Interesting

I used to plug into my iPod every chance I got. Whether it was taking the bus to school, taking the dogs for a walk, or even just the ten minute drive from school to home, I always stuck my earphones into my ears, and turned on my music. Even for those ten minutes.

I'd even spend at least half an hour listening to my music before bed. I was addicted to my music. Seriously.

Now I'm finding I have more chances to plug in and listen, but I'm preferring to sit in silence, and listen to my own thoughts instead.

What does this mean, I wonder?

~Calminaiel~

(PS: new poll coming soon, I promise)

Watching the fuse

It's going to blow. I'm almost sure. I just don't know when. Should I start forming a plan? Or when the time comes, will it even matter if I do have a plan?

Not that either of those questions matter. I've already started to make various plans, and which one I use will all depend on the situation. I've even left room to improvise.

You can't all me unprepared.

But that is not the point of this.

The point is, taking pictures of people. Not a bad topic, which I thought of thanks to Ken. I had been looking for something to post about. The Vancouver road trip was wonderful, but tonight is not the night to share anything about that, I don't think.

Anyways, back on topic. Taking pictures. Or having pictures taken of you.

Certain people have always bugged me when it comes to having pictures taken of themselves. They're the kind of people who block the way of cameras, or turn their heads, and always avoid pictures because they insist they always look horrible in them and they hate them.

And I won't lie, for a while, a very short while, I was also one of those people. Not even because I agreed that I always looked bad. But because that's what all the other girls did. Reasons for me following them go back a ways, but that's a tale for another time.

But eventually it occurred to me that the only reason people don't generally like seeing pictures of themselves is because they're not used to seeing themselves. Yes, we all see each other in the mirror, but looking at ourselves in a bathroom, or bedroom mirror, is much different than seeing us 'in action', as it were. Laughing, and jumping, and running, and doing everything that can be captured in pictures.

But it also occurred to me that when I look at pictures of other people, they never look weird. Because I'm used to seeing them. I'm not used to seeing myself. Logically, the picture is just capturing what everybody else already sees. It doesn't make me look weird at all.

So to get rid of this uneasy camera feeling that I had created, I had a phase where I took as many pictures of me as I possibly could. All the time. I jumped at the chance to get in front of a camera.

And it must have worked. Because now when there's a camera pointed at me, I don't worry. I strike a pose, make a face, smile...whatever the occasion calls for.

Like most posts, I highly doubt this has a point. But every once in a while, I'm reminded of how...frustrating it is when people are so camera shy. Not even shy. Firmly against it. Oh well. Moving on.

Comment of the night: How can somebody be so self-centered, and yet still have no clue about anything going on in their own life? I will never understand.

I really feel like getting out of here. I want to go for a walk. And yet, I also just want to hide in my room. But I feel like that's not far enough away.

I see the fuse becoming shorter.

~Calminaiel~

"For the amount I'm paying..."

Here we are again

Yes. History class.

Generally I don't like to write here if I only have a limited time in which to do it. I like having an entire night to think about things, and get them down here. But maybe having only half an hour to say what I have to say will be good for me.

Especially since this whole thing came to me in the middle of my musicianship exam, and I can't wait to get it down.

It's almost summer. Almost the end of classes. Only one more week. Not even that, because I have no classes Thursday, and I'll be away Friday.

My point is, the end of my first year of university is very close.

Ever year, for as long as I can remember, I get the same feeling when summer comes around. Maybe I just haven't been able to describe it like this until now.

In musicianship this morning it suddenly occurred to me that I survived long enough to make it to summer.

All year we work through school. We do papers, we spend hours, days, of our lives in practice rooms, trying to find that something inside of us that the rest of the world actually wants to hear. We drink, we party, we suffer hangovers. We make mistakes, and we screw up. We procrastinate, and run out of time, pull all nighters, and nap in class the next morning. We go through times where we would rather just curl up and die than have to go through the next few days. We wonder whether our major is actually what we want to do with the rest of our lives. We wonder whether a university degree is actually as important as it seem, and whether it wouldn't be more efficient to just forget about it entirely. And I'm almost positive that at least one during this year, the same brief idea has occurred to everybody. Would it actually be so bad to just give up?

But we didn't. We made it to the summer, and we're seeing the end of the year.

Because at the end of the day, no matter how beaten to shit our ego is, or how little sleep we've gotten over the course of the week, or how many assignments we have due, and haven't started...

