Ups and downs

Today wasn't so much about ups and downs, but rather one big up, one giant down, and then gradually going back up again. Not quite dramatic as the title may suggest.

This morning started out great. After wind ensemble, of course. If I'm ever feeling 'great' at 7:30 in the morning, kill me, because I'm obvious an impostor who's kidnapped the real me somewhere dark and cold with little food or water.

I think the only reason I had so much energy was because of the massive band we were joining for the Junos. Which was fun. But more about that later.

So, first period, went out with Chloe and Rae to Phil's for breakfast. Yummy, although now I have exactly 6 cents in cash. So, naturally, after that we went to Starbucks. And, naturally, I resorted to my debit card. =P

Second period, figured out some piano stuff for Rae and Gaby. Mostly just hung out with Henry, Kelsk, Aidan, and eventually Chelsea in the band room.

PS: I found out something amazing during tutorials. Earth-shattering almost. In a good way. It made me really happy, I can't lie.

A few times today I've found myself opening up to people, on random subjects that I would normally reserve for only a few close people. Is this a good thing, or a band thing? I'm not sure.

Mass band: so much fun. Slightly chaotic, but not as much as I expected. Out of all the schools there, there were 14 bassoons. And six of us were from Abe. Go us. To be honest, they really weren't very talkative, except this one girl who smiled a lot, and another adorable grade 9 who seemed really keen. She had the whole Weissenborn study book photocopied, and was playing through it. And she doesn't even take lessons. She's awesome. I think her name was Vanessa. She's so cute. And tiny. I love her.

After that was suddenly became amazingly tired. Choir was frustrating. I basically couldn't sing anything above an F or so. Probably because I was screaming and yelling and stuff at mass band. But oh well. I'll live.

Afterwards, when the parents came in the for meeting, I kinda had a scary panic attack. There were parents coming through the door, and kids trying to get out, and me, Rae, and Gaby trying to get to the practice room, and there were people everywhere bumping into other people, and stumbling, and closing in...it was really horrible.

The practice room was a little better, although people kept wanting to come in and listen, and I really wasn't in the mood to have even more people in a small room. But they were really quiet, so I was able to face away from them while playing piano, and just imagine that it was only me, Rae and Gaby in the room, which helped a little.

It's also frustrating how I want to help those two so much, but their audition comes in kind of an impossible time for me. So we've kinda talked about how we can work our way around this, and I really hope everything comes out alright.

Afterwards, there were still too many people in the band room, including chairs and any assortment of other general stuff lying around. I had a really huge personal bubble at this point, which is kinda rare for me. So I was in a really bad mood. I kinda talked to Stephen about it, mostly just because he asked what was going on, and because he was keeping a suitable distance away from me. =P

My mom also thought I was mad at her, and when we got home she tried to apologize again, and insist that it was no big deal, and I kinda blew up at her, simply because she assumed I was fuming at her, when really I was just still shaken up by the whole crowd thing. But after that they left me alone, and she and Graham had to go to a rehearsal, and my Dad had to go to some county Juno party thing, so I had the whole house to myself. Which really helped. Along with the shower. I'm better now.

I also got to play some piano today, which I haven't done in a while. That was nice.

Sometimes, I feel like I need someone just to tell me when to stop talking. At the time it always seems fine, but after the conversation, I find myself thinking...should I have really told them that? Really? And then I kinda want to tell somebody else about that, but then I'm not sure if I really want to bring it up again...and blah. Oh well.

~Calminaiel~

"He's my gay almost-boyfriend."