I can't pinpoint when I felt this way. I remember the feeling, and I think it was sometime this week, but I can't be positive. I just remember it suddenly hitting me that I hadn't felt the need to just sit and daydream. Usually I rely on daydreams. A mindless way to get out of my own reality, and into something that I can control, and that I can make go any way I want to.
I love that. I love it when life is just sweeping me away and I have no reason to feel like I have to get away from it, or create something different for myself. There once was a long period of time where life was like that. Not so much anymore, but it makes the little times like that all the more special.
And then there are moments like right now, where I don't even want to think about the coming week, and I feel like I want to spend every moment from now until Tuesday in a world of my own, away from all the things I'm eventually going to be forced to think about, and deal with.
The thought hit me a while ago that my daydreams are going to have to change soon. They all have something to do with people in high school, or high school itself, or other things like that. And now that I'm going to university, things will change, and people will change, and I'll have no reason to daydream about high school anymore. It's an odd thought, probably just because my daydreams have been fairly similar for about three years, and suddenly they'll have to change. It'll be interesting.
I feel really naive talking about all this. Is that a bad thing?
And for everybody who's wondering, no, I haven't figured out how I feel yet. I don't think I will ever, really. We'll see. I know things are going to change yet again sometime this week, so I'll wait until that happens and see if things are any different.
It bugs me when days get messed up in my mind, and pretty soon I have to keep reminding myself of what day it is, or what day it will be. Like when you wake up on a Wednesday and think it's Friday.
Now I'm about ready to go to bed, where I can jump into all sorts of thoughts about life, be them about reality or not, and I can control exactly what I want to think about and what I want to ignore, and nobody can make me do any differently.
"Okay, maybe rooming with three gay guys wasn't the best idea."
1 year ago