Look!

Can you believe I just registered for all my courses all by myself?

I know. It's crazy.

Seriously, I don't know what it is about it, but every year, and this is the fourth year, registering for courses terrifies me. Even now, when I know what I'm doing, and I only have a certain number of required courses as it is, I was dreading having to sit down and do it. Last year I insisted to Adrianna and Katie that we get together and all do it together.

Anyways, I didn't actually register, as I can't register for courses until Thursday. But I put all my courses in my shopping cart, so all I have to do on Thursday is click a button. Well, two buttons. Two semesters. And more, if you count the buttons I have to click to get to my Student Center, and then to change semesters...well, anyways.

The point is that I did it. And it looks a lot busier than I thought it would, but I also haven't heard back from m department head about whether I can get credit from my years in the youth orchestra. So I registered for everything I need, so I get in, and then if she says I can get credit from that, I can just drop whatever courses I want to.

Even so, I think I've done quite well in organizing my schedule.

*I feel like I should put a disclaimer. In talking about my courses, I'm almost always talking about my lecture courses, i.e. my non-music courses. I do have a lot of music courses, but they're all practical, non-lecture courses.*

Most of my courses are all 200/300 level (that is, first/second year) because they're all electives, with the exception of the one music elective, advanced harmonic analysis. And I'm really only taking that because A) Adrianna (and Katie?) are taking it, and B) the prof is amazing, and I've always liked her courses.

All my courses are on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays, which leaves Tuesday and Thursday open for possible work shifts. And none of them come with labs or tutorials.

So that's next year, pretty much all ready to go. I still think it's terrifying. I don't even know why. But this is also the last year to go. Which is still terrifying in it's own way.

I should really go for a walk or something. I feel like I have all this excess registering energy I need to get out of me. Thus the reason for the small paragraphs. (Either that, or I'm just attempting to make excuses for my overuse of the enter key.)

I will possibly talk more about the courses I actually registered for in the future!

~Calminaiel~

"That's why you don't want to get eaten."

Nice Weather...Whaat?

Calgary has been wonderful for the past few days, and I'm really trying hard not to spend it all inside on my computer. Or at least, as previously mentioned, I'm trying to spend enough time outside to satisfy my need to be social, but enough time inside to satisfy my lazy side.

It's a hard life.

But bagels help.

Ken and I went to Great Canadian Bagel, which I love. Their bagels are super good. I think they might put some secret ingredient in them, which other bagel makers are unaware of. Naturally, I'm assuming it's heroin.

I kid, but still, their bagels are amazing. I can never go there for breakfast without buying a dozen bagels. Plus cream cheese to go with them. This time I went for 7 cinnamon and 5 maple (there wasn't enough cinnamon to get a whole dozen, but not enough maple to be able to split it evenly. I felt ridiculous requesting the two odd numbers), with plain cream cheese to go with them.

I'm very picky about matching my cream cheese with my type of bagel. Blueberry bagels must always go with strawberry cream cheese. Cheese bagels must be matched with either cheddar cheese cream cheese or Cheese Whiz. Chocolate chip bagels with chocolate chip cream cheese, obviously. The list goes on. In the absence of the appropriate cream cheese, plain cream cheese or butter may be substituted.

In this case, they did not have cinnamon, apple cinnamon, or maple cream cheese, which I decided would be the best to go with my bagels. So I went for plain. Which is still mightily delicious.

Then, to satisfy my social side, we went to Chinook mall. I wanted to get a new toy from Discovery Hut. But I didn't end up finding anything that A) I really liked, B) was within my budget, or C) that would not encourage me to spent millions of dollars on matching sets or items. I did look at the giant microbes, to see if I could find another STD, since I'd like a new one to bring to MusiCamp this summer, but I couldn't.

You heard me. I'm looking for another STD to bring to camp this summer.

We also dropped by the Lego store, even though I didn't look at anything with too much interest because I already knew I didn't have the money to buy another set yet. Had a good conversation with the Lego store guys, like we always do when I go there.

Drat, I just look at my new Lego fire station, and I think I see the spot where Ken was saying I was missing a piece. And I think I see a piece missing. I was hoping he was going crazy...clearly I blocked the memory of finding out a piece was missing. I'll have to make another trip to the Lego store...

So, after not finding a new toy, and indulging in some Yogen Fruz (mmm...Yogen Fruz...) we headed home to satisfy our lazy side. And eat more bagels.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

~Calminaiel~

(...it's not the end. I'll be back, I promise.)

Horses!

One thing I definitely like about my new job is how I'm always doing something different, and I get to go around and see stuff that's happening in the city.

Not that I'm always at really big events. Last Saturday I was just at an RV place that was having a sale. And before that it was just a hot tub place.

But last weekend I got to go hang out at the MS walk, which was pretty fun. I never realized how popular things like that are, but there were a lot of people there. And a lot of kids and dogs.

Today Eric and I got to go to Spruce Meadows for the first day of the Nationals. I was pretty excited to go, cause I like horses. Not that I got to see any up close, because it's not like the horses in the Nationals just go out for walks to talk to people. But still, I got to see a few of them going for a stroll, and we drove past the field where they were warming up.

It rained pretty badly. Which I actually thought was super fun. There were very little people there, so we didn't have much to do. We were about to start a game of cards when our contact guy decided to move us to a slightly more popular area. Which didn't end up being more popular at all, but the good thing about it was it was right behind the stands for the tournament.