At the end of the day, we still pull ourselves together, pick up what little of our sanity is left from the floor, bandage our sprained dignity...

And we get up the next morning to go through it all again.

Does that mean that I care more about just survival than actually doing well?

Maybe a little bit.

But that's how I roll. And I'm still here, at the end of my days as a first year student. So I must be doing something right.

Ah, I almost forgot the most important part.

At the end of the day,

I have no regrets.

~Calminaiel~

"I'm stressed for you."

Even if it's fake

I woke up this morning.

And it smelled like summer.

~Calminaiel~

"I'm really bad at life."
"I love sex."

(PS, new poll)

Life works

Has anybody else noticed how life just sometimes works out for you?

There are many examples of this in my own life, and I shall proceed to explain ones that come to mind.

There are the simple things. Like how I wasn't ready for my lesson one week and I was freaking out about how I hadn't practiced, and I was stressing like you couldn't imagine. Over the night, it snows, and my bus doesn't show up in the morning, so I miss my lesson.

Like coming back from paintballing with Ryley, Josh, and Jordan, and having so much fun I didn't really want to get back home, and Jordan suggests going for ice cream, therefore extending my time with them by an hour or so.

Like when you're running out of time and you feel stressed that you can't get everything done, and you find out that something's been canceled, giving you more time to finish things and calm down.

It goes on and on like that, and you can even get into bigger things.

For instance, how I got where I am today, with my bassoon. Think about it. In elementary, I knew my mom was in band in high school. I wasn't sure whether to do it, but my grade six teacher told me if I don't do it in my first year of jr. high, I'd probably not get another chance to, so I should try it if I'm thinking about it, and then I can just not do it again if I don't like it.

Then, on the first day of registering for options in jr. high, I almost didn't even sign up for it, because all my other friends at the time thought band was ridiculous, and I'd have to step away from them and go into unknown territory. Which I did.

Then there's the fact that I barely even know what a bassoon was. Here are the things I did know:
1) it was rather large
2) it was rather low
3) not many people played it

That was it. And yet I had some burning desire to play it.

And then I had to listen to my friends talking about what they wanted to do when they grew up, and they all had ideas of what to study in university and such...and I had nothing. I did not like classes, why would I want to keep going with them after high school?

Until somebody reminded me that I should do what I like. And the thing I liked most out of everything was playing bassoon.

And here I am.

But I digress.

My point is, I see so many people worrying about life, and making a big deal out of everything single thing that happens, and generally just thinking too much about everything.

My belief is that life will help you get to where you want to be. Even if you don't know you want to be there yet, as with me and music.

I'm not saying you should be completely passive with your future. But maybe we should all just slow down and let things work themselves out. I know people who, when they get an idea for their future, they make a beeline straight for it, and immediately start working towards getting there.

Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. But there is such a thing as finishing up before moving on. Ending a phrase nicely, because going on to the next one, as some might say.

Personally, when I get an idea for my future, I consider it, and basically just file it away in my head. Not to be forgotten about, but rather, to be reminded of. Contrary to rushing straight to it, but also not just waiting for something to come to me, I keep the thought with me, and keep an eye out for opportunities. Because I really do think that if you want to get somewhere, and you're willing to work for it, life will give you the right opportunities, without you having to sweat blood and tears to get there yourself.

That sounds like I'm preaching a little. I know I'm not perfect, and I'll admit, I don't do that all the time. There are many times that I'm too aggressive about getting somewhere in life, or even way too passive about it. But I believe my point remains the same.

In other news, I'm getting a very one-sided response to the latest poll. The idea has occurred to me that people are just replying in the way that they think I want them too, because they don't want to say that what I write is boring. But you guys wouldn't do that to me, right? =)

Of course not. I trust you. Even so, I really should pick a better poll topic for next time. Like...

I don't even know. But I'll come up with something for next time, I promise.

~Calminaiel~

"We all play different instruments, with different shapes, and substances, and all with different apparatuses used for creating sound."

Timbits

I think I just finished the last apple fritter one, which is disappointing, because those ones are my favorites.

For my last driving lesson tonight we drove to Airdrie and he bought me hot chocolate, a danish (which we split), and a 10 pack of timbits which he said were all for me. And he got himself a coffee.

And now I have the house to myself for a while, until Graham or Uncle Chester get home. Which is nice, I don't get the house to myself often enough.

Overall, life has not been bad in the past little while. This week has been a little rough, because I had a history test, which stressed me out a little, and you all know how I react when stressed. Not always good.

