Monday, September 10, 2007

Thinking in the shower

Some people sing in the shower. I think. To each his own.

I'm also slightly sentimental right now because we're watching the country music awards on tv, and George Canyon just performed 'I want you to live'. If you've never heard that song, search it, and listen to it. I don't care if you don't like country. Even better, search it on youtube or something and find the video. Seriously.

Anyways, that song got to me. Especially since I've kinda been thinking about stuff like that, ever since we talked about the stuff going on in Iran in social class. I guess it never really affected me directly, so I never thought about it much, but that class actually kinda made me realize that people are actually dying at a regular rate. And not just the handful of Canadians that we hear about every once in a while.

So, I don't really think I know enough about the subject of what's happening in Iran enough to actually have an opinion about whether they should still be fighting over there. I guess maybe that's what social class is for.

I've also been thinking about the past in the last little while. Not really regretting it...but not exactly happy about it either. It's really just neutral...I'm not even sure which word to use. I want to say reminiscing, but I don't think that really describes what it is. It sounds like I'm longing for the past again, which isn't really what I'm doing.

Mike, an amazing 18 year old, second year university student who's amazing (did I mention he's amazing?), anyways, he did an audition for second chair for the Red Deer symphony orchestra, and got accepted! It's so cool. Like, he's in a professional orchestra, and in second year university!

It kinda really made me think about my life. It's like, what am I doing with my life? Here's this guy who isn't even past 20 yet and he's got a professional gig with a professional group. And what am I doing? I'm putting off french homework, putting off signing up for math online, and getting frustrated with my stupid reed, because my reed is dull and I put off ordering a sharpening stone for so long, so my knife's super dull, and I'm putting off making new reeds until I can get my sharpening stone and sharpen my knife.

So, basically, I'm just putting off my life in general.

Which will only work for so long, really. Too often in my life, I really want to just press a pause button so I can stop and catch up with things. Or at least have a moment to collect my thoughts. But it seems like either I never get a chance to do that, or when I do get a chance I don't actually use it to stop and think. Instead I sleep, or daydream, or otherwise just find a way to waste my time. Which then makes me think I should have been practicing, because lately anytime I find myself wasting time, I know I should be using said time to practice.

Really, isn't that what all the best music students do? It really feels like it. Most of the most amazing musicians I know talk about how much they practice, and they really do make it sound like any time they're not doing anything, they're practicing. And sometimes I just feel like I can't make myself do that. And I can think of a couple people who would say that that's not true, and it probably just seems like they practice every spare moment of their life to me. But I can imagine a couple people who would just say, yeah, that's what you have to do to be a musician. Get used to it.

Which really isn't a very comforting thought.

At the same time as I'm thinking all that, there's also a part of me that still insists on saying that I really am just a high school student right now. I know that Mike's amazing and getting into amazing groups, and I really shouldn't compare myself to him, because he's been in university for a year already, which means he's had more playing time then I've had, and overall he's had more music experience then me. I'll get to a point like that at some time in my life. It's just not now. Who knows, maybe at one point Mike was thinking that he'd never be as amazing as somebody else. Maybe if I just keep going the way I'm going, I'll be something like that too.

Then again, maybe not, but you never know. There's too many maybes in my life for my liking. But, when thinking about the future, it's hard not to use maybe. Nothing's for sure. I don't like thinking that some things are for sure. Of course, there are times when I slip into assuming that some things are for sure, but generally I try not to.

I was also talking to a friend from MusiCamp a couple years ago. She said she didn't come back because she outgrew the camp, and it wasn't challenging her.

This made me really think about the kind of activities I do. I'm in a lot of stuff that doesn't necessarily challenge me, but I enjoy it so much. Like MusiCamp, and sometimes All Cities. The music isn't always as hard as it could be, but I love doing those things so much. And then there's stuff like Academy, which I don't really enjoy, but in the long run was probably quite good for me from a music view.

Then again, there are also things that are both, like CYO. I love CYO, and the music is definitely not easy.

So it makes me wonder if I'll have to continue to choose between things that are fun and a little easier, or more challenging things that I don't enjoy as much. Or maybe I'll just keep discovering things that are like CYO.

I think that's pretty much all my thoughts for right now. I recognized so many people when I went to the university today. Half of them probably wouldn't know me at all, but I recognized them from various places. It made me quite happy. I can't wait to go there. There were a couple people who recognized me from somewhere else, and actually asked me what year I was in. I was like...I'm not yet. =P

I have a couple pet peeves that happened to me today that I could mention, but the more I think about it, the more I think that I'd probably just be a hypocrite. I'm pretty good at doing that when it comes to my pet peeves. I'm not sure I would like myself if I was somehow able to meet myself.


"He has a girlfriend. Believe me, that was the first thing I checked when I got him on facebook."

1 comment:

Zoë Chlorophyll said...

"He has a girlfriend. Believe me, that was the first thing I checked when I got him on facebook."

I do that all the time! =P