So all we had to do was walk around the corner and we could watch the horse jumping. So we stood in the rain and watched a couple rounds. Eric thought the person from New York was really good, but I like the Calgary person more, even though they got more faults. I liked her horse. He was spooked by this one jump, so she rode past it a couple times in their warm up walk, even though he jumps away from it when they got too close.

But he did really good in their run. The jump was really close to where we were, so when they were approaching it, we could hear his rider clicking away at him, and he just run up to that jump and sailed over it. I was pretty proud of him. Oh, and he had such a lovely prance. I love horses that prance. Ken's horses aren't really the prancing type. Except maybe Sugar, but nobody's riding her yet.

Anyways, I'm gonna be off to UTS here soon. Ken wasn't home when I got back, which I should have expected, since he didn't have his computer or anything with him. But I wonder if he'll come back tonight, cause his phone is currently sitting on the table beside my bed...

~Calminaiel~

"Naked ladies!"

Stay-at-Home Spa Night

This was the best idea I ever had.

I can't remember if I ever mentioned it or not, but I went to Lush and got a huge set of spa materials. This includes things I would regularly use in the shower, such as solid shampoos and conditioners, to things reserved for special spa bath nights, like body scrubs, bath bombs, and heavy moisturizers.

I just finished one such spa bath, and it's wonderful. My skin feels more hydrated than ever before. And not just the 'I sat in water for half an hour so I'm kinda hydrated' feeling. My skin has actually soaked up moisture in a sponge like fashion. All those soaps Lush makes with cocoa butter is amazing. It literally melts into your skin, and your skin just drinks it in. I feel quite content.

Oh, and another amazing aspect was the bath water being so hot I had to ease myself into it. I love baths that fog up the bathroom mirror.

Anyways, on to other news.

A while back Ken and I went to see the military museum, which was pretty cool. I thoroughly enjoyed it, even the memorial room, which put me in tears. I still blame my mother.

I especially enjoyed their temporary exhibit on the war in Afghanistan. (When I tried to spell that, spell check tried to suggest Organist to me...?) It was very cool, especially since most of the rest of the museum focuses on the wars of the past, and then at the end you walk into this exhibit that shows you how all this stuff is still happening. Very cool effect.

I have to say I am enjoying my summer. I've got a new job, which I really enjoy. It gives me enough hours to have steady summer income, but enough free days during the week so I feel I still have time to go out and enjoy the warm season. I still hope to enjoy some more summer adventures. Mainly things like little trips out of town, or doing things around Calgary I have not done, like park exploring, or the Calgary Tower, or Fort Calgary.

I'd also love to go riding more this summer. I know Ken doesn't always want to go out, and I generally want to go out with him, so we'll see how much I actually end up going out.

I'm also trying to find a good balance of splitting my time into going out and doing things, and just staying in to relax. I really like to go outside, because it obviously doesn't stay this warm in Calgary for too long. But at the same time, summer is my down time, and it's nice to have time to just relax inside. So I'm still working on that. My new job does help with getting out of the house. Remotes are always exciting, cause I'm always in a different place, which can be interesting.

Especially last weekend, when we were at an RV place in Airdrie. I actually really liked one of the RVs there. I kept walking around it and thinking that as a student living on my own, that's really all the space I need. It was very cozy. Plus, we kept joking that the monthly payments were lower than rent, and I could just park it on my parents' street so I didn't have to spend that much money on food.

I've recently started thinking of how I really would like to get a place on my own. I like the condo where I am now, and I like my roommates and everything. I've just got hooked on the idea of having my own living room, and my own kitchen, and just my own entire space in general.

But at the same time, I'm not going to get ahead of myself. There's no way I'm going to start looking for something like that until I'm done school, and start making some serious money. And I don't even know if I'm going to want to make serious money right away. I might just want to make comfortable money and just hang out and party and live as any person in their young 20s might live.

Don't ask me how any person in their young 20s might live. I realized that's not the best way to word what I'm trying to say, but I'm also too lazy to try to go back and fix it.

My point is, it really bugs me when people ask me what I want to do with my life, and such on. I don't know. I'm 21 right now, I'm not really worried about a career. Like I keep saying, if I turn 30 and still don't have a real career happening, than I might worry a little, and start looking into that. But at 21, I'm fine just having a job that pays rent. Well, food would be nice too, but as long as I'm in town, Dad will always be willing to have me over for dinner. He has yet to turn me away.

~Calminaiel~

"Hey, they're playing musical instruments!"

Sad Face

I'm in a terrible mood. I usually prohibit myself from accessing the internet, which includes facebook and blogging when in said mood, since I'm not a huge fan of people who just whine on the internet to get attention. However, perhaps if I can explain my bad mood to my readers, hopefully without excessive whining, than perhaps I can move on with life.

First of all, I have three dance shifts at the Jack to work in a row. Well, two now. I just finished one today. And although I have previously admitted that I don't like getting up in the morning, I almost wish I had taken the morning shifts. I'd have to get up in the morning, but at least I'd have the late afternoon and evening in which to actually do stuff. Instead, I have the afternoon shift. So I start at 2 and go to 9:30ish. And I don't feel like I can get anything done before my shift. Yes, the time itself is there, but the looming of my shift coming up would definitely be distracting.

As such, I feel like these days will just be spent waking up, going to work, going home, going to bed, and repeating. Which doesn't fill me with a sense of joy for the upcoming days.

Especially since both my birthday and mother's day happened this weekend, and I have yet to actually see my family. And since I have the aforementioned shifts for the next two days, and then another day shift after that at the university, it doesn't seem like I'll actually see my family for a while. Which sucks, cause they had a special dinner tonight which would have been my birthday dinner had I not been working.