But that's okay, because this weekend is going to be fabulous. Well, except maybe CYO, but we'll see about that one. Especially since Alicia isn't there to play cards with me...what will I do while he's doing string work? Hope that there isn't much string work to be done, I suppose. Maybe I'll just stay up late tonight, and then I'll be so tired that I'll just sleep while he's doing it. But that also won't put me in a good mood in the morning...*sigh*

Ken sits right behind me...maybe he'd like to play cards with me...

Anyways, after CYO I get to see the boy, which is always a glorious occasion. Then we'll go and do a quick trip for party items, and...extremely non-alcoholic drinks, as they're calling them these days...then spend a nice lazy time at home leading up to the party, then party like there's no tomorrow. After history, I think I deserve it. Now is exactly the right time to party like there's no tomorrow. It's still early enough for me to think I did well, and I have nothing to tell me anything against that belief yet.

Oh, and then swimming on Sunday. =) Glorious times.

It's nice not to work on a weekend for once. It's a pity it's kind of required to take at least one weekend. I could always do the silly thing and just check in at the end of the week, and hope all the weekend shifts are taken, but then I also don't get the good choices during the week, which is not always so good. Oh well. I get this one, which is good.

How should I make the most of my time in the house alone? Play my own music really loud? Be lazy? Bake cookies and dance in the kitchen? Rock out by myself on Rock Band? So many choices, not nearly enough time.

And as much as my brother annoys me the majority of the time he's around...I'm kinda bored when he's not around.

~Calminaiel~

"The video won video of the year or something, but I don't think it's that good. I think it just won because she cries in it."

Ponderings

It occurred to me a while ago that I don't often write short blog posts. Usually I write really long ones, which may or may not have anything important contained in them.

I also realized that I never really blog unless I have something significant to say. Which usually results in me not blogging for various lengths of time.

Using Rae as an example, her post today contained three lines. Mine are usually more like three pages.

So maybe I'll start posting more, and make my posts shorter. It's something to think about.

In the time I haven't posted, I've learned a lot about music and myself, and I think my mood's turning up again, away from the unmotivated and unproductive spell I was having. That's a good thought.

New poll up. There were five votes on the last one, and they were pretty much spread out. I'll leave that one up so people can look at results while also posting a new poll.

I remember having a question for all of you, which I wasn't going to pose in poll form...but I suddenly can't remember it. I'll let you know if I do.

Oh yes, I do remember. I'm thinking of having some guest bloggers on here every once in a while. Thoughts?

~Calminaiel~

"I like how everybody commenting on facebook is currently in class right now."

Ha, Allen

Not that I usually like to plug these too much, but if you have nothing else to do, methinks you should check out Le poete seul est hante and The Blue Egg Nest. For no particular reason. Just because.

You should also check out the newest Allen Comic. In my opinion, it's fricking hilarious, and also so true. The best kind of comic, I think.

I taught a clinic today for one of the best students I think I've ever had. She was in grade 5, and had never had a real bassoon clinic or lesson before. Basically, she was handed a bassoon, and they said 'good luck' to her. But she was so keen, and just absorbed everything I told her, and kept asking for more. She wasn't afraid to ask questions. And not just when I asked her if she had any questions, but whenever I stopped for breath she would jump in with whatever questions she just thought of. It was excellent. I hope I get asked back, because I would love to work with her again, she's just amazing.

I'm going to see Mikey's bassoon recital tonight. I'm quite excited to hear it, I like hearing Mike play. I don't like having to blend with him as much...but that's probably because I've been playing with Alicia in everything for so long that I haven't had to actually blend with anybody other than her for quite a while. So I'm probably just being lazy. =P Anyways, it'll be nice to hear Mikey play.

Aren't you proud of my frequency of updates lately? I know, so am I. =) Don't expect it to last though...second semester is about to whirl back into my life. I've been denying it for the past few days, but I'm positive it'll push it's way back in. Oh well. If I stop blogging, it's only because I'm insanely busy and, as a consequence, insanely tired.

I was planning on having a shower before going to see Mike, but now I'm not sure if I'll have time...oh well, I should have time to shower before going to rehearsal tomorrow, so I'll be fine.

And guess what my uterus surprised me with this morning?

Just because I feel that you all should know. =)

~Calminaiel~

"I have never heard you use the term 'clusterf**k. I've heard Adam use the term 'clusterf**k.'"

Snow Day!

