Blogging after a few

And by a few, I mean two.

Not that that's a lot, but I can still feel it a little.

I don't usually do this. Blog at this time, after a few, I mean.

I just felt the need to say that I can't decide if having a couple was a good idea or not.

Actually, I can. Considering...and also...

Yes and yes.

So I'm okay.

Bed now.

(PS: I'm not as bad as I probably seem right now.)

~Calminaiel~

"Long or short?"
"Long. ;)"

Hoping

You know that feeling you get when you finally get the chance to approach or talk to somebody you think is amazing, and you admire and respect and all that jazz - and it's so obvious that they really couldn't care less about you even though you might think the world of them?

I hate that feeling. It's so utterly disappointing.

I hope I never become like that. I hope that if I ever become somebody that other people look up to, or have any reason to be excited about having the chance to talk to me, I hope I'll take the time to have a chat with them and not just brush them off.

I know moments will probably come when I do that. I know there have probably been moments like that already. But I really hope I don't do it on purpose. And I really hope I never will, and I'll recognize when somebody really wants to talk and I'll take the time at least give them a decent hello, or something. Not just brush them away.

It's one of those moments that you experience with somebody, and your first thought is 'I hope I'm never like that.'

Does anybody else get those, or is it just me?

~Calminaiel~

"Well, there is less cartoon violence here than on the computer. At least they don't plummet to the ground and get squashed into a puddle of their own blood."

Wondering...

Why are all the most comfortable positions generally the most unattractive ones as well?

It's unfortunate, really.

~Calminaiel~

"Band camp is my spa."

Hello again

I'm going to attempt to avoid a blog like last time's. Partially to give you all a break, because I'm sure every time you see post that long you make sure you have a snack and a comfortable seat to see you through it. Also because any kind of thinking that I would do tonight would not be comforting. I know this because I've almost delved into it a few times, and I've found nothing overly positive. Not that it's super negative either it's just...well, again, not the kind of thinking that I really wish to go into at the moment.

This kind of thinking is familiar to me. It's the 'Robyn, you're starting to think way too much and too seriously about life because you've been away from your friends for far too long. So go out there and get a life.' kind of thinking.

I think I shall do that.

I also have a random tiny spot on my hand where the skin has been pulled off. It's kind of starting to get really painful, which doesn't really make sense because it's so extremely tiny and doesn't even look that serious. But it hurts.

I even know when it happened. I ran my hand into the wall. Go me, I know.

Anyways, life getting. Yes. I'm going to call Henry to get together, because he was stolen from me for Stampede. Same with Kelsk, because I don't think anybody in the world understands how much I need to talk with her. Hang with her. Just generally be with her. Everything.

I would have called both of them today, but I figured I'd give them a day to recover before starting my endless cries for attention.

I'm not going to lie. I actually really want to just hang with friends for the rest of this week before I head off for camp. Which is slightly ironic, because I also need to practice every day of this week to get my embouchure back before band camp. Hm...I'll fit it all in somehow. I really hope. Because going to camp with absolutely no mouth would not be a good thing. Not that camp won't fix that anyways. It always does. By the end of those two weeks, I could play for 24 hours and not have a blown mouth. Which is also ironic how I always stop playing immediately after camp to send my bassoon away for it's yearly check up.

Which is making me really nervous, because they're saying it'll take a while to do, and I'm like, yeah, about that, I kind of need it back for school. Because starting university without a bassoon...not so good.

So yes, quite worried about that. But...actually at the moment I can't really think of anyway to cheer myself up about that. My mom seems to know what we can do to do our best to make sure it gets back...but still...

I'm trying to remember how long it took last time, and of course I can't, because I never keep track of these things. And always regret it later. Well, not regret. Just vaguely wish I had. As it is, the only thing I remember is that it took longer than I wanted it to. Which isn't exactly comforting in this situation.

Maybe I'll message my bassoon friends with this problem. I wonder if any of them will have any good advice. Or at least comforting thoughts. We'll see.

