down our country and our athletes simply because they don't make it to the podium?

It seems there are always those people who will put down our athletes, say they weren't trying hard enough, saying they're making stupid mistakes, just because they don't make it into the top three. And I've already seen Facebook statuses stating "Canada sucks" when we didn't do particularly well in an event.

It's the later statement that really gets to me. Honestly, if you need Canada to have medals in order to be proud of it, I really don't want anything to do with you.

As for the athletes, I'm always proud of our athletes, and that they're at the Olympics in the first place. It takes a lot of hard work to get there, and they don't just randomly pick people to compete in the Olympics.

I think the Olympics is an amazing event. What other event brings together the entire world to compete, watch, cheer, and experience together? I'm always amazed when I think of how many countries are involved, and how many people from all those countries are either coming to Vancouver to see the games, or even watching them from home. That's a lot of people, from a lot of different places.

I'm incredibly proud of Canada, and all our athletes who make it to the Olympics. Sure, sometimes some of them do make stupid mistakes that cost them a rank. Don't we all regularly make stupid mistakes? Haven't we all caved under pressure every now and then, in some form or another? I'm not about to bad mouth our athletes because they're human.

And I'm proud of the other countries and athletes that come out to compete with us. I was proud of the Chinese figure skaters who won China's first gold medal in figure skating. I loved the shot on TV of the Japanese family in the crowd watching speed skating, waving a Japan flag and cheering on their athletes, just like the Canadian family was doing in the rows behind them.

It all makes me think that maybe the Olympics have become, or maybe always were, about so much more than just winning medals. Maybe it's about showing each other that despite the fact that we come from different places, that we look different, and talk different, wear different clothing, and eat different foods...despite all this...

We all want to do our best and show everyone else what we have to offer. We want to cheer, laugh, and celebrate. We all wear our colors proudly to any event. We all just like to have a little fun.

Maybe this is about showing each other that we're all very much the same.

~Calminaiel~

"Death spiral? Shouldn't there be spikes, and fire? And they should throw a starved tiger on the ice!"

Just Sayin'

Apparently I'm okay with eating ice cream and crying for an undefined period of time, because it is now the next day and I have done absolutely nothing that I meant to do.

I know, I'm pro.

~Calminaiel~

"That's oddly logical."

Blah Time

It's that really sucky time where midterms are coming up, and I'm running out of time to get anything done. Which results in really unpleasant mood swings. I apologize to all who may be affected by this. I don't enjoy it. But it should only last for a week, maybe two. At least, hopefully no longer than that. I don't think I could do wild mood swings for longer than that.

Anyways, tonight I actually have to get stuff done, or I will officially be so behind that I may just decide to give up, which will result in an even more wild mood swing, as at that point I will be forced to re-evaluate my whole life (not that I haven't done a little bit of that before) and I may also be tempted to do nothing but eat ice cream and cry, which is not good for both my physique (which isn't great to begin with) and my hydration levels (crying all the time takes a lot out of you).

I'll give you a moment to realize how long that sentence really is, and possibly to figure out some grammatical problems that I'm sure are in there.

Done? Wonderful.

So you see why tonight is the night in which I really have to get at least some stuff done. I'm not asking to get completely caught up, but hopefully I'll at least be able to finish all the stuff I was supposed to finish last Monday.

However, my productivity levels do seem to go up slightly once the rest of my family is in bed. Quite inconvenient in term of getting enough sleep at night, but that's how it is. I just keep telling myself that I've survived similar situations before, so I can do it again.

But this time, I have ice cream in the freezer, which should keep the optimism relatively high.

I may have said this before, but I am constantly being amazed at the extent to which I can procrastinate.

Oh well. Time for more peanut butter, some ice cream, waiting until Dad goes to bed, and then getting stuff done.

~Calminaiel~

"So, Matt was riding ass down a hill."

Series of Events (and Thoughts)

This narrative directly from my mind happened at 6:45. I had just gotten out of the shower, and was in my room:

---

Hm, I like showers. Feeling clean is always good. Ooh, I still have that set of brushes I was given...sometime...a while ago...from somebody...anyways, I should see if my hair's getting long enough to use any of them...