I know, they're rare. And technically, it's not even a snow day. Snow days infer that most people are forced to take the day off because of the snow. In reality, it's just me. Well, probably some other students, but certainly not the majority of Calgary.

Anyways, after waiting almost an hour for my bus to take me to lessons, I called my teacher, since by that time even if the bus did come I wouldn't make it in time, and then just headed home. I don't have wind ensemble rehearsal, because of the AIBF, and the only real class I had today would have been my philosophy tutorial. Which, I'm not going to lie, may have been helpful, because A) I still don't know what I'm doing for my paper due tomorrow, and B) I fell asleep in class yesterday. But I'm not really panicked about philosophy, so I'll survive that.

Erin tells me we still have orchestra rehearsal tonight, but Dad will be home by then, so I can catch a ride. I still don't know where we'll have rehearsal, but oh well.

I really should take the dogs for some sort of walk today, but it just seems like a perfect day to relax inside the house. Oh well, I'll give it a little more time, then maybe I'll bundle up and take them out for a little bit.

Heartland is getting better every time I watch it. The most recent episode actually left me really happy, instead of building me up, and getting really happy, before totally letting me down, and just leaving me feeling angry.

I love and hate reading week. I love it because it's a break, and who doesn't love a break from work? But at the same time, I feel like I just really started getting into the swing of second semester, and just when I'm starting to get back into the workload and such, they give us a break. Which sucks for me, because as long as I get myself into a work routine, I can mostly be productive. So this break has just broken my routine, and it'll take at least a week before I can make myself start to be productive again. And when I say a week, I mean a week after my classes start.

Hopefully Krishan and I were actually serious about being history study buddies. I think that would help with things a lot.

Well, I should get back to my mostly unproductive day.

~Calminaiel~

"I think they were just too lazy to come up with a contest, so they just put a monkey in the prize closet."

New Layout!

If you haven't noticed yet, the sidebar is different!

I was inspired to change up the old blog, which has basically remained the same since I started this blog. This inspiration came from friends' blogs, and also just from myself. I'll explain.

One of my thoughts in doing this renovation, if you will, was my wish to make my blog a little more interactive. I tried this when I first started the blog. Putting my favorite videos up, fun websites, etc. But I never updated them, and once I posted them, they pretty much remained there until the end of time, until I eventually forgot about them, and those lists were downgraded to the bottom of the blog where nobody looks. Again, this partially came from looking at some other blogs, and liking how they kept bringing you back because they were always changing. Well, besides the post updates themselves.

Another thought I had, when looking at my blog as it was, was that it seemed too much like I was trying to be something. I was trying very hard to be...me. I was trying too hard to show people what I wanted to look like to other people. If that makes sense, which it likely doesn't.

Anywayy, the point is that I got rid of the random site lists (except for one) and I've included more interactive stuff, such as the poll, and also more personal things that just have to do with me, such as my upcoming events.

So what's up with these new additions? Well, I'll tell you.

Personally, I've always found polls interesting, and fun. Especially when they're simple, one questions polls that you just answer, and then see what other people answered. I figure I'll give people two weeks to answer a poll. I'd like to think that people check my blog at least once every two weeks.

That is, if I would actually post every two weeks, but I'll work on that, I promise.

And don't worry, the poll questions won't always be quite as thoughtful as this one is. I just figured I'd make it relevant to my last post.

Upcoming events, as mentioned above, is just an attempt to put a little more of me into this blog. As if there isn't enough already, but this is my blog, so deal with it. Most of these events will be things that anybody reading this would be able to take part in, so I encourage you, if you see any concerts, or events that you'd like to attend, or take part in, please message me, be in an email, over facebook, a call or text, or even just a comment on my blog, please do so. The more the merrier. =) If you don't get a hold of me, I can't give you more information about said event.

Internet adventures. This is the one list of links that I decided to keep, and if all goes my way, it should constantly be changing. I don't think I'll ever have more than five links on that list at a time, and they'll all just be things on the internet that I stumble upon, and found amusing, or thoughtful, or anything at all besides boring and dull. Something tells me I'll be getting most of these links from Kristian when we're wasting time at school.

Having said that, if you ever have a suggestion for Internet Adventures, or for a question for the poll, or even an event you'd like me to add to my list, again, please message me in some fashion, and I'll probably be more than happy to add it.

New blogs that I add to my blog list will also probably be added to my Link List.

Discovery of the day: my blog list will tell me when xkcd updates! How cool is that?

Anyways, I shall let you explore the new ways of my blog. Which you've probably already figured out.