Arg. Various emotions going on about this situation and none of them are quite as positive as I would like them to be.

Aha. Okay, one thing to make me feel better: in a week, I'll be off to camp and hopefully camp will keep my mind off it for at least two weeks. And even if it can't keep my mind completely off it, there's not exactly anything I could do about it while at camp, so hopefully I won't be worrying about it.

Not that there's anything I can do now. But whatever.

Ack. I also really should do at least a little work on reeds before I go to camp. I've really been asking too much of my reed for the longest time now, and I can tell it just wants me to put it down and let it rest in peace.

I also need to start breathing. Just because I've started to play bassoon again does not mean I need to bring all the old stress back with it.

Is that starting to be a reaction? Am I starting to associate bassoon with stress? Because that would definitely not be a good thing. I'll work on that.

Pressure on me from myself is also a big thing that tends to come back with bassoon. I should work on that as well.

I'm also slipping back into my overthinking thing. Let's not do that.

I'm off to distract myself with various things because I go to bed. Wish me luck.

~Calminaiel~

"Wow. I didn't think it was possible, but you actually managed to die sooner than you did last time."

Just when I thought I was better

I am currently sitting in my room, having just turned the lights on after watching a spectacular lightning show, with my laptop in front of me, listening to the rain still pelting the roof and the street.

I can definitely hear both the sound of the rain hitting the room, and the rain hitting the street. They are quite distinct from each other, and yet they still have a likeness that you wouldn't separate from each other unless you were really thinking about it.

I'm going to warn you right now. I'm not sure whether I am going to make sense this time around. If indeed, I ever really do make any sense. I actually spent ten minutes tonight even wondering whether I should blog or not.

I didn't really want to blog because, as stated above, I wasn't sure if it would even make sense to anybody. I also kind of want to talk about stuff that I definitely do not want to say in a blog. And I'm also in one of my moods where I feel like I have so much stuff going on in my head that it would be futile to attempt to organize and present all those things in an acceptable manner. What an acceptable manner is, I'm not sure. Interpret as you will.

Hm. Another stolen phrase. How interesting.

Except not, because my life is pretty much made up of stolen phrases.

Except that one in particular is interesting. Because it goes under the same category as so many of my stolen phrases.

I could overthink this concept to death, except I already know what it means, without any deep thinking or philosophic reason. It's simply that I deeply respect said person and it happens to be somebody who I've always wanted to be more like, or think on a similar level to. Part of my attempt of accomplishing that is stealing phrases.

Such is my life.

That's also something that I could think about. But I think I've gone off on a random subject enough for now. Where was I...let's get back on track, shall we?

I did want to blog because...well, why not, really. Which is my reason for doing many a thing, and I tend to highly resent the people who don't think that's a logical reason. Life would not be nearly as enjoyable were it solely made up of logic. It would be a more sensible place in many respects, but perhaps not always as enjoyable.

I can see various flaws in that theory, and yet still a few truths. I am in a thinking mood tonight, aren't I? I'll tell you what I'm really in the mood for: I really want to just go out with somebody and relax somewhere. Preferably under the stars, or by water, be it still or running, or perhaps even inside after a storm, as I am now. Those are usually the best times for thinking. For me. I want to relax with said somebody, and just think, and just say and explain everything I'm thinking, or dreaming, or believing in at the moment. I want to completely pour myself out there without any fears or doubts.

That's what I want to do.

And of course everybody who knows me really well is going, excuse me Robyn, you know what would really happen. You would sit down with said somebody, open your mouth to say all that, realize that your stupid brain can't find words to say all that, and then change the subject to something dumber and less deep and on a level of which you can actually find words for.

Maybe that's true. Maybe I want to try to get better with words. Maybe by sitting down and at least attempting to talk about all of that would help me become better.

Of course, said somebody would have to be willing to put up with a lot of pauses while I search through my mind for a way to say things. I'm not sure everybody likes to put up with that.

