Tuesday, July 08, 2008


It's not a very creative title, but seems appropriate for this post.

However, before I go into that, I must express the fact that - *Statement deleted because of Chloe. Blame her.*

That's all I'm going to say about that.

Other than the fact that I really need to think about things before I do them.

Now, moving on.

I went out to Banff with Mike, Liz, and Elly today.

Momentary facebook check...sorry, *Ellie*. Now that that's off my conscious...

It was really a lot of fun. Good bassoon talk (which I also kinda felt way too over my head for me to actually participate in...but it was still cool to listen to), good general hanging out and talking and catching up. All very nice.

The concert was very awesome. It started with a violin concerto that I've never heard before, but I really enjoyed it. And that's saying something. I don't usually like to listen to violin. But I did like it. I didn't even mind the musician's movements that went along with it.

I'm starting to become more tolerable about musician's moving to the music. I used to hate it, as there's not really any point, and I found it annoying. And to a certain extent, I kind of still do find it annoying, but only when it seems like the musician is going out of their way to move. To look more artistic, or something. Whatever the purpose of that would be.

But I'm starting to find it interesting, and to a point, enjoyable, to watch musician's move as they play, as long as it doesn't look forced. I love watching people really get into the music they're playing. But in a completely natural way. Not in a 'look, I'm moving so I must obviously be very into my piece' sort of way. That's where it gets annoying.

The viola ensemble was also really cool. I forgot my program in Liz's car, but there must have been about 12 violas. There was one guy I could not take my eyes off of. Most of the time he looked like he was just frowning as he played. But if you watched him, you'd see he'd raise his eyebrows in an amused way at certain parts, and then the next moment there'd be the hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. His face was very expressive if you took the time to watch him.

And then they finished with Bugler's Holiday. On viola. Yeah. Personally, I think it's better on trumpet. Or bassoon (everything's better on bassoon). However, I can't deny that it was definitely amusing hearing a fanfare that is so obviously meant for trumpet being played by viola. It is definitely a little different. Leaves something to be desired, as one might say.

Of course, one might say the same thing when hearing that you can actually get a performance degree on euphonium. But that's a different story.

Then the bassoons. Oh the bassoons. Nine of them, plus a contra. Quite an awesome sound. It was great listening to all the them blend, and yet come out with their own individual sound at the same time.

Listening to this ensemble made me realize something. I can never quit music. Though I shouldn't say it that way.

Rather, I will never quit music.

I haven't practiced for a little over two weeks now. And watching those bassoonists play, and listening to it, I already felt like I regretted letting those two weeks go by without playing my bassoon. I felt like I had wasted so much time, and at that moment I couldn't understand why I had even wanted to put it down in the first place.

Overall, my feelings were that I missed my bassoon. A lot. I missed the familiar shape my mouth instinctively makes when I put a reed in my mouth. The feeling of playing a new piece of music and my brain, my fingers, my mouth, everything just works together to make the sound I need to make, and play what I need to play. The way that everything in life just doesn't seem that important when I'm sitting with my bassoon and working on a piece. Or scales. Or anything.

I won't lie, it didn't exactly renew my excitement for reed making. But we'll think about that one later. Back to the more wonderful thoughts.

As I was sitting there, realizing how much I've missed all this, I wondered how much stronger this feeling was if I wasn't just taking a break from music. If I had actually dropped it. How it would feel if I hadn't played for two years, rather than two weeks.

I won't lie, I can easily imagine, at that point, even if I was into some degree that could make me more money than I ever dreamed of, I would still drop everything and just pick up bassoon again.

So I'm going to start practicing again. I knew I would soon anyways. But it's nice to have something to remind you how much you love it. Although I knew that feeling would come back too. It always does after I take a break. I finally convince myself I have to get to it again, and I always feel a little sad that I have to get to work as I start putting my bassoon together.

But after I'm sitting down with it, and playing through something, anything, warm-ups, scales, a piece...I start to wonder how I ever could have felt disappointed about starting up again. I'm always reminded of how much I love this.

That's probably why breaks are healthy. Because a few weeks ago I was starting to question whether I could even make it as a musician. I was so tired of playing, and I didn't want to do it...I was just putting myself down, because if I don't want to practice, how could I ever be a musician?

Then when I get back into it, I know that I don't want to do anything else. How could I want to do anything else? I love music.

This feeling will usually last me for another year. Then it'll be time to take another break.

It's a healthy cycle, yes? Well, for now at least.

And I'm perfectly fine with that. I'm lucky that something's working out for me, even if it's only for now. It's more then I can say for some other things happening in my life right now.

I shouldn't say that. It makes things seem worse than they really are. Life right now is pretty good actually. Quite good, really. I just won't deny that they could be a little better.

To be perfectly honest, I'm almost in the mood to expand on my opening, out-of-nowhere comment that I made. But something (I believe it's the voice in my head that I've named Logic) is telling me it's a better idea not too.

"There's a better time, place, and person to explain those things to, and none of those include now, here, and on your blog."

Very wise words, logic. That's why I keep you around. Now where were you last night?

"...I took a coffee break."

Yeah. Thanks for that. I'm off to have a word with Logic about these so called 'coffee breaks' and why they're not allowed. At least not when the rest of me isn't having one.


"So I'm completely drunk, having been drinking beer and tequila shots all day, and my orchestra conductor's trying to talk to me about tomorrow's rehearsal times."

1 comment:

Zoë Chlorophyll said...

You only deleted it because I know you very well. =)