Monday, October 22, 2007

Crossing the line

I definitely have a very thin line between 'hinting I like a guy' and 'being annoying'. How do I know when I've crossed that line? Blah.

That's really the main thing I have to say. But since I've started a post, I might as well throw some other stuff in here too.

Why can't my feelings and thoughts just stay the same for a little while? Like, I'll have some of those weird days where suddenly I'm questioning all my feelings and thoughts, and they contradict everything I believed the day before. Sometimes it's refreshing. Sometimes it's troubling. Either way, it's slightly unsettling to think that everything I think and believe can switch like that so suddenly.

I can't let regrets creep up on me. I've been doing so well, I've finally moved on...and yet sometimes little things come up that just won't go away and I sometimes to venture into the realm that I really shouldn't venture into...wondering why I didn't just do something, or say something. Almost anything different than what I actually did do.

It doesn't come up often, only when I let myself think of the fact that I had exactly what I wanted, and somehow lost it. And now I don't know when I'll get it back.

And then, just to contradict all that, I also sometimes get the feeling that I really don't need what I had back then. I'm fine right now, and I don't need to depend on anything but myself...and maybe my reed.

Also, when I actually let myself think about it, I'm kinda scared to do it again. I mean...I dunno. Maybe I'm just thinking about this too much. Not sure I want to mention any other details here. If you're really interested you could ask, not that it's really that interesting of a topic.

And Paul's sad that he hasn't been mentioned in a while. Hi Paul. You have been mentioned.


"You're getting fingerprints on it!"
"But you get fingerprints on it yourself."
"Yeah, but only on the bottom part."
"And you can always just polish it off later."
"'s so much better to just keep it clean in the first place..."

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