But again, I stray from my original point.

That is actually another reason why I wanted to blog. Because I am really in the mood to just explain myself fully, and put myself out there for the world, whether that be good or bad.

However, the downside to that is, I'm not prepared to do that on a blog. But at least I've put the thought out there, so everybody reading this will know that I was, at some point, prepared to do this. The chances that I'm prepared to do it the next time you see me are slim. But now you know that I do in fact have these moments.

For the last little while I've really wanted to just have a conversation with another dreamer. I walk around my house at night (for I generally think better when I walk or pace) and I go through all my thoughts, beliefs, and dreams, both night and day dreams. I think of things that other people may find ridiculous, but I find wonderful. I believe in things that can't possibly be real, and yet I still believe in them.

And I find myself wondering if anybody else does this. Sometimes I feel all alone in my strange world, and it seems like everybody around me is a realist.

I don't know if I'd rather be a realist or not. Maybe I'd get more done. Maybe I'd actually start focusing on what's really important, instead of living in my own little world all the time.

Would I enjoy life as much? I don't know yet.

The little voice in my head who always seems to know the real reason I do things, even if I don't know them, is telling me that I'm writing this for a very specific person.

I know. I'm not even going to try to argue that fact. The chances of them reading this? Slim. The chances of them knowing this if I never even put it out there? None. It's a start, right?

And after a little talking on msn I believe I've been pulled out of my 'put myself out there' mood. Now I'm just me. And my mind is beginning to fail at thinking of things to write on my blog.

Which is probably for the best. This is long enough as it is.

I need to start hanging out with my friends more. That always keeps me out of this mood.

Anyways, I'm going to end this, because if I attempt to keep going I'll just end up going in circles. You've had your daily dose of Robyn's mind, which is probably more than you wanted anyways.

If you're wondering what I do during these phases of mine, I generally pace around the house, running through conversations with my various selves and playing scenarios I've made up for myself in my head.

Along with other things. But those have their own time and place to be explained, and it is neither now, nor here.

~Calminaiel~

"Did you guys take the dogs for a walk?"
"Nope. The ice cream man came to our house today."

Tattoos

Yeah. I got a couple airbrush tattoos at Stampede. I like them. =)

Is it bad that I suddenly felt the urge to get a real tattoo based on the look and response of my uncle when he saw them?

Is it also bad that I want to live life the way I want to, and be completely happy, just to rub it in his face, and show him it is possible to be happy in life, and not regret every single decision I've made?

I swear I'm not living my entire life just to spite my uncle. I only do when he happens to be in the room.

~Calminaiel~

"Now, what did we learn this week that we can bring home and contribute to our family and community?"

Alright, guys

I think I've finally figured it out. At least for now.

At this moment, I am calm. Which I'm sure is probably a great relief for everybody who's had a put up with my random panicked shpeals about nothing.

So, after many a conversation with myself ["Um, Self, really? I don't think so."], a good heart to heart talk with my emotions ["You know it's true."], many an argument with logic ["Does this seem like a logical situation to you? Learn to make an appearance when you're actually needed."], and a random and unwelcome appearance from my overly cautious side ["What? Who let you in here?"], I have finally accepted the fact that I know as much as I can know at the moment, and there's no use worrying about what I don't know until it comes to it. And even then I shouldn't worry about what's going to happen, because really, it's a win-win situation either way.

As a side note, I still blame Logic for letting Overly Cautious in. It just seems like something he'd do.

That being over and done with, I am currently sitting on my bed with Champ beside me. He's good company, no matter what mood you're in. And he's so cute.

Did I ever tell you about the time I took a nap with him? Not kidding. I was so tired, I forget why. Probably the end of the semester or something. I came into my bedroom and he's already lying on my bed. So I lay down beside him, with his back against my chest, and put my arm over him and doze for a while. Exactly when the transfer from dozing to sleeping occurred, I'm not sure. But I definitely woke up 45 minutes later and we were both in the exact same position.

