What is going on with me? I mean, seriously, it was just in my last couple of posts I believe where I said I was too busy to think, and that was all good.
And suddenly today I find myself thinking.
I guess it's not as bad as it possibly could be. But still, it's more than I'd like to be doing.
Second of all, why do I find myself suddenly attracted in some way to anybody who has a certain amount of ability with music? I mean, honestly, it's not even funny. Look at how many people I found myself doing this to over the day...but I'm going to mention no names, to save myself from embarrassment. If you can figure out who I'm talking about, good for you.
1) This one I really wish I didn't feel, because it totally makes things worse. I mean, this isn't helping my situation much. It's just that today when he was playing it was like...wow. And then a split second after that thought it was like, excuse me, don't even go there. I don't even want anything to happen. Blah, it's weird...
2) But this one is even more weird. I mean, I really hope nobody ever knows about this, especially him, because it's so weird. Not that it's a real crush or anything, he can just actually play his instrument (get your mind out of the gutter, seriously) and it's amazing. And I keep telling myself this is way too weird, and I have to seriously avoid these thoughts. But then why does part of me wonder if it's real? Ahh....
3) This one's pretty much the same as the last one. Also totally weird. Also kind of wondering if I might actually like him...no, I'm not even going to go there. I can't like him. It'd be way too weird. Moving on...
4) Now this one's not so bad, because I'm sure a lot of people thought this when they heard him. Well, maybe not a lot, but I know at least one other person kinda knows what I'm talking about. Still. It was just like...marry me. Right now.
5) This one is kinda maybe an actual crush...but I'm not sure, because I really don't talk to him enough...but still. He seems really nice. Stupid thinking...
6) And this one kinda started at the end of last year, just before summer started. So I'm still bouncing back and forth on this one. I don't know if I actually like him, or if I'm just kidding myself, or if I'm just getting really desperate...I don't even think he actually likes me like that anyways, so I shouldn't be worrying about it anyways...but why am I still wishing that maybe he does like me a little?
Blah! Look at that! 6 potential crushes?! Not healthy! Okay, take away one, because it's not really serious, and I know why I felt that way. Take away another, because I also know that's not serious, and I don't want anything to happen with him anyways. So now it's 4. Take away another two...and perhaps keep them in the maybe pile...just because it actually would be weird I think...although I can't say I'd turn it down if the chance came...So now that really only leaves 2. So I guess that makes me seem a little less pathetic/desperate.
Still. Kelskie told me not to think about this stuff or I'd just confuse myself. And here I am thinking about it and confusing myself!
Okay, moving on to a different topic now.
I hate it how everybody dislikes this one person so much, and I really don't mind them so much. Is that really a big deal? I don't dare even talk about them at all, for fear that I might say something positive about them and everybody else will shoot me down. I really hate it.
I don't even know if anybody reads this anymore besides Chloe. Oh well.
And I'm sure at some point during this year I actually am going to seriously take up that offer of just laying down somewhere and pouring out my whole series of life problems out to somebody. I mean, it's happened the last two years. Not that I'm saying it's a bad thing. I'm just giving a heads up.
Damn stupid thinking. It's not all bad I guess. But still. I could probably survive without it. Let's hope the weeks activities drive some of them out.
Hokay, off I go to do english homework. I think I actually want to get to bed at a half-decent time...although I will probably get the undesired sleep time of somewhere between 3 and 7 hours. I was honestly considering doing my plan of getting less sleep during the week so I'd be awake during the day. But I do enjoy sleep.
Anyways, english homework. Seriously. Wish me luck.
"Don't insult my band council! I've dreamed of this for two years! They're my band council!"
"And you've been wanting to resign for the past three weeks!"
1 year ago