Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Looking wistfully into the sky

Have you ever just wanted to sit down with somebody and talk forever? Not having to worry about what to say, or when to say it, or knowing that you're eventually going to have to stop talking, and therefore forcing you to try to say everything you want to within that time limit?

I seem to feel this on a regular basis. Not always just for me. Sometimes I just suddenly have the overwhelming urge to ask somebody to go somewhere and have a talk, if nothing else so that I can catch up with them. What's going on with them, in their life, in their thoughts...everything. And then if they want to hear about me, bonus.

Would it seem out of place is I actually did that? If I actually just went up to you and asked if you wanted to go out for once together and just chat? Would you think it was nice? Would you be annoyed? Would you be suspicious?

Sometimes I wish I could find out if people actually wanted to talk to might be a little easier that way. On the other hand, one can argue that it's a risk, and risks must be taken in life. To build character? To learn? I'm not sure. But it's definitely an element in life that's not going to go away anytime soon.

So really, I need to ask myself whether I should keep these feelings inside, and only wish to talk to you, or should I take the chance of whatever you may think of me, and just ask you? The big question is, should I take the risk?

Actually, the bigger question is, why not?

Here I thought I had so much to talk about, and now my mind is drawing a blank...

Choir trip was so much fun. What with the lack of sleep, the inside jokes, and the general constant activity, I enjoyed it so much, and it was a great break from life in general.

And all the churches we visited also made me think a lot. They were absolutely gorgeous. And they were all so wide open and amazing. They all had kind of the same air too. Like, it's an enclosed building and everything, but even so, the air felt...not like you were inside. But at the same time, you still knew you were. St. Joseph's Oratory was probably one of the more amazing ones. The air at the top felt fresh, but at the same time, you could smell all the stone around you, which gave it an old feeling as well. I lit a candle in there. It created some conflicting thoughts for me. Thought A) It is a catholic church. And it is quite a traditional ceremony they do there for lighting candles. Does God mind if I don't light the candle in the strict / certain way that you're supposed to, according to the tradition? And does the fact that I'm not catholic matter? Thought B) God loves you. No matter what. So wouldn't he love me for doing this, as long as I'm sincere about doing it?

I think a bunch of us walked out of that place a little more thoughtful than before. Or maybe not more thoughtful, just filled with different thoughts. The kind that take a couple days to digest before you can really start to understand them.

I still haven't figured out my thoughts about the church in old Montreal. That one had another feeling to it, and I can't figure it out yet.

Speaking of air, the library in the Parliament building had amazing air. It was the same as the churches, with the feeling of being outside when you're not. But you could smell all the wood around you. Think of the smell of wood when you're right up against it. That was the smell of the whole room. If I had closed my eyes it would have seemed like it was right in front of me, when I was really in the middle of the room (or as close as I could get). Except there was no way I was going to close my eyes, because that place was beautiful. If there was ever a place that I could imagine myself curling up with a book for hours on end, that would be the place.

It's such a shame that some of the most amazing places on earth either have restricted access, or you have to pay to have a five minute glimpse of it. I can't even express my disappointment at that.

As for now, I should get to bed. I had a fever last night, and my throat still hurts, especially when I swallow. The extra sleep did my some good. At least I felt like doing more than just laying in bed. And my headache is slowly fading, although I also think that might be mostly because I'm dehydrated. Hopefully if I go to bed a little earlier tonight, I'll be okay for tomorrow. At least okay enough to actually go to school, which I wasn't today.

Luckily, Randall's a lifesaver and rescues me in every aspect when it comes to school. I hope she knows how much I appreciate it.

I'm really bad at expressing things like that. Appreciation, gratitude, consolation...almost everything. I'm just really bad at expressing things. Especially when it comes to words.

Maybe that's why I'm single...or still single...=P

Anyways, sleep.


"No inappropriate touching in my grad dress."
"'re twisting my arm..."


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