Today was a pretty lazy day. Champ never got overly excited whenever I walked around, because it was pretty lousy outside. Cloudy, windy, the whole nine yards. He knew there was no way I was taking him for a walk in that weather. I love you sweetie, but I don't love wind. Plus, the last time we went for a walk when it was super cloudy, we got hailed on. So we just cruised inside today.

He did get a little spooked when the thunder started. But by the time it really got up, Uncle Chester was home to distract him, so that was okay.

Yes, Champ. I know you love to have your belly rubbed. But I'm blogging. Give me a minute.

Today I was eating my pizza pop (why I still have pizza pops when I have endless time to make a real meal, I have no idea), and I always give him my plate with the various pizza fillings that escaped. He knows I always give it to him, so he's sitting nearby while I'm on the couch, reading the paper and eating. When I finish, I put the plate on my lap and call him over. Now, I very very rarely give him food for free. It just doesn't happen.

So I tell him to put his head down. A usual request when I'm too lazy to make him do a real trick. He knows that this move is most effective when he puts his head on me (whether it's my leg, knee, stomach, etc. depends on the situation), and put his ears forward, because I'm always more likely to give him food when he looks cute. He knows this. He can be stupid, but he's not that stupid.

However, with the plate already on my lap, this makes things difficult. I tell him to put his head down. He glances first at me, then the plate, which is already only 2 inches from his nose, before looking casually somewhere else in the room.

I don't blame him. That plate was already very close, and I could tell it was tempting, especially as he knew he was going to get it anyways. But I trust him, and I was pretty sure he could find a way to put his head down and still resist the plate.

I tell him again to put his head down. Again, he looks at me, glances at the plate, and casually attempts to look away. Again, I say to put his head down.

So finally he turns towards me, puts his head down as far away as he possibly can from the plate, which means putting his head far up on my lap, so he's actually pressing against my stomach, and stares straight ahead. Even if you didn't even know him, you would be able to tell he was obviously trying not to think about the plate an inch away from his head.

Now, how can all of that not be completely adorable. He definitely earned his treat.

And now his paw is moving. Oh, and his nose too. He's so cute when he dreams. =)

~Calminaiel~

"Oh, are you sure all you want to take is the jingly balls? You sure you wouldn't like...say...all of this furniture?"

Quick question

For everyone who understands this:

Is it really that obvious? Or is it just because you know me really well? And if it is obvious, should I be worried about how obvious it is?

I'm not kidding. These are not rhetorical questions. I really want to know. Please let me know.

~Calminaiel~

"Sometimes I can hardly even believe that we're related."

Bassoon

It's not a very creative title, but seems appropriate for this post.

However, before I go into that, I must express the fact that - *Statement deleted because of Chloe. Blame her.*

That's all I'm going to say about that.

Other than the fact that I really need to think about things before I do them.

Now, moving on.

I went out to Banff with Mike, Liz, and Elly today.

Momentary facebook check...sorry, *Ellie*. Now that that's off my conscious...

It was really a lot of fun. Good bassoon talk (which I also kinda felt way too over my head for me to actually participate in...but it was still cool to listen to), good general hanging out and talking and catching up. All very nice.

The concert was very awesome. It started with a violin concerto that I've never heard before, but I really enjoyed it. And that's saying something. I don't usually like to listen to violin. But I did like it. I didn't even mind the musician's movements that went along with it.

I'm starting to become more tolerable about musician's moving to the music. I used to hate it, as there's not really any point, and I found it annoying. And to a certain extent, I kind of still do find it annoying, but only when it seems like the musician is going out of their way to move. To look more artistic, or something. Whatever the purpose of that would be.

But I'm starting to find it interesting, and to a point, enjoyable, to watch musician's move as they play, as long as it doesn't look forced. I love watching people really get into the music they're playing. But in a completely natural way. Not in a 'look, I'm moving so I must obviously be very into my piece' sort of way. That's where it gets annoying.