And I have a messy room which I would really like to clean, but again, does not look like I'll actually have the time to do until June.

I suppose that's it really. And I did really have a good time doing that gig in Medicine Hat, and I did have a good birthday shopping around in Medicine Hat with Heather, Amy, and Dori. But still. Usually I do something with my family, and that hasn't happened yet. Seeing them hasn't even happened yet. Mom's planning another birthday / Graham's graduation thing, but it looks like I might not even get to do that, because guess where I have to work?

Now I'm going to clean Guimauve's cage, cause it might give me a sense of purpose. Or at least it will distract me for a while.

~Calminaiel~

Go Time

Okay, we're down to the last week of classes. Surely with only one week left, I will find the effort needed to sit down and write the last couple essays and papers of the year?

Response: Probably not. And don't call me Shirley.

But in all seriousness, I really do need to start getting stuff done. Last week! As before mentioned, I am both ecstatic and terrified of this fact.

And yet as it is right now, I am sitting in bed, drinking white tea, and contemplating playing computer games once I'm done this, and probably continuing into the wee hours of the morning, even though I have rehearsal tomorrow morning. Oh well.

Apparently I have a new roommate. Did you know about this? I didn't, until this afternoon when I went home to grab stuff, and there were guys in my house I didn't know, and the spare room suddenly had a bed, a desk and computer in it. Crazy stuff.

Anyways, we have yet to be introduced. I feel kinda bad cause I didn't speak to him this afternoon when I came home, but that was just because I was kinda in a hurry, so I just wanted to grab stuff and go. Our only interaction so far has been seeing each other in the living room while I was rushing to grab stuff, and passing each other in the hallway while getting ready for bed.

Oh, but I do believe he's a drummer. He had a practice pad in the living room with him, and that's all I've heard him do while getting ready for bed tonight. Not that it bothers me. On the contrary, it's very amusing how Guimauve can't figure out what this strange new sound is. He's also not sure whether he should be afraid of it or not.

Hopefully I'll have more updates on this mystery roommate soon.

I still haven't figured out my whole summer job thing. Brigadoon is starting to look like not the best decision in my life now, since I've just realized that means more evening which I will be unable to work. And thus unable to make money. So I'm thinking I really need to get a day job of some sort. If nothing else, it'll be awesome to make extra money over the summer.

I'm saying nothing of my recital, because I don't feel like it. But it's still happening.

~Calminaiel~

"There's always a guy."

Praise

So, remember a few days ago, when I was insisting I wasn't sick?

Yeah, I'm sick.

This morning I was pretty sure how I felt was how people must feel just before they die. It kinda sucked. Just a really sore throat, coughing, runny nose, stuffy head. The works. However, the day wasn't as bad as it really could have been.

First of all, GDP isn't in town, so we just watched a rehearsal as part of conducting, which I pretty much got to nap in. I mean, I paid attention enough to get some details I can write our assignment on, and then I started to let myself doze off. That definitely beats having to conduct with a cold.

Then, since GDP is away, Amy was conducting Wind Ensemble, and she let us out super early. Which gave me a chance to go home and rest. And rest I did. I got home around 3, changed into pajama pants, and basically just crawled into bed. Around 3:30 I dozed off and didn't wake up until 4:45. Then I dozed until 6. At which point I had to go to the bathroom, and I figured I may as well sit up, since I obviously wasn't sleeping anymore.

Anyways, I'm feeling not a whole lot better, but slightly less than death, which I take as a good sign. It could also just be the mentality of staying at home. I forget who I was talking to, but we were saying that you always feel more sick when you have to actually do things, but when you can just rest and stay home, you automatically feel better.

I get this a lot whenever I'm too sick for work. I'll feel terrible, and then as soon as I decide I'm too sick to work, and I call in to say I'm not coming, I instantly feel better. Obviously not 'Oh, I'm magically healthy' better, but just in a better mood. More relaxed, less stressed, less worried. And that just helps with the physical stuff I suppose? That's what I'm going with.

Of course, I'm also of the mindset that mental and emotional health can totally affect your physical health. I also think that they're often the more important than the physical. In certain cases, as least.

I feel my ability to write coherent sentences is starting to leave me. It could be the sickness, the drugs for the sickness, or maybe I've just been sitting up too long and the blood is draining from my head.

~Calminaiel~

"I've had so much drug medication...medication for dru-...drugs...ugh."

Oh wow

I am getting so good at this stay home spa thing. I had an excellent evening tonight. Except for the fact that I brought my work clothes home even though I didn't need to, and then I didn't pick up groceries even though I probably should have. Oh well. The rest of it was good.

I had one of those awesome baths, where the water is so hot you need to gradually get in the tub to adjust to the heat. My mirrors even fogged up. While I was having my bath. I've never fogged up my mirrors with a bath before. And then once I used all my wonderful moisturizing soaps, and my skin felt all wonderful, I just read my book and soaked for a little bit. So now my skin is wonderfully moisturized, and feels like it will never be dry or itchy again.

Of course, my chest still kinda hurts when I breathe, and I'm trying not to cough. We'll have to see how I feel tomorrow.

In other news, I can't believe we're down to the last four weeks of school. It feels like I have too much to do before the end. Well, I guess I only have one major paper and my recital. I don't really count my English class as anything major. It's practically like revisiting grade 8 English class. Only you actually kinda have to format your assignments.

We're getting another roommate sometime in March. I'm pretty excited to meet him. His name's...Mark? I think. But apparently he has a cat, which is cool.

Oh, and I have curtains! It's amazing. It's like the whole condo complex isn't looking into my bedroom at night anymore.