*cell phone buzzes*

(excited) Oh, text from Ken?...No, call from Rachel Flatts, probably to give me another clinic...but my schedule's in the kitchen and I'm wearing...oh right, nothing. I'll just slip on my housecoat...which is also in the kitchen because Mom washed it today. Damn. (trying think quickly while phone continues to ring) I could let her leave a message and call her back...but I have my towel, and only my Dad is home...the most he'd see is a bit of leg...as long as I can actually wrap my towel around myself properly...okay, just get it.

*answers cell phone*

"Hello?"

"Hi, can I speak to Robyn?"

(trying to wrap towel around herself without dropping cell phone) "Speaking."

"Hi Robyn, it's Rachel, I was wondering if you could do a clinic on February 5th?"

"Hold on, let me just go get my day timer..."

---

It just so happened that my towel was in fact covering just barely past my waist, but nobody was actually in the kitchen or living room when I went out, so it was all okay. This all has very little purpose, but I just found the situation and my accompanying thoughts amusing.

~Calminaiel~

"I generally don't like squishy things."

A Clean Slate (Not)

Thanks to a lovely post from Mr. Lady, a blogger who's writing I absolutely love, I have decided to keep going with this blog. It's been with me through a lot, and I know I'm not always completely loyal (see: last few months) but somehow or other I always find myself coming back to it.

This next little bit is for my family. We recently went through a tough time because my grandparent decided to sell their place, and go find the endless adventures waiting for them. Good for them, I know, and we're all proud of them.

Now, this may not seem like it should cause such a tough time, as I'm making out. But if you're thinking that right now, it shows that you don't know that house. You don't know that place. And you don't know my family.

My grandparents, with the help of their kids (my dad, aunts, and uncles) built that house. That it itself makes it very special, especially for my dad's side of the family.

This house sat on the edge of a small cliff, looking over the river. During the day, we'd moo to the cows on the other side, and during the night, we'd howl to the coyotes. Grandpa always took care of the fields, and more than once we got to see a deer, or moose walking through them.

A trip to the farm was always a cause for excitement. The farm seemed to offer an escape from everyday life. School, work, stress...it all seemed to disappear at the farm.

I'm sure everybody has a special place like this. Where only good memories exist. Think of your special place, and you'll know what the farm was like for us.

The fact that my grandparents were selling the place hit everybody a little differently. I think the grandchildren were hit the hardest. That was grandma and grandpa's place. How could it be any other way?

I'm proud to say I was very strong through the whole thing. I talked about how awesome and fun this will be for grandma and grandpa. I agreed with all their reasons for selling and moving. I didn't get to go help them move out, but I happily looked the pictures and laughed at the more ridiculous ones.

But here's my secret: On my very last visit to the farm, I got up in the night, very quietly. I went to the sun kitchen and looked at the trees, and smelled the summer air, warm even in the middle of the night. I looked out the window to the bird feeder that grandma dutifully filled for the birds. And I cried. I cried because this place was our place. We were the ones who had filled it with life, with laughter, and with love. This place didn't belong to anybody else. It couldn't belong to anybody else. Nobody else would ever be able to love this place like we have.

That was my own, private goodbye to the farm. I was fine in the morning, I was fine when we were leaving. I had said my goodbye, just like everybody else.

But last night, Ken took me out of the city, in between all the little towns of Chestemere and Langdon. Out to a spot on the highway where there were no houses and no street lights. Only the occasional car. And he stopped the car, and we got out. And I looked up.

I almost lost it right there, because the stars looked exactly like they always had the farm, with no light to scare them away. And I suddenly missed it all over again, and starting wishing I had gone up there more often, if for nothing more than to just lay in the field to watch the stars.

I thought I'd done very well in saying goodbye to the farm.

But now I realize that maybe, in little bits and pieces, saying goodbye will take a lot longer than I thought.

