And that's only the beginning of the huge range of emotions I've felt over the past little while.
But seriously, the happiness is the real constant. It's always there, even when I'm worried about panicked, or paranoid about something. It doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy about my life right now.
You know what is a scary thought?
I'm a legal adult. I am responsible for myself. I know I've been a real adult for a few months now, but still, it only really seems to be hitting me now that...I'm actually in charge of my life now. Whatever responsibility I didn't have while still in high school...I do have now.
Maybe that's partly why I'm slightly apprehensive about getting my full license, or getting a job.
And yet, on the other hand, I can't wait to do either of those, because it will just complete my being-an-adult even more.
See where I am with the whole mixed emotions thing?
I guess I'm caught between my old fear of too many changes, and my insane excitement to do more discovering of what I want to do with my life.
Not career wise. I know I'm going into music, and that's what it'll be until something happens to make it change. Which it might, I won't deny it, but for now, music's looking pretty good.
Just what I'm going to do with myself...now that I'm kind of getting pushed out there on my own.
To which all my friends laugh, and go, Robyn, you're living at home. How 'pushed out there on your own' can you be?
Alright, alright, whatever. But hopefully you'll grasp some sort of meaning from all of this that kind of makes sense.
Me, making sense. That's a good one.
Okay, let's stop while we're ahead, shall we?
I haven't been blogging much I know. I've kind of found a temporary outside source to type away my worries to for the next little while. Once I don't feel the need to send an email every night, I'll probably start blogging more.
Unless university kills me.
Which it might. I'm still keeping that possibility in mind.
Thursday!! I'm so excited!!
(PS: One downside to this whole deal is that I've been given more time to think than is really healthy. So I don't know if I'm actually discovering more emotional scars than I thought I had, or if I'm just overthinking. I'm probably just overthinking, although the first option may have some truth to it as well.)
And, as a side note, orientation was rather fun today. Why do the Fine Arts get stuck with brown shirts? And how do I know so many people in Science and Engineering? I hope they're prepared to feed me, as the starving musician.
If you could please speed up the space time continuum so that Thursday gets here extra quickly, I would really appreciate it.
"dmda, Fine Arts!"
1 year ago