Another thing I've put on my list of things to do this summer (yes, there is a list. I'll tell you more about it sometime, but I'm trying not to focus on it too much while classes are still happening) is to actually call people and try to hang out with people. I miss a lot of my friends from high school, but university is so stupid and busy, and I hate saying to people, 'hey, we should hang out sometime!' and then never getting around to actually doing it cause I'm too busy. To be honest, I'd much rather wait until I actually do have time to hang out with people, and then give them a call.

I also have this weird fear with people I haven't seen or talked to in a while, that when I call them up they're going to be mad at me for not calling them sooner. That kinda puts a damper on things sometime. Should really get over that.

Anyways. I should get to bed, cause I slept in four out of five days last week, and I cannot let that happen anymore. It's only one more month, I can do school for that much longer. And it's the last stretch in terms of recital practicing, so I have that to focus on as well. I can (and will) make it to the end!

~Calminaiel~

"I've been told I have a great radio face."

Chocolate Money

I'd like to take a moment to get a few things straight.

I am not beginning to cough. My chest does not hurt when I breathe. I am not starting to run out of breath when I practice. Neither my head, nor my body, begins to generally ache during the last half of the day.

I am enjoying tea out of my new Calgary zoo mug (of which I plan to collect the whole set). A plan to the grocery store to buy ginger root is planned for the near future (I hear it's very good for you. Especially in tea). Every spare evening I have will be spent drinking tea and relaxing in a tub full of hot water and moisturizing soaps.

My recital is in fact a month away, and although I do think about my stage presence a lot and do not enjoy people making fun of or generally under appreciating the fact that this is a big thing for me, I am not stressing about it.

I hereby declare all of these statements to be true.

So there.

Now, I must mend a squeaky hamster wheel, so that he may exercise, and I may sleep, and we both shall be happy.

The End.

~Calminaiel~

"Have you ever gone to Tim Hortons, not because you wanted Timmy's, but because the line was so short, you felt obligated to go?"

Curses!

I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy. Or losing the ability to count with other people in my general vicinity. Either or.

I realized today I forgot to send in my availability calendar for work, which I always do on the 15th of every single month. And it didn't happen this month.

I've also never screwed up counting cash at work ever. Ever. And yet the last three times I've made mistakes. The first two were because I was talking to new staff, and telling them about stuff. This last one was apparently just because Ken was in the room with me. We weren't talking or anything. He was just sitting while I was counting cash.

In other news, I'm beginning to totally loose all interest in school. Right when all my major papers are due. It's a great time. I really think major projects should be due early in the semester, cause then at least I still have some inclination to work. But now? I have no idea how I'm going to do anything.

I wasn't feeling too well today, but Ken bought the third season for Big Bang Theory, so I think we'll watch some of that tonight. I also kinda have the munchies, and my house is terrible for having munchy things around. It kinda sucks.

It's been one of those weeks in which I just keep telling myself things will get better once this week is done. Plus, there's only really a month left of school, so I have to keep myself going for at least another month. Ken and I also thought of a pretty cool summer project, which I'm now really excited for.

Oh yeah, and my recital's coming up in April. But I'm tired of thinking right now, so I think it's time to find a snack and watch Big Bang.

~Calminaiel~

"Robyn likes her blogs."

Spring Ahead?

Oh wow. I kind of feel like the semester just started, and yet there's only really a month and a half left. Which really isn't that much, especially considering my recital is at the end of that month and a half.

Reader's Digest version of life: Working lots, loving/hating music as always, lost a pet, adopted a pet, have a student, procrastinating, buying (but ironically not drinking) booze, spending money, mooching food, and generally just trying to deal with one day at a time.

Oh, and dutifully taking care of my lucky bamboo plant, and my money tree, which are placed beside each other in my room. My superstitious side is pretty sure they're helping me get through life. Of course, my realistic side thinks that's ridiculous, and sometimes forces me to 'forget' to water them every now and then, just to prove it doesn't make a difference. But that's a story for another time.

~Calminaiel~

"This Christmas is turning out to be rather fishy."
"There's something fishy about this Christmas."

Moments, Moon Dough, and Make-up

I've been trying to find a picture of an ad I see all the time on the train, and for the life of me, I can't find it. I even asked my computer genius boyfriend, and he came up with a loss.

So you won't be able to see the picture. But the essence of it is that it's an ad for the Darwin and Einstein exhibit at the science center. The situation in the ad is two girls in the bathroom of a club, standing in front of the mirror to apply their makeup. The picture is the mirror full of writing in makeup of equations, and mathematical terms. In front of it, one girl is standing with her makeup, obviously having just written all the previously mentioned equations, and looking quite happy, having just invented all of these equations. The other girl is in a perfect about-to-reapply-lipstick position, and is looking up at the equations in quite a dumbfounded manner, like she doesn't know what just happened.

I'm sure my description of it doesn't do it justice. But hopefully you've got the general idea of it. The funny thing is, every time I see this ad on the train, I can just hear my Grandma's voice in my head, saying to me, "Now, the thing that makes this ad effective is the different expressions on the girl's faces."

I can imagine my Grandma going into detail about that, but I just find it very funny that I'm almost positive that's what she would say about that ad. And how I can very much hear it in her voice too.

In other news, me and Ken went to the toy store the other day, and I found a product by the Play-Dough. It's called Moon Dough, and the first-sight appeal of it is the claim that it never dries out. So, liking to play with dough, and wanting to find out the deal with this Moon Dough, I bought some.