~Calminaiel~

Boo

So, if you hadn't noticed, I'm apparently a little bored with this blog. I love this blog, and I know I've put a lot into it, but I still feel a little bored with it.

Now, the problem is that I still want another way to...I don't know, express myself, tell my story...show the world my crazy life...something like that. I still want a way to do that...and I can't think of how.

I'd love to get into the webcomic scene...but I can't draw.

Video blogging has occurred to me. That one's still posted on the drawing board.

In general, other ways of writing, other styles of blogging have occurred to me, all on the drawing board.

But I'm still undecided.

Opinions, ideas?

~Calminaiel~

Go Me

Wow. I just think I did more work on school by myself than I have ever done without having a huge project or essay due the next day. It's currently almost 10:30, and I've almost constantly been working on school since 6:30. I wrote my Greek vocab on flashcards and went over them a few times, then reread by Greek text in Greek, and translated it into English again for practice. I read all the pages of the textbook for music history that are "assigned" for this week, and copied out all the vocab that came up in said text, and listened to the 2 out of 3 songs assigned to this week that I have. I'll listen to the third when I get the CD from the library, probably on Monday.

And I've also had daily solid practice sections. So far, I'm doing pretty well in this whole 'keeping up with school' idea.

Technically I should do some Greek exercises from the book, but I think I'm done with school for now. I had a pretty good work section, I think I deserve a break.

The first week of school has been pretty good. All my new profs seem really nice, and all the old ones don't seem to have change much. I found out DeLong also went to Austria over the summer, so we had a good little chat in class about all the same places we went to. The difference is he probably appreciated some of those places a little more than I did, but being several years older than me and more experienced in the field of musical knowledge, that's probably to be expected. Oh, and he probably hadn't been going on walking tours all day and just wanted to go for lunch.

Greek is turning out to be a pretty good class, although our prof does like to go on about how much work we have to put into it. I'm not letting myself worry about this right now. I'll start worrying about it when I have to, but for now I'm just going to pay attention and do my work and see where that gets me. But most of the rest of the class are all Greek and Roman students, which was a little intimidating at first.

However, my Greek prof is also amazing. Her first language is Spanish, she also speaks English, and German, and teaches Latin as well as Greek. She amazes me every time she compares all these different languages. It also makes me want to take Latin, but she says that takes even more work than Greek, so we'll see how Greek goes before we start thinking about Latin. Plus, I'm already planning to take German next year.

The reed that I'm using currently isn't perfect. I didn't think it was that bad when I was sitting in a little room by myself practicing. But I got into a hall this morning with youth orchestra, and found out that it definitely is neither a large hall reed, nor a large ensemble reed. So I shall have to do something about that soon. I'll start working on more reeds on Tuesday. That is my designated hardcore working on reeds day.

But as for right now, I'm sitting at Ryan's house, while Ryan, Corey and Bennet play Wow. That is how I've got all this work done, by the way. Plus, I've been telling myself for the past few days that while they're playing Wow, I am going to get work done. And I did! I'm so proud of myself.

I was hoping to have some down time myself, with Puzzle Pirates, after I was done my work. But it sounds like the boys are done their things on Wow, which means I don't think I'll be able to join them with my own game, even if it is different than theirs. Oh well. It was a productive night, which is more than I can say for a lot of the other nights in my life.

But they have mentioned food, which I am definitely in for. I love food.

I'm also tired after doing all that work. I'm not quite sure whether I'm physically tired or just mentally tired...probably a little bit of both.

Anyways, before I start rambling random statements, I shall go and maybe fit in some mindless little flash games before we all get off the computers and go eat. That'll be nice.

~Calminaiel~

"Don't you just love getting up at 8 in the morning to go to orchestra? I think that's my favorite thing in the whole world."

Edmonton Weekend

I went to Edmonton last weekend. Melda was having a birthday / graduation party. It was a lot of fun. I got to meet a lot of her friends, see how big my younger cousins are getting, and show the boy my grandparents' new car. He was pretty impressed, which made me happy, seeing as he usually views Lexus as just a done up Toyota. He may be right, but it still bugs me whenever I point out a nice Lexus, and he replies with that very line.