A sudden thought: Maybe I should have made the poll question relevant to whether or not you like my new layout...or I can just tell you to comment on it, and let me know. =) Problem solved.

Until next time,

~Calminaiel~

"Dad! You have to come see us fry the chicken!!"

Names

It occurred to me on Monday how much significance our names can have.

It just hit me suddenly, and, having no time to think of it at that moment, I had to postpone it until that night, where I had time to sort things out.

Anyways, enough prologue, I shall start attempting to make sense.

I was hanging out with Bennet on Monday night, and he had some calls to some friends to make, so I sat with him while he did that. Well, actually I was half laying on him while he was doing that, but it was very comfortable. For me.

While he was on the phone, generally the other person would always ask what he was up too, and sometimes he would say 'I'm hanging with the girlfriend' and other times he would say 'I'm hanging with Robyn.'

And I always got the weirdest, best feeling whenever he said my name to somebody else.

He doesn't always call me by my name. In fact, he actually rarely does, at least to my face. He'll always call 'baby' or something. Which also makes me feel insanely special, because anybody who knows me knows that I love nicknames. The few times he does call me by my name, it's generally when I'm upset, and I'm refusing to listen to him, or talk to him, and then he'll say it, which generally gets my attention, but also gives me the weirdest, best feeling that was mentioned above.

It's quite interesting, and I still don't think I'm completely sorted out what it means, or why it happens. But on Monday whenever he said my name...it wasn't just like he was saying my name. It's like he was saying my identity, in a single word. He can somehow fit everything that is me into a single word.

There have been a few times where he's said my name, and it's like I'm suddenly reminded that that is who I am. He says it, and I think 'Right. I'm Robyn, and everything that is Robyn is also me.'

Like I said, it's the weirdest feeling, but it's also the most wonderful feeling of the world.

The whole thing just made me realize how much significance my name actually has. I don't think I've ever realized it before, and even now I don't know how well I can explain it.

Does it sound weird if I say that sometimes I forget my name is Robyn? I'll explain.

When I think of myself, I don't think of myself as Robyn. Sure, it's what I write on all my exam papers, and introduce myself as. But when I think of myself, and who I am, I don't think of myself as Robyn. I think of myself as...oh, everything that I've ever done, and thought, and are still doing and thinking.

Does anybody ever think of themselves by their own name?

And that's another thing that I'm reminded of when I hear Bennet say my name. I suddenly remember that that's who other people see me as. When they see me, they think 'Robyn'.

Maybe that does sound a little crazy. I don't know why I think nothing of it when other people say my name, and suddenly Bennet does and I go into this thinking spree. Maybe I just needed him to say it, in that weird, wonderful way that he does, to make me realize it. Maybe life decided it was time that I find out another aspect of my identity, of myself, that I can lean on when I need to.

Anyways, I should be off to figure out what I'm doing tonight, and with whom (well, I guess I already know the latter part of the question).

And thus, I shall diminish into the night, and remain...Robyn.

I'm so lame. <3

~Calminaiel~

"Why do the car warranty people keep calling me? I don't even own a car."

Squee!

I definitely just had an awesome weekend.

Besides Friday night, and even then it wasn't the entire night that went wrong, it was just that I started thinking while I was drinking, and that definitely should not be allowed. Oh well, it's over now, and to anybody who was there Friday night, I'm sorry I was quite weepy, but it wasn't serious and I am happy now. =)

Anyways, besides being completely dead tired for orchestra in the morning, after that I picked up Bennet and we hung out before I went for my first driving lesson.

It didn't go too bad. It still makes me a little nervous to be driving with somebody who is there for the sole purpose of watching my driving, but he said I did really good for my first session, so that's alright. Whenever I get too nervous about these lessons and the exam and everything, I just remind myself that this is something that the large majority of my friends have gone through, and they're all still here and breathing, so I should be able to get through it too.

It makes me feel better, but part of me is still nervous that it will take me a lot longer, and a lot more tries, to get it done than anybody else. But I guess we'll have to see.

Anyways, after that there was much playing of Rock Band (me and my brother are playing the Endless Playlist on our tour [playing every single song on the game] in order to attain Legendary status). Bennet came to the Wind Ensemble party with me, which made me so happy.

I had a lot of fun, a lot to drink, and there was much laughing. My conductor got to see me drunk, and I got way too excited about foosball. Coolers also do me in, because the combination of sugar and booze gives me a super high, but then that also results in a super low within a few hours.