Moon Dough is not all it seemed on the box. The texture is really weird, and while it's great for making shapes in plastic molders, that's really all it's good for. When you squeeze it, it doesn't form a shape, it just crumbles. You can't roll it into a snake, or flat into a pancake because again, it just crumbles. The reason it never dries out is because there's not any moisture in it in the first place.

In short, it's very disappointing, and it just made me want to go back to the store for some real Play Dough. Moon Dough doesn't get stuff all over your hands, but it's a lot less fun.

I've also been wearing makeup a lot more since school let out, because I don't like putting on makeup if it means I have to get up 15 minutes earlier just to do it. However, if I have time to wake up and lounge around before I have to go anywhere, sure I'll take a few minutes to put some makeup on.

Now, the thing with makeup is I've never really liked people who seem to believe they can't step out of their house without their makeup on. Sure I like how it makes me look, but I never want to believe that I can't have other people seeing me if I don't have it on.

Since I've been wearing it so much, I've started having this funny little fear that I'll start slipping into feeling the need to have it on before I go anywhere. And it's really funny at the end of every day when I take my makeup off in front of the mirror, I feel relieved when I see me sans makeup, and I haven't turned into this hideous monster underneath my makeup. I'm still just me. Maybe with slightly less defined eyes, but still just me.

~Calminaiel~

"It's so foggy out. Don't go too far away or I might not see you and I'll get lost. Don't walk faster!"

Mint Truffle Kisses

I think I'm addicted.

Anyways, I was on the bus on the way to my lesson, and reading my current book, Bridget Jones' Diary. I've had it kicking around forever, and I'm pretty sure I've started reading it before, but I know I've never gotten to the end. So that's what I'm working on now.

Diary books are always funny, because you are very literally inside the persons' mind. As such, I have this funny habit of starting to think like them myself. Therefore, when I got Ken's text informing me that Simon's parents were getting Simon the same present I was going to get him, the following happened inside my head.

Not happy about this. Have had Simon's present planned for weeks now, and they just decide on this? Now what do I do? Could think of other present...no. My present was very good. I have to change all my plans just because his parents happen to think of the same thing?

I proceeded to pout for a while, until my mind inevitably turned towards the topic of vengeance.

Revenge plans: A) not get Simon present at all. Problems: will 1-year-old notice lack of present from uncle's girlfriend? Unlikely. Will parents notice lack of present and interpret into obvious plot for revenge? Unlikely. Plan B) get obviously not well thought out present. Problem: will 1-year-old really feel disappointment over not expected present? Unlikely. Will parents interpret badly thought out present into obvious revenge for theft of present idea? Unlikely. Will probably just think brother's girlfriend is not smart.

Should just still get present. I thought of it first. Would have bought it already, just had no time, or car.

Problem: Will 1-year-old be sad over duplicate present? Unlikely. Will parents interpret duplicate present as clear indication that I thought of it first? Unlikely. Will probably just believe brother's girlfriend unoriginal.

This is when I got to my teacher's house and had to let go of all present thoughts, as it was time to concentrate on reed making.

I'm really not that upset over it. I'm just pouty, cause I thought I had a really great idea, and duplicate presents kinda suck. Now, instead of super easy I-prethought-all-of-my-Christmas-presents-so-I-can-just-duck-in-and-out-of-the-mall Christmas shopping, I'll have to actually make time to wander around and find ideas and decide.

Because shopping for a 1-year-old boy is so difficult.

~Calminaiel~

"I hate being invited to things I don't care about."
"Speaking of which, wanna come to my gig next week?"

Unionized

When I typed the title, I realized that word reminds me of both 'unicorn' and 'onion'.

But to other things.

I really believe people in customer service should have a union. Not a union which protects against unreasonable hours, or not enough pay. No, a union which protects them against crazy people.

That way, when people try to complain, or blame you for something which is A) not your fault, or B) out of your control, you can just step back and say "I'm sorry, but my union doesn't permit me to try to help people like you." However, you may then pass them a list of numbers to refer them to somebody who specializes in psychology, and tell them they may find help there.

Also, people who need to have their food or coffee exactly a certain way should not go to fast food places. While I was standing in line at Wendy's, I overheard somebody explaining how they wanted a burger, but with no meat or pickles. Then there was a woman who had three different coupons, requested specific toppings for her burger, and then wanted fries with no salt. For the sake of the girl working the till, I'm glad a new batch of fries had just come out of the fryer, and nobody had salted them yet.

But this woman wasn't done. She then proceeded to explain to the girl how to enter in the coupons, and how to use her gift card (oh yeah, she had one of those too). I felt bad for the girl, cause she seemed new-ish, and she had to keep getting her supervisor to ask him a question.

However, I had to admire her, because she never once showed that she was frustrated, or gave any indication that their request was stupid (which I was thinking the entire time). She was very nice. And when I sat down and realized I had a beef burger instead of the chicken burger I had ordered, I just ate it anyways. Cause she'd been through enough, and to be honest, I'd been debating between beef and chicken anyways.

I have to agree with Ken. Everybody should have to work a customer service job for at least a little while in their life. It would probably make the world a better place.



And just to end things off, a silly picture of me and my bassoon, clearly making beautiful music together. Or just in Banff, warming up for a rehearsal. However you'd like to interpret that.

~Calminaiel~

"Just remember, everybody is special, and everybody needs to be treated like they're 'special'."

Magic

I saw Graham's school musical theater performance today. It was quite amusing, and I enjoyed myself. I kinda just told him about the little things that bugged me about the show, but I really did like it overall. It was a good way to spend a night.