But anyways. I'm happy to say I only really got lost once, and even then it was only because I missed a turnoff and it took a while to find A) another convenient turnoff and B) our way back to where we were going. I'll admit, I got a little frustrated, because I don't like it when roads don't lead me where I want them to, which was starting to happen. Nevertheless (Niechdestotrotz), we got where we were going. I'm not counting the time we couldn't find the Great Canadian Bagel, because that wasn't cause we were lost, it was because the place wasn't where we thought it was. We knew exactly where we were the whole time.

I'm going to get my unpleasant thought of the evening out so maybe I can stop thinking about it: I was planning to use the rest of the week to clean my room, but then I remembered that I have to be practicing for university ensemble auditions, and I also have a dentist appointment tomorrow, and I plan to be out tomorrow and Thursday night. I know that may not sound like I have a lot to do, but it does to me, and it bugs me that I'm already feeling busy before classes are even starting.

It doesn't help that today was deathly hot. And for some reason I brought a fleece coat to work. Silly me. Just because I leave the house at 7:30 does not mean the day is going to be cold.

Work was alright, besides having to tell first years to keep their feet off the seats in front of them, and trying to do crowd control to keep people off the stage. Not that they listen to me, and then the stage manager yells at me. Well, not exactly yells, but she wasn't happy. But I'm pretty sure she was more not happy at the kids not listening to me, because at the end of the shift she was talking about just how she could see people ignoring me, and thanked me for trying. So that was alright.

I also got paid this afternoon for eating food, and playing in the drum circle, which was pretty fun. I might consider going to the drum circle more often this year. It's a nice mental release. Just hitting a drum in rhythm with a bunch of other people...making a different kind of music without having to think about it quite as much. Just getting a rhythm going and sticking with it. It was fun.

I also got a recent copy of the student newspaper, and found an article of 52 things you should do before you graduate. I'm thinking of keeping that and just checking things off, just for fun. Some of them I've already done, and some of them I really do agree that I should try. I'll copy them all down here sometime, marking which ones I've already done, but not now. I'll save that for a slower news day, when I'm really desperate for some blogging materiel.

Oh, and when I got into my car after it sitting in the sun for six hours while I was working, I literally thought I was going to die.

And the downside of having a nicely furnished, warm, inviting living room (and kitchen) is that your uncle tends to hang around upstairs more rather than doing other things that would usually take him away from you. Which means I'm spending more time in my room reading, because Mom likes it when I don't bi-....talk...about him, and it's much easier to do that when I don't spend time around him. So this is all for the better. I guess.

Revelation: I'm not actually as popular as I sometimes fool myself into thinking I am, and I should really get used to that fact.

I got an email from my Greek prof about some things we're going to cover in the first class. I immediately freaked out about that class. But that's just how I do things.

*farewell signoff message here*
(I still don't have any ideas for this. Suggestions?)

~Calminaiel~

"Okay, Robyn. Shut up."
"You see? Thank you."

The Lion King

Yes, I definitely went to see the Lion King. It was very much amazing. So amazing that after it was over, I didn't even want to talk about it, because I was still going over everything in my mind.

I could definitely go see it again. It was so hard to try to concentrate on the actual show when you're being bombarded by all those amazing costumes.

Anyways, I've got most of my preparations for another school year finished. I should probably go out and buy myself a couple dozen more pencils...but I've got my classes organized, I've emailed my teacher to settle lesson times, I'm still looking for an accompanist, I've rented a locker (a big one, I'm pretty sure), I've bought my textbooks and given my old textbooks to Bound and Copied to be sold. So I'm feeling pretty good.

And Mia is on her way back, with a new seat strap and hand rest. Now all that's left is to make more reeds for the coming year.

Now I think I'll turn to the dreaded goals. I'm generally not a fan of making specific goals. I've tried to make them in the past, and I always feel really bad when I can't complete them as perfectly as I wanted to.