Oh well.

To compensate for the last four days of getting four hours of sleep, I got a good at least 10 hours of sleep, although I think it was probably close to 11.

As a side note, my parents are watching a movie about a nuclear sub that's gone wrong, and they don't have proper radiation suits, so all the crews are taking turns going into the reactor and trying to fix it, and they're all getting sick because of the radiation. It's kinda painful to watch.

Anyways, back to more happy topics.

Bennet and I went on an adventure to North Hill Mall, where we went to EB games (the people there actually knew what they were talking about!), Cutting Edge (swords are just cool), and the games shop, where we found a booster pack for Killer Bunnies, and we bought it for Lindsey and Andrew. They were happy.

Very good weekend. I enjoyed it, and I feel ready to take on the coming week. Which is what weekends should to for you. =)

Now, the only big issue on my mind right now, is that I don't know if I'll get a chance to get a really good practice session in before the recital on Wednesday. It's a little troubling, but I'm trying not to think about it too much right now. I could always stay late tomorrow evening to get some in. Even that would be better than nothing.

Last point of the night: heart to heart talks are very healthy things, I recommend them.

Now, I seriously need to get my theory homework tonight. I've already accomplished the task of doing my theory homework during class in order to hand it in at the end, and I found I didn't enjoy it all that much.

~Calminaiel~

"But I'm a really cute hypocrite."

My safe place

I don't like this feeling.

It makes me feel too alone.

Maybe my haunted poet can explain it better.

~Calminaiel~

"Aw, man, I died three times. I'm so killing him."

Shot in the face

Don't think too much of the title. I'm watching Graham and his friend Wayne play risk, and I was struggling for a title. Which is when I generally just pick an easy line that I hear and use it. Voila.

And I've been meaning to do this for a while, but I haven't been in the mood lately.

Tag rules:

1. Go to where you store your digital photo folders. Open the fourth folder.
2. Go to the fourth picture and post it.
3. Explain the photo
4. Tag four people.



This is me and Elena at some sort of backyard party I was having. She found the camera, and did what Elena does, and takes lots of fabulous picture, this being one of them. This was after I shaved my head, thus the insanely short hair. I don't think this is the best picture of me, but at the same time, it's a picture including me, and a friend, and I always tend to love any picture of that nature.

Tagged: Amy, Andrea, Kristian, and Kevin.

I would have tagged Chloe and Rae, but I figured if I could tag people who haven't actually done it yet, I probably should. =P

Honestly, a lot of thinking has been going on these past few days. Not all of it good. The worst day had to be Tuesday night / Wednesday morning. But then that afternoon I sat down with my bassoon, and even after warming up, I was already feeling better. I love how practicing can just make me forget everything and keep my mind inside a practice room and on a task. It's a good feeling.

Of course, that can turn around, because there are times when life is so crazy that I can't make myself sit down and practice, because life is so insane that I can't focus and everything just goes downhill. But that's for another time.

Generally I hide out in my room while my brother has a friend over. But I like Wayne, and I clearly don't feel like hiding in my room right now. Thus, here I am.

Me and Mom had a nice night out. We talked about a bunch of stuff, which was good. I don't really talk to my Mom enough. Mostly because I'm only sometimes in the mood, which is my own fault. But still, it was fun. I wouldn't mind doing it more often.

On another note, I really need to find that balance between studying and practicing. It's a fine balance, and I clearly haven't found it yet, because I'm either feeling really good about my lessons, or really good about my classes, but never both. Sometimes neither, but that's another story.

Well, the thought of this weekend will probably get me through tomorrow. As well as Laser Tag in the evening. That'll take a lot of the week's worries away. Especially if we go for "beverages" after.

~Calminaiel~

"I think it's a fantastic idea. In fact, all of you should commission me to write pieces for birthdays."

Dala

I'm currently sitting in Mac Hall. In about an hour I'll get up and schedule for work, and then proceed to sit around for another hour before going to class. I've been more unproductive than I really should be.

But I did get my theory homework done already. Which means that is one thing done that I now don't have to think about for the next week.

Anyways, I really only have one thing to say, that I've been thinking about since Thursday, and only now have had a chance to sit down and blog about it.

These lines of this song seem to mean something significant to me. The scary thing is, I think it may be because I believe it's true, in a way. I still haven't completely figured it out.

And you'll forget you love her
When she forgets her lines
So don't believe the actress
When she cries

~Calminaiel~

"And now, a Kristian solo."

