Saturday, April 12, 2008

Meaningless flirting and unnecessary questions

How I do enjoy both of them.

I'm really only here because I'm not sure what else to do with myself. I kinda want to stay on the computer and chat, and post pictures that I should have posted about two weeks ago. But at the same time, I'm kinda ready to cut myself away from the world and go to bed for a while.

Part of that one is probably because I just watched Sweeney Todd. Enough said.

I hate bad moods so much. So much. You cannot understand the depth of my dislike for them. It burns in my very heart and soul.

Seriously. When I'm in a bad mood, I generally get really quiet and unresponsive and such. And then people think I'm mad at them, or that they did something wrong, or that I don't like that, and that's really not the case. I'm just in a horrible mood because something happened.

I have learned some things about bad moods. I've tried suppressing them, and just being constantly happy. That does not end well. I don't suppress things very well, and when I try to, it all comes out eventually, and then about 10 times worse than before. I'd really love to be the person who's always happy and bubbly at every time of the day. I'm sorry I can't be that way. I really am.

The problem is, when I try to suppress things, they still come out, as stated above. And then people obviously know something's wrong. But I'm being stupid at that point, and still believing I can just make these bad moods go away if I want to. So at that point if people ask my what's wrong, I just say nothing's wrong. They don't believe me, and I don't believe me, and again, things just start falling apart. It's not pretty.

So I like to think I've learned that when people notice something's wrong, and they ask me, I just tell them what it is. And you know, surprisingly enough, I usually feel better after I tell people what's going on.

The only problem with that plan, is when people don't notice that something's wrong. Or when they assume it's them or something. Then things start falling apart anyways. And I always feel really bad when I make people feel like I hate them, or like they did something wrong. I'm just sometimes really bad at opening up about what's bugging me if people don't actually ask.

This is probably a really pointless topic that's doing nobody any good. But it's been on my mind for a while. So there you go.

I'm sorry. I hope you know I'm really sorry. Except you don't, because I'm an idiot and putting this on my blog instead of actually talking to you, when you're clearly online right now. But I know you read this. Just like I read yours. I'm horrible at confrontation, which really isn't a good habit to get into. But I'm sorry.

Sometimes I wish I could either A) read minds, B) be a better person, or C) a better person.

That being said, I'm off to bed, where I will ponder how I can actually succeed in life.



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