So I'm going to make a deal with myself. I'm going to list these...goals, for lack of a better term...that I want to keep in mind for this school year. I'm not going to beat myself up if I can't go through with them perfectly, and I'm going to keep in mind that even making a little progress, even if imperfect, is better than making absolutely no progress because of being too afraid of failure.

Clear as mud? Good.

File, save.

So, here are things and ideas that I want to keep in mind for the coming year.

Blogging, in more quantity and quality. I don't think I blog nearly enough, and when I do, it's usually not about much. I hope to fix that at least a little.

Try to cut back on the procrastinating. I know I say this every year and I'm going to say it again this year. Of course, the fact that I can get 80% on a paper when I do it the day / day before it's due doesn't exactly encourage me to change my style, but even so. I'm going to put in the effort.

Practice more. Again, I say this every year too. But I really do need to spend more time in the practice room. I do like practicing...it just seems like the process to get to the point where one can begin practicing takes a lot of time and effort. So, enough of using that as an excuse, because it's a lame one.

Make more reeds. I'd like to be able to have a few working reeds, rather than using one until it's literally ruining my sound, then work furiously on a new one, use that until it ruins my sound, work furiously on a new one...etc. I've tried setting aside time in my practice to work on reeds, but either I practice first and then am too tired and frustrated to work on reeds, or I work on reeds first, which makes me too tired and frustrated to practice. So I'm thinking of splitting them up. Maybe designating a certain day of the week to be my reed working day. Then I can fully concentrate on my playing for the rest of the week, and then put all my attention on reeds that one day. Obviously I'll still work on reeds other days if the occasion calls, but still. I'll see how this method works out for me.

Put more effort into my non music courses. I really need to stop thinking that they're like options in high school and I can just screw around. I still need those electives for my degree, so they really do matter. And believe it or not, they do affect my GPA, which I've heard it's nice to have higher rather than lower.

I don't dare make any more, because then I'll be overloaded with goals, and won't be able to do anything with any of them and...well, then we go back into the whole despair and failure issue, and I'm just not going back there.

And of course I'll always try to remain optimistic, but I know that school will get to me, and there will be days that will make me wonder if a degree is really as necessary as I think, and whether I can just live my days happily as an usher, or a waitress, and never have to study again. But we'll deal with those days when we get there.

But I think that's it for me. I keep wondering if I should have a special sign off saying for the end of my blogs. Any thoughts? Suggestions?

And the effort put into that last poll was quite disappointing. Four votes? That's almost enough to make me stop doing them. Maybe I'll just have fish, like my brother's blog...

~Calminaiel~

"I freaked out. 2of3 freaked out. 3of3 said "Yay! I get band aids!""

Back from Tour!

Actually I cam back a few days ago, but seriously, who likes to blog too soon after a 12 hour travel day?

Not I.

I'm currently sitting on the front lawn, since the house is way too hot and uncomfortable. Champ's with me. Just chillin'. I kind of feel bad about flattening the grass I'm sitting on...kinda. But it's grass, it'll live.

The setting sun just came out of a bunch of clouds. Which is kinda pretty, but also quite bright.

Anyways, tour was lots of fun. Relatively little drama, which was very awesome.

The concerts were...concerts. It kinda sucks that I didn't really feel particularly passionate towards any of our music...I certainly liked a good part of our music...but I didn't really love it so much that I felt a rush whenever we performed it. So instead of coming out of concerts feeling exhilarated, I just came out of them thinking that there's another concert done.

Not that they were bad, most of them went quite well. I felt quite out of tune for most of them, except the one outdoor performance we did in the park. But it was still pretty fun.

Speaking of being out of tune, I really need to make some reeds before classes start again. And do a hundred other things that I'm procrastinating. Looks like I'm not breaking that habit anytime soon.

I'm sorry I can't put any pictures from Europe up. I lost my camera on the first day. But after being up for 24 hours and then having to go on walking tours, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised.

I also lost my seat strap and hand rest for my bassoon, which I also need to buy again before classes and rehearsals start.

But right now it's a pretty evening, the air is cool (at least, outside of the house) and it's Friday, so I'm content to forget everything I have to get done for now. It can wait for Monday.

