I'm going to attempt to avoid a blog like last time's. Partially to give you all a break, because I'm sure every time you see post that long you make sure you have a snack and a comfortable seat to see you through it. Also because any kind of thinking that I would do tonight would not be comforting. I know this because I've almost delved into it a few times, and I've found nothing overly positive. Not that it's super negative either it's just...well, again, not the kind of thinking that I really wish to go into at the moment.
This kind of thinking is familiar to me. It's the 'Robyn, you're starting to think way too much and too seriously about life because you've been away from your friends for far too long. So go out there and get a life.' kind of thinking.
I think I shall do that.
I also have a random tiny spot on my hand where the skin has been pulled off. It's kind of starting to get really painful, which doesn't really make sense because it's so extremely tiny and doesn't even look that serious. But it hurts.
I even know when it happened. I ran my hand into the wall. Go me, I know.
Anyways, life getting. Yes. I'm going to call Henry to get together, because he was stolen from me for Stampede. Same with Kelsk, because I don't think anybody in the world understands how much I need to talk with her. Hang with her. Just generally be with her. Everything.
I would have called both of them today, but I figured I'd give them a day to recover before starting my endless cries for attention.
I'm not going to lie. I actually really want to just hang with friends for the rest of this week before I head off for camp. Which is slightly ironic, because I also need to practice every day of this week to get my embouchure back before band camp. Hm...I'll fit it all in somehow. I really hope. Because going to camp with absolutely no mouth would not be a good thing. Not that camp won't fix that anyways. It always does. By the end of those two weeks, I could play for 24 hours and not have a blown mouth. Which is also ironic how I always stop playing immediately after camp to send my bassoon away for it's yearly check up.
Which is making me really nervous, because they're saying it'll take a while to do, and I'm like, yeah, about that, I kind of need it back for school. Because starting university without a bassoon...not so good.
So yes, quite worried about that. But...actually at the moment I can't really think of anyway to cheer myself up about that. My mom seems to know what we can do to do our best to make sure it gets back...but still...
I'm trying to remember how long it took last time, and of course I can't, because I never keep track of these things. And always regret it later. Well, not regret. Just vaguely wish I had. As it is, the only thing I remember is that it took longer than I wanted it to. Which isn't exactly comforting in this situation.
Maybe I'll message my bassoon friends with this problem. I wonder if any of them will have any good advice. Or at least comforting thoughts. We'll see.
Arg. Various emotions going on about this situation and none of them are quite as positive as I would like them to be.
Aha. Okay, one thing to make me feel better: in a week, I'll be off to camp and hopefully camp will keep my mind off it for at least two weeks. And even if it can't keep my mind completely off it, there's not exactly anything I could do about it while at camp, so hopefully I won't be worrying about it.
Not that there's anything I can do now. But whatever.
Ack. I also really should do at least a little work on reeds before I go to camp. I've really been asking too much of my reed for the longest time now, and I can tell it just wants me to put it down and let it rest in peace.
I also need to start breathing. Just because I've started to play bassoon again does not mean I need to bring all the old stress back with it.
Is that starting to be a reaction? Am I starting to associate bassoon with stress? Because that would definitely not be a good thing. I'll work on that.
Pressure on me from myself is also a big thing that tends to come back with bassoon. I should work on that as well.
I'm also slipping back into my overthinking thing. Let's not do that.
I'm off to distract myself with various things because I go to bed. Wish me luck.
"Wow. I didn't think it was possible, but you actually managed to die sooner than you did last time."
1 year ago