And Graham's hair looked very well fan-blown, even though I was told it was done with a curling iron. I still think he should have walked onstage with a little hand-held fan and pointed it at his face every time he had a line. Also, I could have done without the whole kissing thing. But at the same time, I can't help feeling like I deserve it a little bit.

I had quite a productive day. CYO rehearsal...well, happened. Rehearsals around this time of year are kind of odd, cause we do really rehearse, but we also have Christmas music, which the CYO has played since the dawn of time itself. So we don't really rehearse them, we just run through them.

I also had quite a productive day of doing laundry, organizing my room a little, and cleaning my bathroom. The cleaning of the bathroom really only results because I have to do some laundry by hand, which I do in the bathroom sink, and I always figure before I wash clothes in it, it should be clean. Which just lead me to clean the rest of the bathroom while I'm at it. But it's probably for the best.

Other than that, I'm just waiting for this semester to be over so I can enjoy the break, and hopefully renew my interest in school and bassoon next semester. I've been getting stuck in this 'I really don't want to do this' phase lately. But I'm sure once next semester comes and I actually have time to practice and stuff it should be better.

And as long as I try not to think too hard about my upcoming recital, that plan should work.

~Calminaiel~

"Burn her!"

Amost There

Gah, a month without updates. But the good news is, first semester is almost over, and as it has happened in the past two years, I expect second semester to be much better than the first.

Next semester will hopefully hold more time to practice, mostly because I don't have any morning class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so I hope to get a good at least two hours of practice in every morning on those days. Which should vastly improve my playing.

November kinda feels like it was a blur. I think back to it, and all I can really think of is school. Not even specifics of what happened at school. I know I went, and did stuff...

I did go to Banff with the CYO, and had the Wind Ensemble workshop weekend with Bob Reynolds, which was pretty cool, and more enjoyable than I was slightly afraid it could've been.

I've been discovering how I don't quite have the hang of making dinner. In that, I'm not used to actually cooking dinner, to thinking out in advance what I'm going to have, and what I need for it, and actually getting the effort to make dinner. So far my best dinners have been canned soup, a side of cucumber, and a glass of eggnog, with my book to keep me company. Which is really quite cozy.

But I still invite myself over to my parents when I can. Microwaved soup gets a little tiring after a while.

My skin is getting insanely dry since winter really kicked in. I think it might be slightly worse than it was last year, since I really don't remember my skin getting this dry and itchy and just not feeling very nice. I'm almost starting to wonder if it would be easier to just get some good hydrating bath stuff, and have regular evening baths than having to slather my entire body with moisturizer every single night.

On another note, I should really get out and do my Christmas shopping soon, or I will forget and leave it to the last minute. Which I've been really good about not doing, so I don't want to break my streak now.

Unlike my Halloween streak, which I did break this year! Go me!

~Calminaiel~

"Is it bad that all I thought of at that moment was 'Make-up sex!'"

Halloween

There's a natural progression when it comes to Halloween, I believe. I was going to tell this to Ken, but he's busy making dinner, and not really listening. Which is okay, because I like food. But since he's not listening to my thought, I shall tell you, faithful readers. Or semi-faithful readers. Or people who came upon this by chance.

So, natural progression to Halloween. There's a very natural crossover when it comes to the Halloween process. The balance to Halloween is that some people receive candy, and others give out candy. That's how society works. And eventually the ones who receive candy become the ones who give candy, and the circle of life continues.

By the way, I just had a 6 year old Batman come to my house. Teehee!

Anyways, I believe there is a very specific and natural rotation when it comes to Halloween, and I shall outline it now.

The first stage is during the years of 3-13 years old. During this stage, you're incredibly excited to dress up, and have a costume *pause*

I just got a dinosaur at my door! Teehee!

*unpause* and have costume parades at school and all that fun stuff that comes with Halloween. And trick or treating to get candy is an awesome bonus too. I liked this stage. We were never ones to buy costumes, but I never minded this, because Mom made the most kick ass costumes ever. I was an eagle one year. I think that was one of my favorite costumes made by Mom.

The next few stages don't have a specific time line, as it can be different for people. But the next stage occurs over the next few years. This stage is when you just really dress up for the hell of it, so you can still go trick or treating to get a pillowcase of candy. Why? Because free candy is awesome, and you're still young enough to get away with it. I definitely stuck some ribbons in my hair, stuck some vampire teeth in my mouth, and went trick or treating as whatever anybody wanted to think I was. Looking back, it was kinda lame. I got a group of those kids before my last two trick or treaters. They weren't really fun.

The next stage is indifference. You don't really feel like dressing up, you're too old to go trick or treating, so what's really the point? I lost interest in Halloween for at least two years. I think it's mostly realizing you can't trick or treat anymore, and not really being sure what you now have to look forward to with Halloween.

However, the last stage is the final stage in the circle of life, and that's when you begin to look forward to having trick or treaters, and giving them candy. This renews your interest in Halloween, and thus balance is restored and maintained.

I had three Halloween costumes this year. I went as Dr. Price on Friday, where everybody at school would get it, and I could imitate him all day. I went as a devil on Saturday to a house party, because that's the only place I would wear such a costume. And today I went to work as Mickey Mouse. And I guess I'm giving trick or treaters candy as Mickey Mouse.

My dad used to be a vampire for Halloween. I can't actually recall if he used to do this every Halloween, or if he only did it once or twice, and it just made a lasting impression in my mind. Anyways, he had *pause*

I just had a fairy princess! I went to the door and her face lit up! 'It's Mickey Mouse!' I gave her some candy and her dad told her to say thank you. 'Goodnight Mickey Mouse! I got candy from Mickey Mouse!' My life is now totally complete.