However, my feet are going to sleep. I keep having to shift position. I don't think there is a convenient position for typing when you're sitting on the ground.

I'm going out tonight, to a Micheal Jackson tribute concert, done by a group that my friend is in. I was never really a Micheal Jackson person, but it should still be fun.

~Calminaiel~

"So, I found out why I keep finding a string in my hole."

Camping Again

Yup, I went camping again. To Windemere lake in BC. With Erika, Sarah, and Emily. It was pretty awesome. =)

That lake is gorgeous. It wasn't super cold, so it was wonderful to swim in. The beach we were on was really rocky, which was great because we didn't have to deal with mud, or water weeds or anything.

It was a very good weekend, besides the fact that it was sometimes so hot that all of us just felt like doing nothing.

I'm also wondering if the fact that we went canoeing and I rowed for half the trip is why that muscle between my neck and my shoulder hurts so much. Hm.

I can't believe I leave for Europe on Thursday. I have two days to get so much stuff done! Well, not so much stuff...but that fact that it's only two days until I leave makes it feel like I don't have much time to get anything done.

I'm feeling really excited, and yet also a little bit nervous, and I can't figure out why. I think part of it might be because Mom keeps going over things like I'm leaving tomorrow, and it's making me feel like I have even less time until I leave, and also like I'm not going to see her before I leave. Which for some reason makes me nervous, apparently.

Oh well. As long as I keep my wits about me, I should be fine.

I also realized that this morning was basically my last chance to sleep in for the next two weeks. I highly doubt we'll be sleeping in much during tour.

Anyways, I had a really fun time at work tonight. We played poker, and bet with smarties. And we actually played a type of poker in which I actually felt like I knew what I was doing. Which was a nice change.

I was told to make a list of things I need to do over the next few days, so I won't forget. But lists also tend to make me nervous, because having everything laid out in front of me always makes it seem like there's more to do than when it was just in my head. So I think I'll skip that for now.

Anyways, I have to be up early tomorrow for rehearsal, and I desperately need to shower, because I'm kinda gross at the moment. I don't really like showering when everybody's in bed, because although Mom and Dad say they don't notice, and it's fine, I still don't like feeling like I'm making a lot of noise when everybody is in bed. So I'll get up a little earlier to do it tomorrow. I'm slightly doubtful whether I'll actually want to get up early, but at the same time, I have the motivation of the knowledge that I'm really gross and a shower will fix that. It's also not too late now, so I think I'm going to go get ready for bed now, and hopefully be in bed early enough that getting up a little earlier tomorrow won't be that much of an issue.

~Calminaiel~

"We don't accept Glosettes here."

(PS: New poll, in case you haven't noticed. Check it out.)

Nutella Tales

I'm currently sitting with Riana and Emily, eating Nutella with a spoon, and...well, just generally doing nothing.

Emily's saying something about mustard. And happiness.

We're all scrambling for the Nutella. It's good stuff.

So, we're originally here for SYTYCD. So You Think You Can Dance, for the uneducated, and uncultured.

Or rather, for those who actually have something better to do with their time than watch silly reality TV shows. Unfortunately, we do not fall under that category. Deal with it, we're proud of it.

*Nutella break*

For those who think eating condiments with a spoon is silly, it's definitely not weird. And we're really only doing it because A) Nutella's freaking awesome, and B) we couldn't find the lid for it. So really, this is the only reasonable solution.

In other news, I finally have the car back. We're listening to jazz. Emily has an iGEM blog. And Riana keeps forgetting what iGEM stands for.

And I also think nights of sitting around the table eating condiments from spoons are very important, bonding experiences. I wish they were more common.

Add that to my to do list.

Copy, paste, save.

I'm also broke and racking up my credit card because I'm broke. Wonderful.

But hopefully that will be paid off soon in the fall, when I'm getting shifts again, and hopefully working another job. So it's all good.

I love people, and hanging out with people, and just chatting. Good times.

~Calminaiel~

"The stage is your bowl. Eat from it."

Harry Potter 6!