Mixed messages

I always feel bad when I come out of a good experience, and yet I seem to rant about it more than I rave about it.

I don't even know how that happens.

Like tonight's performance of West Side Story. It really was a blast. And yet when I got in the car with Mom and Alicia, the majority of the stories I told were all the things that annoyed me or bugged me during the evening.

Don't quite sure what that means. But oh well. So sometimes it's just safer to straight out ask me how something was instead of basing your opinions on what my stories seem to infer.

After saying that, it occurs to me how ridiculous that sounds. So disregard that statement if you wish. I know I probably would.

I've also discovered that I can be a very traditionalist person in some ways. Probably due to that whole hopeless romantic side of me.

I could elaborate, but at the moment that takes more thought than I really feel like putting into this blog.

On another note, my goal of being productive is already not working out so well. I was hoping to at least attempt to set a good work ethic, and then let it slowly fall out as the semester goes on. Instead, apparently I'm starting out the term with very little work ethic. Oh well. That just wouldn't be me, would it?

Then again, West Side has been taking up a lot of time. So let's blame it on that for now, and we'll see how I do next week.

Talking about anything else requires me to think, and I'm pretty sure I've used up most of my brain power for the day.

~Calminaiel~

"If Ken batted his eyelashes at you, you'd give him extra bacon, wouldn't you?"

Too much of anything is bad

I am a music student, am I not?

And we enjoy the odd inappropriate joke and sexual innuendo now and then, do we not?

Yes, I am a music student. And yes, music students are not the most pure and innocent people on the earth.

But honestly, when somebody is doing both of those every 30 seconds? Seriously? It gets old after a while. Did I say after a while? I meant very quickly. Especially when I'm not enjoying the rehearsal as it is, having to listen to that come out every half a minute did not improve things much. Like I said, we do enjoy those remarks now and then. Emphasis on 'now and then'.

Apparently his definition of 'now and then' occurs much more frequently than mine does.

But seriously, bursting out in hysterical laughter when the conductor asks us to start at bar 69? How old are you, 30? Do you do that every time a conductor says 69? Because honestly, I got over that one in grade 8.

Anyways. In other news.

I still can't find my theory textbook. It has to be in my house somewhere, and yet I can't find it. I'm thinking I may have to resort to asking Kristian if I can use his.

Should I be alarmed by the size of the wine glass that my father enjoys carrying around the house? Or rather, by the quantity of wine in said wine glass? Hehe.

By the way, for anybody who cares, I'm having another house party on March 13th. Possibly the 14th. Anyways, sometime that weekend. Mark it down. It'll be good times. I'm sure we'll all need a good night of drinking by then.

Heck, it's only the third day of term, and I already feel like I need a good night of drinking. That can't be a good sign.

(Note to self: do not forget to go schedule for work tomorrow. That will be bad.)

File, save.

It'll be nice to finally perform West Side Story in front of a big audience. So much of the energy gets lost as you rehearse, and rehearse, and rehearse. Adding an audience gives back so much more energy into the show. It'll be fun, I think.

I'm also really looking forward to the weekend. Speaking of which, I think you were right about my thinking, although I didn't realize it at the time. I really hope we get the chance to sit down and talk. In case you didn't realize this, the desire to talk never really leaves. But that's for another time.

Oh, also looking forward to sight reading easy music tomorrow. The university is hosting a clinic for a jr. high school, so a bunch of people in wind ensemble are giving lessons before rehearsal, and then we're going to sight read their music for them. And apparently they're in grade 6 or something, so I'm quite excited.

I think looking forward to things is an important aspect in life. I mean, what are we doing of we have nothing to be excited about? If there's no anticipation for anything coming up?

Breaking news of the day: I wasn't actually that bad (mood-wise) this morning. I got out of bed on time, I actually made sure I was sitting up before I turned off my alarm, so there was no chance that I would roll over and go back to sleep. I gathered what I needed, and even asked my brother for a bus ticket, along with an explanation about how I left my university pass in my locker.

I'm seriously going to try not to procrastinate so much this semester. I can already feel that goal fading a little, but I am going to try. Delong gave us a weekly schedule for listening and reading, so I'm going to try to keep up with that.

I also hope my laptop stops acting weird. It'll randomly go completely black in class and refuse to come back for about 15 seconds. Which is especially annoying in class. 15 seconds may not seem like a lot, but history profs can say a lot in 15 seconds, and if I'm sitting there attempting to encourage my laptop to come out of it's phase, that's not exactly helping me retain anything that he's saying.