The viola ensemble was also really cool. I forgot my program in Liz's car, but there must have been about 12 violas. There was one guy I could not take my eyes off of. Most of the time he looked like he was just frowning as he played. But if you watched him, you'd see he'd raise his eyebrows in an amused way at certain parts, and then the next moment there'd be the hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. His face was very expressive if you took the time to watch him.

And then they finished with Bugler's Holiday. On viola. Yeah. Personally, I think it's better on trumpet. Or bassoon (everything's better on bassoon). However, I can't deny that it was definitely amusing hearing a fanfare that is so obviously meant for trumpet being played by viola. It is definitely a little different. Leaves something to be desired, as one might say.

Of course, one might say the same thing when hearing that you can actually get a performance degree on euphonium. But that's a different story.

Then the bassoons. Oh the bassoons. Nine of them, plus a contra. Quite an awesome sound. It was great listening to all the them blend, and yet come out with their own individual sound at the same time.

Listening to this ensemble made me realize something. I can never quit music. Though I shouldn't say it that way.

Rather, I will never quit music.

I haven't practiced for a little over two weeks now. And watching those bassoonists play, and listening to it, I already felt like I regretted letting those two weeks go by without playing my bassoon. I felt like I had wasted so much time, and at that moment I couldn't understand why I had even wanted to put it down in the first place.

Overall, my feelings were that I missed my bassoon. A lot. I missed the familiar shape my mouth instinctively makes when I put a reed in my mouth. The feeling of playing a new piece of music and my brain, my fingers, my mouth, everything just works together to make the sound I need to make, and play what I need to play. The way that everything in life just doesn't seem that important when I'm sitting with my bassoon and working on a piece. Or scales. Or anything.

I won't lie, it didn't exactly renew my excitement for reed making. But we'll think about that one later. Back to the more wonderful thoughts.

As I was sitting there, realizing how much I've missed all this, I wondered how much stronger this feeling was if I wasn't just taking a break from music. If I had actually dropped it. How it would feel if I hadn't played for two years, rather than two weeks.

I won't lie, I can easily imagine, at that point, even if I was into some degree that could make me more money than I ever dreamed of, I would still drop everything and just pick up bassoon again.

So I'm going to start practicing again. I knew I would soon anyways. But it's nice to have something to remind you how much you love it. Although I knew that feeling would come back too. It always does after I take a break. I finally convince myself I have to get to it again, and I always feel a little sad that I have to get to work as I start putting my bassoon together.

But after I'm sitting down with it, and playing through something, anything, warm-ups, scales, a piece...I start to wonder how I ever could have felt disappointed about starting up again. I'm always reminded of how much I love this.

That's probably why breaks are healthy. Because a few weeks ago I was starting to question whether I could even make it as a musician. I was so tired of playing, and I didn't want to do it...I was just putting myself down, because if I don't want to practice, how could I ever be a musician?

Then when I get back into it, I know that I don't want to do anything else. How could I want to do anything else? I love music.

This feeling will usually last me for another year. Then it'll be time to take another break.

It's a healthy cycle, yes? Well, for now at least.

And I'm perfectly fine with that. I'm lucky that something's working out for me, even if it's only for now. It's more then I can say for some other things happening in my life right now.

I shouldn't say that. It makes things seem worse than they really are. Life right now is pretty good actually. Quite good, really. I just won't deny that they could be a little better.

To be perfectly honest, I'm almost in the mood to expand on my opening, out-of-nowhere comment that I made. But something (I believe it's the voice in my head that I've named Logic) is telling me it's a better idea not too.

"There's a better time, place, and person to explain those things to, and none of those include now, here, and on your blog."

Very wise words, logic. That's why I keep you around. Now where were you last night?

"...I took a coffee break."