~Warning: May contain spoilers~

A bunch of us went to see the new Harry Potter movie yesterday, and it is amazing! We were all definitely on a Harry Potter high for the rest of the night.

I don't even know what to say about it. It was very excellently done. There were a few scenes from the book that weren't included, which I was excited to see and then slightly disappointed to find they weren't there, but even so.

Okay, here is where the spoilers will really start, so if you till continued reading despite the warning, if you really don't want spoilers, you should actually stop now.

One worry of mine going into the movie was Dumbledore. I have to admit, I'm not a fan of the recent Dumbledore actor. I like the one from the first two movies, but this one...I don't know. To me, he seems a bit too...eccentric to really be Dumbledore. I'm not completely sure how else to explain it.

However, Dumbledore proved to be quite good in this movie. Which was very relieving, because I was very afraid that if I didn't like him, I wouldn't be sad when he died, and basically the whole point of this part of the Harry Potter story is to be sad about Dumbledore dying.

I was a bit disappointed with the Snape / Bellatrix / Narcissa scene. To me, this is supposed to be a scene that really makes you question which side Snape was on, and I didn't get that feeling from the movie. In fact, I almost got the feeling that he was hesitant to promise Narcissa that he would help Draco with what Voldemort ordered him to do. Which isn't supposed to happen, because Snape is supposed to be an expert at playing his part.

I also wanted to see the memory about Marvolo and his family, because they sound like pretty messed up people, and I really wanted to see how they'd be visualized in the movie. But that scene was left out, which was a little sad, but I can see why it was left out.

They also felt out a lot of the drama that goes on which works really well in book form, but totally wouldn't work out in movie form. Like a lot of the drama concerning Ron being the new Keeper, and the whole argument that comes from Harry pretending to use the Felix potion.

Of course, I could have done with more Harry-Ginny action, but I'm a big fan of the Harry-Ginny part, so that's just me, and I can totally see why they left out a lot of it. I did like the little part they did put in. I thought it was really cute.

They also added a scene where Death Eaters come to the Burrow, and the end result is the house being burned down, which does not happen in the book. It wasn't a bad scene at all, but at the same time, it seemed to have little point, and I kinda wondered why it was put in. Graham thinks it was just to emphasize that Voldemort and his followers really are rising, and suddenly all the places that Harry always considered safe, such as school and the Burrow, are suddenly not so safe anymore. Which makes sense.

Anyways, the movie was fabulous. Lots of suspense, and even though I've read all the books and knew everything that's going to happen, I was still kept at the edge of my seat for almost the whole movie.

It was also very hilarious at parts. Here are some of my favorites:

"I'm going to Hagrid's. I just feel like Hagrid's is the place to be tonight, you know?"
"No."

"She only likes you because you're the chosen one."
"But I am the Chosen One!"

"How much is this?"
"Five Galleons."
"How much for me?"
"Five Galleons."
"But I'm your brother!"
"Ten Galleons."

"Well, the thing about Unbreakable Vows...well, you can't break them."
"Thanks, I think I figured that much out."

~Calminaiel~

"I think the eyes get to people most."
"And the pincers."

Installing Love

I didn't write this, but it's definitely my kind of style, and I think it's awesome. I took this from a friend's facebook note. Enjoy. =)

---

Tech Support: Hello... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components.” What should I do?

Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is setup to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

~Calminaiel~

"I swear, I only threw the ice pick out of the window because you didn't have any bunnies at the time! How was I supposed to know you had just put down a bunny?"

Registering Frustration

I registered for classes yesterday. Which was kind of a pain. It was kind of confusing in the beginning, and I was still trying to figure out what I should be taking in my second year and all that...and then I found out that one of my classes that I was positive was required was already closed because it was full.

So, naturally, I panicked, and ended up getting in the car and driving to the university to speak with somebody at the FASST office. (Fine Arts Student Success Team). Julia was excellent there. I introduced myself and said that I'd like to talk about classes for next year, and she immediately brought out my file, printed out my transcript, brought out a sheet with all my requirement for my degree, and began crossing things off that I've already done, and marking what else I need to do.

