Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Neutral...but for how long?

Yeah, I'm strangely calm right now. I rather like it. Just hope my mom doesn't keep talking to me, or I'll get into a bad mood again. Don't ask me why that puts me in a bad mood. One of those mysteries of life.

I've decided I really need some time to just be myself. Not that I'm saying I'm not myself around my friends, of course I am. Hm...I'm trying to think of how to put this. And I think it's the same with everybody. Like, I act naturally around my friends. I don't have to think about what other people think of me, or how I should act around certain people. I just act naturally. But how I act naturally around other people, and how I act naturally when I'm by myself are two different people. Very very similar, yes, but still different in certain ways.

I guess I feel I've kinda lost that other me...who I am when I'm not around other people. Or maybe it's just the fact that I really need to do some thinking.

Who knows, maybe it's the complete opposite. I could be doing to much thinking about everything.

But I guess whatever happens will happen, and all I can do it wait for it. If I have to do something, I'm sure I'll know, but until then, why bother worrying?

That sounds like the kind of attitude I had last year. I'd really like to get that attitude back. I lost it sometime during the summer, I'm not sure exactly when.

Yay, more english homework. Keslkie, do I really have to do it tonight? Can't I leave it for after the long weekend? =) Please?...

Uh oh..that's not a good thought to start off the night...

Hm...better stop this before I stop making sense entirely...


"On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being wildly freaked out..."


Anonymous said...

This may seem like a rather peculiar comment. However after a few weeks of contemplations and observations of you and your blogs I feel it needs to be said. As I have not yet mentioned who I am, and I am indeed posting as anonymous, you don't know who I am, and my identity will remain indescript. I will however tell you that I am someone you know, and you see me most days of the week. You know me fairly well, and I am rather close to the situation which has indeed been causing you so much grief.I would first off like you to know that I offer my entire condolenses, but at the same time, realize that what you have learned (for better or for worse), is probably more valuable than anything you could have gained remaining complacent, no matter how happy you may have been. We often learn more from conflict than bliss, but such is the nature of the beast. I know it's tough, and trust me I know how it feels, probably more then I should. But at the same time the more you can glean from such things, the better off you'll be.
Just know that you are a fantastic person in everyway, and that no matter how high or low you're feeling, there's nothing that can alter the strength of your character. They say time heals all wounds, but your wounds will only help you get stronger. I'll finish by leaving you with some advice, you may choose to adhere to it or not, this is entirely up to you. Life is a journey with twists and turns, but don't be afraid to wander off the beaten path once in a while, you may be surprised at what it yeilds.

Calminaiel said...

Wow, thank you so much. I really appreciate everything you've said, and even for just commenting in general. As weird as it is, it does mean a lot to me when people comment here, even anonymously. =) It's good to know I haven't been completely forgotten, which I know will never happen, but still.

Melda said...

*Waves* I'm still reading :) Haven't commented in a while, and i'll be astounded if this works because my computer has decided...well...long story. It has to do with cookies. Anyway.

And also...you're loved...even if it is all the way from Edmonton...I don't think distance is a huge factor :)

And while I'm here, it reminds me - do you know if you'll be busy during spring break?

Calminaiel said...

Hm...I'm so busy I don't even know when spring break is right now. But I'll get back to you about that.