There's been a few times over the past few days that I've thought of posting, but due to things that I won't go into detail about, I didn't. So here's some of the random things that have been happening over the past little while.
Me: *upon recalling an earlier awkward situation* Graham, please don't ever be like Adam.
Graham: What's wrong with Adam?
Me: Nothing's wrong with him. He's a pretty awesome person. Just don't ever follow his example. Don't ever do what he does.
Graham: Ah, a kind of, do as he says, not as he does, kinda thing, right?
Me: On second thought, don't even do what he says. Just, anything that has to do with Adam, you're better to stay away from.
The event that that's referring to, I won't share here. It's a thing I'm only really willing to share in person. In fact, I'm still wondering if my life would benefit more if I just blocked it out of my memory completely.
There's been a bit of self doubt going on lately. I won't go into full detail. I was considering it last night, but decided I wasn't comfortable with putting that much of myself out there like that. Which is odd, seeing as that's all I did at one point. But this, I kinda want to keep in for a while.
I kinda confided in somebody at the university today after symphonic rehearsal...in a kind of, offhand comment, trying to make it sound like it wasn't actually a big deal, and it wasn't a deep thing, which is kinda is. And I kinda got a reassuring answer, even if it seemed like it it was given in the same, offhand, slightly meaningless way. I don't even know if it was the tone, the person, or the answer itself that made me feel better. Probably a mix of both.
Long story short, I feel like I'm changing yet again. And I don't deal with change well. I mean, I'll accept that it has to come, and I'll even welcome it. But even then, something in the emotional part of my brain still seems to flare up when I begin to change, and then I start thinking oddly, and freaking out and what not.
I'll live, no worries there.
Hokay, enough of that before I start spilling things that I don't exactly want to spill yet.
Time to start living again.
"Are my swells supposed to come out of the texture, or follow the melody?"
"...You know they have a cream for that."
1 year ago