Anyways, after we had a good talk I proceeded to go home and register for everything she told me to. Which was quite painless, except I still had that problem about the class being full. Julia told me to email the prof and ask them to overload me into the class. I did so, and I'm still waiting to hear back from them.

I also discovered that I can't have lessons when Francesca wants to have them, because she wants to have them between 9 and 12 Mondays and Wednesdays, and I have classes between 9 and 12 on both Mondays and Wednesdays. So I emailed her too, and I'm still waiting to hear back from her.

On another note: I'm taking Greek as an option. According to the class description, it will be teaching how to read classical and New Testament Greek texts. Which I think will be pretty cool. It took me so much time to find an option that I was both interested in, and fit in my schedule.

My first preference was a German class, but nothing fit between my other classes. So I tried Russian, but, that I could see, the university doesn't have a Russian language class. Well, they kind of do, but it's mixed in with Russian history, and culture, and I really just wanted the language. I considered Religious studies for a while, but decided to reserve that for if I couldn't find anything else. I also spotted Slavic, which I considered, but then I came upon Greek, which looked pretty good.

So that's the story. Oh, and on my little sheet for what I need to get my degree, I saw that for my fourth year I basically need to take a handful of ensembles, lessons, and 5 other elective classes. Which I think is kind of amusing, but I guess it makes sense if I'm in performance. I have no idea what I'll take, but we'll think more about that later, I guess.

Did any of you notice that I seem to alternate between calling non-required classes 'options' and 'electives'? It's hard to get out of the high school habit, I guess.

In other news, I'm currently sitting at home while Graham films a music video with his friends, so I'm pretty much just staying out of their way. It's kinda boring. I'm considering putting some calls/texts to people to see what they're up to but...well, I'm still just considering it.

Happy Canada Day! =)

~Calminaiel~

"Have you updated that thing yet? You've been saying that you have to for the past few months."

'Tis a silly place

I've been quiet for the past little while, having nothing really to say other than how it's summer, and I'm being almost entirely unproductive.

Therefore, I give you another silly post about Harry Potter.

For those unaware, there is a Harry Potter Musical, done by a bunch of people and posted on YouTube. I have yet to watch it, but it is definitely something I'm planning on doing. I've heard it's very funny, and a couple of my die-hard Harry Potter fans have told me that what makes it funny is it's a parody that's done by actual Harry Potter fans, as opposed to Harry Potter haters.

For some reason, I find parodies are always funnier (more funny?) when they're done by fans, instead of haters. Does anybody have a theory on why that is?

Unfortunately, it had to be taken off YouTube for a while, due to copyright issues or something. Apparently there's a video of one of the people involved explaining exactly what's going on, and saying that they're just tweaking things a bit and then they'll put it back up.

Which, naturally, lead to a very amusing conversation between me and my brother, discussing how things could be tweaked.

My first suggestion was to call it Parry Hotter, the Musical. That lead us to make up other names such as Gryffinclaw, Ravendor, Slytherpuff, and Hufflin.

And for some reason we decided that all Hufflin's are gangsters, all Slytherpuff's smoke, Gryffinclaw's fight a lot and Ravendors...well, I don't think we every found a purpose for the Ravendors.

Then I started thinking about the house names and animals. Ravenclaw, pretty apparent that it's animal would be a raven, or at lest some sort of bird. Slytherin, sounds very snake like to me. Gryffindor has the sound of a lion...gryffin and all. But Hufflepuff? Where does one get the idea for a badger from that?

Maybe they should have called it something more appropriate, like Hufflebadger, or Badgerpuff. Personally, I'm all for the second. In which case, the symbol for such a house should be a badger holding a cigarette.

Which of course would call into question the issue of animal rights, which would force us to tell everybody that it's an animagus, so no damage to animals was really done.

In other news, I saw my first Harry Potter trailer yesterday for the new movie, and now I'm so excited.

~Calminaiel~

"How do Slurpees work anyways? I mean, I understand putting ice into your drink. But putting drink into ice?"