Well, I could probably find more to say, but I shall save that for another time. Once again, kudos to those who actually read to the end of these ridiculously long posts. Hopefully this, in some way, makes up a little for my generally infrequent posting rate.

Did that sentence actually make sense? Oh well. You're the ones reading it, you deal with it.

~Calminaiel~

"Do you need another story about me cross-dressing?"

First day of classes

Uncreative title, I know.

Truth be told, I honestly don't have much to say right now. But I'm not doing anything else, and I know I haven't posted in a while.

Classes started today, as I'm sure you've figured out. It's actually a relief to be back. I was going a little stir-crazy by the end of the holidays. Cabin fever and all that. So it's nice to be out and doing things instead of sitting at home all day.

Janos wasn't here for Musicianship, which was really disappointing, because that is by far my favorite class. So that was sad. But I like our Theory teacher this semester. She seems really funny and I'm excited to have her for the next few months. I'm not sure what Delong is like, who I have for History. I've heard he's pretty good, but I am a little sad that I won't have Sallis again. I was looking forward to another semester with him.

So now I'm just sitting in the lobby, waiting for rehearsal to start at 3:30. I have to leave in the middle to go to Philosophy, so we'll see how that goes. And then it's back to rehearsal. But at least rehearsal is going along a little more productively than it has been.

But seriously, I really have nothing significant to say. So I'll just mention a few more things before I go and do something else to waste time until rehearsal.

I was offered another teaching gig, which is nice. It's up at some camp, and there's two grade 7 kids. Apparently they're the keen, eager type. So I'm excited for that. It's even early enough so I can drive back in time to make Wind Ensemble rehearsal, which should make everybody happy.

I'm also feeling slightly antisocial at the moment, which is making me feel bad about people around me who I'm kind of trying to avoid eye contact to make it clear that I'm not really in the mood to chat. Does that make me a bad person?

Anyways, off to waste time, until I have something hopefully a little more meaningful to say.

~Calminaiel~

"You mean I actually have to prepare myself before my classes?"

This time again

I'm feeling strangely isolated this New Years.

As I have for almost every New Years.

But alas, Chinese food awaits me in the kitchen.

I shall explain later.

Just so you all know I haven't forgotten about you.

~Calminaiel~

"Aw, look at all the aliens burn."

Phlegm

It's very enjoyable.

Or not.

On another note, I was just reading this blog, which I happened to pick up on, and start following, from Rae's blog.

http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/

To summarize, if you don't like reading other links, this particular post is done by a friend, talking about the Santa issue she deals with every year with her child, what with the questions about Santa, and her having to sneak around in the night to get the Santa activities done. The post ended with a question about how the reader's kids found out about Santa, when, and even how they themselves found out about Santa.

I decided to answer this post. Call it a sudden ghost of Christmas past that came to me, but this is was I proceeded to reply with:

"I’m 18, still living at home, with my brother, 15. We know the Santa secret, but every year we still go to bed early to let them do the Santa thing. Why ruin a good thing?

I found out the Santa secret…sometime during elementary school. I can’t remember exactly when. I found out when we were playing hide-and-seek in out house, and I hid in my parent’s closet, sliding a box to the side to make room. Lo and behold, come Christmas, I ended up seeing that same box under the tree from Santa.

You have no idea how disappointed I was. As in, when I came to terms that I was pretty sure that Santa was a no-go, I was absolutely crying in my room. My mom came in, and sat on my bed, asking what was wrong and hugging me, as all moms do. Finally I calmed down enough, and summoned my courage to ask if Santa was real, because I clearly had my doubts. The look on Mom’s face was all the answer I needed, and I burst into tears again. After I calmed down to quiet sobbing again, my Mom asked me a question.

“Do you want him to be real?”

I nodded.

“If you believe in him with your heart, he’ll always be real.”

My parents put the presents under the tree every year, and fill my stocking in the night, and I know reindeer can’t fly, but Santa will always be real."

On another note, to put things in Gossip Girl terms (though I have never actually followed Gossip Girl), I'm really glad C is okay. I can't wait to see her.

And now, though it is still before midnight, I shall be going to bed.

That's a lie. I'm already in bed. I'll just proceed to play computer games (eg. Puzzle Pirates) until I actually feel like sleeping. The reason for the early bedtime is just...well, the big man needs time to do the whole present thing, doesn't he?

~Calminaiel~

"Her name's Misty, but she also responds to Mitsy."