*unpause* So he had this vampire cloak, and I believe it lived in my closet for some time. At least, until I became a proper woman and began using my closet. And for some reason I was scared of this cloak. I think it eventually moved to Graham's closet because I was afraid of it, but I just remember thinking of it in my closet on those nights when I couldn't sleep. And that thought didn't help me to sleep.

And now I think I might text my father to compare our numbers for trick or treaters. I'm at three. I had a group of eight kids in the 'just trick or treating for the hell of it' stage, and I'm not really counting them, because they weren't cute.

~Calminaiel~

"I'm not scaring you, I'm scaring your hiccups!"

And then, Laugh

Oh the stress of school again. How lovely. Instead of attempting to dish out reasons why I haven't posted in so long, or trying to summarize the last month or so, let me just tell you a series of instances, stories, quote, that will hopefully give you a good enough understand of the past little while.

Performance seminar candy!

"What are you doing to our ground?"

"I just went and bought food, and it's still hot, and it only took 10 minutes!"

Walking to Safeway, forgetting my wallet, walking home, walking back to Safeway.

Cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry by hand in the bathroom, and realizing I have to clean the bathroom all over again.

"Once upon a time, many years ago, there were musicians who were very bored. And these musician cried 'oh, won't somebody write some music we have to practice?' Then Beethoven came along. And he said 'don't worry bored musicians! I will write music you have to practice!' And there was much joy. Then, a few hundred years later, there were musicians who were not so bored. In fact, they were very busy. And yet, for some reason there was still a need to play the pieces of Beethoven, which required lots of practiced. And they would have cursed him to the end of his days, if that hadn't already happened."

"And now you'll want to leave this reed alone for a couple days. He's gone through some big life changes. He's been forced into a tubular shape, had pieces of him scraped off, and he's had mouths chomping on him. He needs some recovery time."

"I was going to say 'What would you do if you were trapped in a burning building, with no hope of escape? Would you call someone you love and tell them you're about to die?' But then I realized you wouldn't do that, you'd call 911."

"Is she really skinny? Or are your horses all just pudgy?"

"I'm not a big fan of going to bed early, but if I don't go to bed at the same time with him, and I climb in while he's already asleep, there's no way he'll be cuddly."

"Blah blah blah. I went to Eastman. I conduct the Wind Ensemble." *pout*

Oh, and the Stravinsky Octet seriously makes me feel like I'm on drugs.

~Calminaiel~

"And they never asked Beethoven that ever again."

Radiohead 2

First of all, allow me to say that I am really not pleased with myself. In the way that I always seem to need people to really dig into me to actually get me to talk about something that's bugging me. And then when people don't have the time or effort to put into me, I start to feel super disappointed, and also mad at myself, because I know it's mostly my fault. Things would be so much easier if I could just start talking as soon as somebody says 'what's wrong?'. But instead, I always shrug, and they give me a look, but don't say anything else. And I'm left pleading inside my head for them to ask me one more time, and whatever is bugging me is left alone, still bugging.

Anyway. Now that that's out, I shall move on.

I went to a Radiohead movement piece with Graham today. Basically it's a theater piece that is mostly just movement, set to music from a Radiohead album.

I really went into it having no idea what to expect. Graham said it was really good, and not only do I trust his judgment, but there are also very few theater pieces I do not enjoy.

This definitely blew me away.

I'm not even sure how I'm going to say what I thought about it. And I'm not sure how much I'm going to even mention the piece itself, because I really don't know how to. It's a movement piece. How do you write about movement? It's like dancing about architecture.

However, I'm not going to rule out the possibility of me mentioning it, so just to cover myself, there is a potential spoiler alert coming up.

Not that there was much plot in this. It was very, very much up to personal interpretation, and what you took out of it. I'm going to say right now that my thoughts on it aren't really in an organized state right now, and I'm not sure if they ever will be. So what follows are my thoughts right now, as of about an hour and a half after the show. Keep up if you can.

I got a huge sense of society. Today's society, and how it doesn't make sense. How it often feels like everybody else is doing their own thing, and yet they all seem to be in on something that you don't know.

Common sense vs. the ridiculousness of the things people do. How sometimes there are people who stand up to what goes on. People trying to pull others out of the cycle of society, that spins away, and drags them down into nonsense. And then giving up, and just joining that majority. Because there's no use anyways, and because it's easier than trying to pull out of it.

Personal thoughts and feelings. Everybody is thinking something, and hoping for something, and at the same time, trying not to hope, because how could it ever possibly happen? Letting go, and allowing it to happen, and what is acceptable now, when 100, even 50 years ago, it wouldn't be tolerated.

Solitude, and feeling alone. At one point, he was in center stage, with people in chairs all around him. And he kept asking where everybody was, and even when one person answered, and said they're all in front of him, he couldn't see them. Don't you ever have that on the train? On the streets? You look around, and people have this expression...it's almost more than just neutral. It's empty. And even though you are surrounded by people you want to ask where everybody is. I ask where everybody is. Why they feel like they have to go away when they step onto the street.

Videos. Videos of people who are gone. People who are on their deathbed, and don't want to face the world. When they're gone, all you have are pictures, and videos. And in the videos, there is no sound. But you can see them. They're talking, smiling, laughing. You know they're gone, and this is all you have left. On one hand, you know this is only a shadow, only one part of this person who used to live, breathe, and feel. On the other hand, it's all you have left, and you never want to let go.