Yeah. Thanks for that. I'm off to have a word with Logic about these so called 'coffee breaks' and why they're not allowed. At least not when the rest of me isn't having one.


~Calminaiel~

"So I'm completely drunk, having been drinking beer and tequila shots all day, and my orchestra conductor's trying to talk to me about tomorrow's rehearsal times."

Story time

A long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...

Nope...both of those are wrong.

Once upon a time...

No. That infers that it's going to be some kind of fairy tale. It's not really.

There once was a girl named Robyn...

Sounds like the beginning of a limerick...and if you think I'm telling this entire story in limerick form, you've got another thing coming...

Okay, nevermind the beginning. The point is, I actually have a somewhat interesting story to tell today. True story. Happened to a friend of a friend of mine.

Me (befriended to) *insert friend here* (befriended to) Me.

For example, Rae's my friend, and I'm her friend. Therefore, a friend of a friend of mine could in fact be myself.

Anyways.

So my brother's gone to some summer acting camp. Fun stuff, and I get the house to myself. Which is all well and dandy. But now I need to bug myself to walk the dogs, rather than him doing that for me. By the time I figure I should walk the dogs, there are super dark clouds just over Nose Hill. They really don't look friendly. But the sun is still out, so I figure that maybe they just look worse than they really are, and it'll all just pass over without doing anybody any harm.

I make all the necessary preparations, and we're off for a walk. Of course, just after I leave, the lightening and thunder starts. Oh well. I'm a fan of lighting and thunder. The clouds are still looking a tad ominous, but whatever.

I take my favorite path to take on Nose Hill, which is the path that winds through the bottom of the little valley that goes through the hill for a while. So I do that. About halfway down the valley I find one of those little stick forts that we used to find. Usually they're in tepee form, but this one looks like a little house, high enough for you to stand up in, and probably about four square feet of room in it. Not bad. It's neat. I go check it out, since I've never seen one built in this part of the valley before. Then I move on.

As I'm walking, it starts to rain. I like rain. Then it rains harder. Since the lighting and thunder started, Champ has stuck very close to me, walking right in front of me and slowing to look back at me every few seconds or so. I've had to encourage him to keep walking almost the entire time. And the raindrops are getting a little bigger, and even slightly solid (as I can see a few slush-drops land on Champ) so I just tell him to keep moving and we'll just hang out under the next bunch of trees for a while. Which doesn't come for quite a ways, but whatever.

The next bunch of trees happens to be the end of the valley, where I usually walk up and around the hill before going back down. Now, I'm not a paranoid person, but even so, I though...hm...lots of lightning...top of a hill...maybe not the best mix. It's still only raining, so I call Champ and give Dex a shout, and we turn to walk back home by the way we came.

A little ways back, the rain starts pelting. Like, really pelting. I put my sleeves (which are totally soaked, and about two inches longer than they usually are) over the back of my neck, because it's starting to sting when the rain hits it. And I start to see little bits of ice bouncing off the ground. I like being out in storms as much as anybody else, but being out, with an unprotected neck and head in the hail? Hm, not so much. So I hurry along the path back to that little wood fort I saw earlier.

Not that it's much shelter. It's not like it has a real roof, just a bunch of logs and sticks. But it does stop the hail from pelting speed, and reduces it to more of a gentle dropping speed. Which is for sure nicer. Dexy's still walking around and exploring, but Champ's super close to me by this point. At one point I feel him leaning against me as we're sitting through the hail storm, and he is sitting behind me, with his head pressed against the side of my leg, and he's quivering with every fiber of his being. Poor guy.

I put my hand (or rather, dripping wet sleeve) on his head, and chat to him, call him by his various nicknames and joke around and laugh, and eventually he calms down. By calms down, I mean he just stops quivering within every inch of his life. Which is a start.

After a while (hail never really lasts too long) it slows down, and it gets a little lighter. I wait until I'm positive it's no longer hailing, and only raining, before I suggest to the dogs that we head home. Champ's still nervous, even though there's no hail, lightning, or thunder, but that's okay. He sticks close to me the whole way home. Dexy couldn't care less.

