Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Thinking, when I should be doing math

But not bad thinking. Just generally thinking.

Actually, it started out with daydreaming when I should be doing math.

Anyways, as I was going along and daydreaming and whatnot, it suddenly hit me...I don't really even know how to express it. How much I've changed? How much I've grown? Maybe something like that, but not really. I'll just explain it and then you can decide what I mean.

At some point my mind wandered to last year, about this time, give or take a few weeks. Anybody who knows me (man, I've been using that phrase a lot lately) knows what happened to me around this time, and that I was basically feeling like crap.

I don't really need to go into more detail about all that, since I've gone over it numerous times before. If you're looking for more details, go back to my blog posts about a year ago.

It just suddenly hit me how much my life isn't centered on what happened last year. Last year the only thing that mattered in my life was that breakup. That's all I could think about, and it made me feel horrible and depressed and all similar feelings. I couldn't get away from what had happened, and I didn't think I'd ever be able to.

And now I realize that I hardly ever think of it anymore. I still recognize it as a defining event in my life, because I know it had a big influence on who I am right now. But as far as the actual event goes...

Again, it's still hard to explain. It's more that all the negative emotions that used to be connecting with thinking about that breakup are all gone. Like, completely. I've said that before, but it wasn't really true, because I still had some feelings of regret. But not anymore.

Is it a bad thing that it's taken almost a year to get to this point? I don't think so. I don't even think it took a whole year, I think it's just hit me now.

Anyways, I could go into more detail about this, but I'd just be blabbing, and you probably wouldn't understand half of it anyways. If you really want to hear more, talk to me.


"Believe me, I'm in no hurry to see grandchildren."
"Oh, then you might not like what I was going to announce at dinner..."

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