At first, I wanted to know what they were talking about. What story they were telling, what day they were reliving for the camera. I wanted to know what they were telling us. And I finally realized I didn't want to know. I just wanted to look at their faces, and see the emotion. See all the happiness and life there, and just know that each of them was a real person.

At the end, they all went silent. And one by one, they said the most sincere thank you that could be said without any noise. I wondered what they were thanking us for. For being there? For that perfect day? For everything?

Then it was over. And I'm left wanting time to stand still, so I can take a few moments to relive those moments of pure emotion. Wanting to go back, and watch that girl's fact on the screen, the one who was so full of life, and joy, and everything.

But time doesn't stand still. And soon enough I'll be pushed back out into it. I'll leave that dark theater, where the only thing real is what's happening in front of you.

But while I've learned that time doesn't stand still, I've also learned that people don't stay the same. I've learned that understanding the world is a constant process of comparing what we don't comprehend to our own experiences, and reassessing what we think we understand.

I may not come out of this a completely different person, and I may not begin changing everything I understand and believe because of this night. But I will take something away from it. I have taken something away from it.

And I know I won't have this constantly on my mind. But I will keep it away. Wrap it up in a box in my mind, and label it with a sharpie, or a post it note. To remind myself, when I'm feeling particularly hopeless, emotionless, like a walking, empty shell, to pull this out. Though it may not make me feel better, it will remind me there are still reasons to feel. That there are still people trying to make sense of this world.

And as long as there are still beautiful works of art worth thinking about, I think I'll make it through.

~Calminaiel~

"Catharsis..."

Silly Internetz

I've been getting a lot of spam comments recently. It's slightly annoying. However, Blogger also just made a feature that auto-detects potential spam comments, and doesn't let them be published unless you confirm they're not spam. Which is kinda nice.

So, I'm currently at the end of the first two days of school. And I feel dangerously close to being a first year again.

Well, I definitely did during my first class on Monday, but that was because the class was in a room in Earth Sciences, and whenever I delve into the realm of the science buildings I always feel small and scared. Because, c'mon, there are all these...science people...

Anyways, I think it's also partly because I'm a third year now. And when I look back to when I was a first year, I remember what I thought of the third years. I admired most of them, and thought they were always cool and composed and knew exactly how things at the university go down.

To be fair, I could be underestimating myself a little bit. I do know a fair bit about how things at the university work, and I'm not exactly terrified of course outlines or homework anymore. But even so, I definitely do not feel like I'm the person I used to look up to a few years ago.

But I suppose that's almost always the way of things, when you work your way up in the world. I thought the Supes at MusiCamp were the coolest people ever. They were always so calm, and organized, and super fun. Now, having been a Supe, I still think they're a coolest people every, and super fun, but at the same time, most of camp all the Supes are practically sleepwalking their way through the day (I exaggerate slightly...but we don't get nearly as much sleep as is probably good for us), and we were definitely not as organized as I thought the Supes always were. We really fake it, and make stuff up half the time.

In general, I feel like I've forgotten how to be a university student. But I think part of that might be because I did more this summer than I usually do. Generally I just sit around the house with my brother all summer. This summer I actually went to MusiCamp for a month. And people who go to MusiCamp know that it's practically like entering another world. When I came back, I'd almost forgotten how you interact in a place that's not camp. With people who haven't been to camp.

I also moved out. Which took up some time, and a lot of thought. So a lot of the summer, especially after I got back from camp, was adjusting to the new place, getting used to cleaning and cooking (and reminding myself to actually eat regular meals), and just generally getting comfortable in my new space. Suddenly university is thrown on top of that, and I'm left thinking 'But...what about spending time in my space?'

But I know it'll get better. It's just weird having the summer off, and going and doing different stuff, and suddenly I'm back, and it feels like it's been forever since I've been there.

However, one of the things I always admired about the third years that I do actually have: a pretty kick ass schedule. Every day I start at either 10:30 or 11, and every day I end at either 3 or 3:30. I'm totally okay with that. I get to sleep in, and I can still keep my evenings open for work. I still haven't scheduled my lessons, but we're pretty sure they're going to be on Monday evenings, and I'm trying to go for Monday afternoons if we can do that.

I also had this really weird thought while I was wandering through the sciences building: that Ken will be at Sait all this year, so he won't be hanging out at the university, so he won't be here to see me. And for some reason that thought scared the hell out of me for a few minutes, before I told myself to pull myself together and suck it up.

I also think I'm exaggerating this whole being scared of school thing just slightly. It's not that I'm actually afraid, it's just that it's a big schedule change, from hanging out at home and just getting things done as they needed to be done, to having classes and just having a lot more stuff to do in general. I don't tend to deal with drastic schedule changes very well, so I suppose I shouldn't be entirely surprised by this reaction.

I haven't been to the bar yet, which is more than I can say of some of my friends. But I think I have used up my weekly allowed amount of swearing in the first two days, and I'm currently heading into overload.

I was also playing Ken's Civilization game on his computer, and even though I was at least 2000 points ahead of everybody, another country won just because they got into space before I did. I am not pleased, and even though I know I should start another game, cause I have a different strategy idea for my next round, I feel like ignoring both the game, and Ken's computer for a while. Just to give them time to think about what they did.

I'm kind of glad I don't tend to re-read these posts, cause I'm pretty sure I would not be pleased with the quality of my writing. I also say 'I' a lot here. But that's allowed, cause it's my blog, right? Right...

But really, hopefully I'll actually have some interesting stories to tell here, and not just random facts about what I'm doing with my days.

~Calminaiel~

"That's completely different. It's like comparing apples to geese."