I wasn't only soaked by the end of this walk. I was wet to the point where I could not be any wetter. I hit my maximum wetness by the time I got to the end of the valley, so you can only imagine what it was like when I actually got home. You could have pushed me into a pool and I would not have come out any wetter than before.

All in all, good time. Three of us when up the hill, three of us came back. All's well that ends well I suppose. And it was really fun. I wouldn't have minded having somebody to share the experience with, as long as they're like me, and have no problem with being out in storms and hail and rain and such.

I had some good conversations with Champ. Which is always healthy every once in a while.

~Calminaiel~

"She won't mind if you couldn't see her. Their goal is to make everybody look pretty much the same."

Multiple personalities

Okay, so since I am currently unable to sum up myself as a whole at the moment, I figure I'll just let all the various things going on in my head speak for themselves, and then you can come to your own conclusions. Deal?

Deal.

Also, I'm too lazy to come up with names for all of them this time, so just assume that every time I start a new paragraph, it's a new thought / voice / whatever.

Starting now.

And of course as soon as I say all that, everything in my head decides to shut up.

New plan: I am going to say everything I am thinking in as short and blunt a way as possible.

Go.

It sucks that practically no old MusiCamp friends are coming back this year. I need to start practicing. I really wanted to call you tonight, and the urge to do so is getting stronger. I shall succumb to said urge by the end of the week. Just so you are warned. I don't feel like thinking about university at all until at least August. Late August if I can pull it off. If I wasn't afraid of wind I'd have the urge to go on a late night walk, but it's windy, so I'll have to be content with pacing around the house. Which is quickly becoming a habit, I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I feel really bad about snapping at people, or panicking for something that's not worth panicking about. I can't decide if I'm talkative, or not talkative at all tonight.

Why do I always feel like I'm at two completely different ends of a spectrum? I'm either extremely happy, or really not. I either take life too seriously, or not seriously enough. I either want to talk a lot, or not at all. I'm either overly optimistic, or overly pessimistic.

The list goes on. I have a feeling I should stop writing now. I'm not sure why.

~Calminaiel~

"Is that a really round about way of saying I love you?"

Definitions

These are all taken from http://dictionary.reference.com

Beautiful:

- having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind:

- wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying

- wonderful; fantastic

Beauty:

- the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest)

- an individually pleasing or beautiful quality; grace; charm

Do any of these definitions include how skinny somebody is? How small their jean size is? How much eyeshadow, or cover-up they use? What designer brand they're wearing, or how expensive their dress is?

Then why are there still people who think these are the things that define beauty?

I was going to blog about love, but I've also been thinking about doing this for a while now. So I'll save that for next time. Unless you think that I talk about love way too much, then I'll shut up on the subject.

Or rather, I'll tell you I will, and then eventually just post on it anyways. Because it's my blog.

And I'm both a hopeless romantic and a dreamer. Deal with it.

~Calminaiel~

"What would you do
If I sang out of tune,
Would you try
To shoot me in the face?"

Extremely restless

If somebody, at some point, wants to grab a knife, come to my house, and just cut out my uterus, that would be fine by me.

Heck, come without a knife, you can use one of mine.

I hate cramps with a passion.

Current physical status: see title
Current psychological status: undetermined
Current emotional status: annoyed at cramps, but otherwise see above status

As you can tell, I'm still waiting.

I could go on about something, but I have a feeling it may be misinterpreted by some, and at the moment I don't feel like taking that risk. Even though I haven't cared in previous blogs, but this time is different.

I'll raise this issue on a later date. If I forget, remind me.

On a side note, I saw Wall-E today. Adorable movie, it's great. The first Pixar movie to make me cry. Twice. =P

~Calminaiel~

"Well, in this game we don't have Supermarkets. We get our red crayons by digging them up at the dump."